I wanted to give you words that you could bite into
Feel the sweetness on your tongue and maybe a little saltiness in your eyes
I wanted to tell you that you are a good friend
And somehow find the right words to match the logs you place in my stomach and light on fire
Just so I can feel the warmth in my heart

The world did not give you to me
But I hope you know that you do belong
We held hands together in the dark
We saw ghosts by the light of the lighthouse
But none as scary as the ones we both carry
In the back of our skulls
We are more than coffee *** friends
But we do not cry whisky tears
And old souls have a habit of finding each other
Even as they wait, laying on the floor, almost patiently, for the sun to rise

I want to throw unripened avacados at the patriarchy, screaming
Stop making my sisters cry

Where do the gentle go
When they are weary
I have been here far too long

lean in to me
seal my mouth
with your wax kiss
I will not part
promising nothing
to these days
though they expect much
of my unrefined soul

The music was right
Time is a dark

the rules
the boundaries
they all seek to constrain

the words
the hate
they all drive me insane

I am overflowing!
In but an instant, I am empty
Drained
And the water pours out my eyes
Like a river in spring
I watch them go
No part of me tries to pull them back
I sit on the ground
For my legs will not hold me
Their strength has left with my tears

If only I could lay in the earth
Let her swallow me up!
I am not bitter
This is not sweet
I do not even bite the inside of my cheek, or the back of my hand
Just letting that thing in my chest
That has been quiet all my life, ache
There is hope
But it is not in me
I will mourn, with all my heart
So this is loss?

It goes so much deeper than I thought it could.

I will memorize my memories of you
Like a scholar of scriptures
Say your name like an amen
My dreams of you are like prayers
That I beg god to make reality
Let me place my kisses
On your forehead
Like a wax seal
That I may seep
Into your thoughts

This is my love
My love

Well ****.
I'll just hold back the tears
The truth will find it's own way it

And in all honesty
I never thought it would come to this

I asked you
To trust me
Not knowing
You would be
The one
To teach me
What trust was
Neutral tyrants
Drink themselves
To the bottom
Of the glass
I pray only
That the well
Will not run
Dry

I wish my words could sing to your soul
And these lines to pierce your heart
Of atleast they would hold your attention
And love your memory
Because from one heart to another
A kiss upon the cheek
I don't know what to write
That's why I cry at your feet

After the sun went down
I thought about your face
And who you are
I remembered when
We were first in the dessert
Then the mountains
You were the same
We are home now
I am home
Because I am with you

I still can't say it

Patient
are the feet
of the already fallen leaves

I fear I am already lost to the void
Space expands
At the rate my consciousness collapses
This God in heaven
Knows the terrors in my mind
This God in heaven
Kmows we are only bound
By the mortal coils we tether ourselves to
We pass through existence
Ghosts of a former life
Is this why it feels so familiar
I was asleep before
But am I dreaming now
Time is picking up speed
So is panic
This is not suffering
Only the depths of confusion
Existential dread spreading its wings
Across the sun
We know the dark will come
But not one ******* inkling
Of what it will hold
Does this make everything useless
Does it give everything purpose
I have passed this way before
How long ago was that journey
How sweet the reminiscent death of bliss
I should of begged for ignorance when I could
It is too late now
That serves no purpose
No higher purpose
We know everything is made of atoms
Atoms are made of energy
Energy cannot be created or destroyed
I fear nothing more than death
I crave nothing more than death
Both sides of a coin
Endlessly spinning through space

To sing my lies into your  soul

So that my truth will make you whole

I love to hear stories
About girls who love their mom's
I live vicariously through them
As I have died so tragically
Through my own

Heaven will break today
Who can fault it
Cornerstones have crumbled
Are we passengers
Or participants of our own lives
I am painfully sober
When I think of you
The veil is torn
Shroud me with it
In the twelfth hour
Will you bury my body
While it's still warm
I will long for you
As a flower does the sun
When I too am deep in soil
Pray over me like I am living
Do you believe it
Are you loving
Does God know of your humility
As intricately as your sins
Shall I tell him for you
When I am before him
I have no stamina for grudges
What would I hold against you
That I have not unburned myself of

There are children inside of me
I must set them free
I feel disconnected from this body
From my body
Who is living here

The lines on your face
Are a puzzlement
Who put them there
Or is it just sentiment

The gray in your hair
Wasn't always there
Who painted them
Are they from a friend

The limp in your step
Is not a threat
Its a gentle age
Like a mark on a page

You taste like forgiveness
If you know my name
Then you know my fears
We need not speak of such things

Do you remember when we were in the desert
Sand absorbing all the heat of the sun
Pressing it into our bodies
As though we need to be forged anew
You and I are no strangers to burning
Not above being molded to another will
Hammered over and over, iron against iron
We were sharp in the beginning
We have grown dull in the last days
Humility did not follow
We hold the pride of our youth
As a double hilted sword
Warring against what time would make of us
Soft and ancient
I did not know we would always be changing
We are young, then less so, then we sleep
As we have been tired this whole life
Not tired, just dreaming, and aching, and human

