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Anais Vionet Apr 2024
Peter (my bf) and I were in Paris, about three weeks ago (I was on Spring break, he was on vacation from work).
‘Headstart for Happiness,’ by ‘the Style Council,’ was playing low somewhere.
“This is the kind of starry winter night that guy from the Netherlands used to paint,” I observed.
“If you were writing about it,” he asked, “how would you describe it?”
“Imagine a deep, still blue, hosting a field of luminescent light scatter, and a bashful moon, low in the sky, as if it were hiding in the trees.” I guessed.
“It’ll moonset soon,” he said “within the hour.” he added.
“I never think of moonsets.” I said, looking at the sky like it was new.
“The moon follows the line of the ecliptic,” he said, as if that meant something, “more or less,” he qualified.
“To think I grew up under an undifferentiated sky,” I marveled.

When I’m with him, I can relax, I don’t have to be-on, he’s smart enough.
Of course, I’d come in handy if he went into cardiac arrest or started choking on something.

We were sitting side by side, outside ‘Le Café du Marché,’ a bistro near the Eiffel Tower. Our waiter,  Léo, had just refilled our coffee. It was 9:30 PM and we’d been at this table for about two hours.

We’d reduced the tarte-tatin to a few crumbs forty minutes ago, but Léo knows me and although they're thirty tourists in line for tables, he won’t rush us.

Like puppets dance, we often mimic lines - I don’t know why.
“I was stalking you,” I confided, running a finger along his long-sleeve shirt-cuff.
“I was stalking you,” He said. Our eyes were fixed on each other.
“No, seriously,” I said, moving in much closer, to be serious.
“No, seriously,” He deadpanned back.
“Then I caught you,” I went on, and I was very close now, our lips maybe two inches apart.
“No, I caught you,” he said, smiling as I got very close. “It was ****** Jujitsu,” he softly bragged.
“Wax on, wax off,” I said before I stole a quick kiss.

Peter was shocked, a scooch, by French teens.
If French teens have a crush, especially in Paris, it’s a ‘drop what you’re doing,’ snog-fest - between classes in the hall, on-the-metro, in a coffee shop or grocery store they go-all-in, because love must be stormy, urgent, tinchy.
Here’s a secret. Peter says, “You **** my face, like no one ever has.” It must be the French in me. Ha!

Of course, I learned all I know about love from Taylor Swift.
Let’s see, first, I must be willing to let down my guard - because love can happen at any time.
Love, at its best, is overwhelming, mistake prone, meaningful and powerful - but I can’t assume it’ll last, because my lover may have ulterior motives. I could be hurt or changed by the experience - but I’ll have the memories. Eventually though, I’ll heal enough to try again - with a new set of expectations.

Maybe I’ll even write a song or a poem about it.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Ulterior: motives kept hidden to achieve a particular result.

tarte-tatin  = an apple **** with caramelized apples on the bottom, flaky pastry on top. YUM
scooch = a little
stormy = extremely passionate
tinchy = twitchy, reflexive
when did writing start hurting so much
being honest with myself so hard?

my words bled into sunsets, moonsets, dawns, dusks and the like
all my times were marked in some thing written for me to look back on

but when did it become so physically difficult, so heavy
to be honest with myself?

maybe it was when i realized that the mundanity of life is the
gravebed of my soul, having money to myself was not that great?

maybe when i realized that art for art's sake just reeks of desperation

and those younger than me became renowned and my age started to join
the generation meant for engagements, marriages, less social possibilities

and i then realized that i was lying to myself out of sheer desperation
but that i was desperately alone, desperately fighting scared,

flying was no longer a dream come true, and the worldspan measured
across the palm of my hand had already happened and i was an emu

left for extinction, my soul just a joke, an ironical metaphor
for the jaded cynicism that i had condemned and i read more and saw more

realizing i am frog at the bottom of a well and my victim mentality
was maybe a figment of imagination, and the hellscape of my perspective

being skewed drove around, round, round in my mind, such a frightening
possibility that what if?? what if?? i was just insane?? i was crazy??

was anything that happened to me that bad?? is there something wrong with me??

i was almost convinced and then i felt my heart truly shatter
i realized i did not actually matter
PurplePanache Apr 2020
april, lilac-breathed
settles like balm
onto freshly broken skin

wounds left by happiness
as she swallowed like a forgotten flower
into the tongue of the night.

moonsets at bedsides
voluptuous bodies
of uninvited clouds
locking skies within their lips.

fields of forgotten flowers.

my, the suffering we endure for the truths we tell and the lies we don't.
suffering is the light at the end of the tunnel of happiness?
april=current phase of life=suffering=balm=soothing for wounds
wounds?
yes, wounds.
wounds= happiness biting the night+night=another phase of life

moonset=night over=phase of life over

clouds=memories
skies=new day

— The End —