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Megan Kendall Jun 2015
Well, it turns out the prince was a huge *******. Our happily ever after was short-ended by Prince Charming dumping me and leaving me on the streets. You’ve all heard the story with our “happily ever after,” but it wasn’t forever. This not-so-happy ending just proves that you shouldn’t marry someone you just met. Our “forever” was for like a month. The story everyone has heard is true, they just left out the ending. Here is the real ending.
    
“Listen here Cindy, you’re great and all, but I don’t love you. You’re not as beautiful as the night we met and I don’t think I can handle that betrayal.”
“Are you ******* kidding me?!” I’m so angry right now I can’t even wrap my mind around what happened. He looks at me with stern, serious eyes and a smirk that makes me want to punch him into another dimension. How can he do this to me? Everything was going perfectly, until this moment. I’m appalled at the sight of him.
“Also, I’m leaving you for your step sister, Drizella.” What the hell? He had to choose the ugliest one too. I cant even to respond to that. I take all the money I can find and walk out the door without even looking back.
I probably should have thought this through, since I have nowhere to go. I have no friends, no family, and my fairy godmother left me as soon as I married Prince *******. I did take most of his money, but I’m not sure what to do with it. I’ve never been on my own. As I’m walking far, far away from the prince’s castle, I find a park that is calling for me to rest. I lost track of how many days I’ve been walking and I feel like how my stepsisters look. I got some much needed sleep on an unnecessarily hard bench and woke up ready to carry on with my journey. I woke with a fright when I saw two stunningly dashing eyes peering over me. Those eyes belonged to a beautiful man who dressed like a prince, but smelled oddly like the sea. I did not want to break his gaze.
After a few seconds of slightly awkward eye contact, the man finally spoke,”Excuse me miss, you looked cold and uncomfortable so I wanted to offer you a place to stay. You look very smart so I’m sure you’re very reluctant and confused. My name is Eric. My wife and I have a huuuuuge house with more rooms than we need and we’d love to have you, Cinderella.”
“H-how do you know my name?”
“Um, everyone in every realm knows who you are and what you look like.” Oh yeah, I forgot that I didn’t exist to anybody until I married a prince and I was somebody to everybody. I hesitantly agreed and we rode on his horse to his castle which overlooked the sea. That must be why he smelled like it. This man has to be a prince. There is no way that even the richest people in this kingdom together could afford this castle. The inside was more magnificent than the outside. It had huge, open rooms with intricate windows so that you could see almost completely around the castle. I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life here. My thought is interrupted by Eric’s wife walking in and internally murdering me as soon as she lays her eyes on me.
“So I tell you I’m leaving you and not even a day later, you already have another girl here? What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?! You’re the one with *****!”
She begins to shout “His name is Sebastian and he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be!” She storms out of the castle, leaving only an echoing boom from the slammed door.
This is almost my exact situation except reversed. I see him try to shrug it off, but I can see the hurt in his eyes. As he gives me a tour, the hurt in his eyes slowly begins to fade.
“Hey, I’m sorry that you had to see that earlier.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, Eric. It wasn’t your fault. My husband just left me so I understand how bad it hurts.” He just nods his head and continues showing me around. The tour ends at Erics bedroom. I don’t know what comes over me, but I kiss him. It was awkward, but then it didn’t stop and it became very heated. This was a passion I never got to experience with Charming. I woke up with the cool blanket clinging to my naked body. I felt something warm behind me and slowly rolled over to see Eric. I screamed and stumbled off the bed. I thought yesterday was just a dream! My scream woke Eric and his eyes widened as they found me.
“Can we uhhh… pretend like nothing happened?” he hesitantly asked. I nod my head and rush to the guest bedroom to wash away the memories from last night’s rendezvous.

