why did i ever go out on a friday night?
drinks with "friends" and hitting the essex
club "scene" -
well - no much of a scene -
there was never the music you'd want to listen
to: come friday or saturday -
even mid-week when all the rock kids
were "hanging out" -
what would be chances of being your own d.j. -
catching something really new...
POIZON - church is poizon -
cool mom - something between a crossbreed
of cage the elephants and nirvana on blew -
3rd view - moi -
but i used to: and i remember that gehenna of
a sobering walk - alone after a night out -
like some furious son of sam -
when youth still had the adrenaline with it
and a sense of anger ******* around with
disillusionment -

those were the friday nights: bon jovi highlights
and long hair and milking a somewhat androgynous
look - sometimes the mascara would come out...
those were the days of having milk skin
and a proper shave -
the long hair and the waistcoast and cravat: semi-,

the lonesome story before i met my beard:
fwyday mordaithceirch -
i actually have a name for it...
i forgot what's already the designated
whittle pecker mr. pritchard of the down down:
below...

oh, oh so what...
rough friday nights in my youth -
on the clubbing "scene" -
and always that moral hangover when it came
to drinking with others -
ever since i started drinking by myself:
i forgot the mirror and that bucket
of warm water beside my bed to put my hand
in before going to sleep...
once or twice the company was worth the drink -
but most of the time you only kept
such company: because you were drinking -
drinking was never an afterthought -

now... i like drinking alone -
at least i can keep fact-checking the company
and the odd vocab peacock taking to the catwalk
of a ruminating free-fall tongue waggle
and rummage - the needle in the haystack
adventure - or... the ******* bucket
of deshelled oysters...

there have been some awful friday nights -
but: seeing how i started to give my beard
a welsh name borrowed from a willem dafoe
novel - and how it simply became pointless
to wake the dead with the angry tantrums
of youth: and how i seem to have
forgotten where my 20s "went" -
somehow rooted in: da-sein and how
i "wasted" 2 years on one book by kant -
2 years on one book by heidegger -
and: how i didn't have the time to "catch-up"
on the greek classics -

oh these island dwelling people -
i try to imagine them not being a seafaring:
and their messiah / superiority complex -
with their breakfast that could hardly
be digested come the hour of noon -
or no messiah / superiority complex -
the traffic: indeed - works like clockword...
from left to right...
sidenote: what of fahrenheit and
the feet and inches - stones and pounds?
ounces?
the metric of: baseline 0 here,
baseline 00 over there...

no... Michele Campanella piano solo take
on wagner's das rheingelt: entry of the gods into
valhalla - it's hardly anemic -
it's... the last leaf of autumn falling -
because the crescendo has already happened...
a befitting closure...

the superior island folk and their...
hyphens and germanic loan words -
how almost all names in chemistry are still
in their germanic: intact form of: no hyphen:
broken leg or broken arm...

woodwinds... perhaps... the violins providing
the humming of birds:
chirp chirp: no chirping -
and of course the horn - but the horns never
as prominent as those drank from...

something has happened today -
but i am... left without having any english
sensibility / egalitarianism -
somehow i always equate egalitarianism with
the english - the islanders -
a firework went off in the background -
mr. sloth awoke mrs. slouch after 3 years
for a firecracker celebration...

because who would want to be ruled
over by unelected: chocolatiers...
esp. after their trial run in the Congo -
but i have certainly had worse friday nights...

it can't exactly get much worse than...
say... listening to the siegfried idyll...
multitasking: drinking a cider, smoking a cigarette,
balancing act of folded leg sat on
perched on a windowsill solving a no. 11,289
sudoku from the 27th jan. 2020...
otherwise prior to:
imagine my disbelief at the pleasure -

with numbers to somehow escape thinking in words:
no grand arithmetic linear gymnastics -
of the end result -
certainly no logical statements -
just a whirlwind of numbers complimenting
these few words...
and what a fine friday night it has become:

the pizza was made - god save me from the perfume
of yeast... or checking on the rising dough
from time to time -
the leftover yeast gave me the opportunity
to bake an imitation sourdough crust pretty-as-a-picture
loaf that: would make any mushroom blush
and shy away from unfolding into an umbrella pose...
or a Y... curling outward-inward into an upsilon Υ...

because how could i forget the pleasure of
sifting through numbers?
by the time i attempted puzzle no. 11,290
i had to write a "map"

           a             b             c
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x  
1)   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
2)   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
3)   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x

come to think of it... where's a subscript?
if i'm going to use 1, 2, 3...
to tier the allocation of squares...
tennis and sudoku...
tennis: a game of 7 rectangles -
and how many judges and ball boys / girls?
sudoku - a puzzle of 10 squares - perhaps...
if i'll use tiers 1, 2, 3: a1, b2, c3...
what if... sudoku invoked letters rather than
numbers?

much later... oh believe me...
this is the antithesis of knausgård
writing about using googlemaps...
        
           a             b             c
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x  
1)   x   x   x   3   x   x   6   x   4
      x   x   x   2   x   4   x   8   9
      x   1   9   x   4   x   x   6   2
2)   x   x   x   7   x   x   x   5   x
      x   x   2   x   x   8   x   4   x
      x   2   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
3)   x   x   6   1   9   5   x   x   3
      x   3   8   4   x   x   x   7   x

it's still a schematic - the narrative is yet
to begin... otherwise...
there's nothing smart about this...
i have tired eyes sometimes:
i succumb and have to allow myself
to no acid-bath these eyes in words...

esp. since i speak so rarely -
imagine... in england and i spear
the bare minimum of english -
i can: i have to: i will - when being prompted -
but i can't remember the last time
i had an honest: informal exchange
of letters... lapped up by the glutton
tongue... i looked and looked
and with my silence i can attest:
there's a speech-impediment -
a stutter that's not born from nervousness...
but... an allusion to a "stoic" through
my lack of conversation...

at least on paper i can exfoliate -
enough cider and enoug whiskey and i'm all
sparrow McDermott!
ugh... the devolved scots and the likewise
welsh... devolved nations...
only this aspect of Brexit is... well...
imagine the "evolved" status of post-Yugoslavia...
Kosovo...
this is the only aspect of an otherwise:
fair enough that's... well...
if you lived for 3 years among the scots...
you'd get to appreciate them...
this is the only aspect of this whole affair
i will ever appreciate...
i would pour blood and **** into
the Welsh continuing their...
preservation of the iaith...
forever and the more - i would love to see
scotland start to dig trenches and
forget trainspotting gaelic -
parading like ponces and humpty dumpteys
with "harkccents"... glasgewian bull-runnings...
cousins aye and wee -

a thing of beauty: a thing of union...
but this... they were bullied in brussels...
they came back and started to bully the scots...
if you have lived -
the betas of cardiff - but they tongue: remains!
look far back and wales would encompass
cornwall -
ignorant i of a 26 year "servitude" on these isles...
quiz me on outside of London:
no point...
perhaps i too would wish for the lost
theta in Dublin - towing: to t'ink...
as any sanskrit H-surd does matter...

           a             b             c
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x  
1)   x   x   x   3   x   x   6   x   4
      x   x   x   2   x   4   x   8   9
      x   1   9   x   4   x   x   6   2
2)   x   x   x   7   x   x   x   5   x
      x   x   2   x   x   8   x   4   x
      x   2   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
3)   x   x   6   1   9   5   x   x   3
      x   3   8   4   x   x   x   7   x

but if i will replace... the side tiers of numbers...
the numbers in the puzzle will have to become
letters - greek... probably iota, epsilon and upper-case
gamma...

the bullied have returned from the palance
of the chocalatiers and: back to their old ways
of bullying the rest of these island folk...
because: it's infantile for me imagine
a resurrection of the crown (poland)
and the grand duchy of lithuania -
the commonwealth -
but somehow the united kingdom is not
fated to become the next yugoslavia -

i can confirm - up in edinburgh i was
confirmed by having the hat of Knox having
scalped me -
never is always metaphor: vaguely -
as in literally - in these quasi-paragraphs...
so it's not... infantile to even "think" that
the british empire can be revived?
zee window-licker spezials of
cross-breed h'americana postcards sent?
i nibble to attempt a joke...

oh i can bulldozer this whole narrative...
turn into a berserker -
i've saved enough money to deal
with the label loser...
all it will take is me having drunk enough -
sightseeing the slums of london's east end
and then hitting the brothel:
like an iron-head... to the pillow
and the ***** of a *******...

because i have had worse friday nights...
terrible company...
if i were not a michel de montaigne or a knausgård:
me me me, me me, me me me me,
write enough of that and:
to meme to grafitti... or to...
why are there no diacritical markers in
the english language worthy of recognition?
why would i...
rhoi fy **** y Cymraeg enw?
give my beard a welsh name?
and why is that not a cedilla C but a ******* K?
why not... Çumraeg?

on foreign shores i have made it adamant that...
this sense of foreigness does not
peppermint my presence with hopes to:
add to - an integration -
just borrow what the local have made: left-overs...
and work with that...

(insert snigger) - the neu-vikings of
northumberland...

           a             b             c
      x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x  
1)   x   x   x   3   x   x   6   x   4
      x   x   x   2   x   4   x   8   9
      x   1   9   x   4   x   x   6   2
2)   x   x   x   7   x   x   x   5   x
      x   x   2   x   x   8   x   4   x
      x   2   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
3)   x   x   6   1   9   5   x   x   3
      x   3   8   4   x   x   x   7   x

this really does have a linear narrative...
here goes...
3(c1), 9(c3), 1(c1), 2(c3), 2(c1), 2(a1), 9(a3), 8(c3),
4(c3), 8(c2), 8(a2), 5(b2), 7(c2), 3(b2), 3(b3), 8(b3),
7(c1), 5(c1), 7(b3), 5(c3), 1(c3), 6(c3), 1(c2), 3(c2),
9(c2), 9(b2), 6(b1), 6(b2), 6(b3), 2(b3), 2(b2), 1(b2),
1(b1), 9(b1), 9(a1), 8(b1), 8(a1), 5(b1), 7(b1), 7(a1)...

and then a "gamble" in the narrative...
the (7a2 and the 5a2 - interchange)....
it's a pleasure - not a chore -
5  9  4
2  8  7
3  6  1
8  1  9
6  4  3
7  5  2 - this line... what if it was 5  7  2?
1  2  5
4  7  6
9  3  8
if i want to solve this puzzle - i will solve it
and not read a tabloid article /
whatever the hell has become of youtube...
my diamond jukebox...

otherwise the "narrative" continued from
7a2 and the 5a2 interchange:
7(3a), 4(a3), 4(a2), 6(a1), 4(a1), 5(a1), 5(a3),
1(a3), 1(a1), 3(a1), 3(a2), 6(a2)... end result?

           a             b             c
      5   9   4   6   8   1   2   3   7  
1)   2   8   7   3   5   9   6   1   4
      3   6   1   2   7   4   5   8   9
      8   1   9   5   4   3   7   6   2
2)   6   4   3   7   1   2   9   5   8
      7   5   2   9   6   8   3   4   1
      1   2   5   8   3   7   4   9   6
3)   4   7   6   1   9   5   8   2   3
      9   3   8   4   2   6   1   7   5

because i can imagine this not being:
the most difficult Finnish sudoku...
i can almost imagine this puzzle
to be in greek...
where: 1ι, 2ζ, 3ε, 4χ, 5Σ, 6δ, 7Γ, 8β, 9ρ...

in the background all i hear is:
corvus corax' la i mbealtaine...
the greek version of the japanese puzzle...

           a             b             c
      Σ   9   χ   6   8   ι   ζ   ε   7  
1)   ζ   8   7   ε   Σ   9   6   ι   χ
      ε   6   ι   ζ   7   χ   Σ   8   9
      8   ι   9   Σ   χ   ε   7   6   ζ
2)   6   χ   ε   7   ι   ζ   9   Σ   8
      7   Σ   ζ   9   6   8   ε   χ   ι
      ι   ζ   Σ   8   ε   7   χ   9   6
3)   χ   7   6   ι   9   Σ   8   ζ   ε
      9   ε   8   χ   ζ   6   ι   7   Σ

half-way... i just wanted to "selfie" what
will become of this... i no longer write: i paint...

            a             b             c
      Σ   9   χ   δ   8   ι   ζ   ε   Γ  
1)   ζ   8   Γ   ε   Σ   9   δ   ι   χ
      ε   δ   ι   ζ   Γ   χ   Σ   8   9
      8   ι   9   Σ   χ   ε   Γ   δ   ζ
2)   δ   χ   ε   Γ   ι   ζ   9   Σ   8
      Γ   Σ   ζ   9   δ   8   ε   χ   ι
      ι   ζ   Σ   8   ε   Γ   χ   9   δ
3)   χ   Γ   δ   ι   9   Σ   8   ζ   ε
      9   ε   8   χ   ζ   δ   ι   Γ   Σ

going... going... gone...

            a             b             c
      Σ   ρ   χ   δ   β   ι   ζ   ε   Γ  
1)   ζ   β   Γ   ε   Σ   ρ   δ   ι   χ
      ε   δ   ι   ζ   Γ   χ   Σ   β   ρ
      β   ι   ρ   Σ   χ   ε   Γ   δ   ζ
2)   δ   χ   ε   Γ   ι   ζ   ρ   Σ   β
      Γ   Σ   ζ   ρ   δ   β   ε   χ   ι
      ι   ζ   Σ   β   ε   Γ   χ   ρ   δ
3)   χ   Γ   δ   ι   ρ   Σ   β   ζ   ε
      ρ   ε   β   χ   ζ   δ   ι   Γ   Σ

i don't mind a people being right...
but the overt-gloating...
without having to work around the sort
of paranoia associated with:
how the russians are not allowed to glutton
themselves on gloating -
because they are always made
to feel suspcious - the russians can't gloat
like most of the anglo- speaking world...
always suspect: russophobia evil genuises...
tip-toeing goliaths - less the blundering
fudge-packers of "global ****"...
and i kissed a boy and i liked it...
my genitals started shrinking
and my *** started to exfoliate with:
welcome all! welcome all hard and on!
and that tongue in my mouth always helps...
but imagine my surprise when
i started to navigate my hands
but the reply came:
timbuktu and mt. kilimanjaro will not be found
attached to this sort of torso...
wrong dog, wrong tree...

some things really do require numbers...
i once had a mathematics teacher in high school
bemoan the origin of modern numbers
and how we once: upon a time used these letters...
but did our arithmetic with visual aids
akin to the abacus... because...
you'd have to "read braille" when counting...
to differentiate the already: lettered numbers
and the letters being letters -
and all arithmetic functions
were "spoken of" but never depicted...
i.e. there was no VII + III = X...
there was no XV - XI = IV...
eh?! arithmetic was cat-intuitive...
not spoken of - done by either the visual
aid of fingers when haggling
in a market place -
or by the abacus aid in a bureucratic office!

i said this was the most perfect friday night...
what did i have to offer?
no clickbait title - some gems of wording
in between?
the patient reader - as ever - most rewarded -

but... oh my god... the sensation of
changing the bed sheets...
it's friday night and you're... changing your bed sheets...
and they are more crisp and clean
than any political event that the journalist leeches
are milking -
and you do it with a saving private ryan precision -
you will sleep in this bed: well into
11am of a today to come...
believe me: that you will...

