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Johnny Zhivago Aug 2013
Spanish influenza
walking pneumonia
icepick headache
common cold
whooping cough
Diabetes
anorexia
getting old

flat foot
bad back
heel spur
heart attack
spasticus
autisticus
tongue tied
amb(i)dextrous

my weakness
is my forte
my sickness is  my skill
my illness
is my realness
it makes my life a thrill


Trying to fight this
bronchitis
gangrene
runny nose
frostbite
tooth decay
hat hair
broken bones

bed bound
shell-shocked
flea ridden
sinusitis
cholera
dropsy
eliphantitis
out-all-nightis

wom­b fever
winter fever
black water fever
remitting fever
ship fever
jail fever
camp fever
or schizophrenia

scarlet fever
tuberculosis
American plague
rock n roll
Wheezing
Paralysed
Got gas
In both holes

rabies
scabies
rickets
and SARS
man flu
bird flu
swine flew
from Mars

multiple sclerosis
tennis elbow-sis
stomach ulcers
and leukaemia
night blindness
hypothermia
lung cancer
sickle-cell anaemia

French pox
Lockjaw
Polio
Gout
Nostalgia
Dropsy
Knocked right
Out

Stuttering
Bellyacher
Anti-social
Leprosy
Sleep walker
Sleep talker
Absent minded
OCD

Tourettes, ****
Pyromania
tonsillitis
Conjunctivitis
Food poisoned!
Warted over
My Psoriasis
(Will I survive this?)

Measles
Malaria
Meningitis
Migraine
Scrum-pox
Worm fit
Water on
the brain

apparitions
seeing things
rattly chest
bad breath
la duzi
tormentation
inflammation
black death

measles
malaria
migrane
mumps
leprosy
lice and
leg bone
lumps

kleptomania
bubonic plague
black *****
feeling ****
bone shave
falling sickness
wanna stop
just cant quit

Huntington's and
Parkingson's and
Hare-lipped
Hay fever
Typhoid fever
Glandular fever
Night fever
And Hysteria

intellectual
dyslexia
dysfunctional
family
cancer crab
stillborn twin
bad blood
epilepsy

Parking spot
disabilities
all the wounds in
all the militaries
pity thee with
lost agility
lost babes or
infertility

ear infection
starvation
Hepatitis
E to A
smallpox
chicken pox
cow pox
what a day

tuberculosis
stuttering
panic stricken
star struck
scurvy
shingles
headless chicken
bad luck


paranoid
in the void
premature
*******
stomach ulcers
feeble pulses
chronicled
*******

autistic
gallstones
double-jointe­d
wrists and knees
consumption
bad digestion
quinsy palsy
ticks and fleas

amnesia
typhus
amnesia
heart failure
radiation
cholera
amnesia
bad behaviour

Hypochondriac?
By gosh, no!
Poorly are ye?
‘Fraid so.


nostalgia
        suffer me
wanderlust
suffer me
insomnia
suffer me
loneliness
let me be



god
complex
mother
complex
father
complex
ego
complex

­

its complicated
im superior
its complicated
im inferior
its complicated
im a short man
got ingrown hairs
got a bad tan



im suffering
ocd
im suffering
obesity
im suffering
jealousy
xenophobia
and nosebleeds



stokholm
syndrome
toxic shock
syndrome
got it down
syndrome
irritable bowel
syndrome

yellow nail
syndrome
stevens-johnson
syndrome
restless leg
syndrome
shoulder-hand
syndrome

lambert-eaton
syndrome
mi­ddle-lobe
syndrome
mobius
syndrome
pickwickian
syndrome

post rubella
syndrome
riley day
syndrome
straight back
syndrome
ulysess
syndrome



alcoholics
we are prone
drug addicts
we are prone
mind benders
we are prone
fortune spenders
we are prone



My illness, my illness
My illness is my realness

*Pick it up
Tide it over
Fight it off or
Cave in

Save it
Suffer it
Pass it on
When its Raining

bleed him
restrain him
shave his
head

he went from being
quite well
to being quite
dead.
unfinished but did you bother to the end?
Jim Sularz Jul 2012
© 2011 (by Jim Sularz)
(The true tale of Frank Eaton – “Pistol Pete”)

At the headwaters of the Red Woods branch,
near a gentle ***** on a dusty trail.
On an iron gate, at the Twin Mounds cemetery,
a bouquet of dry sunflowers flail.

In a grave, still stirs, is a father’s heart,
that beats now to avenge his death.
Six times, murdered by cold blooded killers,
six men branded for a son’s revenge ….

Rye whiskey and cards, they rode fast and hard,
the four Campseys and the Ferbers.
With malicious intent, they were all Hell bent
to commit a loving father’s ******.

