Why can’t I forget about you,
The way you forgot about me?
Why do I still care,
Even though you abandoned me?
Why do I still think about you,
When you wouldn’t give two ***** about me?
I remember some things that happened,
Good times, or were they just random dreams?
I need to confirm this,
But I’ve already shut you out of my life.
How can I get through this,
Without betraying the people who took me in,
The people who loved me enough to care?
I need answers.
No matter how much I put you down,
In front of everyone else,
I know that deep down in my heart,
I love you,
And I probably always will.
It doesn’t matter what you did wrong,
We are family and that means that we need to stick together,
Through the good times and the rough patches.
I know you probably hate me right now,
But it is the least I can do to not cry over it.
After all,
Strong people don’t cry,
Crying is a sign of weakness,
I will not be portrayed as weak,
After all I have gone through.
My past is a mystery to most.
I refuse to speak about it, but only to my best friends,
I am tired of not sleeping,
Due to the stressfulness and worry that you cause me.
I stay up all night thinking of how it could have gone,
If you didn’t leave us, for that ***** you cheated on.
She is a dragon, and you married her behind my mother’s back,
You disgust me but I think you punishment is over.
I am sick and tired of all this commotion.
If you will believe me,
I need my father back…

When I was about five years old
I uses to think of the village elders as being cool ,calm and collective
They always seem to have plenty of money in their pockets,
Flamboyant trends for every occasion,

It was a pleasure to watch them tossed back bottles of beers along with the small glasses of ***,
however, with each sip came the unruly laughs,
the big arguments, and then came the fists fight,
that prolong into the wee hours of the night

What does a young five year old child like I really knew
Behind those laughters and celebrations were hidden secrets:
of abuse, depression and the Government arbitrary despotism
The older folks would often say to us younger ones

“Children this is grown folks business”
Stop being so blasted inquisitive”

When I became a teenager
I saw all that coolness, calmness and collectiveness
Became a huge bargain, burden and stressfulness

Suddenly, for me the men and women at the *** Shop
and the Barber shop were gossiping about Politics, war
famine, women, *** and babies’ Mama Drama

Today, I can look back and laugh at all those stories that I overheard
However, the Chinese brush delay,
now that is still  a puzzle

In you l unearthed that virtue
But l found not its root
Searching for your love
Elusiveness outstretched ego
       of engrossment
Yet l found not its base

Endless throng of thoughts
Mulling over template of affection
Craving ceasingly to grasp the
      helm of your love
Abused norms of affection in
      deepened disarray
Sending wailing waves of objection
Spreading wisps of grumbling grouch
Across the diastasis of lustfulness
To register my attention
Coded in label of love
Branded in toga of luxuria

You yielded not to my entreaties
You craved not to my appeals
Yet negativity of consent gaggged me
Around the cubicle of consciousness
Straining shunners out of the
      strainers of stressfulness.

I have discovered your love
Yet l cannot find the root
But inwardly
I search!
I search!!
And search!!!