Past birthdays
Wishing to make it to the next.
Well here I am
Mourning the girl who isn't.

-Cnwlry

A dark room
Hiding in the corner
Barely singing a song
Whispering the words
"Happy birthday-"
Choking back tears
holding arms to chest
"-to me."
Letting out a cry
"Happy birthday-"
Thinking about people
the ones downstairs laughing.
"-to me."
Celebrating since they won't.
"Happy birthday-"
At least it'll be sung with the right name.
"-dear Cole."
Tears stream down
Quickly wipe them away
"Happy birthday-"
Jumping, hearing a door slam in the house
"-to me."
Laying down
Rocking back and forth.

I open my eyes.
My birthday again.
Is it really two years later?
Fake birthday wishes sent.
At least this year I won't be alone.

-Cnwlry

Writing feels impossible.
It's not that I don't want to
Or that I don't have motivation for it.
The words are still inside,
Waiting to escape.

Maybe I got used to silence.
Finally. Right?
But I still have too much to say
And no one to hear it.

I try to say what I think
But no one gets it.
They say trauma is trauma
And if it affects me then it is.

But while I stare at the screen
Feeling hollow
I know that others feel the same.
So I will write.

I will write even though it hurts me.
I will write to you though I don't know you.
I will write till my fingers bleed.
I will write so we are not alone.

I'm here.

-Cnwlry

As I stare into your soul,
though I know it's untrue,
I worry that you'll leave.

-Cnwlry

I'm angry at them,
but I can't shout.
My face is hot
and I feel burned out.
Try to calm down.
It's just in passing
but this thing in my chest
It's still lasting.

-Cnwlry

The line goes
"Would anyone notice if I stopped talking?"
I would think so but
Maybe no one listens anyway.
I struggle to find the words
And hand pick the chosen many,
I wrap them up with a neat little bow
But people tear them apart
like kids at Christmas,
Or dogs at a bone,
Grumpy when it isn't what they want.
I don't think anyone would care
If I just stopped talking
But my mouth always bubbles over
With words I wish to say
Like water on a stove.
I whisper at myself to "Shut Up!"
But I brush it off
Like the tears on my cheek.
Just. Listen.
There are so many things
I need to say.

-Cnwlry

The mirror lied.
So
I fogged the glass
and drew my story

-Cnwlry