lean in to me
seal my mouth
with your wax kiss
I will not part
promising nothing
to these days
though they expect much
of my unrefined soul

Do you ever
Do what you think is right at the time
And by the time you figure out it wasn't
It's to late to fix it

What good
Does the heart of a lion do me
When I have no claws
To love so large
With such small hands

I wish my words could sing to your soul
And these lines to pierce your heart
Of atleast they would hold your attention
And love your memory
Because from one heart to another
A kiss upon the cheek
I don't know what to write
That's why I cry at your feet

This is not that time
I feel no different
I didn't make myself like this
I have not made much of myself at all

Do you mistake me for your mother
A body
A house you can crawl back into
Begging on all fours

I am raw
Heart in hand
Planting my seeds in rocky soil
Barren of love

I'm begging you
Wait as long as you can
To fall in love with me
Tread slowly

I am not a drop
I am deep water
Gentle depths
Pouring into you

As the wings of the birds so cut the sky

So must our hands did the graves that die

The last words to say

The best ones to keep

The brightest in the sky

The deepest of the purples

Are *I love you

On a scale of 1 to 10
Its a 9.7
On a scale of now to later
Its an almost in heaven

I know you are not doing well.

I can feel it.

My heart swelling even over this distance.

Even after all this time.

I am not in a position for asking.

But, please, tell of the spring when it comes like you promised.

You need not remember me, if it brings you pain please scour it from your thoughts.

Allow me to keep you, as you were, the words of a bubbling brook and the eyes of a summer sky.

Your name has changed and mine has too.

Is the world kinder to you yet?

Beyond the capacity I held for it.

I remember before we were strangers but never before we were friends.

I have not lost love for you.

Though I am much further now.

God be with you, bless you, keep you, in the ways I could not.

This rubber band around my wrist
Tightens like an emotional noose around my neck
It stings of memories against my wrist
And marks like a thousand thoughts, though much more shallow in its rendering
These were bold wishes and they did not belong
Only a means to survive in a world that did not want me as I was
Still I am to stubborn to change
I could pay in soul and stamina
When all you wanted was money and memoirs
I have been folded, like steel and copper into the darkness of the night
Over and over again like a blacksmith trying to beat my temperment into place
Would that I could bury myself in the earth
That she would open her mountainous  arms and swallow me whole
She would not relinquish the taste of salty tears
Oh that the sky would take me, the stars pluck out my eyes to shine among them
Then I would serve such a purpose
All these wishes are futile
And I am feeble
Resolve has abandoend me to a hollow shell as this
Lay me in the river
She takes all in time and with a grain of salt
She will move me on unto the next
World or wonder whatever it may be

I fear I am already lost to the void
Space expands
At the rate my consciousness collapses
This God in heaven
Knows the terrors in my mind
This God in heaven
Kmows we are only bound
By the mortal coils we tether ourselves to
We pass through existence
Ghosts of a former life
Is this why it feels so familiar
I was asleep before
But am I dreaming now
Time is picking up speed
So is panic
This is not suffering
Only the depths of confusion
Existential dread spreading its wings
Across the sun
We know the dark will come
But not one ******* inkling
Of what it will hold
Does this make everything useless
Does it give everything purpose
I have passed this way before
How long ago was that journey
How sweet the reminiscent death of bliss
I should of begged for ignorance when I could
It is too late now
That serves no purpose
No higher purpose
We know everything is made of atoms
Atoms are made of energy
Energy cannot be created or destroyed
I fear nothing more than death
I crave nothing more than death
Both sides of a coin
Endlessly spinning through space

I came to your table with clean hands
But a ***** mouth
Still you would not feed me

I wanted to give you words that you could bite into
Feel the sweetness on your tongue and maybe a little saltiness in your eyes
I wanted to tell you that you are a good friend
And somehow find the right words to match the logs you place in my stomach and light on fire
Just so I can feel the warmth in my heart

The world did not give you to me
But I hope you know that you do belong
We held hands together in the dark
We saw ghosts by the light of the lighthouse
But none as scary as the ones we both carry
In the back of our skulls
We are more than coffee *** friends
But we do not cry whisky tears
And old souls have a habit of finding each other
Even as they wait, laying on the floor, almost patiently, for the sun to rise

Well ****.
I'll just hold back the tears
The truth will find it's own way it

And in all honesty
I never thought it would come to this

How can I not cry
When your words honor a broken soul
This humility is a kindling
I thank you for your fire
As you thank me for my words
Tomorrow will remember this
As beautiful as today has learned it

the only thing I saw hiding under my nose

          were your soft lips

I couldn't see you mouth goodbye

Patient
are the feet
of the already fallen leaves

Time has touched you
I have not been so lucky

I love to hear stories
About girls who love their mom's
I live vicariously through them
As I have died so tragically
Through my own

