It's 3.56a.m. and I've got something to confess.
You've once asked me if anything's wrong and if I'm alright. I replied with a "yeah, I'm fine."
I lied.

You see,
0000h marks the start of my torture
As 0100h sees my tears.
0200h hears my secrets while
0300h watches me bleed.
0400h tries to comfort me, and get me to sleep before 0500h.
0600h I wake, questioning my existence all over again.
It's a vicious cycle,
One that I can never step out of.

My smiles in daylight are lies,
Deceiving enough to let people think I'm alright.
But truth is I never was, and perhaps never will be.
I love too much and fall too hard.
Words that pierced my heart resonates in me as I lashed myself with pain and anguish.
Taking pills akin to M&Ms; while downing coffee like water to substantiate my status as a human – I need water, air and love to survive.

Every personal question people ever threw to me,
I answered them all
despite them not getting any answers from me.
The answers and thoughts in my head
doesn't leave their sanctuary that easily;
They murdered me with their constant bickering.

Perhaps, at the next 4.07a.m. when you're awake,
try asking me those questions again.
i might spill it all out to you

(c.c)

I guess I'm gonna go to bed tonight
and blind myself again like every night,
To lie and say I don't mind
To be a slave of Time.
Yeah, I'll rest up and sleep tonight
to silence this mellow weeping heart
Saying I only wish to hold you
This, and every night.

Because you know well
What it is that we want
We want to have each other in our arms,
But we fight so desperately to do things right
That we give way to cursed Time.

I guess I'm gonna go to bed tonight
Not to linger with this in mind,
To rest assured in what is right
and not listen to what we want.
Yeah, I'll rest up and sleep tonight
To silence this mellow weeping heart
Saying I only wish to hold you,
Wish I'd cuddle, kiss, and hug you -
But I reply with "Not tonight."

You know well
What it is that what we want.
We want to have each other in our arms,
But we fight so desperately to do things right
and give in to this curse of Time.

Slicing my arm open,
what a lovely thought,
red blood oozing out of every cut.
But i'll never have the courage,
instead i'll lay and dream,
pretending death will soon come,
whispering in my ear,
as I walk into the city street,
standing in the middle with no fear.

I live in a city of salty people.
We are all
at times
mean
crass
goatish
people. Like grains of salt
in a salty sea-
-or a salty lake.
but, we are not ever
boring.
we may be salty
but we are doubtlessly very flavorful.
we have more personality
and *****
and character
per square inch
than most of the cities in the world.
most all the cities I have been to, anyway.

anyway.

I am a salty *******
at times
and I have discovered that I
need
a grain of salt in my life.
cold mornings.
a shot of whiskey.
Something to push back
against.
For fighting fake conflict is just
flailing.
I’m trying to tread this
salty
water and keep oxygen in my lungs
just like all the other mouth-breathing saps in this salty pond
pushing each other down to get a breath of fresh ozone and carbon monoxide
and I guess that means I’m fighting
for something.