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Ash Young Apr 2023
Even now,
no matter how meandering the path may be,
all my poetry
stumbles back
to
you.
Sometimes, I'm still in the passenger seat of your car,
seeing some of my own abyss in yours.
Ash Young Mar 2023
This place still exists, it turns out. I didn't mean to find it, I just wanted to use this website for a project, and it redirected me here. I guess that's fate being herself once again, because this always was the place for deep secrets and darker thoughts.


You won't ever find this, I'm almost sure of it.


1. I said I wouldn't write about you anymore, I hope this doesn't break that rule.

2. I'm so happy you've moved on, I'm so grateful to the universe for giving you back love.

3. I've moved on too. It's been... slow... I feel like there's always something new to unpack, something else to remember, something more to forgive or repent. I'm not in a relationship in any kind of traditional sense, but I'm learning to love in a way that heals rather than hurts, and that's pretty immense.

4. sometimes I wish you sent me that email on valentines, sometimes I wonder what it would say and what it could have changed.

5. most of the time, I'm glad you didn't, and you found a love that seems so full of Good in the glimpses I've tangentially seen.

6. A lot of the time, I think about whether you read my email. I wonder if it helped or hurt, I wonder if you think of me at all.

7. Always, I hope for a future where we talk, catch up as friends, you let me cheer for you on the sidelines of your life as you grow into this amazing person you've always had the capacity to become.

8. Eternally, I'll love you. In the way of dog-eared books and well-loved movies. A finished kind of love, a sweet kind of loss.

9. whatever I am to you these days, be it villain or side character, or nothing at all, I hope I at least remain a lesson, to never accept anything less than the love you deserve ever again, no matter the reason  

10. Thanks for saving my life
I played stardew for the first time since you today, I hope your seeds are blossoming
Ash Young May 2022
Out
I’ll always be left wondering if first love is just slang for a practice run
I feel like I’m sweeping up the shattered pieces of a child’s discarded toy
Ash Young Feb 2022
How many holes have I plugged with Sorry,

Where a Thank You would have cemented the cracks?
Ash Young Jan 2022
how do you come to terms with the best part of the worst part of your life

I don't regret it. but it hurts just the same
Ash Young Jan 2022
brainless shuffle
c r a w l i n g
nerveless

fog lifts.

tingling fingers
gut drop (you have one of those now)

look up,
knife to chest
the seasons passed without you.


and just like that you can mourn the end of love.
too bad it took you a year
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