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Journal entry #4

Ever since I started this dammned therapy, it's as if the flood gates have opened up within my heart.
All the memories of you I kept hidden are now breaking through. Destroying all the walls I hand built to keep you out.

These memories come in waves.
Some are brief.
Some are long.
Some are just glimpses of your handsome face.

But out of all of them, one in particular stands out.

We had rented movies.
All the movies you chose were action packed.
But I chose a romantic movie.
I don't remember the name, but I do remember the ending.

It made me cry, it was a beautiful ending about love everlasting.
And I remember looking over at you expecting you to laugh at me, but you too were crying.

I remember how we both instantly laughed.
It was then In that very moment,
(At the time)
That I thought we were sharing the same feelings.
That we were crying because we could relate to how much these two people loved each other, because we loved each other just as much.

I'll never forget how you pulled me in close hugged me, and kissed me and then said I love you so much.

And most of all, I'll never forget how we both wiped each others tears and said,

"**** this movie."

Lol
Sophie Herzing Sep 2014
You’ve dammned yourself to hell,
crawled weakly back, back, back—
you knew where to find me.

I know, because I’ve dealt massiveley
with the way you’d hold me backwards
upon a plateau of lies that smell like liquor,
like liptstick, and like twisted lullabies.
No one should have to fall asleep at night
to an I told you so or the just let me go to sleep.
I know, because I’ve been hit without being touched.
I’ve catapulted through your dense disguise,
getting stuck in the aftermath, losing
myself in a realm of make-believe promises
to keep—
*******. Just keep yourself away from me!
I know, because I’ve loved you.
And maybe not in the cause and effect wedding band way,
but the kind where I was immersed, evolved into madness
from your lips on my lips or your hands on my hips.
I know, I know that you’re upset
with who you’ve finally become, because I know you.
Terribly enough, I know you.

So when the white blankets you slow with silence,
an invisible massacre, I’ll know—
I’ll know because I’ve almost been there—
that my face turned soft with glow
will guide you home
because I’m the only real thing you’ve ever known.
Fall Nov 2018
-Shards of heart broken by love

-1 perfection with 1000 deceptions as results

-Silently walking through the sea of animals which we call whelps or people

-Wondering the mysteries behind my remote failures for one succes

-lies,lies,lies searching this petty dammned soul like a cockroach

-sunlight too disgusted to greet this small nobody

-horizontal and vertical spinning like the Never ending zeros

-time stops , and observe this Infinitly little one who is nothing but another one

I am just a broken lover

— The End —