- in that i am still walking among the germanic people -
if the germans will sing a: bretonisher marsch...
then the two peoples are alligned by
their sentiment for the crow as their godhead:
alles menschen totem...
what could possibly make me feel welcome?
french grammar is polish grammar...
matin de printemps - poranek wiosny -
spring morning in reverse in germanic...
how many more examples would i ever wish
to give?

there was a moment in my life where...
i realised my faults... i should have read
the Pickwick Papers... anything by C. Dickens to be sure...
instead came Stendhal, Voltaire, Balzac...
because if you said to me...
BBC radio 4... the archers...
and... thomas hardy: madding crowd?
you'd accuse me of being ignorant of:
London is a bustling cosmopolitan in-waiting
from the busy-body industrial proto-Beijing
it was of 100 years ago?    
the French had cosmopolitan intellectualism
100 years prior to the english...
100 years later and it's still not much...
is anyone about to cite me william hazlitt?!

the trouble with the english is that they hold dear
to that one old 19th century idea -
this waiting for: awaiting a revival of darwinism...
the "blatantly" obvious needs a resurgence!
because a michael faraday must most surely
be forgotten!
how many times will this already painful reality
need to be emphasised once more:
intellectually - via a darwinism?
no one stresses the copernican "upside-down"...
or what is copernican "west" up in space?
how does acknowledging the sphere
of the earth - ease you reading a flat map -
moving from point A to point B?

earlier this week - for once in my life i was
ashamed of what i wrote -
so i wrote for scribli per se: scribbles for
scribbles themselves -
the darwinian germanic folk who say:
alles von afrika...
how the hebrews debased themselves
in both aushwitz and breaking their bones
on the emoji hieroglyphs -
alles von afrika: ja... so sicher... so wahr!

ask any slavic person among the germanic
peoples...
where from? wir (ar) sind lesen und schreiben
"afrika": i.e. Indu...
if the african challenged the hebrews
with... "the best they had": egyptian emojis...
why would i not stress my birth
with pseudo cedilla Ş / इ... ☦ -
this indo-european is not... at home with
these african-germanoids...
pseudos and quasi -
these chocolate frenzied busy-buddies!

from the caucasian and further still from
that whittle sub-corinthian quote: continent...
somehow, "somehow" this part of this story
is read: south to north... always a grand
marker missing when the people went
east, squinted... learned skeleton existence,
atoms... and the frenzy of letters:
owls and ******* **** flinging beetles
back in the north eastern tip of
africa: in that egyptian haemorrhage of "idea"...

i assure myself... perhaps the form came from
africa... but sure as **** the tongue only arrived
in the lap of the Dalai Lama...
as did the "thinking" and the music
across prior to the Mongol's curiosity
over the tundra of Siberia...
something had to be placed on a loan...
and coming back to the cradle and the crux
had to happen like so...
not this current: ergo: so...
quickened and: what news from Damascus?!

first impressions count...
i made my bed... it's newly washed...
as crisp as falling onto a bed a prawn crackers...
without the crumbs' itch...
like listening to some german:
juggernaut... this will do... i can fall asleep
with this: grab hören zu der winderhall...
mehr flöte - weniger violinekratzen!
schlechtdeutsche? alle deutsche ist gut deutsche...
erwarten etwas isländisch zu sein
gesprochen insel von insel: auf diese inseln?!

to make a crisp bed of freshly washed sheets...
to sleep in them alone...
given the grammar is not that far removed...
are the french even remotely translated
as a germanic "sort of" people?
"they" or "we" share the same grammar...
and there are celtic freedoms that would
never be allowed to exfoliate under
strict anglo-ßaß obligations...

oh sure! great people! steam engine: choo-choo!
newton et al...
shakespeare: when they taught us shakespeare
they should have taught us bernard shaw...
when they forced jane eyre down our throats
we should have been reading
the pickwick papers...
the music will remain german -
because as much as vaughan williams...
holst and händel were "were" english...
esp. latter with his umlaut that spread over
toward i-and-j...

why wouldn't you **** at the pillar of the empire:
a past most assured - dust, books and moths...
like hell will i come to correct my ways
to state the: pish-poor Elgar... this poo'em too...
himmel... sky...
leerenhimmel - empty sky -
nein sonne während der tag:
das englischnebel: bedeckthimmel...
nein mond während der nacht...
nur so...

i of the lesser men of this world duly bow
my presence before the altar of the higher men
of these isles...
and hope and pray that their wisdom
will not bestow upon them any major calamity...
with not irony or ridicule i wish upon
these peoples... the right sort of oars
to turn this rooted island
into the people's imagined langboot...

there are only one british people a people
who will pursue to gloat having been
conquered by the romans...
being raided by the vikings...
integrating the anglo-ßaß...
a second viking coming via the Normans...
the push-over remains of the celts...
that somehow translated itself into
the: empire...
ideal: to compensate...
the islamic fervor for the... resurrected
caliphate...
jokes about the dritte ***** and the vierte *****...
that's pretty much the precursor jokes
surrounding: ein zweite ***** -
auf welche die sonne nimmer setzt -
ever wonder how that translates with the increased
cases of insomnia?!

again: bad german is better than
no german.

It almost feels as if this industry
Relies on our ignorance, just to survive.
This new and impressionable generation
Brainwashed by toxic, destructive lies.
Young women pressured to pump up their lips
**** in their stomachs, push up their "****"
Only to return home, exhausted and drained
From all the pretence to keep up that façade

Energy that could be used elsewhere
Pursuing their dreams, showing someone they care;
Is our relevance determined by the size of our behind?
'Cause at least that's what the media pumps into our minds-
Better get weave, but look natural too...
Better have perfect eyebrows, maybe get them tattooed...
Better keep them legs shaved, bleach that upper lip...
Better make that skin spotless, edit those pics...
Go hit the gym girl, not for your health,
But to find that "good" man to hand over his wealth.
Oh, and don't get too comfortable in your own skin,
Don't try to stand out, just try to fit in.
Don't practise self-love, don't think you're "too nice"
The men they don't like it, best take their advice.
Just shrink yourself down and do as you're told
'Cause the man has no place for a woman too bold.

What are these messages we're teaching, man?
The power of music is in the wrong hands.
Whatever happened to respecting the art?
Singing songs to empower, reach out to the heart?
Not to gloat, or to sneer, or put others to shame
Or get back at that ex without using their name -

Yes it's freedom of expression, but there are better ways to do it;
Maybe use your pain to help another soul get through it.
Maybe use your spotlight to teach these younger souls
Not to beat themselves up for the things they can't control.
Preaching "do as you wish, just be mindful of others
Branded or not, dress however you feel
Stay true to your heart and what brings you to life
Forget the superficial, that isn't what's real -
What's real is the passion
The breaths that you take
Smiles you plant on people's faces
Each inch of progress that you make
The beauty of our natural world
The loving lessons that you teach
The smallest act of kindness -
A smile on the street."

" Mind"  ... a Burden

             Do they have brains God!
             these scurrying,hurrying,busy little ants?
              So fixed in intend, so large their burden
               Overcoming all; and to what end?

              Do they even know Dear God!
             That life is short and so uncertain?
             A heavy boot, a gust of wind
             And for them, its the curtain.

            Do they not think Sweet Lord!
            To put down their load awhile?
            to savour or bemoan their lot in life,
            why carry on regardless, for the good of their kind.

           Why do We have brains My Lord?
           when it would have served mankind
           Just as well as these tiny ants
           To work ,live and perish without a thought.

Indu *****
    30th May 2011..... Goa

VII

How soon hath Time the suttle theef of youth,
Stoln on his wing my three and twentith yeer!
My hasting dayes flie on with full career,
But my late spring no bud or blossom shew’th,
Perhaps my semblance might deceive the truth,
That I to manhood am arriv’d so near,
And inward ripenes doth much less appear,
That som more timely-happy spirits indu’th.
Yet be it less or more, or soon or slow.
It shall be still in strictest measure eev’n,
To that same lot, however mean, or high,
Toward which Time leads me, and the will of Heav’n;
All is, if I have grace to use it so,
As ever in my great task Masters eye.

life Unfolding


When, the rainbow has bled its colors,
Lying as dust 'neath ones feet
When, the magic finally wears thin,
Tattered as an old moth's wings.

When, the stardust haze settles down
Revealing reality, with its thistle crown,
When, once graceful limbs have slowed their pace
Our burning ambitions having lost or won the race.

Then, some four score years or more
Life's purpose begins to unfold,
Then, ever seeking, all one finds
Is the "Self" in the Divine.

Indu *****
Dec 2010

it's...
listening to metric - clone (2012)...
sipping a whiskey...
pretending to smoke a cigarette
with an unlit cigarette in hand...
the feel and the texture...
the scent of unlit tobacco,...

and then it's... contemplating...
british and "british"...
              and the caves... and... speaking
a language lacerated...
loan words...
   music of corvus corax... katrinka...
i would never...
listening to such music...
attire myself as: bwitish...
technicalities...
              the prefix will do...
                 anglo-slav...
                         like... those anglo-saxons...
but less specific...
because: you'd have to also call them:
   anglo-pseudo-germans...
          or quasi...
                        i'm not being
specific either... an anglo-slav i am...
a patchwork of guesses...
         serb? croat? slovenian?
       the yugoslav? ukranian?
           russian? czech? slovak?
                    i've just been listening to
some videos of nostalgia...
from the natives circa 1978 and...
nik nak paddy... old man... something...

to associated with the british...
to be british...
  do you suppose... there's a turk these days...
that would associate himself
as... an ottoman?
         i wonder...
         maybe the concept of empire being...
domino... connected by land...
and not scattered like the greek diaspora /
empire...

           the empire of roman?
weird... isn't it? to be surrounding a massive
salt pond...
            while the constant chance of having
your back turned...
seemingly protecting this salt pond...
yes... sea...

- i found the stare of love at first today:
but i was numb to it...
deer eyes of an indian girl -
darkened / riddled by the equator...
while i was... picking three kings of chillies...
some fresh coriander...
cumin powder... kashmiri powder...
and black cumin seeds...

    - i saw eyes and i also saw two
nuggets of charcaol...
   my knees left nothing of the sort of iritation
fo drop everything and swim
against the current like a salmon...

- come mid-thirties and...
   i'm starting to feel comfortable...
with the solo-project... the dodo-project...
looking for signs of: waking up
to what could have been an abortion...
or a genocide into a tissue, flushed down
the toilet: the horror of being circumcised...
without jewish or muslim...
social structures...
         it could be much worse... i could have
been circumcised...
i could have been born with
both a ****** and a strap-on *****:
seeking the ****** st. of tic-tac-toe and
a skipping rope of:
  that i have kissed a man...
that i have gorged on a *******'s
****** like a wrath and love of god...
that suckling to the **** didn't
pose a problem: got choc tinged teeth
and bitter-corn in between...
oh i'm pretty sure she wasn't in love
with me:
             a wry smile while i didn't
speak the "proper" native...

mongrel soul retaining a weird question
about who's who and who's a token
postcard on loan from...
lost from former forged empires...

on my way back home...
   i was... once upon a time...
that sort of guy... loitering... waiting...
making waiting... a ritual...
worth smoking a cigarette...
patience is a religion that's not invested
in peace to all: for all...
     first comes first...

nearing the magic number 35...
it's very sensible of me to state:
it's quiet impossible for me to share a bed...
with anything or anyone except
my shadow...
considering how when i expose
my shadow to sunlight...
mindless shadow pretends to have
eyes... when it crawls into my head
at night: when i sleep...
and tells the alternative story of
the day...

    to be wedded and with children...
one would most certainly need to be coupled
with prospects in one's early 20s...
after the mid-20s... well...
the boat's about to sail...
the solo- / dodo-project is...
  a bit like... with writing being concerned...
one's hope for a career in...
    a chemistry lab...
or the selfless-acts of hippocrates' students...

all very well to love children...
but... ******* them up...
never really becoming that...
nobel prize winning psychologists
with a break-through...
when the whittle cherbus... gremlins...
kritters arrive...
an over-zealous cat meowing / moaning
about curfew is one of those spin-offs
of madness...
talk to me about a babe crying...