When the gunsmoke had cleared, all their faces were seared,
in the bleeding soul of a grieving son.
Ain’t nothin’ worse, than a father’s curse,
to fill a boy with brimstone and Hell fire!

Young Eaton yearned and soon would learn,
the fine art of slinging lead.
Why, he could shoot the wings off a buzzin’ horsefly,
from twenty paces, lickety split!

Slightly crossed eyed, Frank had a hog-killin’ time,
at a Fort Gibson shootin’ match.
Upside down, straight-on and leanin’ backwards,
he out-shot every expert in pistol class.

By day’s end when the scores were tallied,
Frank meant to prove at that shootin’ meet.
That he would claim the name of the truest gun,
and they dubbed him - “Pistol Pete.”

In fact, Pistol Pete was half boy, half bloodhound,
a wild-cat with two 45’s strapped on.
In District Cooweescoowee - bar none,
he was the fastest shot around!

Pistol Pete knew his dreaded duty had now arrived,
to hunt down those who killed his Pa.
He vowed those varmints would never see,
a necktie party, a court of law.

Where a man is known by his buckskin totem,
in hallowed Cherokee land.
There, frontier justice and Native pride,
help deal a swift and heavy hand.

Pete was quick on the trail of a killer,
just south of Webber’s Falls.
Shannon Champsey was a cattle rustler,
a horse thief, and a scurvy dog!

Pete ponied up and held his shot,
to let Shannon first make a move.
The next time he’d blinked, would be Shannon’s last,
to Hell he’d make his home.

With snarlin’ teeth and spittin’ venom,
Pete struck fast like a rattlesnake.
Two bullets to the chest in rapid fire,
was Shannon’s last breath he’d partake.

Pete galloped away, hot on the next trail,
left Shannon there for a vulture's meal.
Notched his guns, below a moon chasing sun,
and one wound to his soul congealed.

There’s a saying out West, know by gunslingers best,
that’ll deep six you in a knotty pine casket.
One you should never forget, lest you end up stone dead,
“There’s always a man – just a shade faster.”

Doc Ferber was next to feel Pete’s hot lead,
“Fill your hand, you *******!”
With little remorse, Pete shot him clear off his horse,
left him gunned down in a shallow ditch.

After getting reports, Pete headed North,
to where John Ferber hunkered down.
A Missouri corner, in McDonald County,
filled with Bible thumpers in a sinner’s town.

Pete rode five hundred miles to shoot that snake,
with two notches, he welcomed a third.
He carried his cursed ball and chains,
to **** a man, he swore with words.

But John Ferber was plastered, and he didn’t quite master,
deuces wild, soiled doves and hard drinkin’.
Someone else would beat Pete, the day before they’d meet,
sending John slingin’ hash in Hell’s kitchen.

There’s a night rider without a father,
under a curse to settle a score.
In all, six murderous desperados,
Three men dead - now, three men more ….

Pistol Pete was now pushin’ seventeen,
just a young pup, but no tenderfoot.
With two men in the lead, he was quick on his steed,
to **** two brothers who killed his kin.

Pete rode up to their fence, with a friendly countenance,
spoke with Jonce Campsey, but asked for Jim.
“There’s a message from Doc, that you both need to hear,”
Pete readied his hands – both guns were cocked!

Pete continued in discourse, and got off his horse.
all the while in an act of pretense.
Jim came to the door and Pete read them the score,
and shot them both dead in self-defense.

With the help of the law, they verified Pete’s call,
then gathered any loot they found.
Laid Jim and Jonce out, in their rustic log house,
and burnt them both and the house to the ground.

Might have seemed kind of callous, but weren’t done in malice,
that those boys were burnt instead of swingin’.
They just sent them to Hell, sizzlin’ medium well,
besides, it “saved them a lot of diggin’.”

There was one man to go, he’d be the last to know,
that a hex is an awful thing.
That a young boy would grow, with a curse in tow,
to **** a man, was still a sin.

Pete garnered his will, with the best of his skills,
to take on the last of the Campsey brothers.
It would be three to one, Wiley and two paid guns,
Pete knew his odds were slim and he shuddered.

At nearly twenty-one, Pete knew he may have out-run,
his luck as the fastest gun.
This would be the ultimate test of his shootin’ finesse,
only a fool would stay to be outgunned.

But Pistol Pete weren’t no liver lilly,
and he loaded up his 45’s.
He rode into town with steely nerves,
maybe no one, would come out alive!

Pete knocked through that swingin’ bar-room door,
Wiley stood there with a possum eating grin.
He said, “Hey there kid, who the Hell are you?”
and Pete shouted, “Frank Eaton! You killed my kin!”

All four men drew quick, with guns a’ blazing,
Wiley got plugged first from two 45’s.
The bar-room crowd dispersed in a wild stampede,
everywhere, ricochetin’ slugs whizzed by!

