I bleed from the wounds you inflict
I never knew you loved me, you never let it show
When you’re around my veins constrict
I can’t breathe when you’re near, Feels like I’m stuck in snow
My mouth is open, but my lips are still
I try to speak, but my words, my words they always fail
I feel the wind, I feel the chill
What I wanted to say, has just been set to sail
I see you leave, I watched you go
The door of my heart, you closed so slow
My eyes gave way, my tears like rain
My stomach wrenching in so much pain
I’ve ran aground in this ship of a fool
In my own mind, I feel like such a tool
You’ve made my heart an empty hole
Your lies drained my wounded soul
My mouth is open, but my lips are still
I try to speak, but my words, my words they always fail
I feel the wind, I feel the chill
What I wanted to say, has just been set to sail
I never listened to the silence, until I was alone
Loneliness is my new friend; you know I’m cold as stone
Evil walks in the midst of my soul
It shows its head, when you come around
I’m blinded by love, it’s such a curse
Don’t forget that I loved you first
I don’t believe that I’m the worst
I am your spell; I’ll always be your curse

I don't want smart.
I want spontaneous.

I don't want roses and a candle-lit dinner.
I want drunken nights by the campfire.

I don't want a boy that says 'I love you'
Because I don't believe in love
And, even if I did,
I'm not emotionally capable of feeling it.
I want a boy that's okay with that.

I don't want a boy that showers me with compliments
or a knight in shining armor.
I don't want mushy love letters or romantic get aways.
I don't want a boy who's looking for a wife
because I don't believe in marriage.
And I don't want a lover.
I want a partner in crime.

I want a boy with chaos flickering in his eyes.
I want a boy who smiles a lot.
I want contagious laughter.
I want loud.
I want steamy kisses where he presses my body into his and my skin tingles.

I don't want late night phone calls or 'Good morning' texts.
I want a boy that calls me out on my *******.
I want a boy that pushes my buttons.
I want a challenge.

I don't want a boy that makes me feel pretty.
I want a boy that makes me feel alive.

I want a boy that taps on my window in the middle of the night
And brings me on a starlit adventure.

I don't want a boy that makes love.
I want a boy that will **** me raw.
And I want a boy that will let me pass out on him afterwards.
And I want a boy that won't get offended if I move away in the middle of the night
Because cuddling hurts my neck and his heartbeat is keeping me awake.

I don't want a boy that holds hands.
I want a boy that drives too fast.
I don't want a boy that babies me.
And I don't want a shoulder to cry on
Because I'm not fragile
And I can take care of myself.
I want a boy that pushes me into oncoming sprinklers
And doesn't hold anything back.

I don't want a boy that's looking for forever
because forever seems like a really long time.
I want a boy that goes day by day.

I don't want safe.
I want to go fast.
I want to live on the edge.
I want exhilaration.

I don't want to be wanted.
I want to want.

all the ashes have burnt to the ground,
the sorrows left,
not to be found,
all the empty souls will painlessly remain,
while the living souls remain in pain.

whatever gets you through your days,
do it.

if it's that late night walk with your pack of cigarettes that you bummed off a drunken homeless man,
do it.

if it's that blade you've thrown away numerous times but always find yourself digging through that bathroom trash to retrieve the comfort it once gave you,
do it.

if it's that alcohol that you stole after waiting for hours for your parents to finally go to sleep,
do it.

and do it until you can't do it anymore.
do it until it fixes you.
or do it until you realize there are better ways.

but if it helps you,
**do it.

Here's the thing, you sit here crying over her.
You want it all back.
How many nights did she sob? Beg? Plead?
You stomped her into the ground.
Then, she rises stronger and more beautiful then before.
She realizes her happiness is her own.
You're too late, through destroying her.
You made someone far more amazing and that much stronger.
She'll say thank you, and she'll walk away.
You will sit with your regrets while she takes on the world.
Watch your world discover one,
Where you just exist.
Where she wanders wherever you will not be.
You broke it apart.
While glass shattered around her.
She was the only One there to help her.
While you saw the wounds,
And chose not to care.
The scars are fading my friend.
And with them, you
Become a memory of how she got where she's going.

I am surrounded by remnants
of you. Every morning I wake
and drink my coffee with
your cup, your spoon,
your opinion that coffee
should be burnt and strong
and crude.

I even eat meals
among your fallen soldiers
of furniture, the ones
that got left behind. The
ottoman you never could say
goodbye to, the one
that you have nightmares about, you
wonder where
he is now.

I walk up the stairway
of your fibers, old hairs and
samples of your DNA
are mixed in with mine
in the layers of sediment
carpet. Your toe nail clippings
petrified into the
concrete.

I avoid mirrors because
my ghost image
reminds me of you,
something false, a reflection
that I will stare at
for the rest of my life
and still never
truly see.

Little accidents,
like the purple umbrella
on my bookshelf that
you bought me many months
ago, to keep me dry on
one of our many
rainy days. Now
you'll keep me
dry forever.

This is not a poem
about the weather.
This is a poem about the
ruins of you,
the staples
that hold me
together.