I want to drink you up like the sun fades into the sunset
Swallow every morsel of your bittersweet taste like; the waves touching the shore... over and over again savoring the flavor

the cold never felt so warm

can you burn yourself from a frozen heart?

already immobilized by the pain

When I come home
I will scatter my prayers, like petals
On the stone under which you lay
I promise for the dead
The living could not keep
Words in my head
Though it is my heart that does weep
Oh friend, at a fingertips length
My apology to the sky will you take
A home for you, not found on earth
My promises are of little worth

If you would of know how to love me right in the beginning everything would of been different now
If you had been all person instead of part monster
If you even knew how to care about anyone but yourself
If you breathed air instead of smoke and lies

And it's left me all kinds of ****** up
And now I am left to figure out how to heal and cope and breathe all by myself

If only you loved me the way I loved you

If only

The stars are singing
Their first song tonight
Again, the hum of the universe
Rings out into space

Celestial bodies
Stars like bells
Heavens choir
Beyond where light can touch

Will you listen
Turn your head to me
Let me sing you
Our song of creation

Up, from the back of my throat
Comes our genesis
Lean in to her
Let her
It will not be 7 days
Or 40 years
It is milk and honey
It is music

I was just your halfway house
When all I wanted to be was your home

Could you lie in the dark?
Would you make it a habit?
Would you remember my skin?
Could you see within?

Would you know my dreams?
Could you walk those halls?
Could you pinch me awake?
Would my essence you take?

From beginning to end
Would you let me love?
From start to finish
Could you give me a drug?

Could you get me high on emotion?
Would you bring me low?
Would you let me ride?
Could you see me be part of the tide?

Would you know my desire?
Could you fulfill its thirst?
Could you reach my height?
Would you see without light?

Question in contrasts unquestionable
Give me a reason and a will

You saw the darkness coming
Though it had never found a home in you
The sweetness of his words
Did nothing to mask the bitternes of his heart
And a touch that was as unexpected as it was unwelcome

A little part of my heart is broken for you
Things things I have heard
Things I have seen
And those I have felt, for myself and for those I hold dear
Told with a courage that should not of had to be mustered
You are so brave
And my spirit goes out to you
That you would find comfort
Even as your will, that has  been acted upon by another
That has no right
No say
In the beauty of your spirit
Or the making of your mind

Time is peeling back our layers
Age will yield softer versions of ourselves
Dive deep into the self
There is nothing there

Beg the wanderers for freedom
As if we could not hold our own
Bare your teeth to the silver dollar moon
No one is coming now

Not the wolves I see in my dreams
Not the shadow man clothed in leather
Not the rally I prayed
Not the soldiers I spilt blood for

Age will yield a softer version
Of my own person
Fight, tooth and nail for a bitter end
These are still waters

Dive deep into the self
There is nothing there
No God, no colors, no sound
It is the cold flame of humanity
Only consciousness persists

perfection
           is nothing
                  when I could have
                                                 you

You did so well
With the lot you were given
Quenched your thirst
On a hundred short straws

She took it
A minute at a time
So that now
I can enjoy hours, days, moments

I wouldn't say I suffer from false sanity
Rather, glass sanity
Where in an emergency it is broken

Time has touched you
I have not been so lucky

I am the fool
Who bites
Into the same poisoned apple

I am lost
I am whole
You take you place inside my soul

I lift my head
You part you lips
From the same cup we both take sips

Just one love
Just one kiss
I never thought it would be like this

A candle a flame that wont go out
You are my wish
Someone I could never extinguish

I want to know you
I learned your middle name yesterday
I want to hear about your day but get distracted because I am lost in the sound of your voice
I want to see myself through your eyes because they are kinder, gentler, more patient
I want to feel my skin under your hands because it is softer, smoother, more tangible
I cannot bear to show you my tears because God forbid you would look on me with kindness and I would know it for the first time
I am afraid as you listen when I talk you will only hear my words and not the heart I hold for you beneath
I want to press my body into yours until the tiny pores of your skin open up and let me in
I want to trace my nails along the contours of your spine and feel your long breath go out with the stress of the day
You have a scar above your eyebrow, I know how it got there
I want to watch the lines on your face as you ripen into old age
I want to know what quickens your heart
What slows your breath
What fills your thoughts
What empties your eyes of their joy
My ears hear no other voice as gently as they do yours
So whisper to me in the dark
That I can stay with you
Until the light returns

Do you ever
Do what you think is right at the time
And by the time you figure out it wasn't
It's to late to fix it

I always wondered why you slept so much
I thought there was no rest for the wicked