.by now, just, plain, weird, but that's life... sometimes it has its magic, oh nothing spectacular... i once befriended a real outcast in school, who was into pokemon cards and finally fantasy VII... hunchback, really crooked teeth... well... the english sort of "crooked", that's what gets you in the deep water when associated with the french, the french critique of the english: bad teeth and the perpetual english cold... bad breath too... but i figured... might as well help the poor ****** in getting a C in double-standard science at a g.c.s.e. level, i even took graphic design and joined with him in making phone-cards for phoneboxes, back when that was a thing, alongside spare change... martin... martin elliker... as far as i'm concerned, he wasn't bullied... but my other fwend reminds me how i "bullied"... ****... forget his name... no, i just punched him once... when i heard that he ate dog **** because some girl said so and he thought he was going to get laid... bullying, or sense-bashing? take your pick. like today, poker-faced matthew... waiting in line at the supermarket cashiers, in front of me? mr. penguin... literally... no hollywood makeup... kitkats, wipes... and tangarines... altogether the whole lot worth about 40 quid... trousers too long, you couldn't even see the shoes... disorientated, clearly mentally ill... on the way out hand on the back and an inquiry: you're o.k.? he looks at me like he was woken up... razors... sorry, what? i need razors... the staff recruit runs up and i tell him: he's going back to buy some razors and shave... it's not even that beards are intimidating... then? alcoholic ginger ale... a bus driver with a conundrum... the road is too tight... so i orientate him to pass through... one of his wheels gets stuck in a traffic island crossing... but we manage... he goes through... and all this, prior to what? magic! i'm walking to my local shop... the sunset is hanging in the sky, or rather, a streak of sunset illuminating the clouds, moving slowly west... amber, cherry, plum, peaches, oranges, apples, pulp of passion fruit... i'm walking looking up... in the background a car filled with 20-something lads, one out them shouts to me, starts waving, i wave back... apparently... we share the same aesthetic demands of this world, or rather: we both appreciate it... drive-by: you're seeing what i'm seeing? yes, i am... and you also like what i'm seeing? yes, i am... a night of a full moon... nox regina... that's the fun part of the day... someone hollers at you from a car, someone younger, of the same ***, since you are aghast at the beauty of the sky come sunset and someone shares the same sentiments as you... i find that the most intimate relationships are founded in the realm where only strangers exist... and by intimate, and by strangers i'm also implying an intimiacy that only lasts between a few seconds or a few minutes... since strangers do not test their validity of reciprocated interests, one moment and it's universally mutual... which is sad... come toward the timeframe of "friendship" when the labyrinth is raised and all that ******* of: bwest fwend etc. *******... lineage and concerns for "authenticity" or... "allegiance"... today i made a friend... he was being driven and shouted out from the car... waved, i waved back, he spotted that i was looking at the clouds come sunset... to be honest? relativism... i shared more insight into this shared existence with that brief encounter, than i would ever, talking ******* with a fwend over a pint of beer. the end.

out of curiosity,
is the modern day equivalent
of owning a mobile
phone, akin to owning
a credit card?

   i played around with
credit spending in my early
20s, primarily to ensure
i had a credit score,

but after a while i just went
full debit...
         how, i managed,
to ward off using the credit
system,
   and instead,
   succumbing to a solely
debit system,
i'll never know...

      once i went into my bank,
lied about a family memeber
dying,
   being granted
      an overdraft limit,
subsequently spending it
over a period of 3 hours
in a brothel,
yet somehow, not gaining
access to a *******,
out of my own wish...

   'ello hermit-kind...
maybe still having a *******
allows me to...
   withhold certain
"unfulfilled" desires...
or maybe i'm just plain
boring...
  and my tastes are...
too...
            simplistic...
or maybe...
          i have allowed myself
to churn a "thought"
into a medium that requires
about as much as
the devil would allow
for two idle hands...
          
                otherwise... no...
i really don't know what
credit implies,
having followed strict debit
regulations...
   the last mobile phone
i ever owned was a...
      ha ha... a blueberry...
talk about "walking on water"
from circa 2007 through to
2019...
                
     i've simply returned
to the genesis story of the internet...
it's less a mobile environment,
and more an iron maiden fixed
point of "departure"...

   a "departure" of me,
sitting before a plank slate...
and irritating it with my words...
into a feud of valency...
    thinking being the prime
example...
   watching an authentic incel
mutter to himself,
and for me to hear,
while buying several bags
of crisps...

