I am poetic and misunderstood
I wonder if anyone notices i'm not happy
I hear myself thinking, ruining myself
I see my family and friends so full of glee
I want them to understand i'm diffrent
I am poetic and misunderstood

I pretend to be happy with a bright smile
I feel the opposite
I touch the faint scars
I worry people will notice and judge or be mean
I cry at the memories of how low people made me feel
I am poetic and missunderstood

I understand everyone has problems of their own
I say if we all knew the deep stuff, we'd treat eachother better
I dream of the good memories and forget the nighmares
I try and strive to be better and stay rad
I hope to become someone I can be proud of
I am poetic and misunderstood

You are not what you see or feel
Demons have robbed you of your eyes
And placed a nightmarish carnival mirror before you
Monsters have stolen your heart
And buried it in mountains high and cold
Replaced it with a comfortable pain of numb
Your light shrouded by the devils clouds of doubt and misery
It is not you you see or feel
It is the lie and reflection
These scoundrels have placed in front of you
It is only a shadow and shell that these beasts have made
To trick and deceive
To torment and steal
Your heart
Your soul
Your beauty
Your truth
For I have heard your truth sing
I have been inspired by your beauty
I have danced with your soul
And I have been touched by your heart
The have thier lies screaming over your skin
To steal your confidence
They clutter your head with thoughts of failure
To bring down your self esteem
They take the color and magic from your eyes
And leave only the grey and dark ugly nighmares
You're not what they try to make you do
You're not what they try to break you to
When you think its you hating yourself
It is them and the living lie they have made from your fears
The mirror in front of you
Is full of demons smoke and beastly illusion
It does not reflct you
These monsters and devils work
For the black demon dogs of depression
They strip you of your truth
To feed them late night snacks
They drain your heart of love
To wet their burning tounges
They break your souls bones
To give them something to toy with and gnaw on
And then they leave you alive just enough to stand back up
So they can come back for more
It is a never ending cycle of lies and deceit
They hide you from yourself and only let you see
The marionette they have made to mock you with
I have seen your doubts and pains and aches
I have heard your tears sing in fear and desperation
And I have felt the nightmare blanket wrapped tightly around you...
It is not a thing many could survive
It is a place where most cannot escape
It is the pit no one dares look into
Without instantly begging for death
It is the void that devours the weak whole in but a single breath
It is a place where light dies without the trace of a shadow
Where dreamers bury their hopes and lose their will to wish...
It is here they have tried to hide your true self
It is from this pit I first saw your light streaking out from
That I first heard the call of your voice
I was helpless  to do anything but jump blindly into the pit
Into the unknown dark
And I have fallen to the end of its bottomless depths
And found you here
And here where all light dies
You still outshine the sun
Here in the cold dark
You blaze infinite warmth
You fight countless battles
Demon and black dogs
Beasts and monsters
Devils and scoundrels
Fight against you endlessly
You have your scars
You have lost your battles
And yet you stay strong
Your lungs ache to the brink of death
But you still inhale deeply
You have pushed through this war
For many a day and nights
Alone many times without aid
I have fallen here
Given myself to you completely
Dedicated my purpose and drive
To your aid
You do not belong here
Your light too beautiful for this place
Too beautful for this world
I am here now with you
You never need fight or fear alone
I will always be by your side
We will walk out together
Fly beyond this place
Reunite you to yourself
You will then see
Your heart
Your soul
Your beauty
Your truth
As I do
And then you will see
You make all things beautiful

Where are they?
Those arms that used to hold
Tightly to my skin
Till my nighmares would unfold
When did I do it?
Push my loves ones away
Tryinging to be stong
I made my soul crumble in dismay
I need you now more than ever
Will you please stay my kin
I won't let them know
That I am weak within
I'll stand in the light
Be stronger than I am
For only I know
that beneath this mask
I've fallen down
I have cuts on my knees
Scrapes on my hands
And bruises on my chest
I've not recovered from any of these
But still detirmined to stand
I've run miles to find you
I've searched every land
Yet you are so far away
And I need you so bad
Nobody likes those who are broken
Or helps up those who can't stand
Will anyone ever realise
That it's all pretend
I still defend others
Though I'm crying inside
Standing for my brothers
Until the day I've died

Nightmares have a face
A blank slate washed over
Now painted with gashes and
Bruises and tears and
Worn so proudly like a mask.
We know who the monsters are
But only remember before we sleep.

