When I sleep, I dream about the  bad things I assume you would wish me.
And when I wake I cant stop thinking about it.

smiling, telling you that I'm alright
gently, whispering on the inside
secretly, hoping that you hear me
save me, pull me out of this rut

myself: I feel like they're saying a lot of horrible things about me behind my back

I:  You did some pretty horrible things you know?

myself:  I'm not denying it but I'm not proud of it. I just don't like them talking about it

I: That's pretty childish, you know?

myself: I... I never claimed to be perfect.

She didn't say anything
I didn't say anything
No one said anything

I couldn't say anything
I couldn't look her in the eyes
I couldn't deny shame

To relapse after apology
To sin after forgiveness
To lose her trust, again.

To lose her.

You are the Webstorm to my low memory PC
You are the update to my windows
You are the Internet Explorer to my browser

You bring out the worse in me

Without you, I can't code cool software
Without you, I can't get security patches
Without you, I can't download chrome

I did a couple of push-ups this morning,
I did some yesterday too
My stomach still hurts a little
When will I attain muscularity?

I downloaded a lot of self-help books
I read a chapter of Nassim Taleb
My brain still feels empty
When will I attain enlightenment?

I watched a few youtube video on Mastering Arabic
I downloaded some Arab movies
My data is exhausted
When will I attain fluency?