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a m a n d a Dec 2019
hey.
listen.

i'm just a grunt
a cog in the machine
trying to get the same sized piece
of the american d r e a m
that you have.

but you don't see.
the absolute crack in the structure
of reality between
our generations,
and so you think it is e a z y
that we are lazy.

i almost laugh when i see you
scan the exact same insurance card from
20 years ago
you silly, silly babies.

you want to talk health insurance?
i am 39.
i was born in 1980, and at this very moment,
off the top of my head,
i can recall
having at the very least 9
different health insurance
providers since
i was 22 years old.

back then, i made $9/hour
and that was acceptable for the
state of my experience and education.
but much has changed in 17 years.
now, i make $16.50/hour and that,
my friends,
is not a decent salary
for a 39 year old that
is supposed to magically be saving for
a retirement that is getting less and less likely
by the day, because those
crazy things you old coots had
called "pensions" are a no-go in this climate...
while i am over here struggling with shelter,
food, clothing, healthcare, and education.

you have homes and cars
and dishwashers and pools
and vacations and
private schools and plenty of groceries
you don't think twice about going out
giving gifts
buying yourself treats, things
that are unnecessary
some of us only live in the world
of the necessary
and we have
d e b t.
live not even one paycheck
to the next.
there is no luxury
one moment from an emergency
with little comfort
and little hope

because of the things
you voted for. for the people you voted in the office.
the ideas you allowed to brew.
the envy and the greed.
and oh the righteousness.
the hypocrisy is just dynomite.
you done ****** up.
the planet, education, healthcare,
childcare, banks, greed, Wall Street, and corruption.
even for those of us who are
white and privileged and educated
there is no way out of the cycle
so imagine what you have done
to all the brown and black people.
the disabled. the veterans. the homeless. the sick.
the elderly. children. it's a ******* shitshow.

man after man after man after man and
war after war after war after war
and dollar after dollar after dollar after dollar

currently healthcare premiums alone
are 21% of my income after taxes
not including copays, deductibles,
coinsurance, medications, and things they
simply will not cover.

I went to school for 7 years,
have a master's degree, and
currently make $7.50 more/hour
than I did when I was 22 years old
(17 years ago)
with no experience whatsoever
and a bachelor's degree.

now i have a master's degree
over a decade of expertise and experience
and student loans that have gone from $80,000 to $120,000
and for that i get $7.50 more/hour
for a job
not in my field.
that doesn't even give you insurance for 3
months during which time
you just quite literally hope
no one calls an ambulance on you cuz
there is no way you are going bankrupt
for passing out from anxiety
over the state of your life, and besides, if you get sick
you are not allowed one iota of personal time
for the first 90 days

i will not even embarrass you
with the hilarious  student loan repayment options.
we won't even add the proposed $1800 payment to the
monthly analysis just to be jokesters.

rent is 25%
(for a ******, ugly, place)
not including heat
water, electric, internet,
cell phone


gas alone is 9%
i haven't even mentioned
food, car payments, and car insurance

can you see where the desperation might creep in?
you didn't go to college, or if you did,
tuition was truly affordable
on an average person's salary.
you expect things to be easy because they were easy
for you even though you think
it was hard.
it was not hard.
children and adults fully
financially stable on one average person's income?!
"middle class" is a joke.
it is not what it once was.
and to me, now
it seems quite
an impossible dream.
getting one job and keeping it practically
your entire life?!
stop it, my side hurts!
a bonus?!
please!
a union?!
comprehensive healthcare for your entire family
with no deductible and little to no copays?
girl, you sure is funny.
an affordable home?
****,
we haven't even talked about
credit card debt!
outrageous taxes, tolls,
and fees.
for-profit prisons
and for-profit healthcare.
why what a wonderful idea,
surely will do the most good
for the most people.
3 billionaires
own more wealth
than the entire bottom half of americans.
read that again, please.

your tactics have brought us corporate greed, corruption,
a failed war on drugs, a failure to teach equality
and comprehensive *** education in schools
untold wars, mutilation, torture, and death
the suppression of women.

