In between the desolation
And hope of liberty
I hear stories of others You
set free
Why doesn't it work for me?
Is it something wrong in me?
I can't get closer
lower the barriers on my own
Clutching claws
reaching from the dark I have slipped into
Running from You
Prefering darkness to light it seems
Comfort of misery
don't have the bravery
to exit the cage
Coming to my knees, SET ME FREE
but give me the desire to walk when times are good
thinking You're not the one I need

I still run when the time has come
to open the book
to approach throne
What's rising in me?
maybe it's just flesh
...that isn't really me
The time is drawing closer
To your return, or to the end of my days...
still stuck in insensibility...

I cry out turn me from my ways
I cry out turn my heart away
from what I think I need
SET ME FREE


find me a reason to be
less to doubt
something to believe

making choices ... not emotionality
Change me
Where doing good is not enough
where not being empty is not filling

reaching out to set others free...
Is this love in me?

Fiery angelos
Winged messenger descending
wondrous prophecy

Master of my will
Captain of my destiny
I set my sails to distant ports
harbors with merchants that cater to…
my every desire
The currency is merely my hours spent,
my days accumulated…

Yes, I choose the distractions,
the toys,
the escapes,
the inebriations,
the momentary escapades, liaisons, and other thrills…and call this “freedom”.

But somehow I always return
here to “normality”
this, my “common” reality

Was the currency “merely” my time?
Or is it my life’s blood?
Time I can never reclaim…

Is this really freedom?
The American Dream? or in truth Nightmare?
OR do my choices made in “freedom”
Bind me to my passions (manipulated by merchants!)
Invisible chains to this fleeting world of shifting sands

Have I become..
A slave to freedom?

The glistening snow melts
On the mountain top
Into rivulets
Fragmenting as
Beads like glass bubbles

Containing
The essence
Dew dripping
Dew drops
Portions of
Infinite sky
Where stars are poets
Declaring love
In musical spheres cascading

Shattering corrupted auras
Of lost souls
Triggering their metamorphosis
Into the resurrection of eternal light
On the fields
Of emergent
Possibilities
Nascent paths
Unlocked from this prison earth
And its microcosm of dwindling
Probabilities

This is the panorama
Across endless star lanes
The ever self creating
Universe

First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, finally the drink takes the man.

Dark wings hover, claws extended
Bat wings
Black lips, and dripping fangs
Clear elixir fluid
Drops
One,
Two,
Three...
On the edge of nightmare

Temperance shattered...
Moderation slit by a fine blade
The veil of normality shredded
Replaced by illusion
Civility cannot withstand
The feral urges that storm the barricades
Tin soldiers in array
Swords rattle and gleam
The sabers obsession is to draw your blood
Their  aim is to seek your quick

The beast within
Bleeds a vile and putrid green
Noxious, nauseating
Slimy...smelly
Gangrene
It comes out to howl
Prowl
Stalking prey
You are hunted
Your heart and soul are at stake
Knowing not how slender the thread
The silken cord
With which you cling
To this ephemeral life

Hope fades
Dreams ebb
The tide washes in
You are the sand
Slowly washed away
In a swirl
Eroded from the shore

Inexplicably
Fleshly desires escalate
Lust for flesh untamed

Goodbye my love
Melodiously sigh the radiant crimson orange clouds
As their tendrils seem to flicker against
Distant emerald tree limbs
Resting on the darkening jagged hill

The sighing tune fades, yet endlessly repeats
out towards the pale azure horizon

All that is beautiful
Echoes of longing
Needfully resonated in the chambers of two lover's hearts below

Every kiss hello
Prelude on airy strings
To a goodbye
Precious paradox
This fleeting joy
embraces the lovers as vines climbing the grey stone wall

As the Heavens
Embrace the Earth
Love abounds
In the sky colors at Dawn
See the sunset hues of autumn wine
Let the flame of Amour
Arise within you
If you feel lonely,
outcast, separated
Distant
Warm yourself by coals
Breathe on them
See the glow
You are truly
Never Alone
By still waters
Or the babbling brook
'Twixst the spring blossoming trees
Surely LOVE is there
Whispering to you
From long lost memories
Stand beside Her
Gaze with her into your future
A new day of
Grace and Eternal
Promise
Never give up hope
never give in
never surrender
Reach out to the finish line
Where Love
Always wins

6/21/07

The King offers the promise of heaven in His hand
The heaven of His glory

He calls
My soul is stirred by longing
breaking through my dreams and
reverie
Bursting my heart free from the *******
of the earthly realm