Nightmares have a face
That make me ***** late at night
Spending too much time looking in the mirror
Than I am washing out my mouth.
I'm scared to lift my feet from cold tiles
So I'll make a bed inside the tub.

Nighmares have a face
That whisper words with closed lips
And cold gray skin soaked in rain
Stifled by the dark of sleep.
I can't creep back into my bed
I couldn't tiptoe past the door.

Nightmares have a face
Filled by a shear of a grimace
That strike a cold sweat
Over every inch of me
Even with the lights turned on
Even with my palms on my chest
Telling me its okay.
Even when sliding over my heartbeat
I don't feel okay.

On nights like this
Nighmares are fierce
Memories of yours clear
When i am twisted in sheets
Its hard to breath, So
On nights like this
I want someone to hold on
So scream out for
My first ray of hope
with all I can
And baby
Its your name that come
All along my twisted tongue
The night after you left
I woke up so broken
The only place to put the pieces
Were the bags under my eyes
And within these hurt
I still love you
No matter what it does
I will never repent you

Pian

Pian

The scars on my  wrists are reminders.

The fresh cuts sting and burn, The red of my blood brings me release of pain that I feel inside. The pain of the sharp and the sight of the blood, it reminds me that I’m alive. But now it just there, there is no pain just numb.

Pain

I’m not scared of death.

No on the contrary I invite it with open arms.

No I’m scared of living. The thought of life is what chills me to the bone. That feeling that I don’t live up to society's standards. That I’ll be treated diffrently if I don’t fit the description of a cis girl.

Pain

It comes in the form of a dress, of long hair, of makeup, of *******.

It does not come in the form of a broken limb or a gun wound.

It is not a physical pain. Though it can be more inhabilitating than a broken leg. You no longer have the strength or will to get out of bed. Or even live anymore.

Pain

It comes from those who do not understand

It comes from words spoken about you but not to you. It comes from betrail of the highest form. That of a friend, of a lover, of family. They talk. Thats what gives you the power to take those pills. To bury the knife so deep in your wrist they can’t take it out. To put that rope necklace on and push away the only thing holding you up.

Pain

It is the friends you push away that can’t help you

It’s the feeling of pure depression. It’s not a sickness that you can see. You don’t cough, you don’t have a sniffly nose, you aren’t pale, you don’t have a fever of 127. You are so tierd becuause if you sleep you dream but can’t call it dreaming. It’s only nighmares.

Pain

It’s not what you think it is.

It’s like a friend who never leaves. Deppression lives with you and you can’t escape it. It slowly invades your sleep and every waking second.

Pain

For me my deppression is my body

My skinny waist, big hips, and *******. From my round face to my girly voice. My shortness and my slender hands and tiny feet. My deppression is my Dysphoria. She huants me when I look in the mirror. I see it in the faces of my friends. So I push them away.

Pain

It’s feeling so loney that it feels as tough you can’t go on any more

It’s pushing away your friends when you need them the most becuse you don’t wan to hurt them if you do leave. And you consider making life better for everyone including yourself by ending it all. Those pills, that blade, the knife, or the necklace of rope makes you feel free.

Pain



No more PAIN

No more PAIN

NO MORE PAIN



PAIN

Through out my life i've mostly found uncertainty and stress, often skeptical and miserabale because my world is such a mess. I don't like making choices for i often get them wrong, never finding any rainbows in the lyrics of a song.My heart and mind in turmoil because they often disagree, fighting all the demons who will never set me free. My hopes i know keep guarded and safely locked away, my dreams i've placed inside a box and there they'll likely stay. I blend into the shadows feeling trapped and unprepared, knowing that my nighmares will soon have me impaired. The fear is all consuming and it takes away my breath, holding on so tightly that it smothers me to death. My heart begins to race and i break into a sweat, because i recognize the monster as it casts it's silhoute. Conving me so easily that what i see is real,and soon the images in my head become a part of my ordeal. I've been swallowed up completly with no means of escape and the multiple images inside my head are more than i can take. Inside i know im screaming but no one hears my cries, the anger just keeps building and fills me with its lies. Years lived with little progress makes it hard to carry on, wondering how a single soul is quilty of such wrong In a fantasy world my voice is so  much louder than a tiny breathless sigh, and my heartache to the point of not believing in those lies. If i dream about a lifetime that may someday set me free, chances are i might have grown up unconditionaly loving me.