Everything is perfect,
and nothing makes sense.
One half-silly smile,
a split second knowing glance
and you’ve lifted me from the ground,
freed me from the laws of man and earth.

And just because of that,
I’m afraid to love you.

It’s not your fault.
Don’t blame yourself.
It’s me.
I’m afraid for you, and I’m afraid for me,
but I still feel my pulse racing
the instant you appear,
a tingling that starts in my fingertips,
then shoots up my body,.. a pulsating lightning bolt
that splashes into my mind
and explodes into.. hot.. blinding white light.
A buzzing, stomping insistence that I recognize
the affect you have on me.
I’m left short of breath, eyes wide, dizzy
and suddenly, longing for your gentle touch.

Chaos inside
I am everywhere
and nowhere.
I am limitless yet tethered
I am willingly losing control
but the fear balances on my edge…
I cannot lose control, again,
and the confusion makes me afraid.
Afraid to love you.

I know
if I let myself
I would be with you forever
which is much longer than a lifetime.
I would take all my choices, my dreams, my fear
and set them at your feet
my.. gifts of sacrifice for the only one
for who I would give my life

I would confess to you my joy
and hide in you my pain
for I know that you would view
each with a critical but loving eye,
You understand that I’m not the perfect man
that I pretend to be
you’re ok that sometimes
I’m not even up
to being me.
You accept me as I am.
You’re the only one.
It feels so right,
which is exactly why
I’m afraid to love you.

Still, I see it in you.
I’m not that blind.
I can see what I’m afraid to see.
You’re eyes shine when I talk to you
of simple things.
You’re breath catches in your throat
when you’ve made me smile
I make you laugh… You make me laugh.
At little things and when we’re angry.
When I am near you
I feel as though I should sing.
I wish for nothing
except our songs entwined.
I feel you tremble at my lightest touch.
You are a dove
unfearful of my captive embrace.
I belong to you,
and you to me.

Oh God, help me
because that’s exactly why
I’m afraid to love you…

… but I do…

Started from ‘call your seniors sir’
these four years have been on roller coaster.
From never missing any lab or lecture,
to going online of entire semester.
From finding every face new in the corridor,
to opening of bottles behind every door.

Long lines running out of the cafeteria,
and now running wild on unemployment hysteria.
Myriad hours spent staring at laptops
and did I mention long boring workshops?
Bonds with eternal laughs and tears
some worth, some broken love affairs.

Timidly walking through the hallway of classrooms,
to bursting crackers inside bathrooms.
Don’t know about the insights on this way;
but guaranteed were new experiences every day.
All these years we had an August run,
or should I say four years of endless fun?

Curiously wandering in pursuit of new teams,
now running against time, chasing dreams.
These bolted doors are testimony to all the screams,
morphing to adulthood from our silly teens.
Unfearful moments strolling in the common hall,
and endless hours practicing basketball.

Cheers to everyone who was part of this journey,
opening up paths of limitless learning.
And some answers I’m still searching,
like who left that chair outside my room; burning!

The words of a fearful mother,

"Never let feet wonder under the bed,
those not seen linger there,

But of innocence do child's eyes of wonderment
perceive all that they see, but fingers lie static in
waiting for unfearful ones that sway there little
toes upon the drapes covering the shadows beneath
the bed. Hushed tones converge underneath in silence.

As fingers encroach from obscurity, heeding the
random movements that innocence sings to the air.
Like a viper mimicking its wandering,  delaying until
it impersonates their movements, then the masquerade falls.

A momentary murmur of what was there, now an echo
fading as a mother search's with despair, but the covering
wonders too and froe, Then she knows her baby is lost.The room
is now vacant but a shadow lingers where the bed once laid..

I don't know how to write anymore because the days are no longer running together and the only drug I need to sleep is the heat radiating from your body.

Today I feel you marvel in everything I am, and overlook all the things I could never be. For these are the things that never cross my mind when I push my lips against yours.

If this is how one wears love, have I ever been blanketed with the real deal before?
Or have I just been caught in the crossfire of half assed" I  love you's" and " please forgive me's" my entire life?

I never knew the blink of a mans eyes could flicker with such an unmistakable spark of hope, it's like glass never slipped out of my needle fingertips in the first place.

What a gift I have been given to watch you walk around barefoot unfearful of the sharp pieces of me that aren't so pretty.

What an anomaly it is to be unapologetically real with someone as graceful as you.

Unfearful
But full-filled with fear
Oh dear
Waiting for a sign

Creation’s in the distance...

Dreams
Vast fingers
Light

The lovely numb
In twilights’
Silent snow
Storms

Lust
Plays slow
The honest shadow
Shine on
Unfearful
While waiting
Smoke
Waves
From our house
From nature
Blue rides of lonely
Bones
Break in shade
Skin and flowers
On stones & doors
Of malleable deeps
The Wild unquiet
Worry
Running
In games
Shaping seeds, roads
To desert dust
Bowlderizing
Reality’s
***** milk bare
Touching
Midnight mischief
Futures’
Flames
Picture frames
Fallen ugly
In the early
Wee corners
Of crowded rooms
Drinking cups of ink
Gaggles of
Greys fathers
Founding
Landing
Pretends bleeding
Heart

The perch of birds
Hardly choose
The lovelorn
Small talk
With Lotus asleep
Searching everyday
For the way
To clarity
The unseen
Pitch/ walls whispers
In tongues
Katauta s afloat
In the brilliance
Without their bliss
Hiss
Loss of sense
Across the pond / commons
Nest
Dragons conversing
With bone and unknown

Barely a caress
Those voices
Of rest
Eyeless watching
With distant ache
Unlearned well
Brown and blackouts
In cold teeth
Of wealth and hell
Where wish
Teaches classes
How to be foolhardy
Rocks off
To cosmic heights
Iron bare
Lessons of stained
Wood
Fires
Painted stares
In heels
Of steel / existence
Blame
The richer
Glitter
Not spark or secret
Precious hearths
A scent of silver
Bells
The thunderous
Imagination
Of living
Proof

World dies without
Light
Love
Life / no truth
No wonder..