he once said to me...

                 “I would blow warm
                         moist breath through
                                          your toes...
                           I would do all the
                  wonderful things
                to your big toes
                  that you do to me.
                      And most certainly
                         all the tension would  
                             drain onto me...
                               I would draw
                                every last drop
                               from your toes
                          with little messages
                         along the way of my
                      charted course
                         to come up
                      your inner channels.
        Resting in the sensitive eddies  
      behind your knees
  we both breathe fire
    wafting up and down
                         your thighs.”

.... like drips of seduction off his tongue.

And he lingered on, saying...

                   “Flaming lips wafting
             together with desire,
       reaching and pulling
          with firey licks.
       As I slide
   my wet tongue
    on up and hover,
           breathing
                     you in
                           deeply...
                           through my nostrils
                         filling my *** senses.
                       Drunk on your fumes,
                I'm consumed.
           Circling the tip
       of my nose
   around
your hard,
   pearly knot
       feeling the heat
             from your butterfly wings
            my parted lips surounding
          and easing the warmth
     of my soul onto you
with wet hot breath.
   And I ease the length
          of my tongue to rest
      completely over
    your fire breathing wings ,
               warm capable and ready..
                   leaving you in suspense.
                      Sliding ever so slightly
                           and slowly up your      
                              slick silky lips,
                     tightening the tip
                   of my tongue -
                      flick flick
                             flick flick...
             And I look deeply
           into your eyes,
                  into depths
                    you've never known.
                       And then I'll take you
                        all in, with a suction
                           you'll never escape
                             or ever want to.
      Never breaking eye contact
my tongue slides from bottom
        and presses, emphasis
         at the top slowly
        over and over
            settling you in.
                We fall into
                   a oneness
                        and find  
                        our groove.”

And I said...

“I wish I wasn't
still irritated with you
so I could fully
enjoy your seduction.”

Im never good enough unless I let people **** me.
I thought when I met my boyfriend he would actually respect me.
But If I don't get naked he just neglects me, why do I need to have *** for him to love me?

He says the drugs turn him on,
but he can't stay hard enough to get me off. Give him some lotion and ****,
all interest in me is lost,
now hes anything but soft.

Does this mean I'm gross?
Should I shave better or wear less clothes? Im over reacting, I know.
******* I hate all drugs,
I can't stand the lows.
Do I just let him touch me?
I can't spit out the word no.
My body belongs to him, but I'm sick of going with the flow.
I need to make it clear I have a voice of my own.
Falling in love with him gave me a rare sense of hope.
I thought I would finally have some control,
then I realizef I'm still a piece of meat,
an eager to please ***.

I felt his love was pure and I wanted it all to myself.
I thought dating a man who preaches how much he cares meant it mattered what I felt.

I got away from the party rapes and bottles of *****.
I thought a relationship meant i would finally get to choose.
Why am i still being used?
Maybe he'd understand after stepping in my soulless shoes.
I can never win, the outcome is inevitable, I was born to lose.

So do I lay down and pretend I want the ***,
or watch him choose **** when I refuse to say yes.
Would he notice me if I had implants in my *******?
Maybe I need to be a tan blonde with no heart in my chest?
We all know those women can **** the best,
I can't compare so I just lay down to rest.

And I don't mean going to bed,
I mean 6 feet under with a grave stone at my head.
Even from the casket all I can smell is ****,
the reason for his shiny upper lip covered in sweat.
I asked him to wait on taking a hit,
but he smoked it and failed my little test. It's obvious its the drugs he loves best.

I needed to see if what I felt could over power his want for drugs.
Of course he didn't choose me, but his drugs left pain in my lungs.
I didn't know I would fall apart so young. It's looking like all of my abusers have won.

I should of just put out because now he wants to sleep on the couch.
I should have let him *** in my mouth, because now he's scraping a pipe and I'm just trash waiting to be thrown out.

But that's just how I feel on the regular,
so used to being alone, even with him across the room,
this feelings so familiar.
I promised another abusive relationship would never happen again
but his actions are scary similar.

I know he won't ***** me over,
but I'm a girl who let a drug user abuse her. A girl beaten in the street, wishing he would shoot her. Forced to be a freak in the sheets, a girl who said yes even when it bruised her.

Is it happening again?
Or am I just selfish for not pleasing my man?
Now I'm over thinking
Deep down I know his love is an ocean surounding my land.
My protector, drowning out all of the bad.
After all, he even held me while I screamed with a blade in each hand.
I try to remind myself this but my brain calls *******.
My mind is built in a shape that reality doesn't fit.
So when he says I'm his baby I can only hope he means it.
Fearing he will think I'm not worth it, I work so hard to stay atttactive.
Going days without food, I eat like a ******* rabbit.
I'm dizzy and might lose consciousness,
my sleep pattern is ******* eratic.
This migraine has my brain mushy and muffled like tv static.

This pain in my skull is dragging me to sleep,
my body aches, from my soul to my feet.
I should have opened my legs and tried not to shake.

I denied him what he wanted,
thinking my man would love me fully clothed.
I can't help but wonder,
is it wrong to keep my legs closed? 
I dont ******* know.

Being in love has left me on the floor cold and shaking,
other men see what they want and take it. Never been given an option,
so used to my body being taken.
He made a promise that he's different, but what if saying no is what'd break it?
I thought a relationship would give me more choices.
Yes or no,
a question I was never asked by my dozens of rapists.

