having the low down blues and going
into a restraunt to eat.
you sit at a table.
the waitress smiles at you.
she's dumpy. her *** is too big.
she radiates kindess and symphaty.
live with her 3 months and a man would no real agony.
o.k., you'll tip her 15 percent.
you order a turkey sandwich and a
beer.
the man at the table across from you
has watery blue eyes and
a head like an elephant.
at a table further down are 3 men
with very tiny heads
and long necks
like ostiches.
they talk loudly of land development.
why, you think, did I ever come
in here when I have the low-down
blues?
then the the waitress comes back eith the sandwich
and she asks you if there will be anything
else?
snd you tell her, no no, this will be
fine.
then somebody behind you laughs.
it's a cork laugh filled with sand and
broken glass.

you begin eating the sandwhich.

it's something.
it's a minor, difficult,
sensible action
like composing a popular song
to make a 14-year old
weep.
you order another beer.
jesus,look at that guy
his hands hang down almost to his knees and he's
whistling.
well, time to get out.
pivk up the bill.
tip.
go to the register.
pay.
pick up a toothpick.
go out the door.
your car is still there.
and there are 3 men with heads
and necks
like ostriches all getting into one
car.
they each have a toothpick and now
they are talking about women.
they drive away first
they drive away fast.
they're best i guess.
it's an unberably hot day.
there's a first-stage smog alert.
all the birds and plants are dead
or dying.

you start the engine.

The miracle, the way that we have found enough light in people to see them as more than a spit of darkness, is my biggest question.
Because the heart is tender, and more of a song than anything else,
and it is up to us who we allow to echo throughout our hollow bodies, proving again that our anatomy an opera house, and coming home a
form of apologizing without even speaking. You only die as many times as you live, you only come back somewhere one time until it starts to become a
piece of you.
People are the same way.

It was not how her hands
trembled pouring orange juice at breakfast, or how I saw his eyes never looking at her the right way,
but it was the silence that broke my heart. The quiet, the absence of everything beautiful floating in midair, suspended like lungs that
were made to be drowned and never had the taste of saltwater.
Silence, more than any word, carries the weight of cities, it is
the red exit sign, sitting atop the door near the back of every
restraunt that you look for without even meaning to. I want to
write about life, and how much it simply is, and how there is so much
to it, but I can't tell the difference between it, and the moments that
define it. All of these personal infinities that shape us like skin was made from wood and hands made to carve, and I find myself grateful for the small
eternities that come to me.
All of these ways to take the tender from the heart.

My family is diverse like food on a plate at a restraunt.
My family gets along as a cohesive unit.
My family is short on college graduates.
My family are working class workers.
My family is busy and usually has a hard time getting together for the holidays.
My family is awesome.

I went to a brand new town
Spread out across the desert like a prom queens legs

The place has one restraunt
The place has one gas station

I made a mental note to look em' all in the eyes.
The guy at the counter was human enough

His nametag said MIKE
Mike, your *** is mine

What'll it be boy
**** people who call me boy

Just this
bottle of water

That'll be a dollar, son
**** people who call me son

I pull out a dollar
well...a dollar that looked something like a Colt Python 357.

That put a damper on ol' mikes day
I bet that **** fool ****** himself

I wonder If he noticed the sunlight flickering off  guns mother-of-pearl handle
I sure did

Take all the money. Please just don't **** me
I don't want the money, Mike

He whimpered when I said his name
******* always do that

What do you want then.........
Mike, I want to **** you

Sure enough he had to have a reason
The worst ******' word in the world

Why

and its nemesis

Because

You want to **** me just because?
because why?

Right there I knew Mike would never get it
He would never understand...poor old mike

Your about to get a wake up call Mike
Your about to be free as **** and not know what to do with yourself

Mike stands there with his hands up shaking
At home his wife is talking on the phone to her sister about going up there on vacation

Mike says
Please I have a wife and kids

Please don't **** me
Please Please dear God don't **** me

Mikes daughter was making him a fathers day card with a glue stick and glitter
Mikes son was licking the **** of some girl. Parkeed out by the Big Red Rock.