When the shootin’ had stopped, there was just one man standin’
all four men got plugged, includin’ Pete.
But only a shot-up boy rode out of town that day,
and a Father’s curse, that played out complete –
was a bitter mistress to bury….

At the headwaters of the Red Woods Branch,
near a gentle ***** on a dusty trail.
On an iron gate, at the Twin Mounds cemetery,
a bouquet of morning glories flail.

In a grave, still deep, is a father’s heart,
that lays quiet in a peaceful sleep.
And six men dead, who now burn instead,
compliments of Pistol Pete!
This is another one of my Historical poems.   A true story about Frank Eaton, an eight year old, who witnessed the shooting death of his father.    Frank Eaton was encouraged to avenge his father's death and by the time he was 15 years old, he learned to handle a gun without equal in Oklahoma territory.   You can read about this man by obtaining a copy of his book  -  "Veteran of the Old West - Pistol Pete (1952).   Born in 1860, he lived to be nearly 98 years old.   My poem describes the events surrounding Pistol Pete hunting down the outlaws that killed his father.    I hope you enjoy the story.

Jim Sularz
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2019
.with rob zombie's: ***** liquor in the background,
a man perched on windowsill,
              one foot tapping along,
                                 the other foot folded
and sat on...


    come to think of it,
                 why am i not bothered,
   not bothered by the neighbours?
well, one ****** tried it,
complained about me smoking out
of my window,
   and that one time i was making a b.b.q.
and he said: 'you should have warned
us!'               the ****?
            all beause he had been doing
his washing and was drying his clothes
on a washing line, 20 metres from my b.b.q.,
and now they're moving house.

the english,
     they always want a house with a garden...
in the vicinity?
    you know how many times i've
seen the english use their gardens?
              roughly 5 times per year...
they rarely even attempt to switch
the garden to a ******* venture when
the one toilet is occupied by someone
taking a shower...
                      for all the wants of a garden,
i haven't seen anyone around here
take to planting a cherry tree,
            or burrying their cremated cat...
i guess i must be the odd one out...
            i mean: i'll integrate up to a point,
but then... well there's just me,
               rumours...
rumours...
      apparently donald tusk got
the job as the president of the european
council, because he mingled
   with frau kanzler
   over the position...
                     **** me...
        27 prime ministers,
    but only 1 chancellor...
                  who said the stereotype
of jews being good with money,
never made it to the stereotype of germans?
   the rumour is...
   he got the job...
       only because his father was
in the wehrmacht...
             after all, he did write
a bestseller book about the city of Danzig...
no surprise there,
  given that Danzig was reminiscent
of a city-state akin to Athens or Sparta...
mind you, better than any movie
on a friday night,
   tuning in on the 66th minute
of Liverpool vs. Southampton...
                waiting for the 1 - 1 draw...
but the genius of jürgen jürgen (klopp)
came through...
                     funny that,
people with funny surnames...
             dialect distinctions...
      klop in western slavic implies
the ******* - ide na klopa -
      i'm going to sit on a toilet...
            ****** must have been a funny surname
before its notorious prominence...
but rarely do you get to see 28 minutes
of a football match of this sort of quality...
    wolverhampton wanderers...
they're playing a very interesting piece
of football this season...
very portugese barzilian-esque...
      everybody knows that
        italian football is boring
  (too many passes),
   and german football is just too predictable...
but how the hell did Liverpool
come up with 2 goals in a period of 28 minutes...
mind-boggling...
       i'm always there for the sport per se,
i don't really feel inclined
to have a vested interest in the sport
as to pick a side,
               what once was
          religion, now becomes infused
in sports... seriously...
  count me out of this secular take
on religiosity...
            i'll pay my dues: were deserved
dues are due...
                   that's probably i much
prefer the olympics to this coming farce
of a world cup...
   how many footballers are going
to drop dead, from heat exhaustion?
we must thank our camel cockey bwovers
for cracking up the heat
          in air-conditioned stadiums...
once upon a time, the arabs had,
enviable traits...
   now? with all that wealth?
                                         take a guess;
if muhammad was raised from
the dead?
                     you'd see a forest
of pikes, on top would sit, decapitated heads
of his own people...
         but that's a wild idea,
perhaps even he, couldn't avoid
the temptation;
nonetheless, is it wrong to say that some
sports are over-represented?
   well, d'uh!
                 olympics comes,
and i always look forward to classical
wrestling matches,
    archery,
                             ha ha... ping-pong...
sure... none of the tennis allure...
  but it's a welcome break from
mainstream sports...
                                 and this whole
team religiosity influence...
                  that **** bores me to death...
clearly religion didn't die,
it just morphed...
                oh, really? it's that time of year?
the one time of the year
where i become a gambler?
   what? it's the quiche thing to do
in england, a bit like sipping
                 pimm's and eating eaton mess
at wimbledon...
       the grand national...
   betting on a horse...
                     and just to prove i'm no
gambler - why would i dream about
going to las vegas?
                   that shitshow of a town?
all the best strip-clubs in the world:
but no brothel.
      eh?!
                 tiger roll (7 to 2)
is attempting to make history,
     by clinging to: two years in a row...
i only have 4 quid to spend on the bet...
   so 2 horses...
               2 quid each...
                         hmm...
                      'further rain would help
him to step forward'
             i checked the weather forecast
(the grand national happens somewhere
south of liverpool, i think)
                     rainy...
overcast...     step back (25 to 1)...
                         now a compensation
horse...
                          i'll need a few more whiskies
before i make this blind bet lucky hope...

