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Lexie Jan 2019
"You're not beautiful unless you are skinny"
"You're not beautiful unless you want to be skinny"
"You don't want to die looking like that"

Funny thing is, I don't want to die at all, you just want to ****** my waistline.
Lexie Nov 2020
Bury me shallow
Longing resurrect me
Bent on tasting you again
Soft lightyear kisses
Craving your indulgence
Warmth of forbidden eternity
In an eon of moments
I was careless with you yesterday
You will not fear that again
Forget doubt and pain
You are above them
Stratosphere of peace
Between you and I
Hold space for us
Before we too are dust
Lexie May 2020
I hate anger
It was once so familiar to me
A crackling flame under my skin
Close to the surface
Now I am soft
Against harsh hardened hearts
Vain hopes
And the pitiful work of my hands
I pray for gentle souls
To work their light across acres
Where only concrete highways
Have paved their way
Built on a foundation of self preservation
I will not live forever
Maybe not even many years
You knew me
Came closer
Than I ever let anyone get
That’s the scary part
Pieces of myself I showed you
The aching hurting rejected pieces
Parts I put in the rooms of my mind
And shut the door on
Even to let myself in
Every time my thoughts
Try to wander in there
I remind them
That isn’t allowed
Those aren’t safe places
We aren’t ready
To face those demons again
Who knows if we ever will be
I hate these parts of myself
The red tape thoughts
I would burn them if I could
If they would light
But I can’t put my own body in flames
Whisper soft prayers
Against smoke meandering towards heaven
These thoughts will not remember me
I never knew them
Yet here I am match in hand
You my tinder
If only my mind would bend itself
Against the plight of the wind
She more sturdy than I
Maybe her voice a bit louder
A bit faster to the retort
I mumble over my words
The thickness of my tongue
Inconsistent in my mouth
I am no liar
But these words are white
I turn them over charcoal
Spit them out red
They mean nothing either way
Why waste my time
On the taste of passing sins
Will I look myself in the mirror in the morning
The eloquence of a bottle of wine
Passing from my speech
Sober eyes stare back at me
I have nothing to do with them
They are my own
I am my own fool
Screaming of my qualms
In the cobblestone square
And no one will understand me
I do not even listen to myself
I need help
But have no humility to ask
You would be to close to me
If you knew me
To far from sanity
Soft to you
Hard and harsh against myself
I can forgive the world of her wrongs
Hold myself accountable
As a martyr on the hill
For even one solitary sin of my head
My hands have not yet been burdened of
I ache for loneliness
If you can’t hear me
You can’t hurt me
I won’t let myself see you again
Because the hardness of my solitude
Is a feather in the grass
Against the stone fortress of your face
I am a fool among my own wisdom
A clown painting myself
With the oils of your hands
Nothing was real
Only the hairs on your head
Collecting in my shower drain
Soft skin in my sheets
Your lies weaving themselves
Through the splitting skin of my hands
I ache
You know nothing of guilt
All to much of me
I can’t believe I let you touch me
The soft parts I don’t like
Let you see the dark clouds
Behind the blue sky of my eyes
Nothing is real anymore
Except this small ache
In the left atrium of my heart
The ventricles talk back
Promising everything will be okay
There’s no way we could have know
I can’t sleep
I am tired
My eyes almost as heavy as my heart
Let me go
No, it’s the other way around
I’m letting you go
The bird in a cage
Migrating south
On the direction of it’s hollow bones
Should I start building my walls again
They served me well before
But then the light doesn’t get in
And I am afraid of the dark
Terrified you may fill it again
I already let you occupy enough of my head
If you could drown in your thoughts
I would be out in deeper waters
Than I know how to swim in
My shores are sunk
And my white flag
I may raise it
I may burn it
I may pray
If God remembers my voice
Ask him to come down
Take me home
Water washes away nothing
I am empty again
A small droplet of hope
That I will begin to fill
Tell me why
I am not yet broken
Against all the storms I weather
There is more to come
You are no good for me
No good
I knew this would come
I didn’t expect it to be so hard
I have been wrong before
Never so blind
My eyes will open again
May the sun on the horizon
Guide me to greener pastures
Where the dust of the stars
Falls untainted
On the ground
Of the Garden of Eden
Lexie Aug 2022
We talked about being buried one day
Letting weeping willows grow
From our carcass and ashes
We were summer once
Under the stars
Two bodies terrified of being cold
Pressing themselves into the earth
They will not bury us yet
Though we whisper of our own attempts
We opened our minds under the stars
Our hands intertwined
Constellation thoughts
Milky way minds
I saw you
Though perhaps not as you always appear
The self is a shadow
And you passed across my moon
Lexie Sep 2015
I need these stars
Lexie May 2014
The stars are farther away tonight
Lexie Sep 2023
The stars are singing
Their first song tonight
Again, the hum of the universe
Rings out into space

