I have been smoking
Three malboros
Each night I drink
To prove to you that I've changed
Into something you'll hate
And my naive ****** throat
burns with the smoke
But it does not burn
as much as being alone
it was your birthday
three days ago

if a goddess from above and lucifer had a kid, it would be you.
every weekend with you was new, but always started with you giving me a face full of make-up & one of your raggy shirts that i so desperately loved but you just picked up from your closet floor, not even thinking twice if it smelled or not.  i didn't really care though, because even if it was ***** & smelled like your usual pack of malboros that i hated, i would try to find the slight smell of your lavender perfume that your ex-boyfriend got you from a cheap kiosk in the ****** mall we refuse to enter.

every time i come over i have to wake you up because you always oversleep whenever you take a nap before we go out, leaving a half-eaten bowl of soggy cereal in your lap & i always wonder how the hell it doesn't fall on you but then i remember that whenever you sleep by yourself you never move because when you were eight you were scared of monsters sensing you in the dark & you didn't want them taking you so you never moved from your spot in your little twin sized bed.

you made sure to always take your moms car quietly whenever she fell asleep which was  usually around ten at night & i always listened to your instructions on how to follow you because i didn’t want you to be angry with me because you were known to have anger problems & that was one of the reasons you were sent to utah for a year.

you gave cats & sinners feet the path to run into mischief. you gave them wrath & you gave them love leading both to leave you & me wondering where you are now as i sit here writing this. hopefully thinking you’ll be in that little twin sized bed with your cereal & ***** shirts the same way i left you.

These glasses hold power over my liver and my best
the fluids help me get by with my time before rest
ill strike the match to burn away the bridges
take a few to inhale the smoke of my addictions
laid to bed ill worship the flesh like its my altar
write a note leave a notch still i wont falter
tragic how i became a tragedy and threw away remembrance
fantastic how i live in a fantasy of some sense of a resemblance
frozen in my ways i feel deaths cold grasp
burning with passions of old times elapsed
hiding behind a glass and exhaling my fears
will time show the wear and tear through my years
i got my good pals jack and jim to talk me through the worst
i got a cloud of malboros to retain me from urge
i have you by my side my dear but I cant be I with you
say it aint true but i cant stop what im bound to put you through
time will reveal the secrets in the dirt laid to rest i hope they burn
stand by me and your bound to wanna forget somethin u wish u hadnt learned
but ill hold my tongue and you will let yours wild heads up hands down hearts crowned
i wish i didnt have that day when ill scar your beauty with a permanent frown

as for me i wont do the best i can
so ill apologize for not being a man
you have become quite the woman that i admire
im a ******* who loves to follow desire
words are just words pain is just hurt
love is just our disease
we do wat we must just to feel pleased
and ima ghost who cant outshine my past so please dont be  so quick to get unraveled
by the path that my heart seems to travel
and its a shame that the sound of my footsteps as i walk away will resonate and seem to play a song that i wont ever forget from the day that im dead to you
im a wreck and its best to see me off im a beast that cant be fixed by the natural means
i drink and inhale the chaos of my own storm its the only way i feel comfortable so i apologize but you dont have to forgive
call me wat you want but dont call me in the morning because of cause and effect of affections you still have your life to live