Mike Listens
Mike wants to live

Listen Mike
I say cool calm and collected

Your about to get it mike
Mike imagines his wife reading his obituary

You are about to lose your own soul Mike
You know...gain the whole world

Your about to be free Mike
You are one of the lucky ones

No need to thank me once you've gone Mike
You just enjoy it

For a second Mike looked like he understood
like he mighta got it

Let that which is given
Become lost

Let that which is gained
Become lost

Let this ******* pig, ****, trash, ****-stained-matress of a life
Be put out with the Monday trash

Mike knew he was in for it
Done for

I asked mike if he wanted to die like a man
I looked him hard in the eyes

He said he sure did
I asked him if he was ready to do the work of the universe

The work of god
Yes I am

I hand mike the gun
and the first bullet takes me through the right eye

So slow I can feel the optic nerve sever
before I die

before I die
I see mike standing over me

Looking down at me
this giant bleeding hole in my head

Mike says thank you
I tell him...Hey Dont Mention It

After he empties the rest of the rounds into my head
Mike walks out into the desert

He walks to my car
Fills it with gas

and gets inside
right there on the seat where I left the

box of shells for him to find
reloading

key turn
engine crank

and the car pulls slowly onto the street
the car drives down the desert road

****, it sure feels good to be free

BASED ON TRUE EVENTS:


One evening in the fall my mom took my brother and I to get some food..
We wanted fried chicken so she took us to churches chicken..

We went through the drive through and noticed right away that a brown chevy nova was in front of us while a white ford pick-up was behind us..

I was in the passanger seat, my mom was driving, and my bro was in the back seat..

My brother had a drink with him and he moved up in the middle of the seat to tell me and my mom something..
He spilled the drink onto the front seat and my mom and i tried to avoid getting wet..

In that 3 seconds we all noticed it at once what had truly happened..
The chevy nova in front of us was now behind us while the white ford pick-up was now in front of us..

3 seconds they switched spots.. all 3 of us noticed it.. this is not impossible if the time suited it correctly..

this means the white truck would have to reverse all the way around the restraunt while the brown chevy nova would have to drive all the way around.. i still can not explain it till this day..

one of my roommates
is very similar to a mom
except he doesn't nag to help
he bags when things aren't his way
I gotta say
it annoys the **** out of me
like, he lives with two other people
it requires bending
compromising
learning
not constant complaining
or telling me how to do dishes
despite the fact that I never leave
dishes in the sink
(It's him and the other guy)
plus I worked in a restraunt
I've done a thousand dishes
and I do them better
ugh
I'm just hung over
and complaining
but ******* A
let me be

Kissing you for the first time
Holding your hand
Walking down the road
Or driving to your favorite restraunt
I wish I had those memories
Where there's an us
I wish there was a memory of love
Romance woven, our fingers intertwined
I wish I had those memories
But they'll never happen
I live too far
Your heart a barracade
A mountain fortress
Maybe one day the treasure
Residing within with no longer be held prisoner
Considered cursed
Corrupting all who seek to possess it
I wish I had those memories
Taking journeys creating adventures
Just me and you like it always should have been

He was beautiful but way too young for me.
I should have just walked away.
But God is no so kind to divorced women
close to the age of forty with a
lot of dissolutionment with modern urban life.
My husband cheated on me
with his secretary.
Tell me you haven't
heard that before.

I met him at a family get together.
a BBQ with awful food
and cheap wine.
it was his youth I think
it glowed like freedom.
So full of life.
All the emotions yet to happen.
Not all those that had already been.
He dumped his girlfriend
when he saw me.
I don't for the life of me know why.
She was pretty and perky
and so very young.
not like me at all.

He caught me looking at him
but I did not release my gaze.
That was cruel he was a just a boy
I found out later he was Twenty two
he gave me all I needed at that time.
All the things my rat ******* husband
had never given to me.

I admit I used him for his beauty
and his life that shone from him.
But I did not know
I was falling in love with him.
He undressed. me with his eyes ond smile.
I could not wait to undress for him.
My mother always so wise
said let him go honey it will end badly.
But I didn't.
He moved in to my urban nest.
The few hundred square feet
that was all mine
where the outside world ended.
After a while
I was miffed he did not have a job like I did.
That he sat around playing Nintendo all day.
But then he kissed me
and said I love you baby.
and I melted for him.

I got angry when he was drinking beer
with his friends
in my apartment.
When i got home from a hard day at work.
and I threw him out.

I told him he was never going to be what
I needed he was too young.
He moved into his buddy's place.
and called nme ten times a night.
Then I saw him again
it was in the local delli
I moved a can of caviar
and he was buying steaks
on the other side.

I took him home to my place
undressed as usual
he would not wear his ******.
He said I want you to have our baby.
I froze like a deer in the headlights.
I wish he had just ****** me.
All of a sudden
I saw his vulnerability
his youth his inexperience.
He was a baby and I was playing with him.
I knew it was a trap for him.
A trap I could not set.
so I opened the cage
the door left wide open.
and he flew out into
the wild rarified air
above the mountains.