Celestial bodies
Stars like bells
Heavens choir
Beyond where light can touch

Will you listen
Turn your head to me
Let me sing you
Our song of creation

Up, from the back of my throat
Comes our genesis
Lean in to her
Let her
It will not be 7 days
Or 40 years
It is milk and honey
It is music
Lexie Mar 2016
I am the farthest thing from okay
A person could ever be
But I think for a little while I will make it
As long as you promise to stay with me
Lexie Feb 2014
My lungs hold my breath
And my head hold my brain
My feet bear my body
And my hands hold the chain

My chest holds my heart
And is to heavy
Will you hold it for me
Hold it, hold me, stead
Lexie Jan 2021
When you ask me
How I like it better
How can I tell you
You'll never be perfect
I'll love you
Through your changing of seasons
This is real love, if you're honest
Lexie Nov 2020
We are
The architects of our own prison
The devil in the details
How intricate we are
In the wrought iron
Workings of our minds
Lexie May 2014
Stick to poems they never bite you in the back
Stick to the light and never look back
Lexie Mar 2020
I deny any touch
Ice cold metal
A stiff collar
Around my throat
Here I choke
On my lies
I pity the fool
That ever believed me
Snot in my nose
Runs into my mouth
Pain is not penance enough
But I am not god
Or even wise
Only humbled
Against restraints
That allow me
No more than
A fingers breath of air
The night will take me
As her own
Before morning
Can even set a wage
What is the market for souls
When I am only a host
For such gentle chaos
Rage within me
All the deplorable things
I will not last
But how beautifully
I will burn
Making way
Before the coming of the sun
Lexie Aug 2018
Whisper me as a breath
To an unborn world
Kiss me to the stratosphere
Then lay me in the river,
winding through the mountains
Still, as the dawn in its rising
Still, I find my way
Back to you
Lexie Oct 2020
Now living by the virtues I so steadfastly preach
Crying alone in my room
'I'm an adult now, I'm responsible for healing from everything that hurt me'
We're not children anymore I'm accountable for what I do

Well it still ******* hurts, it still ******* hurts, it still ******* hurts

No one ******* taught me any different
And I'm sorry I just dont know

It
Still
*******
Hurts
Lexie Jan 2014
I thought I stole your heart
But you just tore me apart

I was left with bruises
But you just used your brain

I thought I leave a mark forever
But now I'm called insane

You only kissed me once
But I'm still a child

I cry tears in the dark
But they are all in vain

I thought I'd be happy
Not trapped in troubled pain

I spoke from my heart
But you didn't listen

I told you the truth
But you didn't hear

I thought I would hold you
But you were never there

I am still a child
But innocent no more

I am left standing behind
A heavily shut door

I need a reason to go on
Not a past to cry about

I am just a child
Hiding in the dark
Lexie Jan 2018
I cannot show you the palms of my hands
*For I keep my heart not in my chest
But clasped between my fists
Each holding a half
Of a heart
Lexie Dec 2020
Sadness, like hunger
Always returns

The wolf of yesterday
Coming to feast
On today's warm carcass
Lexie Jan 2014
Stop the train
Cut the engine
Let the coal fall from the shovel
I need to go back
In order to fix my future
I need to turn around

I'll tell you how I feel
I don't care if I never heal
I'll stop every arrow
I'll block every blow
I just need to tell you
So that you can know

I loved you. I love you. And I always will.
Lexie Nov 2017
I am a nor'easter

Can you weather the storm?
Lexie Dec 2018
Our hands clasped together
As if they were storm clouds deciding
Now was a good time to begin the rain
Fear pushed us together
It is only fitting that she should pull us apart
The storm came down
We had been warned
When you know a broken heart is coming
Doesn't make the breaking any easier

The lighting struck
I began my undoing
My thread count dwindling
Down to four or five strands that you could loop between your teeth
As you pulled the words off your tongue
Sewing them into my hands with a needle like point

This is leaving
No.
This is being left
I was a swinging door to you
All that mattered was that my hinges were oiled
It never mattered if the locks were working
Because you broke locks even when I gave you the key
When you couldn't break the lock you broke the door
So I let you kick it in
Because the trembling of my hands was for the thought;
That if you didn't break the door
Then you would of broke me

The storm reigns on
It's always raining in my head
When you tell me it's just a little water
It's not that I'm afraid of getting wet
I just can't fathom drowning in someone else's depths
That their salty tears would run down my face as if I were a windowpane
I cannot feel for you
What you will not even watch me go through

The storm rages on
My feet are wet
I stand barefoot in puddles
I would knock on your door
You would answer
To have the pleasure of slamming the door in my face
It would be the same as if you had slapped me  
I turn the other cheek
Until I have the courage to turn away
Because walking in the rain
At least it washes everything away
Lexie Dec 2017
There is a reason that the storms that destroy everything

Are named after people
Lexie Mar 2016
look at this heart
and feel it beating
see the time
and how it is fleeting

we have made
the sweetest of worlds
so many we forge
beautifully swirled

what did you think
would happen this time
it was better than before
but still so far to go

your words gurgle out
like a brook in the spring
and they spill over
into my thoughts

when I was like that
what did you think
was going to happen,
what did you expect?

