Wondering if it's selfish of me to hope for relief?
I keep thinking today is the day
I'll end this grief--
yet each new day brings something new
and now we have more fears to look into
a suspicious spot taking root on my love's right lung
and this after having chemo and the bell had been rung!
We were supposed to be getting the words, "you're all free and clear!"
Instead we're looking at scans in disbelief as we hear,
"It might be a new cancer, but most likely it's not--
it's that same damn colon cancer" -- trying to rob and rot
and steal the healthy tissues inside of my true love
and I want to shout and rant and rage to all above
and wonder why, oh why must we now face this????
Am I not allowed even a few moments of bliss???
We've been talking of marriage, but waiting to hear
that my true love was finally free and clear--
but now we're back into yet another fight
and don't misunderstand, I'll go after this cancer
with all of my might
and he will too---I promise you that right now
and let me say this, (my solemn vow):
We're going to win, damn you cancer all to hell
and once again, we're going to ring that huge chemo bell!
We'll walk away intact and rejoicing in our love
and you angels and gods up above?
Just get ready to see what determination, love and dedication can do
and know that my true love and I will most assuredly make it through!!!
©Pamela Rae 03.23.2017
Please send positive vibes for Round 2 of this fight...
(thank you from my heart) ♥
I keep thinking I'll awaken to the day
and you will not have really gone away--
but reality dawns and I know it's true--
I can no longer reach out and touch you--
Still, the thing that comforts me somehow
is knowing that you are free of all pain now
and envisioning you being embraced by an abundance of love
and knowing too that you are watching all of us from above.
I cannot lie and say I do not miss your laugh, your voice
but I will admit, I do sincerely rejoice
in the comfort your unending love brings to me
and I know somehow you will forever be
a part of my heart and others' hearts too
And always I will be thankful for having known & Loved You.
Goodbye for now, my dear loved one
I'll see you again when it's time for my own setting sun...
©Pamela Rae 03.20.2017
That sustains me when I miss his presence in my world.
Thank you to all who have helped me through this most difficult journey.
I love my brother so dearly.
None of us really Know--
One moment we're alive,
doing our routine, mundane orders
of this thing we call life
then moments later
our loved ones and others
are finding that suddenly
we are gone--
the vessel we used while here
but our spirits, our hearts, our minds
have moved on
anywhere that those left behind
can see or touch or physically feel--
and while we're busy finding love and acceptance
in our new and magnificent domain--
those left behind have to get on
with their daily lives once again
and try to fill the void that is left
where we once stood--
and even though they ache for us
and know we're doing good--
their hearts break just a little each day
as they realize that we truly have
gone far away--
yet, what a gift, a joy it would be
if only they knew that as long as they remember ME
I will always be ever near their hearts
and if they listen carefully
they'll hear me whisper my unending love
and know within their hearts that their new angel
is watching, still loving them from all around, and above...
©Pamela Rae 03.11.2017
(((hugs))) & ♥ to one and all here
and always wishes for good health and happiness and joy
to find each of you.
If you wish
to see my beauty --
wish to see
the exact point
joy, and breath
commune in me --
you need look
than the reflection
of your own self.
I have ever
Memories of moments
so long ago--
I look at old photographs
and wonder why
I still ache for you so
that surely you are now
free from all pain
and if I could have one wish
I'd wish for a spring time rain
to wash away these tears
falling from my heart
down my upturned face--
I miss you dear one,
you're not in your usual place
but I know that you're surrounded
by love and light
and that's what I'll cling to
as I go to bed this dreary night...
I'll always love you, you know
and always wonder
why, oh why
you had to go...
©Pamela Rae 03.07.2017
but life just isn't the same anymore... :(
My heart was already broken
shattered and torn to shreds
and you came and found a way
to slice it, dice it, mince it further
beyond any recognizable repair
--all I can do now
is sit and blankly stare
for I see the mess we've made--
my heart's broken pieces
all over this nasty floor
and you just standing there
with one foot just outside the door
waiting for me to forgive,
to throw my broken heart at you
and insist you put it back together
as you always used to do...
but this time? Is it too far gone?
Will I ever be the same again?
As always before, I realize now
that no one will ever win...
A broken and shattered heart
is never the same even when repaired
I've loved you all my life
but my heart lies in pieces,
shattered and bared
with so much damage from inflicted pain
and I wonder honestly
can it ever be whole again?
©Pamela Rae 03.05.2017