i'm not betting on tiger roll (7 to 2) -
the odds are not wildcard enough...

mind you, not being a gambling *****:
i do know that rolling tobacco
needs to be fresh,
   slightly moist, in order to roll it,
you can still roll the dry tobacco,
but then you'd also require
obc cigarette tubes,
         and one of those "gizmos" /
machines, to pull off
             a perfect match...
no in a millions years will you get
out a perfect rollie
with dry, pall mall tobacco...
when no golden virginia is available...
point: but you're also
not going to **** dry the filter
with dry tobacco...
harder to roll,
               but an easier smoke...

anyway...
   back to the grand national...
look, i'm no dustin hoffman
rainman hack...
         i felt like ******* away
4 quid's worth on an event, sue me...

   1             up for review (25 - 1)
         'could relish this test;
      must be a contender'

2a            folsom blue  (50 - 1)
          'mud-lover; stays well
   but at veteran stage'

2b           general principle (40 - 1)
     'best not ignore this irish
national winner'

3            ramses de telilee   (25 - 1)
             'welsh national second;
               stays well and improving'

4   ballyoptic    (28 - 1)
   'scottish national second;
                   cannot rule out'

  5a       mala beach (50 - 1)
               'fresh; could suit;
              a lively outsider'

    5b go conquer      (33 - 1)
         'bids to give his trainer
a third national'

      5c     lake view lad      (14 - 1)
             'improving steadily and
this trip should suit'

   5d jury duty    (16 - 1)
     'should relish this trip.
         could get a positive verdict'

6 vieux lion rouge             (33 - 1)
     'has tried three times in
this; fourth time lucky?'

   7       bless the wings                (66 - 1)
              'would be the oldest winner
       since 1853'

so...
      gambling, fascinating,
   how there's no objectivity argument,
and all the sort of superstitions associated
with it... a truly, magnanimous,
secular age...
   football as a religion,
   gambling on horses as the trials
of fate / luck / whatever belief...

       truly... gratifying...
   and i don't imply that in any pompous
sense, i'm about to invest 4 quid
in the whole affair!

   my pick?
              step back 25 to 1 odds
first choice...
   so it's either between
the mud-lover folsom blue... 50 to 1 odds,
ah... i'll need more wizard like
uncertainty when it comes
to gambling,
repeating to myself:
   there's no such thing as luck,
there's no such thing as luck,
gambling is only subjective,
gambling is the reiteration
of a religious experience,
        it's the sensible option,
it's the sensible option, ****...
i'll just split the 4 quid over 4 horses
rather than bet 2 quid on 2...

per quid:
                      step back
                      jury duty
                      up for review
                      go conquer / folsom blue

****...
                   no wonder i never got
into gambling...
         i never fathomed the aspect
of winning
as much as i never fathomed
the aspect of losing,
   or how they're paired up
     and consecrated on the same
altar of, "thrill"...

    that cut               /
betweeen
       go conquer  and folsom blue...

horses have the oddest names...
          dogs?
                 probably the shittest names
in the whole of the kingdom...
oscar darshan...
                            quorus...
these being cat names...
                                           go figure.
Bergen Franklin May 2015
Bloop went the raisins as the fell one by one into the buttery goodness.
The liquid fat burning on the heated metal like so many soiled babies locked in a room together; with nothing to eat but each other;
jumping off the bridge of life one by one to keep the others alive;
leaving just one massively obese baby
(well not a baby anymore, but a child.
As it would take several years for them to all eat each other until only this one morbidly,
massively disgusting creature remained.
After all his were brothers gone, calling for food
only to be found by some kind soul
who later donates his body to send the child to a state mental institution.
As the man is found partially eaton and the child goes free on the basis of insanity.
however the mans family never forgets him though his wife eventually remarries.
She is as ill fated as her husband; less fortunate as they never found her body
(she was ground up and fed to her pigs).

