I truly have
a love...hate...
relationship

between
believing...
what I know
and...
knowing
what I believe...

Symbiotic...
and toxic...
It's a detailed.
enigma...

My curse...
My passion...
an ever present pull...
with stubborn intent
often directly opposed
To the path
which I am on...

When I was much younger
I developed a systemic
and purposeful mission
to design the person
I was to become

I had carefully weighed...
tested and mapped out
my "edges"
finally setteling on
habits, personalities
and a type of lifestyle...
this allows me
a precarious balance...
between honor, appearances
and fair exchange ..
friendship, acceptance and fun...

Something rare
during my colorful  
and...
then recent
childhood...

Like I said...
young...
and well...

Once I found my path...
I stubbornly believed...
That no others...
existed...for me

Really young...
...hee hee hee

As we all know...
life happens ...

...and I rolled
and flowed...
and always seed to manage

But I didn't bloom...
I just became really good
at being me.

Just missing...
a really good second...
again
waiting...to become...

Have you ever thought about what your Life could have been?
The Dream that didnt become real?
The Happiness you might have seen
When alive you could  feel?
To feel blessed upon your quest
To Live the Life you always guessed
Would be your Life-yes it be best
Have you ever yet?

Have you ever stopped to think
How your Life should have been?
How joyfully you"d be tickled pink
When your dream could be seen?
To have what you,you thought u need
To live Life Happily indeed
Would all your heartaches dissapear?
Have you recently?

Well dear reader
I cannot give
You hope that it could be
But what i give
Is simply put:the words that follow be:
"If what you thought about ur Life
Was ment to be seen
Remember then someone or thing
Would never have had been-
And say you were plain Happily
Living out YOUR dream
Then all the Plans God made for you
Would they still have been?
Its not about setteling
For something now you see
But rather embracing Gods Favor
Over who you were ment to be-
And it is only with grattitude
You can accept His grace
For if you knew what could have been
You"d be in a total different place-
It isnt with a happy heart
I say these words to you
For yes within my broken heart
I feel the way you do-
For Life will never be the way
You nor I could dream
But even if we could have been
This Poem would almost not be seen
By you who reads it
And by me
----      ----
Little things die peacefully
Great things rage and fight
Little things will bring you joy
Great things tears and spite
Little things means graTtitude
Great things just delight
Its little things that keeps your Life
And leads you to HIS Light...
Never argue anymore
Just know somewhere"s an open door
Never loose your Heart and Soul
For thats what keeps you whole
---       ---
For Life will never be the way
You nor I could dream
But even if we could have been
This Poem would almost not be seen
By you who reads it
And by me...

This is where I am.
Setteling like the dust between my floorboards...
With the dust even...
Honestly, I find myself on the ground a lot and this room has big windows and the light comes in at a slant and I can watch the lint dance from the curtains and hit the floor, like that, like me. Yes! I can watch the dust settle and not be restless at all!