I thought I should tell you
even though its been days
it not a cry for help
just a bandaid over wounds

wounds that are better left still
still and unremembered
for they are like dust
let it settle in layers

because once disturbed
your lungs would choke
and the balance would be broken
and I would be uneven

so gently tilt me
to the right angle
so I stand a little straighter
when you ignore me
Lexie Sep 2020
We were set apart
From the rest of the world
Now we are set
In our ways
Apart from each other
Lexie Sep 2018
Strange to me
How I can lay here in this bed
Motionless
Yet my thoughts
Are like scrambled eggs
Lexie Jun 2024
In four days
I go back to the place I was born
I have not been there lately
There are pieces of me
That can never leave there
I was the only one who tried
I do not know if these pieces lived
Lived, died or dissipated
I am not there to observe
I am somewhere beyond
Will this place welcome me
When I return
A familiar road
A friendly face
A sweet summer smell
A sour taste
Perhaps it will not know me at all
This I understand
I know much of holding bitterness
In vacant space
Much of forgetfulness
I do not know much at all
Only that home and I are stubborn strangers
Lexie Aug 2020
Seven days I watched the sun
Time holds no meaning here
Righteous as the dawn of time
Anxious for the new world
Tempting the bounds of fate
Unleash the titans again
Stratospheric in rebirth
For Roro
Lexie Sep 2014
body
and soul
part part
and part whole

oars
and sail
wet waves
and wet shoals

sand
and surf
tide's end
and tides evening kisses

wash
and away
gone and then
and gone again

scent of strawberry
and reaching fields
gentle holds
gentle feels
Lexie Aug 2018
As I lay in the streams of life
I cannot help but think
In these fluid thoughts I listen
And the water, she tells me such

Patience is a rock
Carried in your hand
You chose for it to be with you
Those who cast the first stone, are fools

Feae she is a breeze
Though she raise the hairs
On the back of your neck
She changes naught in life

Solidarity is such
Whom are you now
And who is with you
Let the stream take me
To fields of fading flowers
Lexie Oct 2018
These tears have built more towers
Than your hands ever could
Lexie Dec 2015
I was meant to reach the distant shore
but the water drags me down, unbidden
Lexie Aug 2017
There is a tiring aspect
To these thoughts
Running marathons in my head
Out my ear they sprint
To find another host

Masterpiece you screamed.
That was what you saw.
Child, I whispered.
That was what I was.

Stronger you encouraged,
But never more than you
Willfulness.
My heart was full of that.

Beat me down I dare you
Try and start I fight
I'm used to losing myself
My temper and my hands

I know what I know
And I change what I can
If you only fall
I'll help you to understand
Lexie Dec 2018
We walk through the shadows
You will not hold my hand
Stubbornness is a thorn in your side
And a whip on my face
It smarts, as only words can
I think that I know better in my finite wisdom
You will not even look beyond the fogged glass before your eyes
I am no better
I cannot cleanse myself of my sins
They bite at my ankles and nip at my heels
When I look for rest they find me where none should go
It is in the foolishness of my own steps that they have followed
I have made the way
The blame is upon me
For my shoulders bear my own coat and not that of another
I am humble in my namelessness that you would call upon me
What is this to be known
And more so to answer with a voice that is so young in its speaking that her tongue crawls between the ivory of her teeth
This resent has made a home in me
I let the door open for light to come in
This has not come to pass
Now I act, on a halfhearted hinge
That I could usher in a hope
That will light itself within
Stubborn as I am in my plight
If only I was so strongly pressed in my foolish wanderings
Lexie Dec 2018
It does nothing for me to cry
Still, I do it anyway
I'm stubborn like that
Lexie Jan 2018
it makes it's home with depth
nestled in the layers of my skin
there is no warmth or comfort
to be found in such a barren place
people take and people touch
and to you what is consent

you know and learn and teach alike
I see and watch and burn in light
I try not to lose myself
in all that you are and become
and that which I wish to be
you waste nothing
not time or emotion
while I scavenge for scraps of love
among the nothing that I am


