i’m so ******* weird
from the time i could talk
i could never get the language just right
since the first time i walked
been stumbling and awkwardly fumbling along

a slow learner is what they called me
in the back offices of the training institutions
the doctors and teachers didn’t know what to do
but my experience was as true as any without solutions
wish i could find the best words to remind me of you

keep your eye on the ball
or sing the tune to your own songs
you never get the balance right or wrong
life’s as short as it is twice as long
driving around in a teenage mind looking for something to prove

we would draw pictures in art class in high school
most of the kids would paint flowers or attempt portraits
i would draw intense war scenes prophesizing the end to come
with underground bunkers and a militarized fortress
to harbor the last remaining scraps of humanity and my sanity

i’m so weird
they called it an autism spectrum disorder
but i wonder if i’m actually possessed by a demon
a love demon dancing out on the border
between insanity and the truth and the divine

i’m so ******* weird
i especially am slow
stumbling and tumbling toward the light
always right, always wrong, i know
since the day that i was born i’ve always been a slow learner and a loon

**originally posted on my blog at https://sublimeobscenities.wordpress.com/ on January 8, 2015

They hailed
and prostrated on the dust
as the monstrous jeeps passed.

Chants of praises
in loud native phrases
all for one man with deep pockets.

White man would look and say,
" Africans "
Black man would look, smile
and shake his head.

We say Nigeria is distressed
We say there is no money
We say all our leaders should face the firing squad
We say alot of things.

Churches are increasing,
Spiritual leaders are prophesizing,
Intellectuals are holding conferences,
Analylists are investigating,
Ministers are budjeting
and yet nothing is changed.
Still that black man on
the presidential seat wants
a second term.
Another term of nothingness.

I know everyone deserves
a second chance,
but ruling Nigeria
isnt a dice game.
We are in a state of nature
where every man is a danger
to the next.
Even body parts can not be guaranteed
to remain in one piece,
even in death
because of these ritual get-rich quick individuals.

Just like a mathematical equation,
Nigeria's solution
is " no solution ".
But, because there is no answer
doesnt mean it can not be solved at all.

I would not be the first to write about Nigeria
nor will i be the last,
but let history record
that at least i verbally cared.

you me and
blue
transitions
and far off horizons painted with wishes
one day....
we always say

tracing palms with fingers
soothsaying or prophesizing
cards played
wide-eyed amazed
grazing at life's tender
shoots

when as always it all
is so much simpler
than the mortal life
absolves on
a daily day all
tormented coiled inside
are ten million squirms
for every cry

never one answer

but one eternal theme
that rose blossoms true
and the vernal winds cool
once came a blue
on a storm's distal
view

and for every glint
of the sun comes a
distant hologram on the eye
a corresponding elegant
glow that lasts

into your visage a sign
that not all life and reality is
destined at once
to be recognized
just take things at face value a wary grace
faith if you will

and see
the sky
blue

that's all  my wisdom

Remember when we had destinations and desires
And we slung great speeches from our lips as if they were something big?
And I mean: we thought they were really large. We lived in that size.
But there were times that I accidentally left the car unlocked because
I’ve got pictures in my eyes and they’re all of you
You are hiding beneath a bridge with me and we are accidentally prophesizing the end while bathing in the creek
He is with you and you’re ****** and you are telling me I'm not real
I am pretending to listen to your records while basking in the sound of your breathing
We are kissing between destinations
I am on the street at three in the morning and I am hoping you are still awake
But the true-ly real one:
You are asleep and I’m singing to you because
You have no thoughts to distract your ears
There is a Polaroid on the wall and in it you are naked and covered in mud and you look like the Earth I want to know you I want to ******* but I don’t know that I just know that you are what I have been thinking about when I am nowhere at all.
I have lost slices, phrases, places to you
It is only now, when I am somewhere you cannot be, that I know love.

Through the blue tone
Of my deadened layers
The life leaked so simply
Disappearing into the pool of
Emptiness and rage
Into the eyes
That knew no gratitude
The bottomless fall into
Meaninglessness
And yet through the lucidity of this phantasy
Faith persisted to survive
Uncomprehancibly
Unverbalized
The sound of a dead crow
Prophesizing there is more
Than mind can comprehend
Worlds yet to be discovered
Inspirations and souls to be awakened

Distracting yourself with all the things of your doing
Little time left for beauty  
The people, the places, the problems,
The gardens below the deep blue sea
What next,
What to do
But not me
God spoke to you your divine mission
But you had other plans
Prophesizing was not your ambition
Accused of sedition
Your shipmates up roared
Threw you overboard
For refusing to obey the lord
Jonah in the whale chasing his own tail
Swallowed whole
It was a dark night of the soul
Dark nights don’t last forever
I’m hoping
The whale took pity
Spit you from nit-picky
Onto a sandy shore
It was there you saw her
A damsel in distress
Rapunzel in a Versace dress
You are in
Survival a la mode

Tell me
What is real
What fantasy

Danger lurking in your own backyard
Disguised as femininity
You swing from to and fro and
When push comes to show
All the things you know
While you row upstream
Adrenalin coursing like rain
Tendrils rooted in pain
You’re a ******
Just the same
Chemically constructed
but that
Keeps you on the safe track.

When describing the way
I love you
there are several approaches I could take.

I could use a long drawn-out cliché.
Expressing how my love for you is
boundless, limitless, and unconditional.

I could compare the two of us to iconic lovers.
Prophesizing that our love will go down in history with
Romeo & Juliet, Jack & Rose, or Lucy & Ricky.

I could conduct an ornate chain of events.
Demonstrating the immense love I have for you through a
Choreographed flash mob, a pile of gifts, or grand acts of service.

Why would I do any of this when
our love is completely unique
and is more complex than a simple three word phrase.

I cannot find anything comparable.
Our love is distinguished in
its origin, its demonstration, and its depth.

Trying to find a way to describe my love for you
I feel myself becoming quite
Lovey dovey & overly tender.

These are the feelings all people in love express.
What is so distinctive about us
you may be asking?

Our love is built on:
Gingerbread houses
Kitchen slow dancing
Matching pajamas sets
Three-dollar wine
Quarantine movie marathons
Mario Kart tournaments
Sunset walks
Cooking competition shows

This is the foundation of our love.
Our early, goofy memories
allowed us to bond incredibly close, incredibly fast.

I learned the obscure details about you.
The way your hair grows in a hurricane pattern
The way you sigh and succumb to the couch after a long day
The way the left corner of your mouth smiles before the right
The way you can’t sleep without noise in the background
The way you never fail to eat your salad after your main course
The way you step heavier in your heels rather than your toes
The way you can taste the difference between Frank’s Red Hot and the off brand
The way you spray your cologne only on special occasions

I hope that these reasons show you
how serious I am when I say
I love you more.

But not more than you love me, but
More than there are stars in the sky,
More than there are days in an eternity,
More than there are rays of sunshine,
More than there are craters on the moon,
More than there are grains of sand in the desert,
More than there are snowflakes in a blizzard.

My love for you is infinite.
I will never stop loving you,
Forever & Always.