It's a little less Four Weddings and A Funeral, a little more four funerals and a wedding - or is it?

Emmerdale bosses are staying tight-lipped about Pete and Debbie's big day but we know one thing for sure: It ends in death and disaster.

And, looking back at the eerie promo video released earlier this month, we can't help but wonder if the carnival that rolls into town on Monday August 3rd has anything to do with it?

The long awaited explosive Barton-****** wedding will finally hit TV screens next week, playing out on ITV from August 3rd to 7th.

It's been one of those will-they-won't-they affairs, with Debbie's decision to marry Pete remaining up in the air until she discovered lover Ross was actually baby Moses' father. Who wouldn't want to run off with their mother's mysterious lover, aka the father of the baby half-brother she'd been left holding?

We know a furious Debbie promptly ditches Ross and decides marrying Pete isn't such a bad idea after all but the Barton boy won't go down without a fight.

In fact, a fight is precisely what he's after when he shows up to the Woolpack for his brother's stag do at the start of Emmerdale's big disaster week.

Not content with ruining the evening with some rather shocking revelations, he threatens his former lover and promises to take her down with him.

Enter Cain, who can always be depended upon to take his daughter's requests to "get rid of" someone quite seriously. Why hasn't he set himself up as the village's resident hit-man at this stage?

OK, so the hits aren't quite up to the lethal Cameron standard, but he knows how to land a serious enough blow to take care of his family's 'little problems'.

Ross Barton is no exception and Cain disposes of him in delightful ****** 'back-o-the van' fashion, but will it buy Debbie enough time to make an honest man of Pete?

Daddy's flying fists seem to save the day as his daughter makes it up the aisle to tie the knot with the errr, second man of her dreams.

But there's no preparing Pete, his quite literally blushing bride, and the rest of the village for what's to come next.

Especially when Sarah innocently scoops the letter that's fallen out of Cain's pocket up and pops it on the pile of well wishes for her mum and new step-dad to read at the reception...

Will Ross ruin Debbie and Pete's perfect day? Could that mysteriously misplaced letter to Pete make a comeback?

Or will forces far greater – beyond anyone's control – bring a whole new meaning to "till death do us part?"

read more: www.marieaustralia.com

www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-canberra

It’s nearly Christmas in the café; I just got my first card
So please Saint Nic just tell me why, enthusiasm’s hard?
I should be full of Christmas cheer, jingle bells all ringing
Baubles bouncing, tinsel shining, wondering what Santa’s bringing
I’ve not put up my Christmas tree, not hung my decorations
There’s not a single fairly light to hint at celebrations

The talk inside the café is evenly divided
Some can’t wait for Christmas while others have decided
That Christmas cheer has passed them by, can’t wait till it’s all done
They wonder why we bother when the cheer is so hard won
Worrying about the presents, have you got the bird?
Putting up the Christmas tree, the pressure is absurd

Whichever camp that we are in, humbug or Christmas cheer
We know just what will happen, because it happens every year
On Christmas Eve you’ll find us, running round just like a ******
Because you can’t have Christmas pudding without ****** brandy butter
The turkey won’t fit in the oven because it’s so **** big
And Grandad will be drunk by three and snoring like a pig

The kids will all be running round high on Quality Street
And you’ll be close to screaming as they get under your feet
At half past five it starts again with sandwiches and tea
With endless arguments over what’s on the TV
And all you wanted was to watch the new Wallace and Grommit
But you can’t because the quality street have reappeared as *****

When finally you get some peace and the kids are all in bed
You settle down on the sofa to watch Emmerdale instead
You remember that tomorrow, Uncle Jim and Auntie Brend
And all their various filthy offspring are due to descend
You haven’t got the joint out yet, the veg are all unpeeled
And if you're honest last year’s mental scars have not yet healed

So valiantly on you tread, even though inside you feel
You’ll end up in an asylum if another sprout you peel
What is it that keeps you going through this annual affair?
What makes you peel eighty more sprouts, what makes you want to care?
What makes you put up with more stress at this time of year?
What stops you killing Jim and Brend and drugging Grandad’s beer?

No Saint Nic I’m not sure either. Isn’t that quite weird?
It cannot be because of Jesus, the cool bloke with the beard.
I don’t think he would worry about the sprouts so much
Or think that turkey’s so important; perhaps we’re out of touch
Perhaps Christmas makes us crazy in a very special way
Just to make us more grateful for every other normal day

So whilst I’m not entirely sure that Christmas is a boon
I’m fairly sure I’ll be infused with Christmas spirit soon
I’ll hang up all my tinsel, get my ***** coordinated
By the time I have my tree up humbug will be eliminated
It’s a little bit like childbirth, this irrational Christmas fear
But that’s ok because once it’s gone I’ll forget it till next year.

