It's goa my love,  
the piece of earth that you cherish.  
Streets are narrow and quaint,  tiled roofs falling over each other,  
clinging to the beam by their nails.  
Atmosphere is sultry with sun,  *** and surreality.
Surrounding me is you,  in a warm womb of induced coma.
How will it be if my head were to be in your lap,  
your fingers combing through my curlies?  
Should death come at this moment,  
I would welcome it with an embrace.  

Heat,  a beating heart and a stiffness in my *****,  
my last few vestiges of emotion.

From If French Fries were Fat-free [and other longings]*

Well, I made a ******* mess of my life
And like usual when I realise
Where I should go
It’s too ****** late.
Ad I see the door slam
And you thunder down the corridor
I press my head against the plaster.
If only French fries were fat-free
That would be one less cause of heartache
And if the whiskey really helped me
You’d see me smiling endlessly
The more I think about it, you know
The more I realise you were right.
So I raise my glass in a toast
Over my bowl of curlies.
They taste so good and yet I know
Deep down in my heart they’re so bad for me
Can’t I have one wish at least?
You back or French fries fat-free.

While out walking with my girlies

Felt a feeling in my curlies

No need to say just what

Had made that feeling in my ....(nether regions shall be used here....but feel free to rhyme away)

I ran into the nearest store

I knew what I was looking for

No need now to name the brand

You'll all know later where I stand

It's obvious who came to visit

You never really want to miss it

Unless you're trying for a kid

Then everyone knows what you did

No need now to be so coarse

But later riding on a horse

I felt a sudden urge to swim

It came to me just on a whim

So off I went out to the pool

Standing there just like a fool

My Esther Williams gene arrived

And on the count of three....I dived

I was great, I did astound

Thankfully..no sharks around

But as I finished in the water

I thought...well now I think I oughta...

Go out running for a while

In four minutes I'd done a mile

Incredibly, I had a feeling

For a cup of good Darjeeling

So I took a small time out

Before I had a boxing bout

Now, this I thought I'd never done

But then again, it could be fun

I was surprised, for I'm quite meek

I only hoped I didn't leak

Remeber when this whole thing started

It wasn't cause I thought I'd farted

Now, truth be told I cannot lie

I'd never give these things a try

But on tv....I saw an ad

And women do these with their pad

So, Playtex is the brand I like

And now I'm off to ride my bike!!!

So slap one on to be athletic

Then you won't be so pathetic

Buy one box and get two free

Playtex is the brand for me!!!

****
Writer's block has got me
By the short and curlies
I wanna be profound
Grammatically sound
Surely I have something to say
Or maybe I really don't
Could be it isn't writer's block at all
I'm just boring tonight
Tonight of all nights
I was gonna write a new Odyssey
I was gonna compose a postmodern version
Of The Divine Comedy
By God I was gonna make a name for myself
Acch, my short and curlies
They're all over the place
Writer's block is a *****

O peaceful moon, shining gently o'er the fields,
In your soft light I see a tree, a hedge, a glistening pond;
And the soft night sounds of rustling reeds and swaying boughs
Intermingle with the nightly warfare of a million creatures.

But hark! From the new housing estate across the park
There comes a rather different sound.  Through an open window
Comes the healthy thwack of flesh on flesh and muffled shrieks of joy
As Isaac and Wendy Bumsenfotze indulge themselves un peu.

Isaac's got his gasmask on, and his rubber flippers too
And (speaking candidly) looks an unattractive proposition
Especially now his skinny chest towers o'er his massive *******,
All four mighty manly inches of it from tip to curlies.

Lying trussed up on their bed, atop its needed rubber sheeting,
Lies Sam, their well-trained patient pedigree crossbred donkey,
Upon whose good-natured, hirsute, unsuspecting person
Nameless atrocities have often been performed in Eros' name.

What are they going to do tonight? I bet you'll never guess.
Well, Wendy's strapped her ***** on and intends to use it first
On Ikey's waiting well-lubricated back end
And then it's Sam's turn and ***** the R.S.P.C.A.

And while Sam is getting poked by loving Wendy,
Old Ike will not be idle: camera-phone in one hand
And mail-order sjambok in the other, he'll record
Their motions and lacerate them both simultaneously.

Underneath his gasmask, Isaac gets a bit sweaty and excited,
And once their party's over all three will doze off:
A truly lovely scene.  But they will be soon by woken by
The morning sun glittering on Wendy's cast-off legirons.

I love the simple things in life....
The heart rending bird-call just before dawn,
Crunching footsteps across frost-bitten grass,
Scudding clouds across an engorged full moon,
The reverberation of waves as they hit the cliffs below,
The unsteadiness of new-born legs,
The sensation of snow on rose-heated cheeks,
The diaphragm throbbing bass of an orchestra,
The taste of salt when a storm riles the sea,
The feel of grass between my toes,
Sensual music oozing through my veins,
Getting caught in a shower of cherry blossom on a windy day,
Being dazzled by colour and artistic renditions,
Receiving a present that someone has made themselves,
Happy endings,
A seductive kiss in the rain,
Films that grab you by the short and curlies,
Books that invade and probe your imagination,
The feel of a butterfly landing on my skin,
A yearning to reach beyond our universe and visit the tantalising stars that I see on a clear night,
The unrestrained laughter of a child,
The mischievous glint in someone's eye,
A replete sigh, indicating good food, good wine and fantastic company,
A friend contacting me out of the blue,
Bare skin upon bare skin,
Cobwebs glistening with early morning dew,
Wood-smoke as it wafts up my nose,
Fulfilling the expectation in someone's eyes,
Snuggling against a beating heart,
The sensation of a cold mountain stream on a sweltering day,
People that make me think and laugh,
The rub of an unshaved cheek,
The quickening of my pulse at the thought of finding my soul-mate,
Rain clattering on a corrugated iron roof,
An unexpected hug or kiss,
The feel of polished marble or wood beneath my finger tips,
The unbridled intensity of a storm,
The first rays of a sun-rise and the diffused glow of a sunset,
Rustling through a carpet of leaves,
Someone snoring in my ear to send me to sleep,
Feeling the sun on my face after a cold snap,
The tactile feel of warm fur beneath my hands,
Waking up in someone's arms,
Singing along to my favourite songs without being self-conscious,
Making slow, sensual, all-encompassing love!