i collect stamps
not the mail kind
not the male kind
not the may hill kind
not the mayo ill kind
not the may hue kind
not the maim yew kind
not the mwaya view kind
not the mwayam myeil kind
not the amaway yilovski kind
not the mynsigwi malomisten kind
snot snee smail skind
rot tree trail rind
trotsky braille grind
hot bree hail's tine
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
kind
­kind
mail
mali
alim
liam
ailm
ailm
ailm

dramatically expanding spouse,
when adorning buttons
pop off undersized blouse
which spurs yours truly to grouse,
and ruffle mine tail feathers
while listening to Scheherazade.

Eats her weigh out of home and house
unsolicited feedback courtesy
quite doubtful, she could pose
for ******* and/or penthouse
returning explicit volley
of trailing appellations lobbed

expletive laced epithets
directed at her husband the louse
in lame retaliation deftly
sparring as he doth rouse
himself out of his vittle catatonic state
thus muenster ring cheeses crust
squeaks (me) meek Mickey Mouse.

When I did pledge troth
after courtship she would not abate
aboot two plus dozen years ago
(spoiler alert) wheezing
heterosexually straight
half heartedly accepting her

asthma wife sne...
snee...sneezing mate
even then, she exhibited
appetite for consumption
defying four foot eleven
petite size then, a score
plus quarter years ago lightweight
possessed cute figure.

Now, she eats
non stop while rocking round the clock
stationing, lumbering, burgeoning
girth casting dock
shadows analogous to
edge of night
donning humongous frock
to allow growing room
for extra buttock

vacuuming any/all
comestibles in sight
downing, emptying, gulping
refrigerator contents chock a block
nearly suctioning him,
who doth tongue in cheek mock
think apple pie, yet for
grace of dog ad hoc
anchoring spindleshanks laughingstock
skinny chicken legs (mine)

with knees that knock
worse than concentration camp victim,
(this gentile Jewish atheist gently pock
king fun without intent to rock
the casbah, nor ethnically clash
mainly innocent poetic schlock),
nonetheless chicken legs
repurposed to anchor lock
stock and barrel Matthew Scott
madly flapping wings imitating flock

of seagulls to no avail
this shabby not so chic flabby baby boomer
body, mum mama
(deceased eighteen plus years)
followed dietary strictures touted by
the late Doctor Benjamin McLane Spock,
no matter, I got hoovered
into maw of tee misses,
who instantaneously
spit out awful poppycock.

thru truckloads of his personal communiqués broadcast
(methinks quite some years ago) across world wide web,
but now still smarting from selfishness, I feel quite aghast.

Yes practically every word
needs be overwritten with bleep,
nevertheless, an intimation doth arise
regarding me-an utter creep,
whose abominable banality, deplorable effability,
horrible insecurity, miserable notoriety...
impossible mission to expunge
indelible impression wrought upon
kith and kin, their rancor
towards me invariably runs deep.

A veritable desert storm sweeps across psyche
of one humbled wedded wordsmith,
who derived vicarious testosterone laden pleasure
attempting to arouse adventuristic, cathartic, ******,
gymnastic, idealistic, kinetic, monopolistic,
opportunistic, quixotic, sensualistic,
unproblematic, and wholistic desire.

Upon scrolling thru mine
quite *******, sordid outdated
personal classified advertisements
herewith follows mild mannered random sample.

...though in me noggin go wah wick it tee whack
*** i ham bull across mental railroad track
ah bet cha, u probably hit the sack
perhaps after quaffing ample liquor on the rack
perhaps daniels jack
or **** king a drag to ease the frack
king beau wows - whether
yar special prince charming white
or orange is the new black.

poetry n prose trademark tagline
of non rugged Scottish tar tanned Matt
whose seeks emotional covalent bond
with a gentle electronic sparks fur us to align.

I use words to hew as doth an ax
cuz, this man haint wanna
re:sieve any mo' cracks
hoop ping newt to induce any flax
wassup - u ax well just wanna relax
n enjoy ******* 2 the max.

'Though principle balance
accounts compounding interest
to pusillanimous po' paw
span more'n one direction set
724 numb bored abode
west o old railroad tracks
don't cross less b *** human co slaw.

thus police try knot 2 judge me
though yar mind i might tax
via the following human
healthy (nada hedonistic) nirvana
pardner 2 ride gingerly
as if...among pacman
with his oxygenated yoked yaks.

I lived west about a doze zen
***** dire strait deeds
done dirt cheap miles
from center city Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania), where tapped kidney *** freeze
and saw no email nor any text message
e'en one replete with **** n ******
cuz I wanna u2 to hear
inxs of imagine dragons snorting
on verge to sne...snee...sneez...sneeze
possibly allergic flirting with amorous tease,
whereat rolling in the hay induces wheeze.

I recoil with revulsion absolute zero excuse
touting ignoble, horrible, fallible, execrable...
extramarital misdeeds sabotaging
marital fidelity courtesy
fostering illicit relationships
with veritable females,
who possibly found me feeble poetic antics
docile, juvenile, nonvolatile, ultravirile (ha)
bemused, cajoled, enticed, finagled...
at overtures sporting Casanova wannabe.