                'oh dear, oh dear',
like some white rabbit imitation...
there is no alice,
and there never will be:
any alice to begin with, savvy?
you your way, i toward mine,
i'm just here for the whiskey...
all of course,
as an afterthought...
        
              2 ******* hours of delirium,
revising that old fear
of biting my teeth together,
which would translate into
a quasi-epileptic fit,
   stemming from an electric
surge from my teeth
upon the clench, and
movement into my stomach,
gripping it with a fist-like
imitation grip, sending out
               shaking and shivering
within the confines
          of an ****** of pain...

        over the years...
i've come to understand pain,
to be the highest form of pleasure,
something that makes
a man either a stoic,
     or an erotomaniac...

          either bound to be between
the skulls and ribs...
or... among the oysters and mollusks
of a worth of genitals.

           ghost, by far,
the most melodic band these days...
               sooner or later
the cigarettes will run out,
and i'll still have a packet of tobacco
left in the hoard...
   how much will that be,
rolling tobacco once more.

Perceive it through caring eyes!

Wiping your tears away
would help a soul to find its contentment!

I love your smile!
Your tears are not a gladdening thing!
They are sorrowful and lonely!

Subversion of trust is not there!
So, don't cry!

A sudden and simple
crack leads a passage
to our inherent valency!

The compound of love is
our savior here!

The designated spark is too
diligent to be able
to understand your language!
So, don't cry!
Substantive growth is there.
It is feeding yourself with faith!
An immediate contrast help
is always required.
It is presiding with your
inner performer!
So, don't cry!

This indication of advancement in feelings is
imposing a person and, that is you!
Something which is arising to create anew
that is you!
So, don't cry!
©️shivpoetesspriya

Hold it, the sighs of creme and ****** lips
The sower, kindly drop some shadow
Just hold us deep into that slow breeze
The tainted red would move us together
Imm in deep voice, stark fingers touching
Heaven and everything, it goes against me
Feel some valency, worth, your beauty and
The card that bleached into the lost night
Of moving against the spirit of flowing tides
Crashing between the pores of sand
Around these fingers that crossed some of you so preciously
Now come to me millions of times for the sky breeds some time to die, again
Under the tent of that weird surrounding, the low-sighted buildings, found a hotel named metropolis, and Clark was brooding, flirting, and singing a song
It went like "I had a thought dear.." moving like flashes of sudden melting under the sweet whispering straight at your mouth as I crawled to your face and your lips and your eyes, we moved so quickly
Suddenly I remember, I don't deserve this and a rush of sadness scales down my spine as hell breaks through my eyes while the sky creeps and dies and dies and it screams and dies for time is over and nothing else moves but Clark fidgeting thinking about something else

A personal experience
Did get my deliverance
Not until after going the distance
With abuse of substance

Never had a drink
Till i was 20
None offered it to me
Peer pressure no logic

Wanted to encounter
To know what it feels like
An inebriated state of condition
Where you loose your inhibitions

Not to feel left out
In the midst of those who passed out
Occurrences in the high far out
Demons of addiction taking  steps  out

Unaware of my character
Addiction or Abstinence its main feature
Galloped on the track of dependence
To a future awaiting to be spent in repentance

Craving for more and more
Liquor bottles more at my door
Than at the store
Nothing else i remember

From the bottles straight up
Tolerance levels made even alcoholics sit up
One more quicker than the next
Even the bottles screamed give it a rest

Addiction in an equation
Equalling to self esteem
Increase the valency
Equares to nullity

House of warmth
Turns into hell
Family at a dead end
Peace showing its stop sign

Rages and Rants daily occurence
Violence and defiance same direction
Tolerance grievance at the other end
Hindrance to prudence leading to indifference

Relationships gone south
Friendship loosing its clout
Engaged with liquor in a boxing bout
Getting tipsy every round you loose

Respect relationship friendship
Not even in the viscinity
Alone Addicted and miserable
No one left in the false fantasy