And through her spirit the pigs became sentient;
and though her body was never found.
The pigs went to the police and told them about the ******-
but when the officer tried to arrest the ex-husband there was not enough evidence;
and the insistence that talking pigs had told him about the ******;

landed the officer in the same institution as the child;
in adjoining cells.
Where they conversed my smashing their heads into wall speaking morse code.
Through the child the officer learned how to become immortal
(as the child was in fact a genius having absorbed the intelligence of an entire room of babies prior to being locked in his cell)
The officer also learned how to teleport ,
but the pigs had told him how to do that; not the child.

After escaping their cells, the officer and the child went to go find the pigs.
But were sad to learn they had built a rocket and flown to mars;
and would return in several thousand years when mankind was more tolerant.
A local mongoose had revealed all this too them.
Only later did they learn from a cross breed of a hawk and a pidgin that the rocket had crashed.
And none of the pigs had survived.
heart broken the officer and the child mourned for many years-
their tears forming what is now the great lakes.

Where the child and officer still live to this day in an underwater lab,
conducting experiments on rocks from mars (their rocket did not crash).
As the world moved on the two continued to do research-
until they had a break through. Cloning the life that had originally built the canals on mars.
Emerging with the little creature stunning the scientific world
and giving the two instant world wide fame.
As the founders of the great lakes and the bellwethers to the third scientific revolution,
but unfortunately they both perished when their lab flooded.
they were greatly missed.
and in the afterlife they had endless parties with their friends; the pigs.
Though the kind farmer never forgave the child for eating his brain over buttered raisin bread.
6/19/05
martin Jan 2016
We called our maths master *** happy Chappie,  Mr Chapman stank to high heaven like an ash tray and smoked like a chimney even while taking class.

We called the English teacher Jesus because he was young, bearded and wore a white suit. One of the lads flicked ink all down his back one day without him noticing as he walked up and down between the desks.

Another English teacher took it on himself to teach *** education. He advised us not to ******* the night before an exam. He doubled up as a career adviser and told everyone to go into banking or insurance.

The history master liked to nod off in lessons when he was supposed to be teaching us and we had to stay completely silent. If anyone made a noise he would yell at us, and he would sometimes hit us with a tennis shoe with a golf ball jammed in it.  He wrote Stoke City for the cup in chalk mirror writing on the sole so that it would come out on our backsides when he whacked us.

The first headmaster was nice, we liked him, he was human. But then *** took over. He tightened up the rules about school uniform, no coloured shirts, things like that, but wore luminous green socks himself, the silly *******. He gave me the slipper for sciving off an afternoon once, I hated him. I think if I'd had a gun I might have shot him.  Someone said they think he's dead now, and I thought good, I hope he died in agony ha ha.

Then there was Mr Eaton, another English master. He was one of those truly inspiring teachers whose enthusiasm for his subject was infectious.
On the day he introduced us to Chaucer's  'The Prologue '  he gave us the text and proceeded to recite from memory the whole thing.  I never forgot that.  

It was a mixed experience, Grammar School in the 1970's.
Tell us some of your school memories
Micheal Wolf Feb 2014
Oh Eaton floods on the bankers belt.
But there was no money for anyone else.
Farmers drowned and villages awash and no politicians gave a toss.
But now there's money for all the chaps who voted "Dave" with loads of cash.
Tarquins house is under seige and Jeremys is now waste deep.
So call the army and the navy too Tarquins pond has overflowed!
The rest of you oh sorry but!!
The frackers want your land for nought!
Satire based upon fact
MARIA PANOUTSOU Jul 2019
με στοιχιωνουν οι ανρωποι

