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Julie Butler Mar 2016
aren't you
sorry for leaving ?
I've dissolved like salt
because I've become it
I'm fluent now, in being silent

Paced myself over and over
breaths because I have to
naming them after you,
because I forgot what need was

flatline me another time, love
tonight so I can sleep &

these are weekends;
those are mouths meeting.
I'm going to quit calling it love
& call for a favor cause

the wave is wild like the whale
just ask her;
I'm riding all of them on
shoreline shoulders
a continent of rhetorical knuckles
buttoned toward my throat

no mercy in floating through the roof
it was never a boat that saved us
only bones
my moral roots
doing whatever you say
Pea Jul 2016
xvii.

my dear neurosurgeon
failed to find my eyes,
he only looked
at my mouth, my
left jaw,
whine a little,
and gave me analgesic - i f

orgot what's the na
me - that replaced my f
ace with the mo
on. it's moon face. still

present until this very moment
just because my body wants to
remember. i
maintain my diet like there's
no tomorrow but actually there is &
boy did it
grace my stomach with a

crying gift, an angel's tears,
an angel lives near the volcano
everything turns sour.

i wasn't hurting at that time.

now i am. turning not only
my face to the moon, my whole body
is the moon, even my
fingers are the moon
but they are the crater part so
when i touch a boy he

disappears - when i
touch a girl i disappear.
i've never wanted to be a boy,

only some nights
i am so fragile i become masculine.
it's not that i've never felt
feminine, i do, every time

i am catcalled i do, every
time my father kisses me like a jewel
i do, every time my brother
treats me like a marionette
i do, every time i'm seen as angry i swear i do.

my mother is angry all the time but
that doesn't do anything about
her womanhood - her husband
still sees her as a good, and yes, the eyes
of a man
are like the sun, nothing at all
like mine.
my eyes are the only part of me
that is not the moon, that is pluto.

i've been to so many doctors
i am very sure it's not
the minds nor the medicines.

it's funny
that

my dear neurosurgeon
didn't even graze my skin -
the only time a knife
tore my epidermis open

it was a slim box cutter.

i've been to so many doctors,
i am very sure.
**** what the hell am i doing in a dental stool
8M Dec 2018
In a time so long ago
There lived a girl
By the name of Octavia

She was shy and mute
Not so much mute,
As just did not like to speak

Her parents were worried
She did well in school
But

Her social skills

p
  l
    u
      m
        m
          e
            t
              e
                d

She combed her long black hair at night
Quiet as a mouse
In the small, dark little house
She rested

Her parents had enough
She could not function in society
They locked her up
And told her to stay

She did not mind
After all, there were books
And a comb for her long black hair
To comb at night

Every day, she did just that

The town she lived in
f  orgot  a  bou  t h   e r

Bit by bit
She became unnerved

"Octavia, Octavia,"
She heard the voices say
"Why don't you come out and play?"

She shook her head, and read her book.

The voices stopped, then returned the next day.
Nothing else could be heard

Then, footsteps

Could someone be there for her?

No

They weren't

Eventually, the voices grew forms

Shadows of children, smiling and laughing
Octavia was wary and bitter
She did not like them
She combed her hair

One of them took the comb and ran
Octavia cried
Her hair would no longer be beautiful
Her beauty would

p
  l
    u
      m
        m
          e
            t

She paced throughout the room, reading her books
They became boring to her
Reading the same things, over and over again
Her bitterness grew stronger

She saw an old book, torn from time
And tears formed in her eyes
Weeping, she ripped a page out

And then another

And another

and another

another

more, more

m   o re

All her books were gone
Nothing to do
Except listen to the voices
She knew that they were messing with her
She did not know how to stop them
They held her hand tight
And told her,
"Play, play, don't be scared"

And then, she stopped being scared

Her parents, regret in their hearts
Unlocked the door, and found nothing
Except a girl with unkempt hair
And a trail of ripped pages

She looked at them, and a smirk grew across her face

"Don't you see? I play with the voices, and the voices play with me."
A bit dark.

— The End —