Cast in a world that’s divided in two
I fall
I fade
And watch as I see your memories shatter and be forgotten in front of my eyes
Recollection of my own flash before me
And for a moment
It’s as if I’m dying
And these are my last thoughts...always of her

I feel the shadow of my past self, withering
Falling to the force of the cloaks of darkness
Just this once I am capable of crying
I’m losing feeling as I pound my fist to the tree
Lack of interaction my skin grows raw and untouchable
This is what I made myself into
This is what I'll have to live as
Into the life of her forever bonded nemesis
nothing more and nothing less

But I  knew in that frame of melted frozen timed space
in the bottom of my heart I knew that she was saying ‘Thank you ’ with all her might
But that’s not what I wanted to hear
I wanted screaming
I wanted a savor
I wanted her to give me something to hold on to for the eternity of a burden that I cast you out of and used myself as the sacrifice

Repeat those three words once and I’ll let go peacefully
But I never got them
And now a war is coming
I can’t contain the emotions as they boil above my level
Exceeding past my limitations
And prying open my inner door

I will be the sacrifice
I will take the suffering
As long as she thinks of me as long as she doesn’t forget me
Everything cannot be lost
Even if the memories are false
Even if they're formed for the exact purpose of her hatred towards me

I know I hope you’ll see past the barrier of the counterfeit memories I replaced in you
And instead of hatred I get the love that was once returned
But whatever I had devised in prison I incaged myself into I start to realize that reality of the game I have created

But I saw in your expression
As the space grew larger between
That all there was, was agony
Maybe for me
Maybe for both of us
But not the spark of what I wished for

You will be set free
I will take the burden
You can be the key
But I know you won’t remember
So I will never remember anyone
I will never be close to anyone
I will never I will never
          Get out.

I will never let them hear
I will never believe in that long lost savor

But light the candles
Cage my past
And never let anyone


know.

but so askance the two eyes,
the brows so gliding into
a weaving of sorrow -
there she was, readily to be painted
for a caricature portrait at
the congregation of artists
at Trafalgar Sq.,
for something being spotted
as over-blossomed,
but then the economics kicked
in, and the dream died,
back to square one...
but that single instance of her
worried brows and the mournful
droop in her eyes
as if readied for the Monsoon...
but forgetting the inflammatory
juicing of her genitalia...
what an oddity to see and thus
describe the counteractive ingredients
of what constitutes a human body
in egg-like-wholeness... chicken's
nibble cluck and peckish pluck of the
constant agreed nod for being a factory
of eggs and a slaughter-meat.

If I listed out all of the things that have
Tripped me up
And troubled me
Truly my dear
You would never stop pitying me.

Take me backwards around that stop sign I split

My legs churn counter clockwise
To the backyard as kids

But I can't find a moment that will fit
The description
Of the happiness I sought as a prescription
And over took my kind
As an addiction.

I have to find the exact formula
To improvement
Because I can't keep living
In this whirlwind disaster
That has only begun to spin faster.

I have fallen into a
Petrifying and paralyzingly vortex;
The consumation of my years spindling around me.

I am wound in
Sloppy rings,
Sticky with sap and
Last nights spilt wine.

I've grown into where I  will remain now,
Regardless of personal preference.
Mostly I can settle for my comfortable domain
Of limited know-how;
But when my tongue trips
And my knees scrape on
Every protruding corner

I will remember
I am only living,

Hidden behind callouses
Of all those spitfire falacies
I was gullible enough to perceive.  

my bark has turned more
Into a disapproving grumble
When another inevitable wave
Comes to throw me under
In the tides of my troubles.

Perhaps I've grown accustomed
To the briney water rushing towards my ankles
And the gust that carries cold droplets
Across my hot, red face.

Let us jealously applaud
For those who trod on
Our aspirations,
And smile coyly knowing
We didn't let their
Questioning faces
Phase us.  

"****.
I grew up."
I wish I didn't say that so much.

At twelve I was twenty-five and
At twenty-five?
Well,
We'll get to that
if we can.

Regardless
I know that nothing's going to give me back  

Here,

now,  

              My short time.       with
you.

Deep breaths only multiply the weight
Of the question that's lingering in my chest.
I rise,
Against the counteractive distraction
Of avoidance.

I hear the words come out in short blurbs like a stop motion cartoon,

"So...excuse me mister,
there's uh,
something I've got to do."

I'm stumbling up to your room
And betting
On the mood
And the moon.

C.e.M.

Wholeness.
Whole-grain fullness.
Plump gun powder keg.
Ready to ignite.
Stillness.
Still felt helpless.
Ignition counteractive.
Writhing in the light.
Wilful.
Triumphant.
The better part of something.
The whole respect of nothing.
Bring sleeplessness a cure.
Rend ugly new allure.
Inspect the intro.
Respect the retro.
inflate the softened stone
a breath will bring you home

Melodramatic.

Melodramatic,

Just because I’m in pretty lights doesn’t mean I have a pretty mind,

just imagine if I was socially better, imagine if I died,

melodramatic.

Melodramatic,

I stand on the stage but I live beneath the storm.

I am counteractive when I give my all,

melodramatic.

Melodramatic,

If I didn’t moan I would be bright but I didn’t ask him to bite,

it’s the nice “girls’” tactic,

melodramatic.

Melodramatic,

I’m losing my hair to a monster in a pink disguise

I’ve been dipping it in drink and ****** thighs,

melodramatic.

Melodramatic,

Sorry I’m not intelligent; sorry I’m not a woman

sorry I’m not quiet; sorry I’m not a man.

Melodramatic.

This sacred vessel
I beg death not enter
I will grit my teeth
I will survive the winter

These songs that so many sing
I can hear them in my head
and I throw my hands like a mistro
Because I am not dead.

Oh I will not fight the vibration
I will not fight the spiral
I will join in the creation
Its contagious and its viral

I am floating in suspension
FOr that never ending wait
I beg death not enter
I want no heavens gate

Right here is my bliss
my hands on your chest
A counteractive partner
Hoping for east, never for west

Old age will not find me
New beginings will be free
Death cant take this mind
But it will take this body