- and yes... some people shouldn't drink...
their genetic disposition: ah ah...
their individual metabolism...
they never conjure up the amphetamine
(metaphor) ***** from the lullaby
zombied-out death-cult of sedation...
- and these same people shouldn't pick
up smoking a ritual tobacco stick...
even i venture to call it:
a bullet to the head...

  how is it... to become... selfless?
when... one... has become...
self-realized... past the groan of:
the facts... aged 25 and your brain
should stop... window-shopping
function suffixes... no?

i had an idea for a glove...
with a rubber-band...
to... restrict... the natural laziness
of the hand when walking...
but because i drink and only jargon
poor poetics...
in rage i ripped the rubberband
off my arm... lost to history:
lost to the void...
oh i know how that it feels...
would it have been of use...
i guess not...
     a bright idea in a bucket
of maggots and maggot ****...
is... about as much worth as...
a screwdriver is to a forest of nails...
chisel... n'est ce pas...
i was... asking: grit teeth...
soul... clenching... bizarre objects
of gradations of sharpening...
the obvious square-headed axe...
pulp...
      a whole rainbow of objects...
perhaps a scalpel is the last resort...

i smile because: i've turned angry into
funny...
who doesn't have the monopoly on violence:
well... i also do not have the monopoly
on c.c.t.v. -
   little help from coming from
under the iron curtain...
the local seem to be... all ah...
oh so detached... missing las vegas cousins
and...
if i could only allow you...
to allow myself... to fathom...
the maldives of my mind...
a drag of a cigarette... a bottle of whiskey
35cl... you start the bets...
who's about to...
      find prison in solipsism...
solipsism as a mental illness...
as an altruism: as a atheism as a...
genius maddy: spezial neds: youz callz
'em... quivering folk?
what'z that phra-phra-puccino?
    autist-spec:   ah yes! those rare breeds!
spazz-taculars!
i was one misunderstood for one of them...
i took the insult to the grave...
well... i took it to her grave...
by the god of the hebrews and by the mythology
of cain... from siberia came the huns...
the turks... the slavs and the mongols...
only germans ever came from
       afri-*******-ah-hahaha!
they skipped the toll of sanskrit:
the birth of writing...
why? it became complicated...
when beijing was founded...
but sure... a replica tux of skeleton came out
out... fringe kenya and landed in: old delhi...
as many consonants if not more:
down to the core: with the spices...
the unfortunate indians of north
america...
the somewhat fortunate indians
of: south america...
brazil: post-racial mecca...
argentinian beef and...
                             myths of nazis
living to old age...
                 no... oh no... i will not die...
first comes ol' lizzie then comes
my sodden sorry ***...
envelope of a missing postage stamp
of a world: we've been to the moon...
via new york and the leviathan london...
where's afghanistan cave fighting...
the pashtun women of... glorifying
copper and cinnamon / cumin and coriander
ash... and beauty...
how doesn't it sound:
the day the music died:
we sang dirges in the dark...
                 bye bye: may-pole luck with
christ: the advent of...
the crucifix is hanging... ornament piece...
but the... iron maiden isn't...
           it's enough to identify a god...
it's quiet another matter...
to torture him... and... sorry...
but if i were to be crucified...
   sooner me and the comfort of hands...
outstretched... than... hands-tied...
pushed onto a pole: to impale...
lost advent of etymology: slav...
and the lost "e" of paul...
to remind... the crucifix... well...
            to impale...
                       looks like...
the crucifix is missing limbs... it would take...
days... the arms that would be
flapping... agitating an imitation
of a swan breaking into flight...
the two lungs... imitating drowning...
while hanging... extended...
     to crucify... hardly: the affair of...
being... impaled...
perhaps joking: slav(e) gave the clue...
germans: whether orthodox
anglo-ßaß - celtic mingling...
    germs... who's eating what... "leftover"
etymological clues...
we can play this game... forever...
it's hardly the hebrew the original:
indu- prefix of... roaming... or not...
                      
guise them up as the exodus as the fomer
lands of Jagiełło...
the battle of Hastings: blip...
             who am i... but at least in england...
i can speak the language
like some conrad of masovia:
readied to sell the "lesser creatures"
for the... encouraged...
integration to the *****: kneel...
of the baltic pruß...
who weren't... coddled...
the welsh weren't coddled...
they were "told" to... brighten their
day to day... expand...
fathom the easily accessed seas:
expand...
who owned the monopoly of
the baltic sea: as if it were
the bosphorus...
beside... the danes?
expansion of: ****** come together
with a ******: breathing
h. p. lovecraftian h'america...
loot maine and call it... start:
bittersweet apartheid...
not me: i'm still half of Vilno...
and the most remote aspect of L'viv...
no... crusader songs... no crusades: per se!

i used to play video games...
i became... more fascinated
with the romance of: a lost year...
that the school re(a)d... it wasn't in any
fathom of an iota of red:
or a synonym in burgundy:
for the worth of the burgundians:
leftovers of the angevins...
that richard the lionheart
found a love for england...
the island... an abhorring testimony
of youth and no solance...
that old age never found him:
akin to: the needle never found
the mystery of the haystack...

i am not! lithuanian!
common practice of exodus polacks...
paul-lacking:
slav and "e" dribbling...
      like the germanic peoples:
who aren't lingua franca revisions...

    ⰏⰑⰣ     ⰔⰑⰂⰑ...

lingering "blame"... darwinism via
the default...
the monkey skeleton left africa...
arrived in india.. left a schism...
some went to хины
             some went to:         чeнa..

   anglican via: the great mother siberia...
is a mother...
beside the zenith advent of: mother...
muffer: af-af-rye-c'ah'cah!
******* twins to mind the rhodes!

the skeleton left africa...
yes...
   but... the hindu morphed the genesis...
a second time... into writing...
what... phonetic encoding...
beside... the primodial...
   hieroglyphics... from africa... would have...
ever... arrived at our...
emoji internet advent... door-step of
extending democracy / demographics...
central?

the wheel and the square also
left africa with the skeleton:
the arithmetic of bones and muhammad...
but the triangle settled in greece
and became pythagoras...
and the letter: Δ....

    the inter-racial violence of north
h'america... is not... beside the wery bwitish
advent of ****-stan... as... imaginary
loitering of a border: coming to survive
with Belfast-Kashmir...
           that's making priority of...
the written word...
over the skeleton jump-start...
       bypass...
              and the emoji... and... grafitti...
clue out of africa...
never met... the sub-continent of india...
or... the chinese ideograms...
or sanskrit...
but... ******... *** and bounty...
the mongols never made...
crimea... their capital...
hastings was forever a washington's
survival guide...
       that theatre gave the birth
of lincoln and... whitman was...
everything any other poet: including
homer and dante always dreamed of...
that europeans invited themselves
toward: finding h'america in a can
of sardines...
and that the h'americans believed
they found europe... in kent or essex...
or... in books...
or... in loitering... or being...
allowed to be obnoxiously loud...

            like that **** would still stink:
100 years from now...
but yes... the libido of a genghis khan...
i trace my libido to:
how i imitate the people who
check their blood pressure when i *******...
i... genocide my... fractions into
the moloch couldron that's:
beside... the prayers of a...
        tele-evalngelical church of praises!
h'america is nothing new...
it's just better: regarding...
what remains... a solid old.

Awareness


Mind being branded by societal norms,
The heart gradually conforms.
It’s the free spirit that transcends these bars
And savors the freedom of the unknown path.

As I stand today bound in body, mind and heart,
While unbounded in my spirit and thoughts
Till  “awareness” rends asunder
These gossamer bonds



Indu
10/06/2008

Visit to the psychiatrist


The “more Sensitive Ones”,
  The delicately balanced beings,
    Those living on the edge of life,
     “Feeling” more than “living” it seems.

Needing to be nurtured and cocooned,
  By the mentally well adjusted,
    Or by the full-blooded buffoons
      Who keep them,- in life- interested.
    

Do gently but surely tug,
   Into the deep dark depths
     Of their own despairing,
        Melancholy, Inverted selves.


Till both breathe as twin souls
   Mirroring each other.
    Both forever, left wondering
      Who has violated whom?




Indu *****
15.04.2007

Words

Words that are soft and gentle,
Caring, caressing, nurturing,
Praising, admiring, loving,
Encouraging, trusting, honoring ……..
Words imbibed at the mother’s breast,
Are soon lost – to survival tests.

Razor sharp replacing words
Learnt in the classroom of life can be
Acidic, biting, searing, scaring
Accusing, rebuking, flaying,
Soul destroying, scathing, abusing…

To unlearn and erase these rapier thrusts
Needs soul searching heroic impetus,
Come; let us undo this humanity’s curse
By taking a vow of Silence at Birth.


Indu
13/1/2008

how do I die to separation,
to experience unity,

having experienced unity,
Why do I die to it and breathe free in separation again,

why thoughts banished and thought overcome,
return stealthily yet again, with added fervor.

Having tasted the sublime,
why do I go back to the mundane yet again.

Shifts in my reality and illusion a never ending circle
how do I put one genie back in the bottle forever.


Indu *****
May 2012

so merlin... sorry... gandalf comes along
and says: leave your books! the real world awaits!
out there! beyond the door!
     ******* wizards, all they want to do is
send me on holiday...
  what the **** would i do in tunisia if
not think about islamic carthage?
       nope, i rather spend my time as a tapeworm
bound to an organism known as a personal
library; sorry, that's what farmers always said
when harvesting crops: i see what william
blake saw in a grain of sand...
       potential for glass... i know there isn't
any adventure in the world, there's only tourism...
and tourists really do only see the ****** parts of
capital cities... venice as generic as amsterdam...
tourists: just a load of bothersome flies.
    
i say take an adventure into someone else's psyche,
you're bound to some weird and wonderful
things in there...
  
roman numerals, right? so ugly... or rather: so difficult,
when life was... and when people needed
to state something beautiful...
like this mathematic teacher i once had who
simply said:
                     try calculus with roman numerals...
sure, try (e)x squared...
                      as in: why did we even keep them?
numerals i mean, they're not numbers as such,
they're numerals because we keep them to entrench
spelling, or that's how i see it,
   0 - 9 exist for fun, for sudokus, giving us absolutely
no clues...
but as ezra pound pointed: the beautiful is hard,
and he borrowed it from someone else,
    what we have reached is too simple,
we're stuck in this limit of microscopes and sub-atomic
particles and then the stars!
     it could just be a way to unlearn these holes
that we fall through, but of course: precipitating into
greater numbers, and even greater obscurity and
a need for herr anonymous...
             but you can't exactly build a Colosseum
using 0 - 9... back then... we had curves!
       real passionate curves! on pillars!
                               we didn't even have 0...
we had oh... omicron and omega...
                      the d'uh part, as part of project
nostalgia...
                             we didn't have 0 - 9 to fry
our brains and live live in the fast lane equipped with
amphetamines... we have I - X...
               and the XI...
                          imagine mathematics so complex
that the selection process to process it along with
language broke but certainly made a few mean
*******... now everyone can do it...
   it's what the greeks didn't comprehend...
                i'd love to see the original script from
pythagoras, oddly enough we don't possess the original
concept of numbers... we hear the arabs had this
and the indus had that, but what the greeks had?
no mention... nothing, just words...
   but imagine why the romans were as strong as
they were...     rex... what's that? revise ten,
ten ten over and over and again?
         to have to deal with I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X -
that's hard, but almost too amazing that they
managed to provide a Colosseum to be the blueprint
and plagiarism for modern stadiums...
   they even have this cliche of calling latin a dead
language... sure, and i'm still using their ******
φoνoς encoding... god i'm so tempted to make that
sigma acute... but the internet doesn't have something:
for once!
                     nos (nose)           noś (indicative verb:
to carry by command, of a self-serving argument) -
     it really turned out to be a real
greek prefix and roman suffix game (nasal)...
      but still the reason why we inherited
the roman rule of thumb, or said number that's one,
we have no firm belief in the greek concept of numbers,
well, apart from the only relevant number
that's 666 in the new testament... but i haven't
come across the greek concept of number...
   for all i know 0 through to 9 is either arabic or
indu -
               or why, for a better reason than none
I, II, III, IV etc. has been kept,
   and becomes imposing on your television
screen when a show ends...
    dated e.g. MMXVII (2017)...
now go back and use those numerals and give
me a theory of gravity... impossible!
    you couldn't have even the vaguest sense
to even begin to want to imagine such an
endeavour...
                    what i will say is that the latin
grapheme æ and that other one œ
are a source for many spelling mistakes,
as well as many uncouplings of the siamese
into diacritical distinctions... should i have
spelling the word endeavour wrong...
  
        and to think this "poem" was prompted by
having finished heidegger's ponderings no. II...
and having to only initiate this
  by having a problem figuring the no. 234 aphorism
in roman numerals (which are called mathematical letters)...
so yes, i imagine beauty as that which wasn't
exactly greek... more roman, as in counting
using a "monotheism" of language being
used for both talk and calculation -
                  to achieve what was achieved, and later
squandered, as of now, which it has been...

that i did laugh at aphorism no. 236 (CCXXXVI)
   already it feels like spelling, i wonder if there was
an orthography concerning numbers back then,
i mean, something without a prior to 236 encoding,
      i'm pretty **** sure the jewish "mystics"
started talking a lot of ******* when they invented
    gematria...
                               it's absolutely horrid
having, say aleph = 1...
                                but then that's just a spontaneous
critique that will eventually fizzle out of my head
and die a sudden death and i won't bother it ever again...