I saw him again about a year later.
I was drinking wine at my favorite restraunt with a group
Of my friends.
It was near the holidays
The cold new York frost had formed on the window.
His breath melted a small section
Our eyes met and he he flashed his beautiful smile.
I caught my breath and my heart beat quickly..
But then he turned away.
And walked into the icy winter cold of the old city
Which had seen many such love stories before.

Growing up I saw a lot...
I saw pain and misery...
I lost my mind and went insane...
I killed my best friend die...
Watched my grandma pass away...
Saw my friend get hurt...
Saw her...
Fall before me....
I cried and cried...
Cried for hours cried for days...
I was dropped on my head 3 times...
I was born a month early...
When I was told...
When...
She told me...
My brother is going to prison...
I cried and cried...
I make my promise...
Not to lie...
Not to die...
Not to give up...
I hold one person close...
As he is my happiness...
I want to hold her close...
But I can't...
I just cry and cry...
I want her in my life...
But they say no...
They say no...
They say...
I say yes...
She makes me complete...
Makes me whole...
Makes me smile...
Makes me happy...
If only I could hold her close...
I wouldn't cry...
I would smile...
They say I'm not in love..
But they don't know...
I found out some crucial news...
My stepdad...
He is cheating on my mom...
I cried and cried...
I hate him I really do...
I don't understand why....
He is bad...
Blames me for things that I don't do...
He turns my own mom against me...
He hurts me...
He...
There is a line you draw...
When your done...
I drew that line today...
Im not dealing with it...
He can leave...
I don't care...
Get out of my life...
Ruin someone else's life...
Just don't ruin ours...
Now you see I love my mom...
I don't want to see her hurt...
And when she is I cry...
Like last night...
I cried and I cried...
It was all because of him...
I give up...
Im letting go of the rope...
Im falling...
Lower...
And lower...
Deeper and deeper...
Into a void...
Where I can't escape...
It droves me to tears...
It makes me cry...
I'm okay...
I lie...
I just cry...
Cry...
Cry...
Age 17...
Dating a girl...
Love her so...
Dad...
Mom...
Find out...
Dad...
Pins me down...
I can't breath...
All I see...
Is my life...
Early childhood...
Age of 2...
Rock hits me in the head...
Suprisingly not...
Dead...
Age 3 fall bust my face...
Still in pain...
Age 4...
Starting school...
Rivalary for a girl...
Another Zachary...
One girl...
Two Zachs...
Yea I lost...
I smiled...
Age 5...
Got hit in the head...
It bled...
And bled...
Age 6 through 7...
...got hit in the head again...
Lost my memory...
Age 8 through 12...
I lost my childhood...
Worked in a restraunt...
Age 13 through 16...
I...don't wanna talk about that...
Age 17..
Went through depression..
Hit rock bottom...
Felt it all...
Hit a wall...
Died a bit...
Cut my wrist...
Almost died...
Met a girl...
Made me smile...
A lot...
A lot...
Made me smile A lot...
Took the pain...
Now its gone...
Made me whole...
Made me feel compete...
Feel in love...
Again and again...
Now...
We are one...
Im complete...
Happy forever...
In love...
Met my...
Other half...

Window blinds cover up
slanted shaded
T-shirts left by the gutter

No jack of all trades
a soda pop bacon shampoo
dinning room menu.

5 star restraunt. a lone
twentysix lighted lamps
a treehouse ennui

Seven red thoughts, not or really not
gourmands set on the stage.
a plagiarized venue.

Cream of the crop, won't you take off your top
It's too late to stop, next your ******* should drop
I'm kissing the ground that you tread like it's hot
Know I've been stirring and cooking this ***.

Holy **** I spilled it

Loose leaf messages, my texts send direct
Oh what I would give to taste your neck
Which scene is next, **** I'm the director
Holding the controls, here's my fill in Hector
Gotta specter detector, the phantom is prowling
Who let the cat loose, I love its yowling

Madman symphony, Bethoven isn't **** to me
Frames of time in history, make nothing more than hits to me
Girl please hit on me, much to give but much to need

Dance with the system, fully electronic
7 more drinks and I might be super sonic
Slick black, blonde hair, what's a sayain born to fear
God is just another power level to me

Can you see?
Nice eyes
You're born to believe
In me, and you, I may have a clue,
Credit to my formula, you love how I adore you girl
Pushing pink buttons on your insides, your insides

Could you just be mine for this night

I feel fear, I excite, was my timing right
All to give, none to take, it's a clean mistake
Is it fake, or half baked, please return the plate

Alone at the restraunt I'm afraid to call your name, the seat you chose was perfect I'm afraid to shake the frame, a thousand simple questions know the answers feel mundane, to start and end our romance I will try to win this game, run jump crouch and hide, take myself for a ride, not like if I **** up ill actually die.