d'you know what m8
i cant ******* stand being alive anymore
i don't know what to do with my time
i have no one at all
i am small and hurt and this world doesn't love me
******* hell man i need to be so ****** that I'm not me anymore
fukn ell man i hate myself and my life and every person i know
lord do i want to never have existed and I'm obviously scared of everything and what the **** does it mean to be brave does it mean to be stupid does it mean to be normal does it mean to feel anything that isn't loss or ache or emptiness or bone numbing p.a.i.n

sweedens a geefin fukn eethen mata usi alu oh kaukau foi mata tenga alu o kai **'o fae ahahahha nah joakz we boyz pieeeeeeeeeeeec!!!!!!!! :L lolz :P :):P :P

This isn't a real job
The lines are crossed and confused
Scope of works sometimes so vague
It shortens my poor bosses fuse.

When the job's on, the job's fukn on
We sweat bullets, amongst all the banter
Beers at the yard, lines off of tynes
And doobies to trigger the laughter.

We travel to places, serene and surreal
But also, vile, uninhabitable and ****
Our cars get a flogging, as do our livers
I don't really know, I just rocked up here.

We have seen many leave and given the flick
Jobs so *******, we didn't give a ****
Just do as we're told, take the money and fold
That's what I like about you, **** all.

Rub shoulders with corporate
Just play the fukn game
Remember old mate? What's his fukn name?
Yeah, he got fired, carry on old mate.

So we, the remaining few, represent the crew
Getting kicked out of a pub, maybe two
Sky fireworks, twerking locals and trannies
Mugs away, closest to bulls, play for serves.

As we encounter and share more scenarios
Breathe the ******* out and the good times in
Seeya on Mondee ya pregnant bitumen ****
If not, I'll see ya in the bottom of the bin.

I want you to quiver on your throne
Trembling all through your bones
Claw my fingers down your back
Make up for the 2 months I lacked
I’ll sit you down and tell you how it should be
You understand the dominant act you’ll be begging by the count of three
No i don't wanna break you
Just see how far you can bend.
But please dont worry love
I'll kiss you till all the bruises mend
I’ll pull you closer so the games can begin
I just want you to lay there
Unable to move
I wanna leave a warm wet trail across your skin it’s so smooth
I wish I could taste your flavor and have it last longer than our distance
I want that scratching and grabbing along with that resistance
I wanna take you over without vote
Look at those pinched veins as I grab your throat
My long hands along your jaw
Devils claw
I want it now; I want it raw
I feel this predators lust
Making you mine is a must
Teeth leave greedy marks
Sweat pooled in the dark
Labored torn lips and fingertips
Come mount me so you can feel this grip
I want you to cuss and moan
Ride my face and **** your throne
I wanna demand what I want so you can give me what I need
Submit to me so I can take the lead
I want you to quench this well developed kink
Wetter and wetter as I slide in that pink
There’s something dark in me that needs control
I need all your mind, body and soul
Dripping down the insides of your thighs;
*******, mascara running down your eyes
The need to be tamed
You cannot control,
it's sick but the pleasure
screams: "just once more".
You crave it with every cell
but from your looks you could never tell.
Rough hands grabbing you tight,
controlling you like a puppet
mouth wide open gasping for air,
I smacked it and you said it loved it
Black leather and cold chains,
purple and blue lights blow your brain
So many things to use,
but you’re still the favorite toy.
Pointing fingers, narrow minds
but you’re only there to enjoy.
All love, no sadness.
Just moans and madness.
I wanna drive you crazy like no other could
Keep repeating it’s so fukn good
I want the crash of my body to send waves of pleasure into your current. I wanna drown in the depth of it all. So let’s get started, no need to stall.

She told me that I'm not enough
I wanted love and she wanted lust
Now she left me with a whole bunch of problems and a lot of **** pain
She crumbled me to pieces
How do I expect not to feel pain
How do I expect to stay sane
When it was all just a game
It's like those people that pass up knowledge just to have fame
So I guess we both lost
But at what cost
You tried to turn me in to something I'm simply not
So let's not pretend we're something
When we're really just nothing
So please don't fake it
I'm at a point where I really can't take it
If fairy tales have taught us anything
We fall in love with short stories the most
But really my true love is now a fukn ghost

Anxiety and depression
That **** ain’t a joke
Keep livin or give yourself the smoke
Anxiety and depression
This **** takes it toll
Trying to climb out this bottomless hole
Anxiety and depression
That **** is for the birds
Screaming and shouting but still unheard
Anxiety and depression
That **** is war
But what are you really fighting for?
They point out how you mumble your words
They don’t know you don’t have the confidence to be heard
All they know is your smile had faded
They don’t know your mood has jaded
Life becomes a search for a permanent fix
Just so I don’t have to fukn feel like this

For those who don't know the story...

I had a girlfriend when I was 10 years old
We held hands, as 10 years olds do
She was my first kiss
In a little SA town called Two Wells.

We wrote letters to eachother
I made her mixed tapes
She was so beautiful
But, unfortunately, she moved away.

She moved to QLD, with her family
And lived her life
And I lived mine...

She had 3 kids
And so did I
And we just, lived our lives...

30 years later,
I got a happy birthday message
From a girl I knew
When I was 10.

Back and forth, we messaged eachother
Explaining our lives and what happened
A spark soon developed
Which ignited soon after,
Into a ****** raging bonfire.

Months went by, we finally met
She flew to me, back to where it all began
And this bonfire, fukn exploded
Into a mother fukn forrest fire.

Back and forth, we flew to eachother
We counted the days between visits
We met one anothers family
Until one day, I told her I loved her.

There were no brakes on this train of love.

Sometime in this story, I dropped a knee
Devoting my heart to her
I cant remember exactly what I said
But, I'm pretty sure she said yes.