yet you can't say that with roman numerals you
couldn't extract more beauty,
   to state something in a single, and now the more
literal attempt at a concept of monotheism: tongue...
     how the hell did they extract the architecture
and the will to craft an empire like that,
      where encoding sound also included the same language
to encode abstracts, primarily with the basis of
measurement, and scale the skies!
     (it's not even my *** i'm talking about).

but in summary, aphorism 236 made me laugh,
   and that "thing" i invented that's res vanus
to counter Hegel's cogito - me cogitare
                                   is bound to aphorism 234...

in yesterday's newspaper there's a supplement
article about how exercising increases your chance
of a decreased libido...

     also, to unravel the stated "thing", you can simply
look to Kant for a list of faculties of the psyche,
         and how they interpolate / interact...
as anyone with half a can of worms might state:
  me go fishing, me catch shark...
                because to me, modern psychology is
a quasi-science... and philosophy is something you learn
outside of "respectable" institutions like universities,
at your own peril, kinda like rousseau...
   so yeah, kant's great with describing the interaction
of the faculties and how you can expose the "thing";
   i gave up on the res cogitans concept,
                i wanted to word nietzsche's bewilderment
about where thought comes from, and that abyss quote...
    it naturally had to come from that vein,
what would make a buddha laugh: res vanus.

oh i'm pretty sure the anglo-sphere doesn't care much for other tongues... or what happens in them: how they arrived to where they are now... but... sometimes... it comes about by the most curious of circumstances when, the natives & / or their extended family of trans-Atlantic cousins (etc.) start to... mishandle their: zunge... then... something wakes up, that should have been sleeping... in a person who treats this tONG in the confines of: acquisition, rather than something... passed down with: accent... idiosyncrasy... "whereabouts": local "allegiance"...

covert excess drinking:
i'm starting to love it more and more:
i get to play both actor,
a shadow... and fictional death...
all is well when you can
summon the... nerves(?)
to also make a distinction between
making strawberry gelato vs.
strawberry ice-cream...
no eggs more fruit pulp
less cream for the former...
plus... "displacing" things...
you wake up... it's... [there]...
half an hour later it's... "there"...
these spontaneous pockets
of amnesia:
these spontaneous bouts of...
AM... née: SHIA...
how else? Zee-E-E'Ah?
there's another name for this:
SKLEROZA...
it's not an English word...
but the symptoms are:
you get to walk a lot...
it doesn't hurt...
ah... memory... such a fickle faculty...
it's like we were engineered to:
forget in order to: push on
forward and... replicate... procreate...
alas... what if you...
don't want to?
   like an antithesis of
Frankenstein's monster...
who... if written by a man and not
a Mary Shelley would...
play the Sisyphus for a while
and then... do-himself-off...
hanging... stab to the heart
while working out the arithmetic
spacing of soft flesh to ribs...

cumin coriander, garlic ginger
cumin coriander, garlic ginger
cumin, coriander, asafoetida... ginger...

"apparently" it's offensive to call
a dish a curry...
it's more or less just: gravy:
gwavvy...
those blue Indians of Bengal
and elsewhere those Reds
and those Incas never really
drank or for that matter: minded
the concept of yeast...
flat as the platitudes of
Belgian mud or a *******
japati...

it's the middle of the day
i've pickled myself in some 70cl
of bourbon from the night
before and... right
now: with a swiggle and a hum...
i'm pickling...
irritably pickling... some sweet
notes to mind: but otherwise...
sour as a stash of lemons...

and that's fine... because i'm also
thinking about the self-help gurus
and the machinery of:
capitalising on everything:
even death and sickness...

my advice is? read the three musketeers...
my advice: have about 3 maxims handy...
categorical imperatives
or what not...
here are the two that i best behave
under:

Tao: the best way you can help
the world is... to forget the world
and allow the world to forget you...
non-verbatim...

Dumas: the best advice i ever gave was:
to no, under any circumstance:
give advice...
since... if people take it...
will probably regret it...
ergo... blame you for it...

- currently there are two words on my mind...
one borrowed from a list:
parsley sage, rosemary & thyme...
the last on the list... thyme...
not... F-I'm...
thyme... time... thyme... time...
such a delight i have with this tongue:
you can say the same set of syllables
but imply a completely different meaning:
esp. sharpened in writing...
perhaps i was born into a language
that is as clear-cut katakana as no
other European language:
apart from the necessary workaround
of consonant graphemes: just as well as
in English: SHould you CHoose to bother
yourself: with...

i'm still not quiet following the whole
pseudo-grammatical pronoun agenda...
*** is never associated: will never be associated
with nouns in this tongue...
a table is neither masculine nor feminine...
perhaps that's... why pronouns have
imploded?

i'm currently in the process of making
a distinction between strawberry gelato and
strawberry ice-cream...
obviously no eggs in the former...
a 2:1 ratio of full fat milk to double cream...
but the cream needs to be beaten...

slang terms:
LASKA - LAS - forest...
LASKA - a fit: most desirable female...
also a walking-stick...
LODY - ice-cream...
   robić lody - to make ice-cream...
also slang for... *******...
OSTRYGA - oyster...
K'WIAT - flower...
     well... something to counter making ice-cream:
lody... gobble down an oyster?

it's not even that any miniscule variation
of katakana would help...
no stand-alone consonants apart from N...
why N?
always clinging to:
vowel: woman...
consonant... man...
mind you: there is still no concept of ***
bound to nouns in English...
the moon is him
the sun is her...

i'm gently drinking: while also fasting...
the combination with immaculate sunlight...
why wouldn't the flowers be rejoicing?!

excuse me: hrabia: wal-do-dechy
     count: hit-to-the-plank (of wood)...
echoes of expressions of a dead man...
clearly i should know:
born into a language with clear:
Clear syllabic distinctions...
more! added to vowels:                     Ą!

oh... but beside the Italians & the Greeks...
just your European neighbours...
i too don't want to mind the pan-Slavic
movement... some called it communism...
i will never understand what
the Russians were up to...
ha ha... pan-Germanic is sort of happening
while everyone seems: coolly bothered
by something with: an alias...

terrible ideas ought to die...
seems like Marxism is not such a bad idea
if it finds volunteers... zealots to:
revise it... Darwinism does account for
mutations... doesn't it?
like a pig that barks or a dog that oinks...
a bonsai tiger... wait... tigers don't growl...
do they?
they snort apathy or something...
i don't know... i was never placed in front
of one...

murmur murmur... m'hmm something
in the place of: too far away from the sea...
from one wave: to another: mω...
oh... look:
           it's only a double-u if it's an omega-yu...
yule...
    otherwise? sharpen the edges:
v'ah-v'ah: empty the room! Wedge & Whinge
are coming in with a pink-elephant
and five blind men!
should have been expecting a carton of milk...
as you would: armed with a mω a mᵒₒ...

well... at least making ice-cream... ******!
gelato! clearly there are no poultry abortions involved!
is not a sour-note metaphor for...
giving ******* to... a hungry bandwagon
of Pakistanis eager to please
the children of Ing-Land...

   - what a sight! a canvas i have returned to
throughout the day... now:
night has come...
how bewildering to stand in the garden
while two insomniac magpies chase
each others' cackle...
one perches in my eucalyptus tree and
rattles, rattles: cackles... stutters...
so much so that even some poor dog left
in the warm air of September replies
with a bark!

how rare to hear birds tell their presence
in the night...
how rare to hear birds in the night...
how welcome these spies:
they must be either magpies or crows...
it... simply: sublimates their otherwise
cautious presence in the day...
and the magpies cackled in the night
so much so: that even the dog was roused
to bark!

- one glug, two glugs: make it three!
whiskey this cold so it almost resembles some
syrupy liquid ought to be imbued with much glee!
i could make ice-cream all day!

esp. since i have found a most pristine recipe!
i'll be ever the most obnoxious
when i tell you: dear reader
of the difference between ice-cream and gelato...

i think i memorised the two recipes...
ice-cream...
    as a warning: i usually halve the suggested
amount of sugar...
whether that be using raspberries,
strawberries, blueberries...
crème anglaise

mein gott! i'm in one of those rare instances
of life, reality where: *** can be compensated:
or thereby a lack of... an Ava Lauren /
Monique Fuentes...
i like to think of *** like a well-worn...
many a times sat in: leather... arm-chair...
i like that: i don't know what the thrill
with inexperience is... all about...
timid bodies... timid: frail... dolls...
i can compensate this desert of the ****-less...
as a curiosity by some Pakistani who

i could make ice-cream all day...
i'd rather make gelato... but all day...
i could make curry all day...
curry and gelato: i'm your man...

- i abhor sober opinions: let alone sobering up
in the domain of dialectics:
i have enough on my plate with
English: the language...
making no attempt to transcend the Latin script
with any sort of addition of
diacritical markers...
Charlie Dickens: good "sport" might have
included the term: orthography...

one reason leads to another... just bad spelling...
but it's only orthography if...
you apply diacritical stressors...
can have an Empire to rival Rome's with their
alphabet... but can't exactly keep
the neo-gothic Victorian romance
alive... on a mere whim...
look at it! disintegrating into vagabond
graffiti... or... emoji! which is not the same
as breaking away from the kanji in favour
of something more: phonetic...

Koreans & the Japanese are right up there:
on my... ahem "spice" list of ingredients
of people required...
the origins of writing is to: encode sounds...
to write sounds down...
no ideas... not insinuations...
throw the whole bunch of those
sand-******* into a crab bucket and see
what confused :)( comes out... savvy?

sober people and their sober ideas...
always so... *******... serious!
like they mean it... but rarely do they
keep themselves intact on enacting their intent!
i better eat a dollop of whole-grain mustard before
every meal before i deal with:
sober, serious... sen-si-blah... sensible whole lot of them
get the ***** to launch an offensive
on the groovy... gravy... groovy? gravy train...
**** me: it's good to know i'm getting old...
and out of touch...

i get pockets of nostalgia: time... immemorial...
anecdotal evidence that i:
somehow brushed against...
the pain... the strokes... of time...
and made some spatial-coordinate concerns
moving: for-ward...

ice-cream: 5 egg yolks...
bruised by... ha ha... "bruised" whipped to a lighter
colour... some sugar was added...
two cups of double cream... one cup of full fat milk...
a cup of sugar...
your choice of berries: heated up separately...
blah blah... combined... hey presto! an indigestion
pause... relapse...
depending on your temperament...

that's ice-cream... but... gelato! GEE! LA TOE!
T'OH!
no egg yolks...
    2 cups of full fat milk...
one cup of double cream: beaten... whisked...
it has to... half the sugar you're expected to use...
in the berry pulp...
    
i'll need the RRR... why has the trill of the Ar
disappeared in the Ing-Leash tongue:
betäubungzunge: compounded... obviously...
higher tier Germanic... not this... Ing-Leash...
mongrel sort...
so the adjective comes before the noun:
rather than the noun coming prior to
the adjective... i don't want to be asking for:
proper this... eh... proper that...

the exasperated yawns... gags and yelling impositions
of the "liberal" moralists...
like a god finally said: if i gave them
free-will... can "we" just agree that:
they better experience their full: "potential"?
oh i believe in god: but i also believe in free-will...
one counter-acts the other
in the way thus: follows:
to completely have: free-will...
you can't expect a nanny-state c.c.t.v. omni: gwand-p'ah
moment... can you?
there's... sweet & sour...
there's... sweet & salty...
can't have one... without... the other...

my god! genius logic! look for applause
when all the self-deprecating humour dries up...
clap... clap... clap clap...
how can you expect a god...
when... you're also expecting free-will?
you can... no... wait... you can't be a murderer!
Cain... was a vegetarian...
Abel... ably sacrificed a goat... or a sheep...
or two... Cain was a Hebrew version of:
'indu...
so... the northern European mind simply
boils corrupted with: staged logic
and...  the idiosyncrasies of other cultures...
yeah! thanks for the bread... where's, the, yeast?!

you use it?! you... ever used it?!
yeast: you get to say yes a lot...
you allow yourself to encourage to grow bread...
you also make beer...
no? not handy? o.k.: we'll just leave the "appropriate"
answer for the white women folk: people-kind
to conjure up a "properly": response...

ooh... believe me... i can play the grammar game
like... for eternity...
in between being allowed breaks
to do some proper *******...
like... churning strawberry ice-cream...
or making a curry sauce...

i am: SCHEMING!
i'm not going to allow this language to be
left in... *******: tartan: let alone:
tatters... even though it's not my own tongue...
i will not leave it: to... RUIN!
i'd best keep it in runes....

                    ᚱᚢᚾᛖᛋ...

no... you don't tell me what i am: or i am
not... "supposed" to do...
you settle my score on the fabric of
capital punishment... i die... you live...
but... it's not so ******* simple... no?
leech eats leech...
crab bucket...

she's a... three-dimensional woman...
looking for a... two-dimensional man...
ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
i need to write down laughter:
since it's so silent... so covert...
it doesn't really require a stand-up
comedian's solipsism to ****-me-off...
ha ha!
a three-dimensional woman...
looking for a two-dimensional man!
ah ha ha!

goldfish of an ego:
in a muddle of a "think-tank"
of 70cl of... is whiskey...
i could be her grandpa santa
and she could be my selfish elf
quasi dwarf on my knee:
not readied for a spanking:
i'm so turned off by modern *******

time is a concept i'd rather forget....
father Xavier...
i just want to make ice-cream:
or... make the distinction between ice-cream
& gelato...
& curry... i want to make a bucket load
of "that"... enough to make joking remarks about
an invading envy equivalent to match up to
the Ottoman Janissaries...

i don't like being sold the sole impetus
that blatantly numbs me...
a walking abortion: i am...
             find me in my most reclusive spot...
when the  birds... triple the night...
merge with it... allow the: bystanders!
postcard enthusiasts! tourists! begone!
with Essex: alone!
i don't care much fo the western aspect
of England... POMPOUS SODS
THE WHOLE LOT OF THEM!

anything associated with Bristol
i wouldn't feed to pigs...
sure... they might be the most pristine sort
of people:
they're still a people i wouldn't
share food with... sorry... what?!
you might care that i might care?!
how... custard-esque...
how... bewildering...
i... exist?!
                    *******...
really?! does one digest that fat of fact
with a: hmmm...

