Some days I won't have any words
But on days like these
It seems I have to many
I cannot even say them
For is not silence
Better than a storm
A storm I fear
For it I cannot weather
The flashbacks
And the tears
And these nights
Made of fears
So I will leave you
To do what you wish
With my heart
My mind
And my body
But you do not even
Come close
I cannot feel
Your heart beating
So I must question
If it is even there
But it is okay
I will close my eyes
And return to my world
Where I think
I am a mermaid
Or a unicorn
Sometimes a dragon
Or a fairy
Depending on the day
Either way
I will not
Have to worry
About boys
Or shoes or makeup
Or what to say
For I run free
Or swim
Somedays I can fly
Always I sing
But never alone
It would seem to me
The curtain fell
Before we even began
Our duet
I think
In my heart
That is a waste
Not of talent of gift
But of love and time
For I will always question
Yes
Was it?
A waste?
Of my time
I think not
But yet
I cannot help but wonder
If dreams do fade
Into the horizon
Because the sun
Is shining down
And as awake as I am
And as dead as I feel
I do not even know
The difference between
Alive
And unreal
These visions I create
They are not monsters
Nor are they friend
They simply exist
To help me along
These guides in my mind
Show me the way
For if
I stay
In one place
For to long
So many things
Will start to go wrong
And stuff I do
And stuff I say
Always seem to get in the way
You rocked the boat
And I fell over
And the waves claimed me
It was a chance
It was a dive
And I never thought
Dying
Could make me feel
So alive
But my vision is clouded
My judgement is poor
And all I hear
Is a knock at the door
You call me out
On everything that I am
And I cannot find the strength to stand
You were my crutch
Lifting me enough
But on my own
I am not nearly enough
I am wet and tired
Cold and afraid
And I am alone
In the darkest glade
I think in the dark
That I am an elf
But I took those feelings
And put them on a shelf
They do not belong
Inside of me
I do not need them
Oh let me be!
Alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Singular
And monotone
It is enough
To breathe in air
Even if
You never care
Emotions I hide
In visions so red
And keep them there
Inside of my head
They are strung up
Like Christmas lights
And they give me comfort
In the night
These green walls
They bleed so fast
And all to quickly
Then they pass
I lay here
Upon the floor
The carpet smells of vanilla
I sit here
In this room
My mind all a mess
And I dance in my head
And cry in my heart
And wonder where
It all went wrong
I cannot go back
Afraid to look ahead
And so I lay here
With my hand on my head
And I whisper promises
I cannot hold
But still I cling to them
As if they were gold
I will walk
The streets at night
And look to the moon
For a source of light
And as I raise
My tears to the expanse
I wonder if
This is my chance
I could soar
On wings of skin
And never feel
To fat or to thin
I could feel the wind
As it kissed my face
I would know
This was my place
But no,
It is not to be
I sit here
And start to bleed
As long as this marker
Stains me red
I will return
To your bed
I will crawl
Into your arms
Though you don't love
The girl who self harms
There are a few
Who have seen
The soul that was forged
But many yet
Who walk on by
And they will never learn
What it is
To see ice and fire
As they steam
Higher and higher
To fill the sky
With her love
So it reaches
Much further above
This world could not contain
All her love and all her pain
She never slept inside her mind
It was just a mask
That she hid behind
She says 'Goodnight'
And she whispers 'Goodbye'
And it is sad
That she might die
But still she clings to slivers
Of stabbing hope
A chance for a 'better'
A chance to cope
On a wire I stand
I might yet fall
In the noise I listen
And I hear you call
My name.
And the way you say it
Like a prayer
When my skin is asleep
And my heart is awake
And I wonder
How much more can I take?
So I crawl
Into my cage
To hide myself
From mine own rage
And I kiss my hands
And all their scars
I wonder a little
If I took it to far
So I breathe in
And let you out
Of my heart
It was not your place
Nor was it mine
It was not
The right time
I place my hand
Upon your cheek
And ask you
If in your memory
I could sleep?

everything is temporary

Such as the sun
Clings to the sky
At the end of the day
So am I
Trying to hold to you
You are my light
Like no other
I am not afraid
Of the darkness
Nor any that she holds
It is the time I fear
I am so impatient
To see you again

Far out at sea
With waves
Wet
Wild
The ocean is free
The waves there own master
The foamy horses race towards shore
Seeking to win to break the ties
Drawing back to the water
The daughter of the rocky depths
Wreathed in seaweed
Bleeding water

Nevertheless she persisted.

I cling to you
As though you were
The edge of a cliff
And all below me
Such a great distance
If I were to fall

I wish to let go
Of this ledge
At the same time
I grasp at it
For all that I am

These thoughts run
Through my head
Like sirens in the night
But never reaching me in time

I have no sure footing
Not a single leg
That I can stand upon
Oh how weak I am
In spirit and in stamina

What is this life
That I hold on
Why even try to stay
In such a ethereal existence
I am but a fool

My mind is filled
With everything that I loath
These memories that trace
Their stupid scars across my mind
Over and over
Like a beaten path

Only thorns.
You cannot claim roses
In this garden of rocks
In this garden of thoughts.
And oh the weeds
That you would pull them up
By their stubborn roots

Such a tangle is this
My life
My head
My heart
Like a sweater cast off the needles
I unravel
I am undone
All my efforts in vain
Again I say
I am but a fool
But a wise one at that

If I could make stars
I would not put them
In the northern sky
I would hold them in my hands,
For you to see such thing
Because if I cannot give it to you
I do not want such a thing

If you are not part of it
I want no part

Still as a small child
Oh though,
she had the biggest of hearts
To match her wide eyes
And to her
All the earth was wondrous
Yet appearances have great deception

Now she cannot,
Even see the same light
Her heart was touched
By cold, dark hands
Her body broken
By those sworn to protect it

And lies
So many lies
She them keeps woven in her hair
And under her fingernails

She sleeps with both eyes open
Or not at all

She walks with both feet
Upon the ground
But never with her head
In the clouds

And a knife strapped to her fear
To stab at her thoughts
As they try to run away

But into the night
She whispers,
"Do you know what it is like?
To watch yourself die?
To have little pieces of yourself  broken off and throw away?
And still make everyone believe that you are, okay.

I'm fine.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was sitting upon your shoulders? Because those who are meant to carry the weight, pushed it off, onto the frail shoulders of a child.

Have you seen it?

Have you felt it?
The hollowness inside, when everything that brought you fires of joy ... dims like a candle to long in it's burning."

Because I have.
I know many secrets.
I have traced them into my skin
Which is why,
Now.
I cannot forget them.

They are a part of me
This is why
I cry every night to sleep
Such a salty sentiment

But there is no rest for the weary

you laid me to rest forever
under the light of the moon
you put me in my own box
and buried me under the willows

and you and the trees wept alike

I truly was a lover of life
Until my heart was broken
And my soul was weary and spent