Reputation at home
Neighbourhood and work
Now a laughing stock to preach
Sympathetic towards the other members
No fault of theirs humiliate

Begging and stealing
No more wrong
Left guilt by the wayside
When the bottles lay bedside

Years gone by
Not aware of days that went by
Living in a timeless state
Till time ends living on the due date

Extinct to family
Extinct to friends
Extinct to colleagues
Extinct to self

No bigger crime
Family in the grind
For you to find
Ways to the deep end

Take the  first sip
Keys to hell unlocking its gates
Living in hell already the state
Hell learns a lesson by observing your fate

Tao and the art of no motorcycle: therefore no maintainance

what a ****** title...
but if the pseudo-Greel wolf-mann can write
a book about the patricide inversion
of a son's suicide
and cope
but at the same time: snuggle and smother
a confession of a madman
that somehow QUALITY
is the root for the tree: unlike the dog a god
if god was to love us
he couldn't do it as a man
as a man he'd be crucified or
ridiculed as Nero with a flaming harp...
o'm going to get drunk and listen
to some Madonna..
or myabe... no... not... Rockmaker
by the Dandy Warhols:
finally! the feud is over! two creative geniuses
came face to face
and last night i slept
in a cabin
and listened to the storm talking to the trees
oh how superior the architecture in the north
from simply wood: Norwegian oh boy blue
i'm getting high from a good conversation
and i think i'm having
something telepathic with Reyla
and Edie is in the background
and shaking her *** oh tease camaleon
cook me some Puerto Rican munch munchies
i think i have a daughter a lighter
spirit i think i was given a blessing
for forking out
20 quid in the paths and it almost feels
like Christmas when i can be
a child benevolent
not my favorite: by Easter i'll be sparrow
songs and happy willing so the mercy
of the passion of Geth and Semanii...
trans-gender nightmares of the Nag Hammadi
pronouns in my head...
i was ******* a blonde beast last night
in a dream:
listening to the wind break and creak
and morse code itself into wood:
how wonderful...
to hear the symphony of the elements...
when fire speak to water
when fire speaks to earth
then wind speak to the earth via the trees
and i'm the Dune's Guildsman lost
in fish and frogs and parasites and Orange Dust
not Spice not Fog...
oh Guildsman: hold my sway:
no pub for objective clarity:
just a translucent thought of Islam
like there was a golden age of
the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth...
sober up: have some historical perspective:
god all loving as a dog...
but now as man so lowly caste to suffer
on the necks of supposed ****** virgins...

EQU?
no... the word i could compete with: etymology:
suggests:
EQUIVALENCE:
i.e. EQUAL
                         VALENCY...

equivalence is an adjective and i find dyslexics
fascinating in England
because in Poland there is hyper-literacy
and an Agony against the algorithm and the personalised
algorithm of the AI...
with the Grypwa: the prison slang:
so we're in this same little leaking boat: are we?!
we! yes! jawohl: mein kommandt!

disorientated democracy:
the noons have crept and the shadow has lept
from the window with the cat
the baby and the bathtub...
some water is creeping: odd: since how many:
elements... can be coupled with silence?
i asked for lightning to the 5th element...
now i have to ask for a 6th...
i need the element of vacuum to be invoked:
invited: by god or by dog:
to which all i paint: a pointing love: affair...

white crow: black eagle:
white crow: black eagle...
word for word:
neo-Romantic rereading:
England is Scandinavia
and Poland bled the breeding
a German Host
this is no East
this is Central Europe:
West went via Europe went via
Spain
and call them Hispanics
the Europeans call them Aztecs...
so littly represented via Polynesia on American t.v.

maybe i need a mountain of my name
meaning name...
Gift of God...
or Conrad: Wise Council...
i'm Germanic root for root
hey presto! a tri!
ugh... if acute... iota... no need to exclaim...
so?
          trí                   now roll / trill the ЯR

Greeks and Romans stay this close... this mirror:
mirror kiss: so close...
how depict the trill on the R? a cedilla? the wavering
marker... let's see...
did i pin point the noun cedilla to
a crucifix of suffering?
everyone even the Norwegians
newly converted Catholics?! **** me BORZE BURZY
IDZIOM! VIA IDIOM....