Tremble against the strings
Row against the rage
Sleep against the grain
Know when time ends
We are not even stars
Not even sand
Only human, only sin
Bear me not your faults
As I am relinquished
Of soul and stamina

Looking to the crackling fire and say; "you have met your match."

Seven days I watched the sun
Time holds no meaning here
Righteous as the dawn of time
Anxious for the new world
Tempting the bounds of fate
Unleash the titans again
Stratospheric in rebirth

I deny any touch
Ice cold metal
A stiff collar
Around my throat
Here I choke
On my lies
I pity the fool
That ever believed me
Snot in my nose
Runs into my mouth
Pain is not penance enough
But I am not god
Or even wise
Only humbled
Against restraints
That allow me
No more than
A fingers breath of air
The night will take me
As her own
Before morning
Can even set a wage
What is the market for souls
When I am only a host
For such gentle chaos
Rage within me
All the deplorable things
I will not last
But how beautifully
I will burn
Making way
Before the coming of the sun

I suppose this letter
While not the greatest
Is one of the most important
Things I've ever written
.
It is too much
And somehow
I do not think
It will ever be enough
.
I don't know
What to say
I don't know
What not so say
So I will tell it all
And I hope you will
Bear my grief
As a labor of love
As I have borne
Our time apart

Is anger ever satiated
Slow burn, smoking up clear skies
In the back of my mind
The ancient dance
Barefoot with the blessed beings
The magick in the trees
Is stirring
Who would stand
Between the ache of an awakening
Some thousands of years
Even angels know
The gods will return
It is only a matter of time
To the shorter wicks of life
And yet we pray
For foolish things like patience
When we are ants
To the eyes of ancients
The dust on your shoes nearly settled
Blush of the land
Do not disgrace the motherland
Will you waste your days
Painting trigger fingers on the living
Pain knows no age
Joy no companion
Your wishes to the heavens
While unanswered
Are not unheard

Maybe the silence does not deserve to be broken
But it begs to sit idly by
As we break

Winter has come to me
I pray spring for you
Pastel cherry blossoms

For more than half my life I knew you
But, I always love you
This time, from a distance
It seems I never was able
To give you the love you deserved
And I'm so ******* ******* sorry

It seems
I grieve each part of my life
As soon as it is lived

To romanticize it
I was your poison, kryptonite

I think
I could start to convince myself
I don't deserve good friends

If I could only feel safe one place I would ask for it to be my mind.

September 22, 2020

I watched
The third sun from the right
Burn up today
On my way to the lesser stars
I hold no grievances against them
Because we all
Carry our own
Abundance of light

I didn't deserve to name you
I name myself now
Calling her liar, fool, wrong
There is no going back
I fear
I have waited to long
My muse is dry
So now are my words
Try as I might
I find myself
Unable to give up
Your memory to the void
You are my shadow ghost now
Soft scent
In the cherry blossom trees
Of spring
I know you hated the beach
But I hear your voice
In the undeniable roar of the waves
Soft echoes in the dunes
When autumn comes
The trees dry up from the inside out
I think of the sweaters we used to have
Pink hugs, and I hate myself
You will be in the first snow this winter
A cold, steady, ache
You will be in my thoughts as always
Hardened earth hands will not release me
Of your presence in my mind
I am undone
Still burdened
Still human
Still wrong
You owe me nothing, and yet I hope
Fumbling over prayers
I did not ever wish to muster from my lips
I was wrong
I am bitter, but not against you
It seems the silence in my head
Has directed me down a winding road
Here, in the spiral at the bottom
I am left looking upwards
At what one could call choices
I name them regrets
Burdens, broken promises I never thought I would be unable to keep
I do not deserve angels
And this is why I am sinking slowly in flames
That I dare not compare
To your hell