         SUDDENLY?!
"diatribe of waking shadows"?

forget it...
the postponed death of Johnny Cash
matched up to the "un-expected"
relief of... false claimants oeuvre!
Elvis... ought to have died...
he died... the end!

and death said unto us:
go first!
i'm, afraid of seeing!

et mort ait indu nos -
    primus vade!
        sum, phobic ex videum!

i wouldn't call it vitriol... although:
if push came to shove... i probably should;
looks like i won't be rhyming: again...
free-falling once more...
no, i wouldn't call it vitriol...
god... what a powerfully sounding word:
i'm guessing its etymological
beginnings are intact and
the word has been elevated
without being... "revised" over time
to some cubist monstrosity...
yet it's a word that almost begs
to attract: tautology...
a simple tautology would be...
a crimson red... x...
   vitriol aspires to tautology:
with this demand...
after all... what's a culinary "adventure":
if it isn't subjective?
objectively the sensible round-up
of "troops" of raw goods...
but the subjective reality of
the cauldron...
the spices und: rain-bow...
                    ah... ha...
             best in deutsche...
  rain: regen: no... half reign...
regen-
            -bogen...
   literally two nouns together...
or a noun-verb complex
regen-neigen
              regen-beugen    (sich's a summary
and some, elsewhere)
regen-verbeugen...
unlike a bowtie...
                  a butterfly-try...
what's the actual rainbow
in ol' deutche?
   regenbogen... bog's the standard: no
praise...
while bowtie is: krawatte...
among the Wends & Veleti: mucha / muxa...

a history beside the ape: genesis...
a word in the context of use
that's similar to a hammer...
but what has to be be accomplished:
with a hammer is...
a hammering...
so there's a plot for nail
and two pieces of wood
for... at least a scaffold fixture...

now: i'm not a terrible cook:
i do own a specification that allows
me to gravitate toward: pasta al dente...
and rice like: "uncle tom's cabin"?!
whatever the hell that means...
but when i spectacularly good ****...
i can also cook...

and hey... i can almost figure out
a way into excess 'indu heat
of a vindaloo...
i can understand this excess...
although: point me in the direction
where i misunderstood:
fenugreek seeds...      

fair enough...
   i rhyme i freefall more and more
it' not like i'm a journalist worried
about: what to do with when
it's all column and i'm having ambitions
for paragraphs (etc.)

   when i cook good i cook:
towering infernos of oyster slobber
tongues...
when i cook:  bad (not the least of a lisp
o' shy tongue of a Lee)
i cook like a demon's worth of
revenge...

not understanding certain spices...
you can misunderstand fenugreek...
that's a certain...
chilly too...
you can misunderstand
chimichurri and say:
it's almost a salsa...
but then there's no coriander...
it's mostly parsley...
but there's the acidity of the red wine
vinegar....
somehow the British soldiers
asked for a curry: "give me curry"...
"chimichurri"
in Latin America i guess that's
the prop-up translation...

misunderstanding spices...
Achilles had at least four legs...
toes that towed hoofs...
and hair that smelled of...
plum blossom and sunshine...
maybe a tease of tomatoes...

but i have... vitriol...
i have... "concern"... i have...
   almost 340 grams of leftover
beef roast and peppers
and noodles...
and hoisin sauce etc. that was...
wasted, ******: wasted...

said recipe...
and see if you can spot something, awry...
i didn't use mince beef
i cut up a roast rack...
but... to be honest: no hail mary
of a ******* difference,
nonetheless: the rubric:

1tbsp olive oil
340g of beef
2 garlic cloves
1 red chilli
1 tbsp chinese five spice
2 tsp sichuan peppercorns
1 tbsp brown sugar
2 tbsp hoisin sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter

pak choi: sorry... peppers instead...
spring onions, yes yes...
noodles... yes yes...
coriander yes yes...

website? deliciousmagazine.co.uk...
the "cook"?
hence my concern for vitriol
since i will name him...
a... DONAL SKEHAN...
a sing-along pride dancing leprechaun
of a ******* paddy...
has as much knowledge of
foreign spices as i have
giggles having discovered
gunpowder... yeah...
"discovered".... did my China "thing"...
forgot the trap of fancy lights...
brought back the extension
of the crossbow... increased the speed
of projectile...
Spain allowed itself a Reconquista and
3/4 of the h'american continent...
but i am not: of the lineage...
to itch with "pride"...

- a bit glam this culinary adventure...
cooking as if it's homeopathy...
misnomer...
this is not a taste of homeopathy...
i would not ask for diluting a drizzle of
honey in a glass of *****...
although: that doesn't sound all too bad
to begin with...
but it's like... misunderstanding
the use of fenugreek seeds
is like misunderstanding
the use of sichuan pepper...
2... hello?
is that tow too?
yes... two teaspoons of sichuan pepper...
grinded down...

off your rockers... aren't you?
no... but 2TSP of SICHUAN PEPPER?!
you have to be "joking"... no?
ask any European what happens
when you use too much
dry thyme or oregano...

get drunk and ride a bicycle in the middle
of the night:
what the ****?!
my lips, mouth and throat
were trembling: murmuring...
vibrating with something that wasn't exactly hot:
it wasn't camel jockey proud either...

Donal Skehan: former boyband member....
has as much knowledge about food
as i have knowledge turning cow **** into
gnocchi...
honest criticism...
you can abuse a spice, once...
there's a reason the british cricket team
are dubbed the tourists....
you come back with a *******
chimichurri, excesses of fenugreek...
sichuan peppercorns...

             we know salt: as nearest to
the fabric of the Baltic Sea
as musts must be met...
we know salt and salt
is implicit: for / of anything that's ever
to be cooked... no? tenderised? no?

if i were gagging for a stake tartar...
i'd also be drinking horse blood...
mind you: there were a people and
they were denoted by history as Huns...
and they invented the stirrup...
so: hey presto...

detailing the itch of a knife...
by the edge of the least: fathomable scrutiny...
i don't like cooking something
that's... inedible... Donal Skehan's
use of 2tsp of sichuan peppercorns is...
probably enough for comparison
to stage a ******* ****...

honest to god i'll sooner whip up a
whiff... no best kept project beside
"that one" of...
the refreshing "allure" of horseshit...
in a hazy morning hour...

this Iroshman can cook for horde:
and wise-*******...
null!
         2tsp of sichuan peppercorns...
for 340g of beef volume...
no...
            nein nie niet no ne: nem!
it was a terrible idea:
towing brick in rubble, a brick...
now this...  revival sequence of
events and least narratives...

       mea culpa? all the self-help gurus
seem to mind this dimension...
i abhor it... like i abhor the infectious demands
of the "hard work" of psychiatry...
the usual chemo-brain-fizzle...
cocktail of non-events: are "we"?
i thought you concerned yourself
with... politically correct lingo usage...
you... ******* worth of use of a cushion; no?

i was lied to...
stupendously adrift on a raft of bogus...
this bleeding sea of last, frothing...
2tsp of sichuan peppercorns...
you want your lips trembling...
vibrating with an overload
of how to best, overdose...
you...Irish.. squat-****!

              *******... Paddy...
come ****** Sunday:
let's extend it toward keeping it blue
and plum Monday...
******* "cosmopolitan"
of a lost Berliner esque Rilke...
this ******* of a ******* of a Dublin...

even some U2 won't save
your ******* northern itch...
i have vitriol...
i am vitriol...
    i have wasted 340grams of beef
that i might as well have...
butchered: thrice...
than having attempted to cook it
once.

i always thought that the Persians
were too proud of a people,
i. e. that they had,
but more importantly had a past
to wholly succumb to those
Arab camel jockeys whole heartedly,
apparent familial loyalty
and gob-serves-as-prime-precursor
had a waspish sting in it...
if an Islamic schism happened
much later,  and without such
fervor... let's face it...
Christianity is  "monotheism"
   in name only... what it hides
beneath its nuns' attire is a
pseudo-theology of either:
1... a third, two thirds
towing an imaginary third
that's either a congregation
of a *******, talking dove...
3 out of 3... a secular "polytheism"...
not so much a many gods scenario,
but many shared, "plagiarisms"...
and the odd: on the 6th and
every recurrent 6th of the month,
god took to the 7th, the sabbath,
and started gambling...
threw dice...
     played cards...
                because how much of
the orthodox jewish prohibition
becomes original thinking,
on a sabbath?
            Islam seems to be waging
a case for uniqueness,
in that... a schism was immediate,
its  schism didn't become
a polyglot garbage heap of:
hence Christianity as a "polytheism"...
or rather,  a poly-schismaticisation...
a guru here, a guru over there...
and of course,  the Persians
themselves...
              no religion can boast
such devicive schism...
but then again, the martyr Ali...
and the too painful
   personal details on th matter...
yet the immediacy of the schism,
with Muhammad's still Kentucky-fried
chicken in the grave...
   point being... pillar words...
words immune to the thesaurus juggling
act, and the decadence of
late jurisprudence...
taqiyya is immune to the thesaurus...
oddly enough, for a word
that means deception...
it is pristine... in that it serves no
ulterior purpose, other than the
blatantly given...
      a word two dimensional,
(0, 0) that becomes (1, 1)...
    as a concept , taqiyya is
immune to the thesaurus...
     because?
     taqiyya is a misconception...
esp. among westerners...
or rather... those camel jockeys
don't understand taqiyya...
as being worthy of the 5 pillar
status...
  shahada... salah...  zakāt... sawm...
taqiyaa...
    the misconception?
to deceive, in order to convert...
every muslim, notably Sunni...
implied conversion...
   upon the most frivolous of
conversation genesis...
                       after all...
taqiyaa is a sh'ia concept,
not sunni... to practice taqiyaa
you do not subvert your own religion
in order to gain converts...
            why would you practice
taqiyaa, in order to convert,
rather than practice taqiyaa,
in order to defend?
         inverting taqiyaa is what
sunni camel jockeys do...
conversion by taqiyaa...
or rather, the taqiyaa shahada...
because you side with the first
and most pristine schism...
rather than a religion....
catholicism became protestantism...
sunni and orthodox zombies...
mind you:
is there any difference
between the Arab oil barons
and the Russian oligarchs?
     depends on a girls name...
and whether sheikh h'ahmed
or Igor of Novosybirsk can conjure
up... a ******* unicorn...
no wonder the Persians took
to a grudge: the word of the Koran
is one thing, but the hadith another...
ali? I'm no Dante... a supreme martyr...
word of the prophet broke false,
on a simple familial test
of loyalty... which is a bit like...
that dandy warhol's song
muhammad...
             Sunni Islam is too dump
to appreciate a sixth pillar,
that of sh'ia Islam...
            just look at how proud
the Greeks are in modern affairs...
******* won't lift a finger!
well... no wonder...
since no Byzantine is cited,
i too would be *******...
        taqiyaa is a defence mechanism,
as if protecting the Afghani
Sufi teachings that nibbled
on 'indu...
      taqiyaa has only one
thesaurus weaknees...
hijab... niqab...
            camel jockey sunni
Islam knows only taqiyaa as:
collateral damage via conversion...
soda fizz to the head...
                oh... right... the current 7th...
jihad...
               and the beast of revelation...
that hydra...
   blah blah blah...
transcendental taqiyaa:
Malcolm X...
                        or rather:
Christianity spread its legs open,
and smiled...
   counter?
last time I checked,
the mother of Islam was
Abraham's concubine...
  as far as the pristine mothers of
a son's will goes...
bogged down to personal choice...
and never,  a personal god...
but an impersonal one...
let the actors take the stage
and eat a loaf of bread....
i'll gladly settle for the crumbs...
observe the confines,
and orchestrate the schattenmärz...
if not now,  then never,
to reiterate:
                    taqiyaa is
the 6th pillar of Islam,
used as a defence tactic,
rather than as a rhetoric of conversion...
sunni Islam understands
as much Farsi, as I understand
Ching-Mung-Choo...
    much, much later...
comes: and what of the Jihad
in the Balkans? **** scared of the Serbs?!
**** me, having myself to
reiterate their ****** rubric.

.monotheism suspected men, to be ontologically docile, autistic, solipsistic in terms of their relation to women... hence they provided an catalyst-esque solution... to shame, their ****** drive derived for an ultra-private expedience, and exploit it, toward a ****** drive... derived within the confines of a non-reciprocated ultimatum... monotheism, ergo... is... very much a religion for women... islam is, of course, part of it... the three strands of monotheism... are... m'eh... religions derived by women, for women, at the expense of male genital mutilation... thank **** that i was not circumcised... i'm over 'ere, with the ***** and the 'indu.

i'll sooner appreciate pushing out a ****,
than watching a sunrise,
custard mind all over again..

    and what's up with this,
background noise...
of either a train chuggling
into the "distance"...
it's already in the "distance"...

almost a thank god moment:
hercules went mad...

  counter the "train"...
i hear forses galloping,
like an entourage precursor...
i definitely "hear"
horses, galloping,
those are certainly hooves..

and the **** is up
with men, in western culture,
being orientated around
having to make priority
over ***....
       eh?
         you ****,
or...
     you don't...
and if you don't...
you find counter outlets...
t'ah d'ah...
  stay up all night
for a channel 5 movie
screening of neon demon...
just because:
you gorged over the sountrack...

a little bit of wiggly-here,
and a bit of wiggly-woo...
mike myers doing
the fat ******* "quiz"....
hey presto! some sort of sushi!

i always ask a sane person,
do you, do you,
do you hear that, that train?
the usual answer, no.
so i ask again,
do you, do you hear those horses?
the usual answer is, no.

should have sniffed lines of *******
and "elaborated"
on an eric clapton classic...
****, turn over,
next chapter...
   that sad sad story of
always and everywhere but
always and everywhere
provided, it happens in Yankee-town...
burp...
     as long as pweety gurl is
all gurl for girl groove...
and.. it's h'america...
   coolio.

