I would be a fool
If I ever tried
To bind you inside my ribcage
Next to my broken heart
For you would make my lungs explode
And the life would beat to rapidly
For my chest to contain it

We feel
In the trenches

They say
When in Rome
But I don't think
I could crucify God

Palms nailed
Side lanced
I am not one
To beg forgiveness

Not one
To fall on my knees
Not one
To forgive

Nothing
He would not do for me
Nothing
I would not ask of him

I mourn your death
As a betreyal
When I look down
The hammer
Is in my hand

You blame
The church
For sins of man

Hold accountable
The temple
Not the hands

The alter
For its silence

The tabernacle
For curtains
To thick to unveil
The sins of a saint

A holy of holies
Torn
Two pieces of cloth
One for a funeral shroud
The latter a sail for a ship
To hell's gates

You beg
For anything, nothing
There are no promises
On bleeding ground

A pilgrimage
Of swords
Not confessing
A holy war

My grandmother
Had a different name
Before I was born
She will not die with it

I write about temples
My feet
Will never be clean enough to enter

Sins
I cannot wash off my hands
Heaven's
I pray my children will know
Hell's
I carry
On broken shoulders

I do not want you
To know the weight

Not your burden
To bear
My cross to carry

In the tomb
Of my ancestors
The stone
Rolled away

The kingdom is yours

I tell myself that I cannot do this
That it is beyond my capabilities
But still it speaks for itself
That I have done everything so far
Even more than I needed to you
Things like loving you

You can be anything or anyone that you want
But maybe it would suit you best to be everything you are

My heart is screaming help me
My body yells it loud
But the voice of reason
Is hidden by the cloud

A foggy depth and no perception
A deep fall without a rope
Just another broken heart
That has lost all hope

I climb the stairs
To destruction
No rail on either side
A sheer precipice
To merely let me fall
I catch my breath
And close my eyes
I climb the stairs
To the skies
Like walking a plank
To murderous waters
Shaky steps
To a end
The means of life
I was denied
Through it all
I still tried
But waters rise
And steps crumble
And who will catch me
When I stumble

I think I have outgrown myself

I press both my hands
Against your chest
Pushing you away

I begged for you to stay
I want nothing more

But

I will not part my lips
To ask

If you loved me you would
If you loved

You gave names to the stars
As if they danced upon your own tongue
Plucking syllables from between your teeth
The sky is chords of a guitar
Pluck away
Heavens ears miss this sound

Those of us who are human
Will never be free from our thoughts

My greatest struggle of humanity is this;
That we must wage our minds against what they are unwilling to relinquish. Where we go, the mind leads and all the unredeemed will follow.

Draw me closer, oh my love
Push me against the wall
In this year since you have scorned me
Oh how things have changed
These thoughts I retain
But feelings not so much
For time does heal
And time does change
Slowly all her mysteries are revealed

We **** for chaos
Die for peace
Live to fast
Lies threaded between our teeth

Even in the chaos of my mind
I try to make peace with you

I had my questionings
But little was my reasonings
So I stared
Looking into the depths of your character
I searched, so that things would be made known to me
For their weight in matters was small
But in decisions of my own would alter the course
My wonderment rested upon this
How loud your voice is to upon the ears of those whom  have made mistakes to your knowledge
These mistakes made against the wretches of the world or perhaps your own plight in life
Against the length of silence that you keep within yourself when the mistake is yours alone
Such that you would scream your own soul against those who break your heart or your hand
Yet what are these whispers when you are the one throwing rocks and casting stones

under every seat belt
with every drunk driver
between all the car seats
are the wheels of time
that never stop spinning

British radio has it's charms
like a bracelet on you wrist
so gentle and delicate

The water was quieter than expected
     Though fast in its flowing
There is a silent beauty in death
     Not knowing where she is going
Have you swam in dark water before
     How foolish of me to ask
Holding your breath before barking dogs
     This was never meant to last
I did not expect to hear your laugh
     The sound less permeable
Than your ghosting form
     Are we already irreparable
The boat draws near
     Bone like fingers on oars
Denari clink in your shallow pockets
     Like skulls knocking on doors

I am ready

I will find the edge of the world
Where else would you go
Dangle my feet on the edge
Waiting for you
Until the sun forgets how to set
As the oceans run over
Chasing unknown depths

We know
We are only loved
If we are known
And that is why
We cannot bear
To be forgotten

The angels were whispering in my ear about the confines of my heart
They know I withhold nothing from you
Yet when I am sad it is not their hands against my mouth, but a strangers
I have no plight against them
When my head is screaming to let out a sound
No whisper is even heard
Will my casket be filled merely with cheap regrets
When I could have been speaking truth
My love, how do I find my voice

The veins in your arms are different than his
I know because I have traced them many times
Your hands are different, stronger
With more beautiful lines

They way your eyes absorb the sun
And how you shake your head
I wish I could be yours
But I am his instead

When the lights flicker and I am afraid
It is his should I lean upon
But when its day
Its your smile that leads me on

When my hands are cold
And he grabs them they do not get warm
But when I stand between you two
My heart is so torn

The energy he gives me
Is unlike any drug
But when I am near you
I feel safe secure and snug

When you catch my gaze
And I can see the jealousy
I wish I could let you know
I long to be free

He says he loves me
But love does not burn
I tell you to be patience
You will have your turn