δεν θα κρυφτω στην αγκαλιά σου

οι σκιες που περπατουν γυρω μου με καλουν
για ενα τσαι λιγο

πριν την δυση του ηλιου

κι όμως

ο Μαβιλης λέει ποτε το δειλι μην θυμασαι τους νεκρους

εξω το αερακι δροσερό με θωπευει

θα μεινω πιστη στην φυση
αλλά δεν θα πάω στο κάλεσμα

αφηνω τους φοβους και την καλοπέραση
και εκτεινομαι στο απειρο

για την Suzanne Eaton
μ.π 2019
Mateuš Conrad May 2016
only English has disgraced itself, as a language,
it didn't learn from it's other Latin
orthographers, whether french or german,
just didn't learn from them,
i mean, English, the language,
could have started improving its style,
its orthography, adding accents, here and there,
improving elocution, it's worth the
particulars in harbours, ironically it isn't
a universal language, there are no universal
instances in using it, there are plenty
of particular instance that do require stresses
and other such involvements,
but the six brothers dreamed up too much
technology prior, the Grand Father of the Empire
split the cabbage patch between the five brothers:
gave much to the American son,
much also to the Australian son,
much also to the Canadian,
the South Africa got a part of Europe from the 1940s,
the Caribbean son received a pretty sunset,
the English son got ****** in the ***:
and given what the newspapers are covering
i'm really sceptical while only children migrants
are welcomed... *******, the tournament
of who can shove an ice-cube into a teenagers
*** to make **** ******* seem cool?
really sceptical while the prime minister only
wants children... come, you following-up
the hot topics in british journalism?
but like i said, the one chance the English language
had to improve itself, to succumb to the
judgement of the preservation of the Latin via
a - z was to add diacritical marks, instead the internet
emerged and we simply got an Eaton mess...
look how mishandled English is among the young!
omni acronym omni short-script,
                                              omni dyslexia,
lazy lazy buggers... while the Germans are fiercely compounding,
Rindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsau
(law delegating beef label monitoring) - now let's
do some syllable surgery on it to get a tennis ball
bouncing rhythm:
rind' fleische' tikettierung' sueber' wachungsau' -
or thereabouts in Pomerania - and the French
such hark rather than trill Rs and produce excess
spelling via tongue ties upon tongue ties
(every time i hear it i just hear bubbly blue
bubbly blue bue bue and Moulin Rouge cancan) -
English is shrapnel, empty pistachio shells in comparison,
and yet still the internet proved how ugly
things became... *** LOL (e.g.); and yet i'm
finding it the most effective language for volume.
MARIA PANOUTSOU Aug 2019
με στοιχειώνουν οι άνθρωποι

δεν θα κρυφτώ στην αγκαλιά τους

οι σκιές που περπατούν γύρω μου με καλούν
για ένα τσάι λίγο

πριν την δύση του ηλίου

κι όμως

ο Μαβίλης λέει ποτέ το δείλι μην θυμάσαι τους νεκρούς



έξω το αεράκι δροσερό με θωπεύει

θα μείνω πιστή στην φύση
θα πω όχι  στο κάλεσμα

αφήνω τους φόβους και την καλοπέραση
και εκτείνομαι στο άπειρο
για την Suzanne Eaton

μ.π 2019
Fredrich Kunath is running out of
World, but I’m resting from work
For a while, so I find my way to
St. James’ Square and ravel up a
Pinch of tobacco, hands trembling.
Behind me, work goes on, and builders
Grapple with drills: the sounds fall
Down from rooftops on all fours.

The sun is in mid-morning, and I
Leave the London Library (of which
I am a benign member) to walk
Around. I pass the Ritz, and the
Underground, and a tourist stops
Me and asks in broken English
Where the Palace is. His family stands
Behind him, bleary eyed and puzzled;
I point him away, and he walks away,
Brown hand pushing his cap out of
His eyes. The crowds are cold-blooded
Today, walking in the sunlight keeping
Pathways congested for a while.

At 11:55, I give up searching for
Nothing, and settle down at a little bench
In Green Park.  It’s a quiet space, where
London keeps its cars away, keeps the
Shadows of its buildings at bay.

It’s misty in the park today, and
Around me, people clutch their cameras
Taking pictures. I’m in one of those
Moods again; the ones where I get
In my car and drive around, wasting
Petrol on late night drop-ins to the
Mark Eaton Crematorium, to visit
Slate plaques. Will I run out of
World, like him? I stub my cigarette
And leave, swilling out of the park
And walking back to the Library.
They have some famous dead members:
George Eliot, Virginia Woolf, amongst
Others.

Running out of world seems fantastical
To me: I rather think he ran out of
Time.
A nod to Frank O'Hara
Ryan O'Leary Jul 2018
My friend's head is very flat.

Would you like to know,
why is that?

When he was young,
his hair caught fire,
including all of his attire.

Attempts, to douse him
duly made,

His mother quenched him
with a *****.

ps.

Otherwise known as
Mortar Board
Ryan O'Leary Jun 2019
There is a tiny island
in the river, enough
big to swing cats if
they could swim out.

I'm imagining it on a
raft foundation in order
to accomodate the rising
river levels in Winter.

Proximate to Mallow
Castle, I will be able to
keep an eye on the auld
deers and the granite bridge.

It is going to be a Grand
Design, Willie Eaton is my
consultant, for the Kevin Mcloud
show, an eye catcher.
Sarah Pavlak Apr 2020
Baby, this will make us look be-a-u-ti-ful.
The difference between rich and poor
Has and always will be good lighting,
Marching orders-- no interrogations,
Hang the **** string lights,
Swivel the sconces to the left a hair,
Light me up baby, yes. Be-a-u-ti-ful.
They’re going to see us,
All the way from space think man,
Those ******* sure do have it all,
They must have every last Eaton, Osram
Can you imagine the bill?
Must blow the energy company’s ******* mind.
Yes, baby, yes. More filaments.
Throw some Chicago on the record player while you’re at it,
We’re going to throw the swankiest party this town’s ever seen--
Rich stuff, baby, classy.
Be-a-u-ti-ful.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2019
Finn was standing well back
from the river blackwater,

which, according to local
folklore, flooded.

