The last time I heard your voice was a snowy february night, I was babysitting the boys, you called and I was annoyed but we stayed on the phone for an hour, an hour that I'll never get back. After you died I remember I tried to call your phone number just to hear that stupid voice message of yours, the one where you would trick people into thinking it was really you but they had already disconnected the number, it was gone forever, just like you.
The last time I saw you, you were dying in a hospital bed and that's not how I choose to remember you. I remember you as this short, black haired, strong woman who loved her family , old cartoons, and her piano. Sometimes when I hear Fur Elise being played I close my eyes and pretend you're playing for me and Kobie like you did when I was a kid.
I'm growing up now, I've done so much since you died and I wish you could be in the audience for every show, performance, and award ceremony that I'm in. I know you would love it, you always love those catholic school concerts that never were any good but you would see me after it, smile, and tell me how wonderful I was.
I remember the night I got my ears pierced and you came over to see us, you grabbed my face and told me how pretty I was and that moment still pops in my head when I walk into the dining room just doing my everyday things, I liked to think that's a reminder from you just saying "hey turkey ****". I don't let anyone call me that besides ***** and holly because that was our thing. I can't ever remember you calling me by my actual name. And I guess that was apart of growing up, not having someone call you by a childhood nickname.
A lot has happened in my life and many times I just wanted to call you and talk, to fill you in on everything, I want to hug you, and I just really want my Aunt Teri because it's been three years and 28 days since I've actually seen and felt you.
The songs just don't do it any more. After you died I made a playlist and called it "Aunt Teri" and it has four songs that remind me of you and I listen to them a lot but they're slowly starting to lose importance. I listen to the beatles and think of you because they were your favorite and so was pink floyd. They make me smile because they made you smile.
I don't remember your voice anymore, I know it's in the back of my head somewhere but I just can't recall it anymore.
You would be amazed how the boys have changed, Kobie is going to be in High School and Kyler is going to kindergarten. You would be proud. I'm graduating in a year and I hate that you won't be there for that either. ***** is kicking *** at school and will be a nurse very soon, you would be so proud of her.
You have another grandson, Hunter, he is so cute. He looks like Ray and you would be proud of him too.
The day you died I started my questioning of religion and I know you wouldn't be proud of that.
I have so much left to write but I have to go. I love you Aunt Teri.