Things were awkward for a long time, but we tried to pretend as if nothing happened. Eventually we started to build a friendship! We’ve actually even been on a couple dates. I can’t believe I didn’t do this with Charming. No wonder our marriage fell apart. I practically know everything about Eric, and he knows almost everything about me. This is the happiest I’ve been in a looong time. We’re only about a month into the relationship and we’re already talking about marriage. I know it is very soon but it’s a step up from only knowing him a day. It only took an unexpected encounter to bring us together. This may or may not be my real happily ever after but I’ll just have to wait and hope and see. For now, I am just happy.
born two days
after ole Punxsutawney i.e. the Doctor Phil -
of woodchucks Latin Name = Marmota Monax
nest resembled Rastafarian hair weave,
which creature rattled with ire and peeveishness,

when rudely roused from his abode February fourth
two thousand nine hundred and ninety nine
just two days after said groundhog got prodded to predict,
what surprises old man winter would deliver
from his snowy white sleeve
then juiced when he tried tug *** cozy once again,
an ear piercing cry rent quiet  
his pseudo Redmond Proficiency Academy den.

Wails via this tearful papa surpassed
decibel deemed tolerated,
hence entire webbed threshold did reverb
and rebound and he could not
muffle ears to block out sound,
nor would said creature trust
his beady eyes, how metamorphosis
doth confoundingly, blindingly, and astoundingly
transformed alien (perfect E.T. Stand in) appearing
gangly infant into a stunning - materiel
sans as fashionably attired
home coming queen crowned soon
to be freshly minted high school senior,
and perhaps college bound.

Seventeen plus years ago (soon be nineteen years -
she skipped to my lou eighteen), elapsed in a flash,
as a newborn mandated to exit
womb er full world uterine she
did plash ordained by Mother Nature
decreed must wriggle and leave placental stash
without (of course) leaving a mass of trash.
Thus, exit from birth canal complemented
second and last daughter to the Harris mix
whereby, she communicated
via clucks just for kicks
starting to gabble sounds vocalizing -
sounds of cow bell licks
influenced by Donald Duck
and Leif Erics son, also enlisting
literary feedback from Barack Obama,
and his lovely brood of Dixie chic chicks
attired in his wall den uniform bespeaking
his pointed skill teaching pre-presidential days
within ivied bricks primal utterances she acquired
(courtesy of Alice Cooper)
Retained like toys in attics.

Like any buck minister fully taken aback
this mister mom did fuss and fawn
from one jimmy crack corn to the next rhyme,
which captive infant audience gave no flack,
precious heir from ***** papa did help spawn -

an everyday ******* Jack of all trades
whereat n'er tiring as child rearing
more challenging than untying Gordian knot
without lack king and how, The Idler Wheel
Is Wiser than the Driver of the *****

and Whipping Cords Will Serve You
More than Ropes Will Ever Do to pack
a Judy ish us punch, though thee Punim
born with adroit skill to quack
mimicking gripped banshees,
denizens frenziedly shrieking
out the box of Pandora - as if one felt a whack
and a wallop, nonetheless infant younger daughter

a boon against strife
wool worth effort and propensity
to revel qua biological miracle re: said offspring
did inadvertently teach me lessons of life

to cherish and savor each giggle, laughter and smile
amidst cramped apartment plus feeling
discombobulated frustration bubbling rife
introducing yours truly
to tha hen pecked moody blue wife.

pockmarks can vouchsafe this un beak able trait
from spouse, who need not be lambasted
on account of increased weight.

Like a human bobbing sponge youngest progeny
absorbed auditory/ visual multitude
within each axon and neuron of that infantile sensory
“sir” kit board aware at a tender young age
how she struggled to string words together
to convey a mood
predilection with language impediment
possibly passed thru umbilical rip cord.
No idea thru combination of genetics and biology
that burnished beautiful lass oof an offspring
wrought a smart girl, an apple of the eye
per this father who never thought
thru attempts at conception sought

supremely melded genes, he thought
loves labors last, t’would come
to naught delivered us an artistic,
intrinsic, linguistic lass
who for no price can be bought
though someday, a young lad will take a fancy

(as ought to be the path of biology)
and hoop fully brings ye happiness
for your remaining lifetime
with a numeral
(following a number from one to nine)
with many an aught!

TOO LOVE YOU MY DEAR SHANA -
MORE THAN THIS SHABBY POEM
CAN CONVEY, WHICH...
UPON ATTEMPTING TO UNDERSTAND -
ABOVE GIBBERISH JA PROBABLY
WILL PROBABLY RAISE ARMS UP
IN DESPAIR UTTERING OYE VAY!

— The End —