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Kamblamian Jul 2015
Some how I let these thoughts race inside my head.
Consistently unaware as to how I was lead to think this.
They are turning on me
taking over.
Ramblings of things that could or should have been.
Alters-
I'm frightened by the idea that all of this is within me.
The map of thoughts lies descretely so, how could I put myself beneath me.
Buried in mind
The physical is gone.
Depression and anxiety is causing me to twitch.
DC raw love Mar 2015
I walk the streets of Japan till I get lost
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

Getting a graveyard tan carrying a cross
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like studying faces in a parking lot
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like driving backwards in the fog
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like gypsy moths and radio talk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like gospel music and canned applause
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like colorful clothing in the sun
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like hammering nails and speaking in tongues
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like throwing my voice and breaking guitars
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

I like playing in the sand what's mine is ours
If it doesn't remind me of anything

Bend and shape me
I love the way you are

Slow and sweetly
Like never before

Calm and sleeping
We won't stir up the past

So descretely
We won't look back

The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped

I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need
Audio
WhatIHopeToFeel Sep 2018
I haven't been here in a while.
I always walk.
But my dad and I were finally free on the same day.
So we went to nutgrove.
Got some sweets
He go waffles, his favourites
I'm all in black with bright
Red?
Pink?
Magenta hair
And blue eyes
I look odd as always
And I'm getting weird looks
But he doesn't care.
The bus is 27 minutes away
There are others at the stop
Some guy on headphones
And a guy who keeps trying to look at me
Descretely
But I notice
I pretend not to.
Does he think I'm beautiful?
Or just strange enough to look at
Or does he want to draw me
Like I often want to do with people I stare at
Nothing ******
Just fascination.
Maybe
I hope
I don't want him to be looking at me like I'm a wanted thing
Maybe it's vain
But I did myself up nicely for once.
I don't know why
I was in the mood
Saturdays always put me in the mood for blue eyes
Not lipstick
Not with my habit.
My lips are red enough anyway from my habit of biting
And picking.

My dad gives me a funny look.
He doesn't talk.
I'm happy, because of my new headphones
And the other people
They don't need to know what we share
Smoke comes out of his funny face
I giggle
Like a little girl
I know I resemble in his eyes.

I look into the field across the road
There are a group of kids
To far away to know an age
And they don't have a dog
I don't know why this troubles me.
But then a lady walking her dog
Strolls past
And I'm on the ground
Sitting
So he comes up to lick me
Almost to grant my wish
I'm happy again
Then the bus comes
And I struggle to get up
I should be happy
I'm going home to feed a rumbling stomach
But
There's something about a bus stop
I just love
Sorry.
I rambled again.
What do you like?
I had expected to be woken
By canons and church bells
And brass bands and people
Lining the streets
Waving the Union Jack and climbing
On each others shoulders
To get a better view
Of the victorious homecoming troops
And shouting 'Let me take your rifle son,
You won't be needing that anymore'.
But instead a kind of eerie silence pervades -
A bit like any other Bank Holiday really.

So, bemused I wander into town
Along with the other stragglers
Solitary shell shocked forlorn figures,
Some wearing medals
Who like me had somehow become left behind
And missed the best of the fighting.
Nor do the decorations inspire patriotic fervour,
Half a mile of bunting
And a scattering of flags
Hanging listlessly in the morning drizzle,
And the odd poster advertising fireworks tonight
All live ammunition having been descretely confiscated.

In one shop as if to draw attention
Away from their opening
There is a school project, a mock up
Of the Blitz
While others, not wishing to prosper from war
Have remained closed.
A handful of old soldiers are huddled
Around the memorial, in muted thanksgiving.
They place wreaths, salute and hug each other
And I feel if only I could hear what they were saying
Then I would really know.

But on TV celebrations are gathering pace.
Numerous authentic black and white films
And to stirring renditions of the Dam Busters
A parade for those who knew victims and survivors
Who wipe away tears and stare into no man's land,
And later beaming presenters will reunite
Sons and daughters of airmen missing
And presumed dead seventy five years ago
With their families, who in turn
Will be introduced to the grandchildren of their captors
Who have become best of friends
And who now regularly go fishing together.

— The End —