But how can I leave
Someone I know, and knows everything about me
For someone I don't know
But says they care about me

How can a child
Face all her fears
How can I choose
Without all the tears

You ask me to pick
Between love and desire
You ask me to choose
Between which of you makes me feel higher

Once this choice is made
I can never go back
It might as well be set in stone
Or written in white and black

If I chose you
Would things still be the same
Or would I cry out in the night
Haunted by his name

Or do I chose the safe side
To stick with what I know
How do I leave him
How can I just let him go

Boundaries protect and boundaries hide
When you live all of the lies
The lines are here to stand behind
The choices for you to decide
When all the faces resemble the others
You must divide child and mother
When the price to be paid is your life
When you wield dagger and knife
The faces that look on in expectation
How many ways can you destroy a nation
When the winning ticket is drawn from a bowl
And you miss your chance and fate takes its toll
When the whole world can see what you did wrong
When you cant find a home where you belong
The guidelines are way to specific
And the scenes from my life are to horrific
The babies cry and the screams break your heart
When the forbidden fruit you bit just falls apart
The blood you spill is on your hands
And you are chased through moon lite lands
The stains of sweat run heavy on your brow
When you make the choice not to bow
A rude remark and a sharp blow
Trying to figure out what you don't know
The buzzard are circling high over head
You wish you could run but face your fears instead
When you make choices without rhyme or reason
And you need to run but choose treason
So many paths that intersect in the end
What hides behind the next bend
The curtains are drawn and you stand exposed
You turn the sign and the shop is closed
A lonely walk to an empty home
A life you live all alone

Jazz tip lips
Black and mild lungs
Smoke words
The haze swallows up
Hungry still
Burning now
Light me up

I remember growing up in the city
I did not know where my next meal was coming from
Or if I would have boots or a winter jacket
But some things were consistent
My neighbors, shooting straight up in the street
My parents screaming about rat traps and paying last month's damm rent

And I come from nothing
And I ain't never gonna be good enough

And yo man my brothers and my sisters we don't got nobody but ourselves
But that's all we ******* need

Like, I walk in a joint but I don't smoke it
And y'all so inconsiderate and call it joking

You've never been where I've been
So you will never be where I'm at
And yeah it's hard to deal
But I ain't never finna go back

And it's fresh in my mind like air Jordan's till the day I die
Y'all watch me live my god damm life a way you will never understand why

Y'all gotta Mercedes you drive around there bendz
And all I have are my family and my ******* friends
But people will always be greater that possessions
Man things are **** compared to this life's lessons

And I wish to God I had someone to relate to
I look in the mirror and I say; this ain't me, this ain't you
But we from the streets we do what we do
Get in my way I still do what I gotta do

But it ain't my fault, I didn't chose the don't **** with me life, the don't **** with me life chose me
And now I make my choice, for the now and the tomorrow, I'll smile through all the pain and sorrow

Because you brought it all back to my mind like a whole *** fool
But ***** your a peasant so let the queen of the streets rule

This rubber band around my wrist
Tightens like an emotional noose around my neck
It stings of memories against my wrist
And marks like a thousand thoughts, though much more shallow in its rendering
These were bold wishes and they did not belong
Only a means to survive in a world that did not want me as I was
Still I am to stubborn to change
I could pay in soul and stamina
When all you wanted was money and memoirs
I have been folded, like steel and copper into the darkness of the night
Over and over again like a blacksmith trying to beat my temperment into place
Would that I could bury myself in the earth
That she would open her mountainous  arms and swallow me whole
She would not relinquish the taste of salty tears
Oh that the sky would take me, the stars pluck out my eyes to shine among them
Then I would serve such a purpose
All these wishes are futile
And I am feeble
Resolve has abandoend me to a hollow shell as this
Lay me in the river
She takes all in time and with a grain of salt
She will move me on unto the next
World or wonder whatever it may be

Hot coals in my mouth
The steam tastes of ashes
A somber repentance
Forgiveness is foolish
When time is so short

The flowers blooming in Antarctica
Will be on our graves
We have loved the earth
The way most men love women
Not much at all
Not willing to listen or change
We **** her
With greed
For our short satisfaction

I fear I am already lost to the void
Space expands
At the rate my consciousness collapses
This God in heaven
Knows the terrors in my mind
This God in heaven
Kmows we are only bound
By the mortal coils we tether ourselves to
We pass through existence
Ghosts of a former life
Is this why it feels so familiar
I was asleep before
But am I dreaming now
Time is picking up speed
So is panic
This is not suffering
Only the depths of confusion
Existential dread spreading its wings
Across the sun
We know the dark will come
But not one ******* inkling
Of what it will hold
Does this make everything useless
Does it give everything purpose
I have passed this way before
How long ago was that journey
How sweet the reminiscent death of bliss
I should of begged for ignorance when I could
It is too late now
That serves no purpose
No higher purpose
We know everything is made of atoms
Atoms are made of energy
Energy cannot be created or destroyed
I fear nothing more than death
I crave nothing more than death
Both sides of a coin
Endlessly spinning through space

I am a monster behind closed doors
A dark evil contours my soul

I find no comfort
In the muteness of my thoughts
Silence goes before me
Bringing nothing back
Are my words
No longer my own
Soft at a fresh day
With not a single light shone