These embers can only be relit so many times
Who will keep you warm when I am gone
Oh the irony to die out by these ashes
When this is where we have lived the brightest nights of our lives
I became a coal in your mouth
When my only desire was to warm your heart
You can no longer stomach me
It is my own light that will fade
The char of my existence ground into the earth
When you cremate my final memory
I will be nothing
Until you smell smoke
This is the remembrance of me
I will not be put out so easily

Do you remember when we were in the desert
Sand absorbing all the heat of the sun
Pressing it into our bodies
As though we need to be forged anew
You and I are no strangers to burning
Not above being molded to another will
Hammered over and over, iron against iron
We were sharp in the beginning
We have grown dull in the last days
Humility did not follow
We hold the pride of our youth
As a double hilted sword
Warring against what time would make of us
Soft and ancient
I did not know we would always be changing
We are young, then less so, then we sleep
As we have been tired this whole life
Not tired, just dreaming, and aching, and human

the rules
the boundaries
they all seek to constrain

the words
the hate
they all drive me insane

To sing my lies into your  soul

So that my truth will make you whole

You taste like forgiveness
If you know my name
Then you know my fears
We need not speak of such things

To give you my love
Would make me a fool

To take your love
Would make me a thief

To share out love
Would change the world

Heaven will break today
Who can fault it
Cornerstones have crumbled
Are we passengers
Or participants of our own lives
I am painfully sober
When I think of you
The veil is torn
Shroud me with it
In the twelfth hour
Will you bury my body
While it's still warm
I will long for you
As a flower does the sun
When I too am deep in soil
Pray over me like I am living
Do you believe it
Are you loving
Does God know of your humility
As intricately as your sins
Shall I tell him for you
When I am before him
I have no stamina for grudges
What would I hold against you
That I have not unburned myself of

Time is peeling back our layers
Age will yield softer versions of ourselves
Dive deep into the self
There is nothing there

Beg the wanderers for freedom
As if we could not hold our own
Bare your teeth to the silver dollar moon
No one is coming now

Not the wolves I see in my dreams
Not the shadow man clothed in leather
Not the rally I prayed
Not the soldiers I spilt blood for

Age will yield a softer version
Of my own person
Fight, tooth and nail for a bitter end
These are still waters

Dive deep into the self
There is nothing there
No God, no colors, no sound
It is the cold flame of humanity
Only consciousness persists

You say sleep when we're dead
I'm tired now

I always wondered why you slept so much
I thought there was no rest for the wicked

I was just your halfway house
When all I wanted to be was your home

In this infinite you have wrought moments
I run circles in my head, this is how I know the way back to you so well
What is complexity, but understanding that I have not yet grasped
I have failed, and this is life
And I am fallen, yet if a rising can be made then their is no shame in such

Falling through the endless void
Yet the darkness, while empty, if it can contain me
Let it hold all things even as it let's me go
This light behind my eyes
A spark, a flame, a childish existence
Where is the fault
Will the blame rest upon me
Or upon the soil you bury your secrets in
I wander, as do my thoughts
And in the back of my mind
I turn these thoughts over
As if they were restless in their grave
As devout as you make yourself to be
Your prayers have fallen on deaf ears
Am I a little wonder?
To those who lack wonderment
You are blind, so you see with your hands
Why then do you withhold your fingers from my skin?
I am not beyond your grasp, but you let me slip away
Still I see the tears in your eyes
Even as you wipe them away with the back of your hand
I clench my jaw.
What is this?
It rises in my chest
Flowing through my arms
To fill clenched hands
Oh anger why do you find me now
I have run from you
Since I was a child
Why do you find me now
Just to catch in the back into my throat
These fingers know old secrets and bitter words
I would pound them into the earth  just so you could know my secrets
Rhythmic.
But even this you would not remember
Even this, a whisper on my tongue
You could not taste

You will speak again
When the full moon rises
My lips quiver
In anticipation
Kiss me now
With the light of the stars

perfection
           is nothing
                  when I could have
                                                 you

If you would of know how to love me right in the beginning everything would of been different now
If you had been all person instead of part monster
If you even knew how to care about anyone but yourself
If you breathed air instead of smoke and lies

And it's left me all kinds of ****** up
And now I am left to figure out how to heal and cope and breathe all by myself

If only you loved me the way I loved you

If only

I want to drink you up like the sun fades into the sunset
Swallow every morsel of your bittersweet taste like; the waves touching the shore... over and over again savoring the flavor

I wouldn't say I suffer from false sanity
Rather, glass sanity
Where in an emergency it is broken

When I come home
I will scatter my prayers, like petals
On the stone under which you lay
I promise for the dead
The living could not keep
Words in my head
Though it is my heart that does weep
Oh friend, at a fingertips length
My apology to the sky will you take
A home for you, not found on earth
My promises are of little worth

I am the fool
Who bites
Into the same poisoned apple