Emmerdale lost her confidence
and that's why she never go
to the brockwell lido again
she hated the way Jimmy
tried to pick her up
at the The Florence ale house,
she forsakes the 196 bus on Tuesdays and Fridays
to spend her time in the cookie shop
talking to the old dears about their senior cats in clover
and budding clematis

You say you love me,
but you're the one who walked away,
you say you want me,
but you're the one who gave up on me,
you tell me you've changed,
but every time I take you back you stay the same.

You tell me to open up to you,
but every time I do you don't want to know,
you want to know what goes on in my head and the truth is I'm scared,
scared of getting hurt,
scared of being left out in the dirt,
truth is I don't know how to feel,
truth is I don't even know what's real,
not anymore,
because all I feel is emptiness,
yeah I'm a mess,
but I'm trying my best,
yeah baby I'm trying my best,
I just want to be happy and not have all this stress,
truth is I love you girl,
more than anything in the world,
but I'm broken,
and so are you,
we're two broken souls,
who don't know what to do

It's insane because i love you and hate you all the same,
truth is I'm drained,
and the tears won't stop falling down my face,
I want us to work,
yeah I want to be able to find a way,
figure something out before we fade away,
I want to tell you that we're gonna be okay,
but how can I when we go round in circles every day,
half of me wants to believe you when you say you've changed,
but half of me wants to show you the door,
tell you enough is enough and I can't do this anymore,
so I sit and reminisce about the good times,
when we would go out to karaoke nights,
when we had good vibes,
before all the fights,

I know I'm no saint,
I know I've made mistakes,
and I'm not proud of the things I've done,
I'm sorry for being such a ****,
I don't wanna lose you,
but I feel so battered and bruised,
I'm trying to hold on,
but I'm hanging by a thread
it's left me thinking
what if there's nothing left,
what if out relationship is dead,
so many questions running around my head,

I need some air to breathe,
I feel like I'm slowly suffocating,
and my arms will continue to bleed,
I need some clarity,
because right now I see nothing but darkness in front of me,
you mean so much to me,
I wish you could just see it,
I wish you could just believe it,
I just want you to see that,
I'm not like your ex girl,
nah baby im no fake girl,
I live in the real world,
I've been through more **** than an episode in Emmerdale,
my whole life is like a TV soap,
why do you think i smoke,
because im so **** stressed and struggling to cope,
so many times I've considered ending it all with a rope.

It was a day that classic Doctor Who fans would certainly hate.
We said goodbye to the man who starred as Captain Mike Yates.
His death was even more sad because he died on Christmas Day.
Millions of his fans have missed him ever since he passed away.
People loved his performances and Richard Franklin was his name.
Now that he's deceased, fans of Doctor Who will never be the same.
He starred in one episode of "Harry" and nine episodes of "Crossroads".
When he starred in "Emmerdale Farm", he starred in over thirty episodes.
He was a British actor with talent and that's something people can't deny.
It was sad and heartbreaking when his fans were forced to say goodbye.

Direction West
birds back to the nest
I need a rest so I'm
tagging along.

A V formation at every
station
but
some still jump the queue
I don't
they do.

a hum of quiet conversation,
the rationing of words on
this journey of birds
while
others squawk
loudly.

I wonder if
' Lonsdale'
is near
' Emmerdale '

Farmers travel too.

Bearded man with
a Vespa shirt on,
no sign of a scooter
or come to think of it
a razor either.

There appears to be more
earrings than
wedding rings
perhaps this is the
singles carriage.

And now a seat is available
so
I make myself comfortable
and try to close my eyes.

Feeling it?
I am
though not a lot
just a little bit.

Tubes.

He looks like him off the TV
flat cap and an Emmerdale
CV
but it's probably not him at all.

Red riding hood looks good
I have to admit
but
there are wolves everywhere
so don't sit over there
you're safer near me
hehe
howl.

It's a rag tag assortment
a bit like our parliament.

I'm rag tag too
who isn't these days?

Austerity may rhyme
with prosperity
but
It's not the same thing.

Monday's a *** day
a back in the scrum day,
I'm waiting for Friday
to come.

Getting on with it
not a lot
just a little bit
and
every bit helps.

while taking a ****, and (new word learning session.. mobile game... what's great about mobile games? hardly any NPC) i started to wonder... i don't watch Eastenders, i don't watch Coronation St., i don't watch Emmerdale... so... why the ****... am i watching these... youtube soap-opera drama videos?! what., the, ****?! either i'm not growing old, or i'm growing young... but yeah... mobile games... love them... i get distracted while taking a ****, and do what ever man ought to do... strain the expanded ****, and massage the prostate... plus... no NPCs... huge fan of the game, falcon squad... and candy crush for final fantasy VII fans... evidently all are anti-NPC... but how i succumbed to this internet soap opera, i will never, never, never quiet know... i need some decent music to move away from this sandbox of users... i have to, simply: pick up my toys and say, while leaving, i'm not pwaying wit you. what was wrong with mobile / mum-games? i didn't make, a single extra payment into the fabric... predatory not... these games taught me the higher form of gaming... that translated into real life... why pay extras, when you can learn to enshrine a rigid sense of patience, and pay, jack-****?