She packed up her entire life
Her kids, her memories, everything
She threw caution to the wind
All for me.

She moved from QLD
And moved her entire life to Roxby
She followed her heart
All for me.

We have made a life now
We are making our own memories
And this forrest fire...
Brings new life and new beginnings.

This girl that I first kissed
Will be the woman that I last kiss
She has saved my life
And I will be forever grateful.

Love ya darlin x

She doesn't say
How was her day
Anymore.

She sometimes says
What I need to change
My behavior or my attitude
Is usually the way.

She never says
She's strong, she's brave
And, I want her to be.

Perhaps, not today.


I try.

I fukn try.

But, our eyes don't meet
Eye to eye.


I think of her
Throughout the day,
I doubt
She does the same.

At times she fills me
Full of love,
At times she kills me
And all of the above.

So...

Tea is ready,

And, I should go...

I wonder, if she'll say
How her day was.

Fingers crossed
That she says so.

See you in the kitchen
For slow dances
For dishes
My turn to dry
You choose the song
Don't forget I love you
And if even the song is crap
I'll still think you're ok.

We have bills
Beyond our means
You're beautiful
And I love you more in those jeans
Hold hands as we walk and skip
Stop, just for a wee kiss
I wished for this
And there she is.

Early awake to sleepy kisses
To super gross morning breath
I don't wanna fukn go
But off I go
Have a good day
Seeya after
For slow dances
In the kitchen.

Me lad.
He's 14.
And, hes been in ****
At school.

Now, we have his back
And all that.
He's my boy
Me lad.

It has come to light
At such recent time
That his forgery skills
Have been paying his bills
To freedom.

"Uncle Matt"
Has a note for you teacher.

You must do
What Uncle Matt wrote.

As per Uncle Matts last note,
Here is another,
Signed...

Uncle Matt.

The signature said
Uncle (fukn) Matt.

They accepted this
And off he went
To where ever he desired...

Good ol Uncle Matt.

Me lad,
He's 14.
And he's playing the fools
For the fools they are.

We had a meeting.

Me, the missus and me lad,
It didn't turn out too bad
But, then it did
And we had to take a step back.

Me ol mate.
Me lad.
He's got demons in his head,
That I can't slay...

Cos he's in his room most of the time,
Figuring out his identity.

So, from outside looking in,
I just let him breathe...

Cos he's me lad
An I'm his Dad.

This write
Is about you.

You're still young
You have time
We all see the strength
In the lightening from your eyes.

Life is a fickle arrangement of sweets
Sometimes you gotta eat the licorice.

This love in your heart
Combined with
Those things you didn't say
This is not how it has to be.

Don't mix your thought
With feeling
It will leave you unsure
Follow your heart OR your head.

People love you
Our circles are small
But the love we project
Embraces us all.

I fuckn believe in you
So dig fukn deep

Find the light which defines who you are
You've got this.

The fridges in a line, their backs against the wall, test tags in date... probably.
They shudder in sync, making their contents jiggle just a bit.

Microwaves with coffee stains, you don't cook tuna in the crib room.

Baby packets of coffee and sugar, paddle pop sticks for a stirrer.

Food and sweat, cooked and fresh. The packs shuffle in, looking for phone charging points.

The scaffies play music, louder than they should, but the music is usually good... except when it's not.

Truckies boisterous, forked tongue, consume vendo pies, dead horse and a Coke on the side.

The pretty sentries, with eyelashes bolted on, stop to take selfies and add to their online stories.

Bosses stroll in, obligatory shoulder pats and one liners, confident and all knowing.

Cranies slow, but they know where to go, pre-packed, brown bag smoko.

Cheeky games of poker, money sorted later, boredom and sleepers, old school and keepers, green hats and newbies, fuckwits and legends... all gather, to the crib room, as if on queue.

For a feed, a graze, a nibble, a chew...

Cos a 12 hour shift is a fukn hard slog.

We grind the day, we achieve and fail,
Every day the same ****, but it's not,
Mornin old mate, lets go **** **** up
We'll catch up again during smoko.

Ive been here 3 weeks
And this pain in my head
Wont cease

I eat ok
And the drinking has slowed
Perhaps this pressure
Is due to work load

I awake at 5
I must sleep at 9
In order to get
The sleep I require

To awake at 5.

My kids don't miss me
My ex fukn hates me
Or maybe she doesn't
It's hard to tell...

My new love is all I have
We have plans I intend to keep
She is the first thing I think of
And the last before I go to sleep.

When I get home
I sit in my empty house
With nothing to do
For 2 days.

I sleep on the plane
I eat at the pub
I eat in my office
I eat in my car.

I have all this money
But no time
For love
Or life.

This is not living
This is an existence.

The buzz of the front bar
Ignites the senses
I am here
For the noise and movement.

This pain in my head
Still wont cease
And I've only been here
For 3 weeks.

Living in all these hotels sincen 2023 Christmas eve
Makes me hate men.
Like seriously men **** their children & sometimes I hear women getting beat up. Like ***.
This one time I was was tweaking real bad but I know this was foreal this guy on the floor above our room. He beat up his gf and ***** that kid infront of her. And. Like it happened every day. That kid was crying and when room service came by he ******* that child kept he/she fukkn quiet in the bathroom.
What the **** is wrong with sick men.
I know I tweak alot but I kno it's for real **** that's going on.
Most of the time I am on one and tweaking, chilling in the bathroom all fukn night most times half the time. I hardly get outside. I'm always with myself N MY babies. I look out for my children alot. And have cameras almost in every corner in my bedrooms everywhere I went to make sure they don't open the doors and don't get touched.
*** I LOSE MY MARBLES
Some days when **** gets to me.