****-hole town h'america,
where everyone minds their own business...
nope...
   hey pretty...
that's not on the cards...
     ******* giggles into the night...
which is the worthwhile
template...
a thumb's length of whiskey
in the afternoon,
english politics,
           fish & chips...
a bottle of wine,
a beer for the walk:
****! where's the dog?!
  and back onto the whiskey...

basics: you find me drinking in
the daylight hours,
you find me giggling...
ergo you find me in a good mood...

      i once mate an inmate,
a fellow, nutritionist,
of ethnicity, inmate,
by the name of Paul...
a dub-step d.j. pusher...
who taught me:
amphetamines give you
insomnia...
so i drank and i drank:
and kept on drinking...
and snorted very little,
and...
   "bias"...

                what?!
i don't have an idea relating
to tinder or
game of thrones...

zero, zilch,                 wh'ah?!

i hate to break it for you,
it's still a ******* train charging
in the background,
or three horsemen
looking out for the fourth...

   in terms of a train?
romford train station is...
5 miles away from my house...
visual hallucinations are clarity
prone...
   auditory hallucinations?
eh, come again?

           how advanced can
the faculty of imagination be,
when there's no walt disney,
and it's purely solipsistic
projection?
    how can my imagination
be so advanced,
so insular,
        and at the same time...
have a negative affect on me?

  trains, horses...

   point of a somewhat base
for "closure",
   when i told them:
i heard a choir, in a church,
heading up to camden town...
they presumed
the choir i heard
was singing latin...

      who the hell said
"they" were singing in latin?!
they, the psychiatric team,
simply presumed,
it was latin...
      **** on me...
what if it was greek?
    
            or hebrew?

or... occult zunge?
         when will it become necessary,
for people, to realise,
that... a projection of the imagination,
as a reply to genuine
symptoms of schizophrenia...

              does, not, exist...
if imagination was as potent,
as it, already is,
in the positive extracts of
the already stated examples...
you'd get a movie,
or a painting...
        but... in the majority of the cases...
projection of the imagination,
a free reign of the imagination
in reply, governed by a complexity
of thought, within
the symptom of auditory hallucinations...

you're serious... right?
you want me to be serious with this,
"theory"?
          
    perhaps dostoyevsky said the following:
    
   'to angels - vision of god's throne,
         to insects - sensual lust'

i can compensate,
      the thrill, a brothel, a period of
vomitting,
  nerves shattered, asking for a cup
of water,
   while sitting before Nazgûl "harem"
of ******...
and then back into the western
narrative of feminism,
and... forever unable to relate to it...
once every 3 years will do just fine,
for an hour's worth of *******...

      but this constant: yap-yap-yapping
about ****** *******,
or lack, thereof, this constant bragging,
compare little richards all you want...
you circumcised?
i said, are, you m.g.m.?
   male genital mutilation example?
yes, no? no? yes?
       you have a hoodie,
the jerking-off allowance "jacket"?
yes, no? no? yes?
      audioslave: miami vice sountrack?
bells, bells, ring any?
      oh, right,
so you're telling me she can play the *****-dodo
game over a web-cam,
with you, attired to, "express yourself"
with scented candles,
    a credit card,
               and a comfy chair?
    **** on me,
and i thought that baptism was bad,
i just "forgot" in being confirmed...
   too bad...
   given you can't exactly regrow your
*******...
        and it's not like you're going
to suddenly don a kippah,
     or... a tonsure...
                                        oops?!

well, yeah...
   why wouldn't it boil down to the genitals...
if there's such a concept as
f.g.m., then there's m.g.m.,
   why rob men of the requisite of
the ability of jerking off
without shaming via the act per se...
oh i'm pretty sure
  Onan was shamed...
once he performed the act,
after, he was circumcised...
hey, i'm competing with fweedom!
a gurly girl,
                  a *****, and a webcam!

bull: china shop...
   and by god i think...
this will morph, spawn...
       and become the awaited
form of abomination.

it was only supposed to have lasted
from the 22nd March till tomorrow,
the 19th of April...
               but looking at it,
I'll be spending an extra month in
this once, formerly, town with
a bright future, communist red,
where, once upon a time,
buildings that could house:
   2 x 10 x 4 = 80 families sprouted
out of thin air,
like steroid mushrooms after
the first rains of autumn...
              and the local team played
in the ekstraklasa...
    and this that and the other...
now... civitas emeritus...
town of pensioners and
niedobitków... the rest of rats
jumped ship...
          once around 17,000+
men employed in the steel works...
now? plenty of greenery,
the odd alcoholic teaching tango
and enough empty space and timeless
vacancy to fill up...
the ongoing retirement of 20 odd years
of my grandfather... 2ho's brain
is slowly being eaten away...
by, as he says, in the pospolity zór...
leń... no killer proteins just yet,
but something tells me being the last
person standing among your
friends, nuanced friends and
all the formality of acquiantences
can do the head in.
   small town, small business,
I don't even know if I can be bothered
to hit the road and head up to
Marienburg...
       honestly pains me, but I wish
a ******* termite would climb into
Sienkiewicz's krzyżacy...
the book is killing me...
   and even if I did make it to Marienburg,
i'd come back and still find
the grueling grill and the żelazna
                     dziewica about
to poke my eyes out...
   classic, yes, pillar of
literary national pride, probably,
necessary export? in film alone...
    plus
   - I heard termites find paper like
some sort of Oriental delicacy equivalent
to man and the world and his
whorrish-glam Harrod's oysters...
   only Arabs and Harrod's and that
**** pile of glitter is like puke on canvas
by *******... a question of conneisours,
or car boot sale enthusiasts of Essex County.
- just one more month,
far far away, from the dirge of London,
and the subsequent outer suburban
    labyrinth of weeding out middles and clues
and classes in counting hairs on
the heads of brooms, contra: violin bows...
and never to my liking the spectacle
of spring on that ****** island...
cherry blossom so rare,
unlike that street in Bonn,
                               Spring on the continent
in general, not to mention the eyes
becoming more and more used
to the monochrome homogeneity...
with me, as the sole importer,
the sole Marco Polo who came from
a vicinity of the East End Caravan
with 'indu spices, and cooked the old
farts curry...
                           plus the intresting news
regarding an organisation, O.N.R.
                                  i never thought they might
exist, good to know that there are
exteme, fringe groups out there,
worthy contenders with the mainstream
mullets...
                      and yes, Marienburg
will definitely continue to look better on
a postcard than in real life...
                                 a walk in fresh air,
a beer and sandwich an I'm off to the land
of Nod... dreaming of sleeping
and waking and finding something
between a stash of: pearls,
        eggs, silver eggs, silver gooey tadpoles,
silver-azure frog spawn...
      and then falling back to sleep in
my dream, and subsequently waking
to my grandfather nagging my grandfather...
which ends up with a cigarette
and a consolidatory piece of
mole mound cake for each of us...
       and the day is spent...
                I'd have to be daft not to "hide"
in this outpost, learning more and more
about the: kashubians, der pyry...
          hanysy (warsaw shlang für
scheiße, schlauß) / silesians...
     rzeszowskie rubieże...
      zór mazowsze (masovia)
                           krakusy i czystosze...  
and what about that cwaniak
warszawski, z prahi, ten... andrus?
swa-vo-merrh, piszem sławomir...
tak samo jak ten goalkeeper a t'
'amtem in crux: golkiper...
                          prosze bardzo, prosze prosze...
gramatycznie to raz,
                       a fonetycznie, to dwa.
I mean, why would I leave this outpost,
when there is absolutely no reason to
write any form of existential angst...
where I can be told:
born on the 15th of May,
          the day when Saint Sophia takes
to blooming lilac, when lilac wakes...
back in England you really have to scout
for spring, then again daffodils are not
trees... plus there's this missing natural
orchestral harmonium of successive waves
of some other botanical form finding
intrest, as if an reborn whisper of curiosity
and joy...
             which, your garden variety
of English... doesn't really tell you...
unless it's spring, you couldn't tell a difference
between it an soggy summer...
or for that matter, bland Victoria sponge.
but what I don't miss in the least is...
leeching drunk to the internet's blank pixel
slate...
           even I know that a sober poem
is sometimes required,
which doesn't exactly dissolve the otherwise
entrenched darting juxtapositions
and Dr. Braillesurf's stipend and in genral
streuenhirn...
        in general the Internet and fame,
based on two songs...
donkey's years since I last heard
   rizzle kicks' mama do the **** -
released in 2011, views 17+ millions...
don't ask me how an algorithm took me
to the other song...
  only heard it today
released in 2007... only heard it today...
panamore' misery business -
views?! 153+ millions, yes, that an extra
000 added to the first song...
           and still 11 years later...
     it's this sort of oddity that makes
me believe in the local government,
small cities and in genral the village life...
the neighbour and the gossip angst of
these people...
                 some say: at least they'll come
to the funeral...
                          looks like
I already found the string of planets
de Saint-Exupéry's Prince Petit visited...
and my own among them...
   good to know, that it's a small world
after all, and not some competition
to transmit a radio broadcast from
either the zenith of the Himalayas,
        or the nadir of the Marina Trench.

the motto: a healthy body, a healthy mind...
fair enough...
can the healthy body tell me
where its palette is?
  just asking... can this mind over mind mantra:
this... no one likes a pickled brain...
a healthy body equates to me:
a mind reared for learning - sponges and
syringes...
does this "healthy body" desire...
alternative tastes?
blue cheese? trout caviar?
              oysters?                          haggis?
out of curiosity:
or does... keeping around a play-thing...
third person addressee...
hard to miss it: an "analogue" i that keeps
refering to the "deus ex machina" like
it's not exactly "in it"...
    healthy jog: except on concrete...
sure thing boss... on a patch of grass...
who said that jogging was good on cement?
i swear tires and using it as sandpaper for
the rubber: weathered: withered: weathered:
he loves me... he loves me not...
russian roulette of plucking petals of
a sunflower...
the last time i had... a pornstar body...
i started ******* girls that had tattoos in "random"
places... ha ha... "random"...
signatures of the madame...
   i was... her... dragon... on the right...
shoulderblade...
because that's where my chernobyl scar is...
"random": oh so "random" tattoos!
the next time i go pornstar full body
b.d.s.m. latex... i will not **** the next mosquito
that lands on my body and i pretend to be
sleeping... i will not pancake it...
flies... earthworms... all these creeping bogus
investigations of the telescope for "alien"...
i can spare...
even spiders... even though i have a tease
of arachnophobia...
but mosquitos? i'd do the impossible...
don boxing gloves... and pinch it by the testicles...
with both...
healthy body = healthy mind...
   more like: a healthy body ≠ a mind that does
a whole lot of thinking...
you need the pickling juices for that...
    Jean des Esseintes eccentricities... "familiarities"...
last time i would hear a rhetorician
from a man that was also able to run a marathon...
i'd play muahmmad: and she should play:
the whispering angel gabriel...
a healthy body = a healthy mind...
i don't believe in the existence of a healthy mind...
a mind of either blank...
an ape-**** hollow mind, yes...
      what's my favorite echo-chamber?
i tend to should these words into...
the echo-chamber of solipsism...
          the mild-reflection on clinical altruism...
since: i wouldn't call the autistic flash-gordons
of this world to have a fulfilling
desire to: build on the concept of self...
         such that it already is... devoid of...
all the temptations...
crass words...
but would a healthy body please tell me...
the concerns for the palette?
blue cheese... oysters... caviar...
very piquant flavours...
  what of... yes... haggis again...
   what of... pancetta... what of...
                  mushrooms: honey fungus...
marinated in oil and white spirit vinegar?
what of fenugreek pickles of the raj?
what of all the plethora spices of the indian cuisine?

a healthy body = a healthy mind...
when... the body is subjected to healthy "exercise":
work... workhorse labour...
to hell with exercise! exercise "fow foon"?
that's cheating you of the healthy body = healthy mind
duality... hello... h'allo hamster on the wheel!

last time i had a pornogrpahic movie body
i had the "privilege" of ******* women:
who had tattoos in the "wrong" parts of the body...
bullet-point markers...
i was... memorable... a dragon on her right
shouldblade...
something much more diabolical concerned itself
with much of her arm above the elbow...
the gateway ****-boy who she alleged was...
an older man and she was kidnapped for money:
just your atypical russian harlequinn novel...

a healthy body...
  how about... an inquisitive palette and a pickled
brain... i don't expect much thinking is allowed
when the body retains a full geometry of
"battling" arthritis et al.,
       language as a process of decay...
awaiting new sprouts...
not from rock and bone and tensed muscles...
call 'em meatheads because
they "work-out" or call 'em meatheads
because: they mosh... and headbang?

i subscribe to the latter...
and my echo chamber is that of solipsism...
i ooze in a breath... into this chamber...
let's call it a flute... i'm hardly expecting
a reply on the basis of
a consonant-vowel construct like:
the prefix definite article of hebrew:
and that... roulade of laughter: ha ha ha...
with language... i decay...
but in my decay i also stab back
with "rumours" of exfoliation...