my life is the proof of your oppression
and the heart of your discontent
but you could never live it and survive
you delicate little flowers
  the system is ******
and the very foundation is crumbling
As of December 1, which is the 335th day of the year, there have been 385 mass shootings in the U.S., according to data from the nonprofit Gun Violence Archive (GVA), which tracks every mass shooting in the country. Twenty-nine of those shootings were mass murders.

your thought are gong backward
and it is painfully obvious to
the rest of us
that you are simply]
of no use to us,
the people looking
toward a better future.

you did not prepare us for
the world of your making
you prepared us for your world
and that is why there is a disconnect.

but ok, b o o m e r





ok, boomer
whatever you say
Chris Jun 2014
How to measure:

A table.
take out ruler, string or tape
Size  lines calculate with  retina powered eyes count the spit that flys from open mouths who gather fill it with their laughter,

count the crayon etchings of the determined fire in eyes Thomas the tank engine colorer extroidinair

Weight gain.
Gaze down at waste, shift in skin as you reach  depths in pockets to hide McDonalds receipts and push them in

Do, mental math, one apple a month has got to off set at least one Big Mac

Mileage.
Look at your spedometer Thelma, it's pretty much yelling at you. Take stalk of all the shoes that have  warn you.count backwards from twenty five to Two.

Count the steps you took when you didn't have to, subtract the ones that didn't count and divide by the moments you glide

Growth
Annual reports, minions in Arnold churgen assuring you to stalk up on the market. Your rrsps  with thank you as they soar and plummet as all must on the onslaught of such heights.

Talk to the fifth grader inside you and ask what got me here, was it that Dora the explorer hair cut or the time I didn't give up, that lead to that other time i didn't give up that lead to the time  i pushed quit to the back of my tongue and swallowed it.

A moment.
In corners of mouth stretched outwards in an upward slant.
Those 60 seconds you ranted and most of it was good
That kiss you can still feel as uou tried to hold on to your skin
In the calculated weight of truth transferred to hands in use


Or the science behind the fact that you actually breathed again and  your body, received the donation, the free gift that fuels you, rushes in caresses your sinues and prepares the way for another little wind

I Cherish that wind

One moment, your body will say thankyou very much air, but this relationship of you fueling me and me needing you.. Is baked like that pie your mom doesn't like talking about any more

How does one measure a life
Success, deductibles, YouTube hits,# shout outs, lives touched, damage done, or how many times you actually enjoyed a cinnomon bun without apologizing to your hips

You choose. You choose what measuring tape you wake up with because that's the one they are gonna pull out when the man with the answers recites your yagooogaly

When you measure dare to recall that when the air says adeui and all that is left is your spirit and as your body falls let spirit rise tall
you will learn to shift your weight around
You will learn to lean against things
To always clutch handrails

You will learn to rate things from one to ten ten being the worst you’ve ever felt

You will learn loss
You will lose functionality
You will lose what you used to love doing
You will learn not to partake in barbecue games, bowling nights
You will learn to politely decline invitations
You will lose friends
Hobbies
Muscle memory

You will learn to accept it
You will learn that it is unacceptable

You will lose sympathy for others
You will lose track of things
You will learn that there is always something more to lose
You will learn to hold just a few things sacred
to cling only to that which you cannot lose
You will learn that those things too can be lost

You will learn to hate god

You will learn how unobservant most people are
You will learn not to disclose
You will learn what not to say to avoid their suggestions and advice

You will learn to be alone

You will learn the difference between NSAIDs and acetaminophen
between hydro and oxy
the difference between SSI and SSDI
between deductibles and out of pocket maximums
You will learn to cry in hospital parking garages
You will learn the limits of modern medicine for the working and middle classes
You will learn to lower your expectations
You will learn the definition of the word palliative

You will learn to live with it
You will learn to smile for pictures
You will learn to claim a seat early
You will learn to summarize
You will learn good days and bad days
You will learn sorry I know this is last minute but I have to cancel

You will learn to love deeply
You will learn to apologize profusely

You will learn how successful other people will become

You will learn what it means to be a body

You will learn so much
You will learn so so much

— The End —