it's raining today.
i can't see it, though the raindrops creep in under my skin,
water flooding me from inside,
where was i going with this except that the drops
are asking questions about things i was so sure of, until now.
what am i to you.
what am i to me,
isn't rain supposed to cleanse ? i'm still so *****.

for a long time i thought i had to be deserving of love, good enough for it
stupid ******* thought
you are loved or you aren't yet.
not a choice, an award or anything like that,
it just is
just happens,
easy or not.

i only love the kindness i give to you and i hate all the rest,
what do i offer the world day after day except the bitterness of someone who can't be bothered to live for real,
what good am i, for myself.
i don't know. i don't know and i'm tired of trying.

you kiss me
you kiss me,
that'd never happen (will it ?)
i know (do i ?)
but you kiss me
and i don't soar, i don't fly i don't do nothing of that
i just hold your hand and thank the prayer,
thank the saint, thank the giver,
i don't ask for one more, don't want it
just once, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦.

body so frail, yet holding so much
a little place for everyone in every corner,
body so tough, keeping you all safe inside,
holding me up, making me breathe easier,
body so loved, sure not by me but still,
letting me live.
i say thank you to its creator,
and its living creatures.

When I look at you at night I think
God, why did you make him,
Just to please me or haunt me ?
I don't know if having you or being far would hurt more
I don't know if my body could stand the hurricane of your skin on mine, or if it would burn itself without it.

What can a man do but love you, what can I do but want you,
Because I 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 you.
I need to touch the neck that keeps your head high and thank it,
I want to feel your hands on my face, reverent, like they never want to leave
Want to hear your voice crack when I touch you,
Your whispers, your moans, the deep notes it would sing when I let you unravel under me,
I want it so bad, I would accept anything.
Even a second of it. Even less than that.
Anything from you, God do you hear my plea, anything from you.