it weaves it's secrets into my hair
just as it traces sweetened memories
into the swirls of my fingers and toes
so that it shall remain a part of me
even after long in it's leaving
though I pray it never leaves me
Lexie Jul 2019
I die
Every day
To live
With you
Again
Lexie Dec 2019
I empath off of you
Hands plunged into freezing water
Running over the banks
Flood my valley
Drown me out
Lexie Sep 2020
Why
In the absence of patience
Do you create anger
Lexie Sep 2020
Even if I never write
Anything great at all
Know that I have
Given my best
Know that I have
Said my all
Lexie Oct 2018
It feels like I'm choking
And there is nothing in my throat
But I can taste the regret in my mouth
I can't breath
Can't cope
Living is hell
But dying?
She is a slippery *****
Lexie Mar 2016
On a scale of 1 to 10
Its a 9.7
On a scale of now to later
Its an almost in heaven
Lexie Oct 2015
like a goodmorning kiss
you embrace the horizon
your golden fingers reach out
ready to dive-in

you wash the fields
in your golden essence
and all who awaken
embrace your presence

slowly you rise up
to fill these empty skies
and I lift my slumberer's head
to look you in the eyes

so many times before
have we begun this dance
each time, again I stay
so not to miss a chance

the melody of your rays
slowly claim their place
you are much to bright
for me to see your face

a bright and blinding beauty
I could never  dare to atain
it is enough to sense your presence
I beg that you remain

bound to the sky
by an immortal chain
my Light, I know your dance
will never be in vain

I could never wish to tame
the passion beneath your skin
for I would only be burned
if you ever let me in

to touch, would mean an end
so I would never dare
I resign to my humble hope
that you could even care

you leave me alone
with the promise of a dream
but I have been told
things are not as they seem

until the next moring
my soul and heart shall yearn
only one deity can rule the sky
each must take their turn

I shall retain my nights
for my nights are mine alone
yet as a gift, I give you my days
for my days are yours to own

if I asked you sweetly
would you dare to let me run
the skies you've always owned
the skies of the morning sun

I stand so breathlessly
at the sight of you
veiled in this moring
and shrouded in the dew

I want to walk beside you
tracing every single step
following each and everyone
until none of them are left

none could compare
to your sweet light
but still you hide it
in the coolness of the night

you blush bright at dawn
like a gentle  maiden's cheek
my friend, on your endless journey
I hope you find what you seek

you never look back
to the places you have been
you will always dance
to the heavens - and back again
Lexie Sep 2022
Has the sun set yet
We have so little time
To make peace with the day
After your soft touch
I will never feel whole
I am bleeding out
Where your fingers reached
Inside my soul
Where does the time go
When I am dreaming next to you
Lexie Oct 2021
Do you change shape to
Slipping through these days
Liquid dreamer
Faulty against lines in the sand
You have eight faces on a round head
Only irony would permit
Octagon facets of your expression
To reflect one another
If the earth could talk
Oh the stories she would spew
Perhaps she is the only true triumphant
Yet we press against her
Resisting the way she would show us
All the love she has given
Yet, race to the moon
Love to the blue stars in the black skies
Will we tarnish them too
When we reach where their light touches
Paying no respects, giving no courtesy
To light beyond our own
We are never satisfied, never happy
With where we are
We hate the journey, fear the end
Desire to burn so bright
Pushing the super in supernova past our thermosphere
When no one in this solar system cares
And as if any creature, animal, or vegetable
In the next solar system can see your flares
When nothing matters
What do you do
How will you burn
When the exosphere will one day pull to earth
Every atom we are composed of splits
Phosphate and nitrogen sin against each other
As if it was their first day in the garden
Knowing, time is our only true forbidden fruit
Lexie Oct 2015
the sunlight races to the ground
trying to kiss the earth

first come first serve
every kiss you deserve*

**<3
Lexie Aug 2018
I want quicksand love
That you sink into
A grave for my past
It is dug
Now bury all things
How else will I find a place
To plant flowers
To grow
I am coming up from the earth
Relinquish the wind unto my soul
Let her breath into me
Every memory she has carried in her wings
I want this
And it is nothing to the world but grains of sand
Still in its little
It is everything to me
Light me now
Like the edge of the horizon
As the sun falls into a lake of fire
To pass into tomorrow
A birth shadowed only by all I see in you
Lexie May 2014
I will see the sun
Before it rains
Or the clouds die
Lexie Sep 2018
The little girl in the white dress that I used to see in the mirror visited me in my dreams, and the words she spoke to me crawled off of her tongue like a spider on the walls, she whispered, "you think you are the reason that the sun dies at the end of every day, fool, you are the reason she rises every morning."
Lexie Nov 2014
just a drop of your golden sunrise
will brighten my darkened day
Lexie Sep 2023
After the sun went down
I thought about your face
And who you are
I remembered when
We were first in the dessert
Then the mountains
You were the same
We are home now
I am home
Because I am with you
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