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kromwellfarkus Dec 2019
I might stay up for a bit
As she walks and waves goodnight
We both know that I'm lying
On the couch again tonight.

This confused young man
Has grown up
Into a bitter old man
And the years seem to get faster.

There is no help
Even when one reaches out
This black dog on my back
Is strangling me now.

Shallow breaths
Disrupted naps
Just trying
To relax.

She screams at me
I'm not doing my job
As a father, a parent and a partner
I am half the man they all need.

I have plain responses
Eventually I snap
As my only defence
Is "*******", back into my shell.

If this black dog doesn't **** me
Something else will.

Excess consumption of poisons
Just to numb the pains
I give them all a kiss goodnight
With eyes, like **** holes in the snow.

Men don't cry
They internalize the frustration
As I have been taught
Through vacancy of peers.

This fragile silly man
Nudging 40, somehow
Never dealt with his demons
So he has become them all.

Silently slumber with a head full of thunder
Cringe through the noise and the fog
Twist and contort and wake up tomorrow
Grab the leash, and walk the black dog.
kromwellfarkus Dec 2019
Barely try anymore
Do just enough
To avoid the confrontation
The silence is beautiful.

Feed the demons
Whatever they desire
Whatever you do
Don't let them starve.

Inhale and ingest
Consume and spend
An **** of self destruction
Hidden deep within.

My poor children.

Do they realise?
Could they comprehend?
Their Dad is a ghost of a man
Falling apart, walking dead.

Bottle the poisons with the secrets
Encased within flesh
Please don't claim in my eulogy
That I always did my best.

My poor missus.

She is my polar opposite
Strong willed, organised and focused
Pulling me out of the darkest spots
Simultaneously killing herself.

She reminds me of my responsibility
Switches me back to reality
But, she is more ****** than me
But I am full of more poison.

Trickle out painful truths
Drip feed my loved ones
I tell them, I'm fine
But I am a paddock away.

Chase the rainbow
To find the peace
But, I'm just a wasted idiot
Watching tv after midnight.
kromwellfarkus Dec 2019
This isn't a real job
The lines are crossed and confused
Scope of works sometimes so vague
It shortens my poor bosses fuse.

When the job's on, the job's fukn on
We sweat bullets, amongst all the banter
Beers at the yard, lines off of tynes
And doobies to trigger the laughter.

We travel to places, serene and surreal
But also, vile, uninhabitable and ****
Our cars get a flogging, as do our livers
I don't really know, I just rocked up here.

We have seen many leave and given the flick
Jobs so *******, we didn't give a ****
Just do as we're told, take the money and fold
That's what I like about you, **** all.

Rub shoulders with corporate
Just play the fukn game
Remember old mate? What's his fukn name?
Yeah, he got fired, carry on old mate.

So we, the remaining few, represent the crew
Getting kicked out of a pub, maybe two
Sky fireworks, twerking locals and trannies
Mugs away, closest to bulls, play for serves.

As we encounter and share more scenarios
Breathe the ******* out and the good times in
Seeya on Mondee ya pregnant bitumen ****
If not, I'll see ya in the bottom of the bin.
A few in house jokes here for my fellow workers, I wrote this to recite at our up and coming Christmas show... it's not what you do, but who you work with that makes a job worthwhile.
kromwellfarkus Sep 2019
Cold fish
Three kids
Pull away
From my kiss.

We can't go back
To how it used to be.

If she loved me
I missed it.

To change
But I
Have always been this way.

From other girls
They say they have
What I've been looking for.

But this
Cold fish
Three kids
Is all I've ever known.

I have 3 drinks
Before home
Just to drown out
The noise.

I pull over
Side of the street
Just to focus
On my love for her.

When I get home
She's there
Ready to miss
My kiss.

We have crazy history
I think I made her this way
She has changed and I
Have stayed the same.

I can't leave her
Cos, I'll leave kids 3
And they won't
Ever forgive me.

So the question lies...

Do I stay unhappy
For their happiness?
Or, do I leave
For my happiness?

As a man, the rules are
I get to see kids 3
On the weekends
And sometimes in between.

Cos, if I walk
I walk alone
As my happiness
Is second to theirs.

Or, I wait
Loveless for 8 more years
Desperately try to repair
Bandaid on a severed wound.

I sometimes wish
I could give my kiss
To another
For always and ever.

But then, as a man,
I would not stand
For her to do
The same.

From my kiss
Pull away
Three kids
Cold fish.
kromwellfarkus Aug 2019
Barely existing
**** of melancholy
Double pump *******.

Must be

Less dollars
Than sense
Past tense.

In rat races
Left to scramble
Through rat feces.

Skun knees
Disfigured frame
With only one to blame.

Time expires
Days wasted
Become memories lost
Penniless cost.

Breathe and bleed
Barely exist
Drag knuckle and fist
Continue to drift.
kromwellfarkus Aug 2019
This demon is fuelled
Brimming with ability
Poised and capable
Of ******* everything and anything.

Always tensing
Just during conversation
Eyeballing, fist clenching
Unsure, correct, politely swearing.

This demon is pent up.

This man, in the backyard
He just sits, and smokes, and drinks
Tapping away at his phone
He comes inside to **** and eat.
He says hello, he says goodnight
He screams at us when we've not done right
He sleeps on the lounge
He is a ghost.

This demon I contain
Its talons obscure responsibility
And I sit, and I smoke and I drink
Outside, on my phone.
Useless, piece of fuckn ****
Just, be a part of it
Your family is right there
On the other side of that glass.

This demon has strength
Of which I cannot break
Its chains are worn and not rated
Its strength gathered has gone unchecked.

Until... I just talk
To her, and to them
Be the father they need
And the man she needs me to be.
Consistency matters
Everyday is a new opportunity
To be stronger
Than the demon within.
kromwellfarkus Aug 2019
Conversation like old crust on bread
Affection missing the point
Intimacy long gone
Don't touch me during this song.
Sleep back to back
No more goodnight or sweet dreams
Maybe kick a thigh
During REM or when alarms ring.
Get told I'm doin it all wrong
Get told I have to change
Get told I have to change my ways
No wonder this stray cat strays.

She cant accept the fact
That I am the way that I am
Read my poety to my kids
The way that they understand,
It's cold and the wind still blows
Through my hoody and ugg boots
I shiver as I enjoy my own company
These are the shoes that I choose.

Slight one-liners, tongue in cheek
Don't care, been like this for over 4 weeks
Water off a ducks back
Silly ****, go **** yourself.

I probably shouldn't swear
But here we are
Tonic to my lips
Terrible hat hair,
I tell her how my day was
All the pros and cons
She tells me that her day was "fine"
I raise an eyebrow and don't give a ****.

My poor young kids...

Living with a rancid Mum n Dad.

Poor little **** trophies,
They didn't sign up for this ****.

I'm just trying
And so is she
But, we are two different versions
Of how life should be.

She doesn't read
My poetry.

If she did...

Perhaps we wouldn't be.
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