His eyes of fire and love
seek my face
Our gazes lock

He invites me to dance
I reach out my hand
His first touch so warm and electric
I draw nearer
My first step is tentative
His arm of strength envelops me
His right hand stops to caress my face
His embrace is passion personified

He leads me so meekly
a Shepherd with an infant lamb

He whispers so tenderly
the words of peace, love and joy
I sigh
As He lifts my head
For our first kiss

Enraptured by the pulse of His heart
He is a rose, blood red with petals
dancing in a cool breeze
He is my Bridegroom

He is building our shelter
our habitation
of joy
forever

You lifted up
the communion's cup
that we might share in the fellowship
of your sufferings

You did not let pass from your lips
but drank the bitter cup
of agony in a lonely dark garden
that is our eternal bliss

The Wine of Grace which gave us life and freedom
was the taste of death for you
as you poured out
your life into this cup

Oh Captain, my Captain
through the bread of your flesh
this precious cup of blood
we partake of the destruction
of death and hell
the resurrection of life

In the darkest moment of all history
you poured out your crimson glory
for your eternal Victory

You declared us brethren in praise to your Father
Your are the child given for signs and wonders
the way back into the Kingdom for Israel
from the Lord of hosts who dwells in Zion
Let us drink the cup
and give thanks for joy everlasting

Your offering;
Our Grail...

To the tune of Boston's
Man I will never be
https://youtu.be/Gmc_t7m2pC4

Doubt fiery arrows fired at me
So many years trying to be
The man you wanted me to be,
I reached so far
Shed tears from the pain
Of trying so hard
To be man I could never be
Someone you needed
I could never be for you
You were never meant for me

Jesus, set me free
Make me on the man
I was created to be

Dreams always shattered
Hope smashed to the ground
Somehow I never realized
How much you care for me

Now I am getting stronger
I can reach the peak
Mistakes I made don't hold me down
Knowing you believe in me
My heart bursts with joy
Flying ever higher
Knowing Lord
I can be man I was meant to be
In your hand you hold
My destiny

So as I look in your eyes
Listen to me
Look inside your heart
And find God's love
That will set you free
Lord knows You are precious, timeless
So be the one you were meant to be

Seek a higher LOVE
Bring it into the world
Leave behind all your
   Past conceptions of
       Romance
  earthbound lusts
Bury her past
   Meditation by the graveside
Plant a new heavenly seed
   into the earth
Let the seed germinate
Heal from wounds
      Forget the guidance of
          Self-bondages and limitation

It is time to leave the house of death

OPEN your HEART to the NEW
         LET IT RISE
A NEW BIRTH
out of sea-foam
            ...and...
The fabric of the dark azure skies
      ...your star...
          ...is...in...
                MOTION

Youthful Rebellion
Over  thirty groks your heart?
Wait! Your first gray hair

You hide within a dream
Heart beating strong
Guarded by the steel
you bear at your side
you wield it to cut true

The shield of love prtoects you from
the fiery lies

A rose grows watered by your tears

Romance is an open would
yet scars that fromed who you are

forward you march again into the battle of love
braving the fear
clinging to the clarion call reminder:
There will be victory

All that I write
the poetry of my soul
a warriors song
to the tune of a call to battle

shadow black lotus
grey dismal clouds of despair
numb and distant
sleep of emptiness

Ecstatic visions
luminescent glow
cloud halo surrounding the sun on a field of grey / blue
Ethereal angel voices
heralding the way to nowhere
journey into the unkown and the unknowable
yet ken it I must
to become a reason for the next day

Crimson dark I have bled
theft breath by breath from life
visions of a dark graveyard

Yet this is where the Redeemer chose to resurrect
giving hope of life eternal

The POWER is in your joy
Let it ILLUMINATE
YOUR HEART

Your strength is in your soul
The flow is
LOVE

Reach out and touch
The SOURCE

FLY

So lamentable,
poetry is not marketable.
Not worth making haste
to conform to public taste.

In the final analysis,
path to financial paralysis,
is the poet's life
No worldly gains, only strife.

Original Title: the Haunting

I feel lost remembering looking at you in tears
heartache at the memory
Why do I torture myself by listening to the last song
that had you sobbing
and it broke my heart to see?
I can still picture the color of the walls dark orange
the hot humid night in Honduras
on the front patio of the orphanage

I remember the morning you were laying in bed
when you told me you had had enough
We had sold or given away everything
Returning home to the States with $1000 in my bank account
Thank God, for my stepdad..still had a place to stay

Tears stream down my face
Hard to see the notepad as I write

****.

I look up at the sky..first full moon night
Who, exactly up there decide I should be born human?
I thought you were supposed to be a Good God...
What curse did I deserve for you to let me feel this pain?