It all feels like a repeat playlist,
I know he loves me and I'm trying to embrace it.
But even completely clothed,
I'm feeling helpless and naked.

frosty skies show a dazzle in the darkness
freshly made air strikes as you breath
yet billows from nostrils like a madening bull
grass crunches under foot
a sound so familiar yet not understood

music of life surounding you
heartbeat of the world inside your soul
yet not in the blood
first steps on this earth
a wonderous love
a wonderous love

The people surounding me; in looks is where they are bloated with pride
Of this of course, I am so very sure, that upon wood I could knock
They have to walk the walk and be able to talk the talk
Not thinking much of, or giving a care on to what is inside
Well as for me, I have begun to learn my face
And I know for sure as well; that it is not a thing of grace (Nor will it ever be)
So I would rather work upon the parts of me
What is inside; That no one seems to really see
Some jesters will happen to say with a voice of stern
"Pray to the Lord she is ugly as sin,
And perhaps another will say in a kindly return;
"But luckily she has beauty deep within."

I found a bone inside some blades of grass.
Could it be Ozymydias the poets dead king?
It must of been the knite who slayed his terror.
I was alone when his steel blade took my life.
Helplessly I heard the grave become my works.
The stone I read out loud around overgrown weeds
Soon opened up, and I tried to run away.
The yellow eyes like a demons eyes,  met my face.
the darkness in his corpse began surounding every grave.
My breath was cold, my shaking body froze as if he had a gun.
Then he ozymydias began to yell at my dying soul.
"Im ozymydias, read my works, Forget me and I will return".
"Few contempoarys have spoken to me, they who remember me
have my mark".  

My arm became a lake of flames.  
His claws penetrated my skin.
On my arm I saw his name.
In me now is ozymydias
the poets dead king.

I took his bone and ranaway,
And at my house I threw it
In the fire place.  I watched
it burn like a horrible book.

Life is a series of events
sometimes we wander without a care
when life takes us down amongst the shadows
It'll soon take us right back up the winding stair
Embrace each new surounding
you shall never fail
in the grand scheme of life
each experience, will become a tale
Our lives are designed individually
there's a map inside each mind
If you want to find your treasure
It'll be right there to find...

My stranger-
you inspire me to write,
the way you walk, talk and cry,
invading my mind- day and night,
dreaming about the poised comply.

Let me compare you to a caring bay
fearful, splendid, and tired,
a shy breeze ***** the daring
dancers of May,

Now I must go with a staring heart,
your bright words surounding me
shining through while we're apart.

With dutiful hair, lips and eyes-
filling all that I would say,
my love for you is left-
only in the memories...

perfect illusion ,invisible hope
countless unaswer question
it was a cliff of edge
everyone hope beyond this boundary

after getting into this
there was no exit
countless loud sounds
make my ear crazy
but i cant reach into it

covered by red ink
trembling voice shout out
it was never ending scene
repeating moment,
reach up those hand
"save me now"
it will never end

it was a false alarm
like a blooming flower in the panic city
getting deeper into it?
only darkness there
faint smell surounding this hell

desperate with non- meaning action
hope was just a lie
light just become darkness
the one that gonna end was me

this finally come to the end
gonna disapear without single  breeze
the petals falled
i will in your memory
but im accepeted that at the end
i will become forgotten petals that blown away by the wind

Text :Romans 8:26-27

26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

I have read this passage numerous times, but just recently after reading it, I saw something that has made a great impact upon me; the prayer ministry of the the Holy Spirit for us believers in Chirst.
In fact it has made a great difference in my prayer life. Take  a word for word look at this passage.
A. "Likewise, The Spirit helps us in our weakness"
  1. Likewise is a reference to the 25th vs. that is a reference to our
      having prayed for something, but is a long time coming,
     requiring us to have patience. So the Holy Spirit enables us to be
    strong with patience. This remindsme of Heb. 11:1 "Now faith is
   the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"
   a. Most of us are weak in patience - I know I am; when I pray for
      something I want it yesterday if not sooner, and when a few
     days go by and  what I prayed for doesn't materialize, I just give
     up hope....
  b. But now I pray and thank the Holy Spirit for strengthening my
     hope. YOU PRAY TO THE HOLY SPIRIT? Yes I do, to GOD THE
    HOLY SPIRIT.
B. "For we know not what we should pray for as we ought."
  1. James warnes us about "praying and recieving not because we
     pray amiss."
  2 So I have started praying about something on my heart, "Dear
     Holy Spirit, please pray about.." whatever the subject is I have
     in mind.
   a. Example: Last week I learned of a brother looking for a  new job,
       so I prayed: " Dear Holy Spirit, please pray for a new job for so'n
       so. I thank you in Jesus  Name." The next Sunday he told the  
      SS class about a  new job he receved.  
b. Why did I pray those words? Look at our text again, the last part
   of it. "The Spirit Himself makes intercession for us"  
   1. My resonng is, if the Holy Spirit is going to make intercession
       for me, then it just makes sence to ask Him to pray for me, about
       what's on my heart.
c. The Holy Sririt makes intercession on our behalf wth "groanings",
    Our groanings, Our weepings, Our sighings, words we cannot
    utter...but the Holy Spirit understands the burden of our heart
d. IJn.5:14 tells us "that if we ask anything according to His Will,"
    but too often we do not know God's will about a matter - that's
   where the Holy Spirit's intercessory ministry comes in, so I pray:
   "Dear Holy Spirit, as you make itercession for me,  please pray for
    God's will about this matter, Thank you, in Jesus Name "
II. Since I started praying asking the Holy Spirit
    to intervene on my
    behalf,I have senced a presence of the Lord
   stronger than I had
   before; I have felt a peace and calmness
   surounding me, and joy
   that I cannot find words to describe.
Conclusion
    My friends, the greatest prayer warrior you
   can have is the Holy Spirit.

Pray for me Holy Spirit,
For I know not
How to pray
As I ought.

Make intercesson to God the Father
For me, I pray,
That I might know
His perfect will today
From Jerry Howarth's Book of Sermons
Please give me some slack on my spelling