it's an erotica perplex... ingesting...
all the scent of a lazy autumnal wood...
it's not yet the zenith of summer,
spring is far from sending a postcard...
and i'm already thinking about
autumnal scent...

      piquat: an inquisitive palette requires
a partially pickled brain...
the body can play the masquerade...
healthy though: via physical labour exercise...
or... i know that riding a bike for
mere looks... can breed... a...
    adverse symptom of succumbing to
classical roman bulimia...
index and ******* down your throat...
wait about 3 minutes...
the foodstuff comes back up
like a furr-ball...

         so much for the mirror...
or at least... so much for... pretending to do
what will never come to pass...
when contemplating the river of Heraclitus
or the sea of Xerxes...

i see moonlight now... yes... a membrane
of mercury everywhere: notably on metal
and stone...
come the wintry season...
a walk down a red carpet...
the crystal **** of paparazzi flicker
paving the way...
shards of a body disobeying orders...
the head moving on a seasaw left
to right to catch the imaginary camera flashing...
in winter... when the frost exfoliates
on the concrete: as light does in the *****
of stars upon the sky...
when mercury drips its membrane
onto all things: visible... determined to remain
thus...

perhaps it's a masculine "thing"...
hardly a body willing to apply itself to the laziness
of an oyster... but...
i guess vogue... ***** vogue zenith...
of european 17th / 18th century...
***** of kings: plump cottage pies...
more cushion for the push'on...
*******... thighs... kim novak hypnosis...
anything that hitchhock would have
turned a tongue to octopus and slobbered over...
beside these size 0.... coathanger "*****"...
break 'em at the joints and be leftover
with... a mush...

     the "exoskeleton" of man: god, morality,
conscience and thought... not in that order...
the next time i come under the inquisitive
inquiry of the *****-actor body...
voyeurism... yes... that will be the day...

again... a healthy body: down and out of
a gym... or: in and out of a construction industry?
a healthy body = a healthy mind...
when... the body isn't being exercised for
the sake of the body: to "look"...
or to "appear"... to be "perceived"...
a healthy body can... actually = an unhealthy mind...
when the body preoccupies the mind
to not deviate / explore from...
that basic rubric of 2 x 2 = 4...
that is the basic rubric...
the rest is just wording either hubris or hiatus...

beside that: to reiterate...
a healthy body... so... the omnivore palette?
eats anything... ***** anything that: doesn't move?
a healthy body = a healthy mind = an inquisitive palette?
if we're going to talk healthy body / healthy mind...
and eat nothing but poached chicken *******...
recite the number of calories...
point being?
    recitals of... a bland chinese takeaway guide
to cannibalism...
exercised bodies... "fearless"! in their endeavours...
ate: to ****... in between exercised...

we would like to eat those hamsters
with both skin... and bone...
not enough meat...
you see... and we do like a bit of crunch
and the juice of marrow...
if... you don't mind...

       an exercise in... staging... pomp...
and... the circumstance is already given...
mediocre poetry: grand-standing...
love the ****** ideal...
best told to ******* and...
start hustling via latex gimp...

                     best to leave the matter to
the indu-aryans: or not...
                             य(अ)                  समओक.

/brandon tatum is one of two guys
I'll probably never have a beer with...

past the already generous helping
of *****, all that's left
of me is a pickled chilly...

hot in the head, soft in the groin,
and somewhere in between:
levitating limbs...

hard not to regress back to tribalism
ploughing through former efforts
to establish the beacon
of nations, denationalised,
or rather, demonarchised...

but back to the transcendental menu...
OK OK, past colour,
"imaginary" borders and...
globalisation means a freedom
of the movement of goods,
id est from the cheapest to...
and the robbing of talent...
for the good of the ominous populace
subermged in a tsunami
of apathy...

you can play the race card,
which is a black privilege...
couldn't tell me apart from a German
a swede or a Lithuanian...
when asked, I always own up
to being german...
a fetish like latex like any other...

playing the race card is like playing
the joker card
from a deck of cards
    that have set rules not established...
namely taking a joker card
from a deck of cards,
that consist of only joke cards...

see, I can merge into the zebra
concussion of a hunting lion,
that collage of hiding the biologically
weak, or intellectual prone to arson,
every,  single, time,
when asked on the British Isles
I joke with Indu Irish mongrels
about pedigree...
and am never a Pole, but a German...
Old Saxon,

I can chameleon the rest of the conversation,
for no greater good,
nor for any minute ill;
motto? sami, swoi...
   back where I was born I play
the tourist card, in central London
I play the country boy card...
                    in Essex I play the feral card...
in Paris I played the mute's card...
             the rest of other people's antics
seems ****,  and monodimensional...

you can play the poker card
only when using a deck of cards
with four kings, four queens, four
jacks etc.,
   the persistent commentary reflects
a sort of people, playing the joker card,
using a deck of cards
that constitute of only jokers...

       it's not even a boredom,
but the tedium of the lost surprise,
at least with boredom you can
finally attach a comfy chair to your ***
and admire a sunset...
but with a tedium of lost surprise...
the persisting mosquito biting...
like almost everything in film these days,
of fiction,
post-plagiarism ...
        namely that the viewer
     already knows the plot,
he knows the plot because the plot
is so disengaging and has been so blatantly
repeated that guess-work takes over
waiting in suspece,
playing the startled suspect...
alas, dear Watson...  

and poetry can hide behind
overt technicalities,
literary bureaucracy of an Ikea
put-together manual,
       less botanical I agree,
and it can hide behind an Antoinette
corset... came pride & prejudice,
ergo? must have come:
  POMP & CIRCUMSTANCE...

    25ml of ***** makes no sense,
kosher glug from the slit neck of
a bottle, might make me look like
a *** rabbi... but at least that's
a 50-70ml range of question,
followed by an apple-mint chaser...

I can appreciate the transcendental
menu of nation ethnicity etc...
but this headache came crashing
in on the grounds of St. Thomas'
non-canonical gospel...
      can't exactly transcend grammar...
on a blank doesn't mean it's
within confines of a formal / informal
conversational structure...
          on a blank i have a pink
elephant tugging the godhead
of flies by the name of Belzeebub...

             I can forsake all tattoos
and heritage...
        maybe these trans...
whatever you call them,
could do something productive,
become bilingual...
   and riddle in fractions
a movement away from Greco-Latin
etymology the words of germanic /
slavic roots, at hand,
with no clear etymology?

          guess work schlang...
pick n mix... a gamble...
          given whatever die zeitgeist...
roulette vocabulary...
          there was a time and place
with imagingy friends...
too many technical words in
the vocab. system,
      much akin to niche, planet U-2398v4...
noun category exhausted...
    came the yawning void
recycler...
                   this movement akin
to the political class of PiS...
    or the grieving twin...
                                
      it's almost funny how this should
be debateable...
       imagining the solipsistic world
of the upper echelon of the medical
profession... a surgeon denounces
title Dr. and by Herr is merely addressed...
like shouting past the gates
of Tartarus...
                            
                        ­  yet this debate
has gained public interest,
if not public demand, if not a civic
seriousness...
      in times when laws are past
frivolously, do many eyes turn away
from law itself, in search for
more frivolous affairs...
upon Samson's and upon Atlas'
hinges the crumbling world,
once more decided to spin
into amnesia...
     yet some perverted act,
unanswered lodged into
                    Alzheimer glitching...

by law itself I mean: orthodox
jurisprudence...
                    a return to
oculus per oculus logic,
not the turn the other cheek
rose blushed cought with a hand
lodged in the cookie jar...
   the more frivolous laws are
passed, the more of a joke
inacting genocide becomes;
and it becomes, and it becomes...
and this: the diabolical ferment,
a god as weak as not dead,
is a god that still believes
in the historically immune man...

already having missed the mark,
scared of a needle puncture,
craving fetish of a machete cut...
     such frivolous laws...
while the titans stand over
such establishment with neither
tear nor suffocated laughter...
brooding in the alchemy of shadows
a scheme worthy
of the daughters of Brahim,
the mistresses of puppeteering
as guided, by their mother Karma.

alt title: nox! νύχτα! noc (nychta)! / gwnaeth nhw anghofio

four days on antibiotics because of a tooth-ache...
more like a gum throbbing...
a nerve ending shouting session...
and what did i learn?
i love being sober as much as i like drinking...
i don't think being drunk is even invoked...
it misses me, "somehow"...
the "well not really"... i find that to be drunk,
proper, you also need a side-dish
of a stimulating conversation,
as done per solo: well... to the gallows of stupor
with you!
beside that... today marked the day
when i remembered what a bee sting feels like...
the first time it was me laying mud on
top of this helpless bee... kneeling
in the mud... getting stung...
today... this little zeppelin ******
fell off a tree and into my hair...
while attempting to brush it off
i gained a signature of its needle
and a little bit of its ***...
the part where it dies from taking a fatal shot
at: please, someone... comb my hair!
acute pain is more than whatever is on
offer in the hallucinogenic realm of things...
mushy-fungus-hitchhiker:
ride i am not...
acute pain sharpens reality and "reality"...
take me, 4 days sober... now i'm having
a formidable sessions...
i'll get to what's bothering me in a second...
i'm almost happy to say that i'm drinking
to shake off all the clove-buds and other
anaesthetics that numbed me comfy...
but a whiskey in the morning...
even if you're going to do all the chores
in the garden...
let's face it... there's no good mood of chore
even if you spike it with drink...
some people don't relax when writing...
some people constrict themselves and out pops
out the **** of fiction and fantasy...
i tried watching t.v. this evening...
i never bother to turn on the radio...
i'm my own d.j. plus that thing the wind
was doing with that eucalyptus in my garden...
the thing the clouds were doing...
i think that's plenty of fire while
the t.v. can die... on a Friday...
i once asked for a sabbath for journalism...
even though the Sunday edition with its news review
is probably the best day... so a journalistic sabbath
would be a Monday...
t.v. can ******* on Friday...
i do adore being sober as much as i love drinking...
after all...
from 118kg down to 101.8kg...
i can already feel the sunken cheeks of slimming...
i even started to admire myself
in glass while watering the fruit trees in my garden...
i'd swear that i grew a beard to
make a second emphasis of contortions on my face...
**** on me! here are the first!
of the world... buzz-words...
hypergamy... blah blah...
   *****-donations...
   ha ha... well... it certainly looks like...
no sooner rather than not ever...
we'll be ******* our third cousins... for sure...
well... if you think about it...
a whole lot of women...
going for... a whole lot of *****...
from one man...
    isn't that... ahem... complicated?
         unless he's a magician, a psychiatrists
and a tree surgeon...
i see! melodramatic o fortuna type feel:
if all these women...
   are being impregnated by this one...
bank account...
  that's all he is... a yellow walrus...
what are the chances of... 2nd generation ******?!
2nd, 3rd... sure sure... back in the old testament
days... same father... two "opposing" mothers...
no complications...
just, that, *******, riddle... of... forehead...
against... a... brick... wall... to... curb...
demands... for... original... thinking!
just saying... happy to be drinking...
shivers and shakes and demonic faces of hallucination
come 2am... oh... and dreams...
bogus... dreams... nonsensical dreams...
dreams on a whim for Eloise to ****...
to midnight!
i have a new drinking salute...
   nox! nychta!
                 oíche!
             so we are, aren't we... certain...
of... best for "moi" but not when another
"moi" best of... come together
in a slobbering case of gene pool fog...
cousin-some-share... that imbecile father...
well... here's me not dreaming
of any other dream-gene-pool...
i'm a walking abortion, don't you know?
i just came late... much later than expected...
expected the golden horde to allow the same
freedoms...
in the old days... the chains of the mistake
of that one night stand...
i can see it now...
it would be impossible to be chained
to the next come next sheered ****** the better
mechanised no better than deus ex machina:
i.e. **** in machina...
the bus-driver... the ******* plumber...
i surf with words...
i don't hold... lend me a sociopath and a brothel
and we'll have us a jolly good night...
i have about £140 quid for the occassion
and two litres of whiskey to get us through...
well... me my shadow and a cat i'll call...
mr. bowler...
because girls in yorkshire are disappearing...
and that's old news...
i see boys disappear all the time...
hardly teased by sweets and bad parenting
tantrum traps...
what came from barbie and what
came from g.i. joe... certainly not fans
for chess or su doku...
sorry but if the police are not willing to do...
anything... what the **** am?
a slave herder?
their father?
a "concerned civilian"?
                   i haven't been ****** for free in well
over a decade...
coming to 15 years...
   i'll let this one black girl off because
she had a skinny ***
and my ex was friends with her
and she slept over and i gave have a few
k.o. cocktails and... we matched...
on that karma sutra scale of...
i assure you... no elephant ****** a bunny...
as a tease of prep for childbirth...
could have had a cesaerian...
            paid... the napkin... paid...
the magic... what carpet? probably paid...
oh... it's sobering, proper sobering to pay...
notably: ******...
a ship might sink... but that fat-flat-skim-reading
of skin will never fade from my memory...
i'm sure my lips were leeches and i had
her eyelids... with the mascara itched onto them
i write this...
to-ast!
          night! nox! nychta!
                       i have no heart to either write
or drink during the day...
give me the day and the clear dichotomy
of the body and the mind...
i want to be drunk of the exercise of the body
to calm the mind...
but i also want to be drunk on the mind
to not exercise the body...
for me there is no mind-body dualism...
there are punctuation points that favour
a mind-body dichotomy than a dualism...
like...

writing is an extension of thinking...
it's not an invitation to waggle your tongue...
but of course... i'm proud of my students
who only recently were illiterate and are more
than eager to speak aloud what they can read...
rather than "think" it...

to excess!

