11:46
11:46pm
11:46pm was the time she died.
11:46pm was the time i got the call..
All i heard was “im sorry but shes gone..”
I couldnt breath in that moment
“ my aunt… shes gone..” i thought to myself
What were my last words to her…
Was it “ bye..” or was it “ i love you too “ before she left my band concert
I avoided her because im scared of grief
But grief is gonna come to you one way or another
It just depends how you let it in
Ill always remember that time
11:46
11:46pm
11:46pm i got that call….

He was 6 when he held his teddy bear
He was 10 when he said “im to old for this teddy bear  now”
He was 13 when he got his first girlfriend
He was 14 when they broke up
He was 16 when he got his first job
And just a week later he got his first paycheck
Then he was 19 when he got fired
When he was 20 he met a girl
When he was 22 he got married to her
When he was 24 he had his first kid when he was 26 his kid turned two
When he was 26 his kid started school
When he was 29 he lost his kid in a car crash
When he was 32 he committed suicide
Morel of the story value what you have because it isnt going to be there forever

They never hurt me, i hurt myself.
They never doubted me, i doubted myself
It was never their fault, it was mine
They never did something wrong, i was ******* up
They never deserved the treatment they get, give it all to me
They dont deserve the pain they feel, give it all to me
It was all me, give it all to me. Let them free, let them live
Give it all to me, it was all me.

I gave them the love I never received
they gave me the hatred I've never seen
I gave them every piece of me
they admitted to using me
I lied for them
they lied to me
love cant be one way down a two way street

They're lovely.. Lovely like the color black. But black can be seen as scary… if you look at it from a different perspective and discard the negative.. You'll see that their lovely, lovely like roses
Roses are pretty like the night sky on the 4th of july.. Their lovely, lovely like greek
Greek is lovely like how they speak…. They're lovely and I don't want anybody… their lovely, lovely like ash in the sky… lovely like the name Ash… which is funny because that's their name… I love Ash.. i love you Ash <3 they are lovely and i don't want nobody

My mind is like a ocean flooding over
My mind is like a fire
My mind it's scary
It's like a nightmare in real life
Always something bad going through it.
My mind is a dangerous place, something a teenage shouldn't experience
But the moment I hear their voice…. Everything stops and they are my only worry
The only thing i care about
Something about them is addicting
Like ****** or ****
I'm like a drug addict, they are my addiction though.
Something that would be so hard to let go of
My mind's scary thoughts go away the second I hear their voice.

He picks at the scabs he put on himself
The scabs that were caused by something shiny and small
I got it from art class. Isn't that crazy? I got something from art class to put permanent art on myself…. My own skin.
He makes empty promises and lies to his loved ones
“I'm clean!!”
“I promise it won't happen again”
“Its been 3 months since I cut!”
Lies. their all lies, empty promises
He watches the blood appear as the blade goes across his wrist
The wrist he once drew on with markers
the wrist that is now covered in scars..
now something you cant unfix

I want to die..
But im scared
I want to die but what's after death?
Is it magical like my mom said?
Or is it worse than hell in the ways described to me by my dad?
I want to die but i cant because im scared of what's after death

Get rid of the voices
The ones that say “one more time”
The voices that make me hate myself
I would have never said that 5 years ago..
And now the words “I hate myself” just slip out like nothing
These voices make me hate everyone around me
“I wish you were dead” i said that to my mother to many times to count
Counting is something I'm great at..
I can count the cuts I've made on myself…
Oh? You thought I was talking about math..?
No. i **** at math..
These voices make me think everyone hates me
They make me think my boyfriend who i love to much is going to leave me
I hate these voices.
They make me go insane sometimes, I swear.
Just get rid of the voices
Or get rid of me…

In quiet moments, still and true,
My heart drifts gently back to you.
Through every storm and sky of blue,
It finds its peace in all you do.
Your voice, a song that calms the tide,
Your touch, where all my fears subside.
No map I need, no place I roam—
In you, I've found my truest home.
With every smile, you light my way,
You color all my skies each day.
No words could ever quite convey
How deep I love you—come what may.
So take this verse, my open soul,
A piece of me to make you whole.
For now and always, let it show:
You're all I am, and all I know.