Untreated sewage was
another reason.

Down by the edge on a
stony strand,

an elderly man, Willie Eaton
was frying a salmon

in a copper shield of the
O’Connell clan

washed down with some
Kerry sheep in the last flood.

Willie was from Cork city,
c’mere boy he said, to Finn.

Dubiously, Finn approached.

Would you like to taste a bit
of fresh salmon boy?

Finn responded in Irish.
Greamaigh an bradán suas do pholl.
David R May 2022
of ounces, pints and pounds
dreams the Eaton schoolboy
who rules UK's surrounds
self-belief in charm uncoy,

rotund in thigh and tum
bloviates ad absurdum
secure in his plush income
lies 'til kingdom come

in conclave o' best o' chums
distorts the figures 'n sums
indoctrinates, lies propagates,
regardless of outcomes

oh, governed by repartee
land of glory and hope
what epithet befits thee?
which clever literary trope?
BLT's Merriam-Webster Word of The Day Challenge
#conclave, propagate, indoctrinate, bloviate
Ryan O'Leary Mar 2021
North Cork Mystery Busk Tour.©
    (2021 Limited Venues)

We'll busk in the the back streets
of Buttevant
And we'll sing at the cross roads in
Bweeng
we'll juggle our ***** in
Kildorrery
and we'll whistle some airs in
between

We'll recite a new poem in Killavullen
that we learned back in Ballydaheen
As we've yet to perform it in Cullen
After Doneraile, it remains to be seen.

We mustn’t forget to do Churchtown
but there’s no way we'll travel to Schneem
we'd rather play for the Sanctuary Donkey’s
Or even drive up to Ballaghaderreen

We’ll do Mitchelstown on our way back
from Charleville, Dromahane and Kanturk
we’ve not been, but if we miss out a town
or a village, it will mean that you’re not
very keen.

Sponsored by St Anne’s Shanakiel.

Ray Neville (Guitar)
Holly Barrett (Guitar)
Finn Mac Eoin (Harmonica & Tin Whistle) bit of Guitar?
Willie Eaton (Washboard & Plunger)
Mickey Flynn (Band Saw)
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ_4mUQBW6U

Willie Eaton's Dog enjoying the Flood.
Willie sleeps with Waders on and he has a
Snorkel by his water bed in case of a sudden
rise in the water line.
Ryan O'Leary Dec 2019
Mallow is high, built on a
hill overlooking the River
Blackwater, a tributary of
The Atlantic Ocean, it is a
liquid schizophrenic which
has the temperament of an
Italian on a Vespa before his
first shot of sugary LavAzza.

Circa 950 AD. an Irish Celt
deduced that every time he
built a hut near the edge of
this oscillating reservoir, he
developed hydrophobia.

His name was Willie Eaton,
a plaque to his wisdom can
be seen below the water line
under the arch of the bridge.

Those flooding's existed long
before Global Warming, so I
have no idea why in the name
of **** anyone is listening to

           Gretta Humbug.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
Mal
       low.

I’m from Mallow
rich with marsh

Our river’s black
bleak tainted harsh.

Our skies reflect
what is below

In sound in light
and winged crow.

In times of dark
the haunted speak

Their choral sounds
at midnight peak.

I’m from Mallow
by the lake

Where our banks
flood waters take.

We’ve got fountains
with dogs heads

Our gullies swell
then fill our beds.

The roads submerge
before our eyes

No warnings ever
of this rise.

I’m from Mallow
rhymes with shallow

Where knee deep
frogs end up in Tallow.