why would i "believe" to be a molusk...
brain-and-bondy-entwined?
this sponge of a... pickled... brain?
bound to a duality...
clearly defined rubrics...
if numbers are things...
words are beings...
and that genesis of numbers: nothing!

singen! singen! doof schweinschnauze!
who ever said we'd need those
72 virgins underestimated our
need for...
       ahem... siebzig-zwei...
      rottweilers! arithmetic that against the 3
gratis eins of cerberus... blah...
it's no fun drinking when...
well... your excesses are not mine...
st. augustine... a cololoquy?
           ah ha ha... a soliloquy...
colloquial is akin to: n'est c'est pas?

          shh... me my, moral: ought-i narrative...
project zero... Munich: munching:
tripping at fahrenheit gizmo degree 106...

did "we" invite anyone to make this
a spectacle of teasing only-fans stature?
how can you ***** words?
put them to the test of graffiti?
is that it?
sell them cheap... make some counterfeit
robo-jungle-jingle work
the shorteing... already short...
missed the mark...
excuse the farmers...
you savvy with the tractor?
the Romanian strawberry pickers?
how about the the concept of a seasonal diet?
i don't really need strawberries
in winter...
i don't actually mind... no strawberries at all...

i'm here... whatever freedom might be
allowed for me in the land of
the freed Polacks strangulated by the powers
at be that were: in the 20th century
in the variant of the Russian...
Soviet... Prussian...
****... ends up with the Belgian
chocolate... kite-runners... typos...

not 'un of their F-F-F-F-ANG...
LE
however the ******* vont or...
want...
because you don't you toy
with words that "they" might like...
they have a cat that suddenly expressed a:
*******...
while i have a cat tidying up cushions
in which he and i will later sleep in...

white town: your woman...
playing pool at some end of
the hammersmitth & city tube load-off...
somehow the 1990s keep flooding back
to some: chess... innuendo...
shifting bricks... shifting bottle of ketchup...
my greatest love: shifting angry pockets
of IRA...
oh... wait...
       "gwnaeth nhw anghofio"?

like these isles were merely "conquered" on the focus
of Loon'dun and Birmingham alone...
oops the mosque of celts up north...
i'm just heightening: hibernating my expectations...
the Welsh and the Cornish...
my tribe my no tribe...
every time i might be reminded...
that i'm not a ******...
or part of some greater idea of "nation"
that's a diaspora of ******...
i'll sooner disappear into the 'indu *******...
marry a healthy second slur of Vishnu...

bogus: i see these brown-beaters i'm a *******
copperneck myself...
i will never be allowed to go back... "home"...
thanks for the integration play...
hybrid "lost soul"...
since English is so integral in all of things...
plum... pecker...
*****... screwdriver... nail...
hammer.. solipsism...
                to amount to n identity in English is...
so myopic... forget the tenderness of Linguo-Empire
froth.. bothered... full-stop...
the mythological blonde and her mythological
ape-short-cut elephant tusk: cuck-eye...
hello! me... (sign language interlude):
B... O... W...
       O... U... T...
              forget the braille and morse...
oh... wait... you were waiting for the cuck daddy...
but... if the cuck daddy is not ready to reproduce the
cucked baby girl... daddy's girl...
a generational pardon...
i'm not ready to reproduce:
        brick black block stwong dwyck...

oh i'm pretty sure:
one of those: pic. perfect pictures... please!
i'll die sooner than be found around
one also gagging:
having to appease
a Zulu hard-on...
like i "said"...
70,000 walking ******
on the lips of Libya...

              the envious green, eye?
the all-seeing... green tumult?
have them... i'm "dying"...
let them rot in gloat of
being rabbit **** finding out
about a camel phallus...
because... that's... how... it... works...
TOOL, FOR THE IVIORY LADY...
now i get to exercise a freedom
of tongue freed from lap...
rap or "just arrived"...
scrutiny of literacy...

           it's not like the Hebrews were ever going
to be celebrated for their physicality...
the ***** was...
thank you... for taking take of spunge-nik...
mythological blonde...
thank you... piston... tool...
           because your egoism had to pay of...
wouldn't it?
if all you have... to trace pride worth with...
******* worship...
based on size...
you know... the ancient greeks found
a large phallus a demeaning meaning in:
it's barbaric...
a bit like a shallow ****...
might also fit the criteria...

               have "them" their ******* interracial
bonanzas...
please let them have it...
let them feel morally superior...
give them a generation or two...
"we'll"... start... the bleaching process... ha!
the EURASIA monstrosity is...
heave! who's Arican?
the angwy west kind?

      german assimilate sort?
i always found the darker skinned Kenyans
best beyond having to tame... blisters...

but my parallel universe father-in-law
could be a summary of
paul young's love of the common people
and...
      the kinks... living on the thin line...
my parallel universe...
that's before... love come's first:
thirst... and lobotomy me tow two blue too...

give me a ******* bicycle!
i would most likely most clearly most
want to generate my own momentum...
than have to heave a hoof to tow too!
but i ****** your elder daughter while
my eyes turned me into a ******...
i: epitaph...
   supposedly living "since"...
give us scrutiny... enough lager...

                                 i laugh naked into the night...
it's supposedly cloudy... isn't... tell me...
it isn't?!
of those summers... of those springs...
i could tell you the no. of freckles...
no i couldn't... but i could tell you...
that bomb great bomb of flavour that's
a black cardamom in a...

          **** me... if the antithesis counterpart
of moi can **** a black boyo...
like... readily like... there's rat poison:
like there's a need for propaganda like there's
a need for insomnia hard-ons...
good for her: m'ah n'ah'm'eh izzzz...
fowel: fow'est...       GYMP...
            forest trail...
             you kept bizzy.. no?
so...
          she's busy... and when she won't be
busy she'll be burying herself
in ****** spermbanks...

as free as a southernfairy:
not being a southernfairy ever might...
you... friggin'... ******* future of moon-key!
i said:            quoth      bwy?!

title - jack, shoot!
body - join
the barber shop
brigade:
best start?
at an afro.     502 bad gateway bypass

nothing ever good came from thinking of oneself
as being good...
nothing! zilch! it's only dawning on me...
not that this fact is dawning upon me...
i knew this already, almost "always"...
   nothing good ever came from thinking oneself
as being good...
like i explained to Khedra: but she insisted:
you're good... yeah... but i don't think i'm good...
why would i? i also don't want to feel happy...
happiness doesn't allow you to be reflective...
it makes you reflexive: you're living in the moment:
lost to it... melancholy gives one a higher purpose...
it enlarges your capacity for memory...
anything that erodes the acidity of pedagogy...
pointless facts and rubrics and arithmetic that
poisons the minds of men and women who end up...
performing menial tasks of labour...
what has 1 + 1 = 2 got to do with anything when
stacking shelves at a supermarket?!
  absolutely **** all!
                      the psychological schematic
dissection of parts and pieces... of...
well... if "god" does not exist...
     why should a soul exist... and why should there
even be a logic behind it?
    and so... in vitro? in the dimension of glass...
in dimension of mirrors and smoke...
because where is the agony of fire?
                 oh, those cigarette burns on my knuckles
of my left arm are nicely healing...
stigma surrounding a man harrowing
his libido through a brothel...
   didn't the English girls leave double-standards
lying about? too hard to get? ******* nuns...
the best i ever got was...
this girl's dog... licking my ears...
      but i told it: not the face... sure... lick my ears...
then the licking of the knuckle wounds...
oh sweet pain... the highest form of sensation...
mind you: i couldn't possible exercise giving
pain that i myself couldn't ingest...
oculus per oculus: an eye for an eye...
           it resounds... echoes: fair...
primitive... but...         n'ah... none of this modern
secular *******... it's "humane" for delaying
punishment...
    oh man... she should have come out with it
in the beginning... i gave off a scent of being appealing...
thump! the accusation! get me fired!
#metoo... she liked me immediately...
             stupid girl... got tangled up in...
a tactic that backfired... self-sabotage...
            well... can't back away from this one...
i did mention along the way:
   i wouldn't date anyone i worked with...
sort of unprofessional...
                    if she wanted to date me... i offered her
the prospect... so she got herself fired...
blocks me on all avenues of communication...
how's that going to work?!
there's playing coy... there's playing hard-to-get...
and then there's: just the plain daft: impossible...
madwoman territory...
  what?! i'm going to raise a kid by one man...
and also... pay off the debt that another man racked up?!
we're not dealing with antiques...
we're dealing with broken women...
women broken by men who were probably raised
by women like her...
       stigma about going to the brothel...
no... i'm sort of immune to that...
last time i went... after an hour...
i was walking down the stairs...
   she was walking ahead of me... she took the time
to walk down the stairs quickly and turn
around... and feast her eyes on me...
what i was wearing... she smacked her lips...
nice... just what i was expecting...
  hmm... in the name of the father and of the son
and the holy ghost...
well... trilogies... trinities... triads?!
              i'm starting to suspect that... i have all the traits
of being... THAT guy...
            spending so much time in German thought...
it's almost, very refreshing ti delve into French thinking...
via translation.... it's very much a "word salad":
a clash of conjunctions & prepositions...
       that's how i see it... it's not like ancient Latin...
odd... whenever the Hebrew deity went...
either the subservient minor (deities) joined the host...
became fallen angels: Ba'al...
   Beelzebub... to name but a few.... Moloch...
                    but like the scripts of the people...
who derided the Hebrews... the script of the Egyptians...
the hieroglyphs... the cuneiform of the Babylonians...
well... the Romans plagiarised the deities
of the Greeks... but... hmm... their text is still
intact... seems like... the Hebrews bewildered
themselves... over 2000 years...
why can't this alphabet, simply, die?!
     oh... this alphabet... it's not going anywhere...
it has become entombed in technology...
  in coding... scribble your little Indu-'Ebrew
schmiggles... sure... add some Arabic wiggles of
you desert people... shame the pig...
                learn to wear shoes that are not made
from pig: leather... keep your pants on without
the use of pig leather used on belts...
                         but... usually... what happened was...
the text of the people would be overcome
by the Hebrew deity...
             lost to time... how adamant of "us" to have
kept it...
sure... but the Runes succumbed to a sense
of sensibility... as this the Glagolitic Script...
      ⰏⰀ: m'ah... he / she (has)
              ᛗᚨ: also m'ah (the H is a surd...
a vowel-catcher... or... the instigator of / for
laughter... thereby a vowel-generator)...
  fair enough... these two alphabets disappeared...
they weren't practical...
even with the Holocaust... how is the Latin
script supposed to simply: "*******"?!
now i see the reemergence of the Egyptian hieroglyphs
with the emoticons...
       are you, absolutely sure... that...
almost everyone has been liberated from the shackles
of illiteracy? you sure?
   i don't think so... i have good reason to not think
so...
           but there's this "feel" among:
but it's the 21st century man... like, what?
that's somehow an opening for enacting
a 2nd year zero scenario?!
           what sort of an excuse is it to give to people
when saying: but it's the 21st century man!
and... human nature... switched off...
from its primordial vectors... overnight...
things suddenly changed when the 20th century
came to a closure? **** me... i thought i was naive...
guess this fox has plenty of chicken shacks
to choose from...
            21st century my ***...
                       it's a bit like that **** myth...
the thousand year *****! ha ha... it sounds... exactly:
just like that... all i hear is "excuses"...
but people are not like x, y & z...
no... people are exactly like the x, y & z
that you don't have the stomach for: digesting...
we're cold... we're calculating...
we're everything we wish we shouldn't be...
               and all the while people scream: oh god!
oh god! why me!
and god replies... but i made you, this way...
because i am, of this nature... of this disposition...
that's how man fell... he tried to overcome
the strict obligations of nature:
for something to exist in the first place...
it must be ruthless... kindness wouldn't bring
any of this to exist in the first place...
              STRIFE... what's the German equivalent?
STREIT... i prefer the English version...
                   if there's no struggle: there's no will...
if there's no will... there's no life...
to hell with freedom per se...
                  freedom akin to happiness is an unsatisfying
concept to want to uphold...
it's: illusionary...
it breeds incompetence... it breeds:
counter-productive-animosity...
                   superficial social standards of:
"invasion of one's personal space":
i haven't hit you yet, just tapped you on the shoulder...
etc.
                such a shame though...
i really fancied her... but off she went looking to be
an abused teenage girl in Rotherham...
waiting for her next Pakistani ****...
                      i tried... guess my words did ring true
in the end... liars don't walk on stilts...
i don't even think i manipulated anyone...
i just waited... i did make sure that my shirts were
properly ironed... that my trousers were too...
that i was properly pampered with the usual suspects
of creams, perfumes... etc.,
         once more: isn't slander... liable in H'america?!
can't you be put in court for... insinuating
a falsehood about someone?
                you know... trying to get them fired...
if she fancied me... but didn't want to work with me...
****'s sake... she SWIPED REAL LEFT this time...
she was swiping left left, left left... while i was working
a shift with her... no wonder i can only get a hard-on
in a brothel... what ******* reality ar we talking about
when it was as easy as going to a bar
and picking up a girl? the 1950s?! and i was accused
of being "out of reach of reality"... really?!
these girls are unavailable... they're talking to you
while also swiping rejection slips on a dating app...
******* herr doktor meister psychologyst...
and... being a hermit for so long...
i thought i'd be the one... telling strangers of my woes...
i remained reserved... and what did i hear?
what i didn't want to hear...
there was no talk about movies... music...
Heidegger's hammer... past relationships... past regrets...
and all... from women! it's almost as if...
something was stolen... the past 20 years...
almost insinuating: and where were you?!
hey... choice is a freedom afforded to us all...
it's this accusative tone... insinuated... covert...
   but, but... but... but...
      yeah... **** happens... that happy ship has sailed;
life.