Pineapple makes the roof of my mouth itch / and the tips of my fingers to blush pink / offset by the sparkle sticking juice / these are the kinds of things / reminding me of poolsides /

I can’t leave the way / sunwaves on pavement on skin / sinking into the meat of my body / and under my eyelids / that sigh closed / to the red glow lid / feeling / there’s a twisting shape of my hips / as they flutter in dance / I want to ignore everything but the night sounds / and whisper of lips on iced drinks

I ask myself to leave the patios of mid summer / to check the curtains that slap / and I know what kind of person I need to be / and the sounds of music from another room / spilled like sticky pineapple on your hand / you’re finding you / don’t really want to wash off that other you off / it’s just only these kinds of dreams / making these kinds of noises

summer came pleasently to me, as I indulged in any and every thing without you.
i went out often,
reconnected with people,
rebelled,
enjoyed myself by poolsides and in bars,
smoked all day,
drank all summer,
kissed different boys,
met people,
laughed till i cried,
all the things that joy would be made up of,
but I also cried all night.
it's funny because no matter how hard I tried to ignore any emotions and face any kind of reality, i still broke down.
I tried everything I could to not think, but you somehow crept into my mind once again one late night, and I was forced to face my demons and deal with the fact that you are not mine, and you never will be.
I do not get these breakdowns anymore, I don't shed anymore tears, but I feel a hollow empty space in my heart of pieces that echoes louder every now and then, and I don't think even you can fix that anymore.
yet I think I'll miss you forever.

I have never shot for the stars before
For fear of missing everything
But now I find the stars in my hand
And think that aiming high might be more than asking for failure

I have rarely dug too deeply before
For fear of missing the best cavern
But now I find that I missed more
By traveling so shallowly

I never swam so freely before
Suffocating in the air of a million poolsides and beaches
I never knew how deep joy could run
Until I tested the depth of water with both feet

When I finally let go I found
I have as many shots as there are stars
I can travel deeply in many caves without scarcity
I can breathe better in the water than I ever did on land

When I finally let go, I found
That there is truer safety in reckless abandon
Than can ever be found within solitary caution