In the background:
Roette: "Yeah, it must have been love but it's over now.
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
It must have been love but it's over now,
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows."

and yes the wind blows...well more like it *****!

Broken, did i break you?
Was I so cruel?
Never meant to hurt you but the road to hell is paved with good intentions

Was it my silence or..
the burning lust I could never quell
..which I wonder at times if it will not lead me to hell...
and worse to a hypocritical Christian..the judgement on those who know the truth
is much more severe than those who have not heard.

Martika sings in the background:
  "when you tear temptation call..
    it's your heart that takes the fall"

The irony of it is
it started as a dream for us
one to share for the rest of our lives
I cared about you...listened to you
You were there to hold me in my dark moments
wipe away the tears
We danced, we had fun...
Years later when you were telling me how much I had changed...
you reminded me that when we first met..I sang to you at the beach on a starry night
Trapped in the romance and I was so far gone
Funny how different we were then almost twenty years ago
You had such high hopes for me
I changed from telling you I would never darken the doorway of another church to a full-time missionary
--15 years later I realized who you needed was a man I could never be

The wolf tattoo I got after the divorce
was because I never wanted to be so nice
or vulnerable again

You were so beautiful in that wedding dress
the way your eye shone
at the moment we were happy and it all looked like a promise

It's hard lesson when heartache becomes real enough
that it is an burning ache in the center of your chest  

This is an open wound
It feels like the pen should be writing gangrenous vile dark grey/green ink
as it lets the poison out

**** it.
   Time for another **** and a sip of wine
   Enough of this romantic ****

J Geils Band...singing about how love stinks..
music to my ears

Does make me wonder why
I let this internal drama play out
or worse get the better of me

And the songs go on
Brett Michaels - Love *****
Lily Allen sings smile - along with a video of her paying some guys to beat up her boyfriend

Not entirely sure..and maybe it's because it's one of the first times I have done this
But listening to other peoples anger and misery damnably helps
--and it amuses me that she got the cheating *******'s *** kicked

Cheating is the one thing I never did
though my ex would argue the point and call **** my mistress

Strangely, I will always admire her for giving so much
and how truly she was committed
Though it stings when she said she did it for God and not me

I know how deeply I hurt her
Yet I don't know if she will ever undertand the sacrifices I made and just how hard I tried

Somehow at the moment
Getting ******* is more fun that whiny assed *******
...and there's something to be said for some good **** and two buck Chuck

Love for  a human (and yes there are times I wish I was an alien..god knows that is how I got treated all the way through high school)
Reminds me how you make a statue
Simply carve away all that is not the statue

So it is with us
   what we must learn about love is as much what it is not
   as it is what we think it is
or what we think it should be...

I so want to write something deep and profound to impress everyone
Which it is the best time the write the last line and to...
           STOP

Whatever.

I thought that I:
lost the power
fell from grace
left behind the Presence

Yet it remains anchored
Steadfast

It cannot be stripped from me
by a church that has exiled me
I was never to a Sunday Christian anyway

The gifts and the call of God are irrevocable
...were not given to me by man,
only confirmed..
Man cannot take it away

The heart I was given
the spirit that defines me
the gifts I share
The most important lesson I have ever learned -
that: "To love is to give"
will not be blotted out of my notebook.

So what am I?
I don't know
All I know is that my purpose here
Is to guide
to reveal
to those whom I sent

"You are not mere clay...Breathed of God is your first breath...and the light of eternity will shine upon your last"

No river is crossed
No path untravelled
No passage unjourneyed
...to which the gateway is not found within.

Beyond the boundary of the accepted, tolerated, comformable
is where you will find this cleric

Preaching in bars
reaching out on the streets

My only prayer:
Let me continue to defy
Assumptions of what can, should be done.

And in the end...
we shall all be on the long road home

God ******
mercenaries
vipers
hypocrites

The Lamb of God
sold into the marketplace
led into the slaughter

The Love and Heart of God
now a harlot
for the desires and pleasures of perverse men
--honestly, I have more respect for a Lady of the Night, than religious ****** who traffic in holiness

The Spirit of God
miracles transformed
into entertainment and to rake in filthy lucre

The Banner of God
leads an army of hate

The Pastor of God
exiles a member of Christ’s body

The sacred Writings of God  
twisted into a message of
judgement, guilt, intolerance

I am dismayed
disturbed
disappointed
disgusted
… I have seen too much

The Heart of God bleeds, tears fall from His eyes

How long will this go on?

Is there vengeance and a special place of punishment reserved for those who commit such travesty?
For those who trample on the Blood of the Savior?

--Serge Banderet

My life is glimpse
Out the window
On a dark rainy night