        For Willie Eaton.
Will lives below the flood line.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2018
scheisse!
                           or shy essy had one
of these moments
                                       to boot,
      and later call it an
                          autobiography...
     a draft in the house,
dumb drunk puts
a glass of whiskey
      and coke on a window-sill
with the window open...
comes the slapping wind,
what happens?
      the window flings open
and knocks the full glass
    onto the floor...
   scheisse!
            out comes the towel
the hygienic wipes
and toilet paper...
         to later make a reminder:
sweeping with my pantofels
(misnomer): **** you
             wear indoors...
ah ****, looking for nouns
is like pointing in multiple
directions... SHLIPPERS!
    did they stick to the floor?
nope, a mighty good job
i did, right there and then...
there's dust,
   and there's just sugar on
the floor,
  or a synthetic version of
it...
              the music still plays
and there's a extinguished
cigarette loitering in my mouth...
     at this point you
reflect:
               hope there are no
claustrophobes out there reading
this poo-poo...
     my, boyish words,
alternatively: mess...
                     anywhere but eaton...
   why would you go
to bulgarian prostitutes?
             erm...
        you have the money,
don't know how to spend it,
        she'll know,
                    plus you get her
to ****** and giggle...
                   problem solved.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
"It only occurred to me recently,
  that with all the rain you have
  here, nobody has thought to use
  the mystery of the mass and turn
  it into wine, so this is why I came
  up from Rome to Dublin this week,
  because, to be honest with you all,
  I have had enough of the ******
  French and the ******* they go on
  about, it is time for Ireland to have
  a miracle, one that is going to make
  the loaves and fishes look like another
  Willie Eaton story about flooding in
  his native Mallow by the Blackwater
  and Wallace's Buns floating like turds
  in The Gully at the back of his house".
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
The flood rose rapidly.

Willie sought refuge
in the only available
space long enough
to accommodate him.

From a similar position
on the opposite side of
the living room over the
mantelpiece, was where
Mrs Eaton took the first
shelfie of her son Willie.
BTW Aug 2021
Up in the Attic
18 August 2021

Up in the attic a young boy laid his head.
An old army cot and mattress were his bed.
Cold in the winter, wool blankets were his stead.
Hot in the summer, an old fan buzzed mosquitoes dread. .

Painted wooden steps led up from the front hall.
Downstairs two sisters night time played toys and dolls.
Dinner cooked and boiled on an old wooden stove.
Dad made money with the Eaton’s truck he drove.

Never was much change in that cookie jar.
No nights for sitting long in local bars.
Front steps were broken, loose, and tinted rust.
Trip to school luxury would be a local bus.

Old family doctor had long passed eighty three.
When he came to visit never was a fee.
Cures came from lore and our family history.
Never saw the inside of a pharmacy.

Old dog slept on a torn and tattered rug.
Bed sheets from flour sacks withstood every tug.
Music came from Dad’s old banjelo,
He sang like Bing, every song we know.

Clothes came down the line from friends and family.
Most shoes and boots were found somewhere else for free.
Winter coats with full newspaper stuffed,
Warmed us through the winter’s coldest rough.

Wood stove stone warmed the bed at night.
Coal soaked with kerosine easy Mom to light.
Sometimes that old kettle gave the dog a fright.
Tea stayed in the teapot lid sealed down really tight.

Ice box held the dinner, carrots peas, and spuds.
Breakfast in an oatmeal box came easy with our  morning hug.
Washed our hands and elbows, faces were the test.
Checked each day in classroom for the very best.

Was a privilege when you the blackboard cleaned.
May you shiver when the bad boy strapped and screamed.
Said the good Lord’s prayer start of every day.
National Anthem sang the same old way.

Spelling tests were common, had to do the math.
End of each year we all hoped we’d passed.

Games out in the schoolyard made our bodies strong.
Most had joined the choir and forgot all those songs.
Summer went so quickly, winter stayed too long.
Friends and team mates were where you belonged.

Conkers and alley games always stood close nearby.
Also often bullies tried to make you cry.
Yoyo’s some swung and danced. Tricks that would enchant.
Ball games and soccer ran till all  need
huff and pant.

Were those few who won ‘bout every race.
Girls sat front of class who had the nicest face.
Hero’s of the football field stood big and tall.
Those with highest marks never seemed to fall.

Many years have passed us by, leaving hopes and scars.
Some of those in our class helped us plan on Mars.
Some now only found, parts in brine filled jars.
Youngest memories fade in daylight stars.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
Willie collected all the
used wheel ribs from
Ardleys bicycle shop.

Mrs Eaton was curious
as to what her son was
up to, but never asked.

Willie made a spokes-
-woman because his
inflatable doll was a dingy.
Willie lives below
the level of River.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
Mr Eaton said that if he was the Mannequin Pis in Belgium
he'd have crossed over the border and stuck his ***** the
Dutch ****, and Holland would not be under sea level.
***** Eaton is an authority on inundations,
he lives in Mallow, County Cork, below The River level.
Ryan O'Leary Nov 2020
Donald Tusk issued a writ
stating Elephant Man need
not wear a Covid face mask.

Last week, Italy and France
offered Pinocchio and Cyrano
de Bergerac a similar immunity.

Willie Eaton continues to wear
one, despite a ****** recognition
sign on his bathroom mirror
Ryan O'Leary Oct 2020
New restrictions with
Level 5 state that only
Ten people permitted
at a funeral and thus
why Willie Eaton has
volunteered to stand
in for claustrophobia
sufferers in an effort
to assist families who's
loved ones can't make it
in person to their own
service due to life long
fears of enclosed spaces.

— The End —