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Miles of highway pass me by.
So many beautiful places.
Yet apon nights reflection I cannot even try.

She waits down near that red Georgia clay.
So many names to recall.
But only one brings a tear to my eyes to say.

Jasmine scented dreams hang like spanish moss
in my mind.
My soul does linger apon a southern shore
for the one I could never leave behind.

Ive travled the four corners
From the lights of Vegas to isolation of planes Montana.
I can forget all but my sweet savannah.

People many inviting yet none lure me to stay.
All night dinners frequent flyers.
loving like madmen only to vanish with the day.

We are pirates of land.
Giving all sacrfice the soul.
The tramps of being in demand.

Should I stray to oceans view.
Cocktails by the beach front bar.
Taste of peach mixed with strawberries and bannana.
So sweet to the taste apon painted lips.
But none can ever quench the thirst.
For the sunset of savanna
For years it's been my  defense my escape and my prison
all in one.
It's a drug I can and will never kick.
I wield it as a wepon sharper than any razor none
could ever hold.

But it's a love hate relationship twisted in it's
lack of perfection  harsh edges none can
understand but I.

But in it I find isolation in others happiness I find
none of my own and like any drug its high slowly drains you
yet no matter your best efforts to escape it your always
a ****** after that fix.

I've taken to the stage as easy as breathing
and found it simple to draw there laughter.
Happiness is a splendid vice i deal it often yet
In jokes we show are fears  are weakness is on display
for the mocking of others.

Why do I struggle with masks when my own face is but a stranger
to me?
From the stage im the fool by apearence yet I control
every thought  a craftsman  in laughter  my job
i understand better than any other.

Yet I yern to be more than a teller of jokes.
It's to easy at times not that I want to seem
like a ego mainac  but my job I know well.

Often we see the comedians but seldom do we see the misreble
******* behind the jokes.
Maybe were madmen lunatics in a asylum
so happily on display.

The laughter is the comfort and for a moment it heals.
You feel it like a drug it it flows through your veins.
You take people outta there misery if only for a second
and thats the reward there happines is but my gold in thought.

But any role can become a trap.
For no one cares to hear a fools thought.
So you drown in other vices make light of your ******* up past.

And with any  exceptance in life it changes you.
People treat you diffrent for they see the act not the person.
Soon you cant even see yourself anymore.

Relationships turn sour.
Welcome strangers  who thirst for fun replace friends
And the more you succeed the further away you become.

So you drown in ***** or dose in pills  
Share moments you can barely recall.
Hide behind dark glasse's talk to women who claim
to want a glimpse but you both are just junkies
yerning for that fix.

But to be close if only for a moment is a
bitter sweet  dream cast on a nightmares
wing.

But there's always someone who can see past your *******.
but no matter how strong the love the stage and the laughter
are a poisen few can survive.

For how can you love the man who lives a double life?
Who's loved by many and understood by few if
even himself.

Everytime I get up there it's a sacrfice a road ive choosen
with no set reward.
My love for one can never match the  love of many.

It's more than joke ,Im more than a comedian,
Yet im less off a person after the lights fade.
Nothing can match that fix of the stage.

Pain ,Isolation the loss of yourself  and everyone you ever
cared for  thoose my friends are the setbacks of humor.
From the Still Night Sessions

Im sorry for this being it reaks of misery.
But I feel it give's another side of the coin so to speak.
In real life im a comedian I know shocking right.

Making people laugh is one of thebest feelings in the world
to me yet this speaks the truth for me.
It's not easy posting this but sometimes you have to go deep
no matter where it takes you.

I write things on the spot and ive wanted to try in my limted skill
to express the other side of the laugther.
Humor at least mine comes from a very dark place.
This book is taking me places I dont want to go
yet no matter the cost apon yourself I feel you must give all
cause no one who was ever worth there salt was ever half ***
about anything.
I'll never have  fans for I am  the one in awe
of you all.    

Thank you for reading.

John.
Akira Chinen Apr 2016
The misunderstood
The kind beautiful souls
That care too much
Love too deeply
Laying in bed
With monsters
And demons
And devils
Holding their hearts
Hiding in their arms
Crying
Because everything hurts
Seeing the world as it is
Watching nothing change
It's painful just to inhale
And exhale
The simple act of breathing
Hurts
Nearly unbearable
And they breathe
And live
And survive
Through the pain
And heartache
Day after day
Stronger and more
Beautiful
For the happiness
They sacrfice
From themselves
By caring and loving
Too much
They see beauty
In the world
In other people
Sometimes real
Sometimes illusion
But rarely do they
See that in all our world
In all our truth
And all our faults
That it is from their
Own hearts
That the purest
Beauty shines
Feeling trapped
And chained
And lost
To darkness
Never knowing
Never trusting
Never loving
Their own light
Often not being able
To see it themselves
No one stopping
To say

It's ok...

I'm here with you...

Its ok to hurt
It's ok to sleep
With sadness
Buried deep in
Your marrow
It's ok
To be depressed
To crawl under
Your bed and hide
With your monsters
It's ok to dance
With your pain
Dance and dance
Until your feet bleed
And your whole being
Aches
Dance until the pain
Is part of you
Because
It is part of you

It's ok to be you

No one is free
Of suffering
Of sickness
Of death
But not everyone
Really feels
It's the misunderstood
The kind
The beautiful
Caring too much
Loving too deeply
That feel
Everything
And to feel
Everything
You have to hurt
Hurt down to when
Your soul was pulled out
Of the void
And into existence
Hurt back to when
Your heart took its first beat
Back to your unbearable
First breath
All alone in the void
Rushing into this life
Unknown...

Hurting

So feel everything
For those that hurt the most
Also love the most
And it is the purest love
Everything about you
The pain and hurt and heartache and depression and suffering and love...

Everything...

Everything makes you beautiful
The biggest sacrfice one can give is to let a love one go.
To be able to say goodbye to that person you destroy by your presence.
Leaving you up in the middle of the night whispering their name.
Knowing that they will never come.
Living with a shattered self to protect them.
Protecting them against you.
Cause your bad news.
It's been this way since birth.
It's not a bad habit of destruction you carry.
No, it's who you are.
You want to embrace it.
Yet, you can't.
You lost the one person who did see that one sliver of good in you.
It gave you purpose being with them.
Now you have to turn back to the world before you knew them.
Yet, it is different.
They forever impacted you.
Without the warmth they poured on to you, you grow cold in the dark. Waithing for a new light.
cal May 2021
2001
halloween
a broken girl
a broken boy
***** a missed dose of birth control and a broken ******
"callee"
a guardian angel sacrfice

— The End —