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Ellie Oct 2012
Alyra, remember that day?
That day at the park?
You were three, and I was eleven.
We went to the park with Daddy, Mummy, Molly, Arielle, Ella, Erin, and Pete.

Remember? You played on the playground with Ella and Arielle.
While Erin was teaching me to play basketball.
It was around August, so not too hot.
After we ate lunch, the big kids played touch footy while you went to the sandpit.

At the end is the day, when everyone was talking, you presented me with a big bunch of dandelions.
I told you and the girls to collect some more and I'll make jewelry with them?
You would take off that silly neckless for hours until it broke.
Then, I plaited  flowers through your hair. You looked even more beautiful then you already are.

Just before sunset we danced and danced and danced.
That was the day you taught me 'Doggy Doggy'.
We watched the sunset - all of us.
You were sitting on my lap telling me about your day at kindy the day before.

Alyra, baby girl, try and remember.
Because one day, you won't be a baby girl anymore.
You'll just have memories.
That is why I hang on to them so hard. Because I never want to forget. And I never will. Not when it comes to you.
I was just reminiscing. And thought that I should tell Alyra about this one day.
Nebuleiii Mar 2013
To my innocence, naivety, and viridity
Childish ways, high school days.
A mere three weeks, I say good bye
With a cry, a tear, a sigh.

To blue slacks, and a polo
Black shoes and white socks
To my pink skirt, and white blouse,
Pleated, soon to be folded.

To the OHS rooms of our first and second years:
The broken windows, and tantrum-kicked chairs,
The broom box behind the spider webbed chalkboard,
Messages on the wall hand printed in red and green.

The broken doorknobs, and broken floorboards,
Carved armchairs, and eaten chalks,
Missing brooms and dustpans and garbage cans and rugs
That show up in who knows where
Stolen by jani- we know who.

The witnesses and victims
To our random laughter (from some Chinese-looking girl’s corny joke).
Our random tears.
Our not so random learnings.
The pillars of our memories.

To the PF rooms of our third year:
The storage room turned gigantic garbage can and dressing room (maybe because ours keep being stolen)
The exploding socket causing sparks to fly (and us to fly away from it), and
The amazing “alambre” lock; who knows who installed (as if that could keep us away).
The earthquake resistant rooms would be missed.

To the New High School Building of our last years:
The kicked door (not our fault!), and cancerous blinds (like hairs falling after chemo),
The jigsaw floor (not sure if better than broken floorboards),
The “Halayan 2012”, and
The mind-boggling “no key needed” lockers.


The UTMT with its fair share of mango sentences,
The old guidance office now turned “tambayan”, and
The Computer lab with its fragile yellow chairs and bruised bums.

To Ibong Adarna plays, and the half cooked uncooked Teriyaki,
Generation X (and Generation NOW! and Generation Facebook),
Jai ** dances, and cheerleading,
Kalagon Kamo Namon,
And Mickey Mickey Mouse Kabit-bintana memories.

To the NikJep Tandem,
Kanlaon Boys Behind the Flowers,
D.H.A.I.N.G. (not sure if they remember this),
Fred vs Gino version
And DewBheRhieTart.

Keep the volcanoes of memories burning.

To blue paint, and blue shirts,
And Geometry teaching us
“There are a lot of solutions to a problem.
We just have to find one that suits us.”

To saying “***”,
And cooking imbutido.
And wearing (for some designing) reduced,
Reused, recycled clothing.
And dissecting.
And parrot-Filipino teachers (she gave me P30 for load though).

Keep the river of rumination flowing.

To being scared of one whole sheet of paper,
Two becoming one,
Party rocking to make up for the tears,
And knowing we should have won.

To the hand sanitizer girls,
The Cream-o-holics,
The Canterbury Crusaders,
The Valenciana eaters.

May our tree of friendship continue growing.

To our winnings!

The glow in the dark madness,
The Lakan at Mutya clutch-heart-moments,
The Sports Fest *******,
Basketball girls’ coronation!

To the fieldtrips and failed trips,
To air conditioned crammings,
And space and time bending
To comparing notes (and sometimes other things)
Copying notes, sometimes photocopying
(Not Xeroxing)
Sharing words, phrases, sentences
And giving pictures (via Bluetooth).

May you keep walking on the right direction,

To the expectations achived,
Broken, overtaken.
All the skepticism,
Constructive criticism.

All of it.

The in-your-face-we-did-it-baby-
We-are-awesome-you-can’t-bring-us-do­wn-
Coz-we-rise-back-up-attitude.

To Arielle
And Mhae

To Amica
Marie
Narzcisa
Cyan
Fred
Theo
Alvinson
Anthony
Faith
Karmil­la
Matt
Jeffson
Lourince

To Carolyn

To Makayla

To the thirty-five castaways in this room
The thirty-five castaways who struggled
The thirty-five castaways who persevered
The thirty-five castaways who fought, cried, made up, laughed, shared, gave, back-stabbed, and front-stabbed, celebrated, suffered, passed
Thirty-five
Thirty-five castaways who loved,
Thirty-five

Thirty-five castaways who made it, who did it.

To Nikki
Hazel
Alyssa
Gef
Veni
Alex
Jaykee
Bernard
Myra
Vince
Chanta­lle
Josen
Jerian
Shaira
J
Uriah
Ihra
Renz
Bless
Steffany
Angel
Fl­orey
Bernadine
Antonette
Rency
Owen
Majah
Gino
Marcelo
Ney
Keith
­Joselle
And Jessa,

We did it guys.
We really did.
TO MY CLASSMATES (IV-ILAWOD)
So many private jokes and inside thoughts. So many.
vy Oct 2013
i don’t know where
i’m going with this
all i know is you
have the strongest smile
since my sister
was in the hospital.

it’s like i’m staring
into some sort of futuristic
mirror image of myself
like i’m seeing something
between who i was
and who i want to be
when who i am
is who i want to be
suffocated beneath a thin layer
of gauze

gauze like that of my sister’s
bandages taped
to her wrists
holding blood in;
blood is a terrible word
for a poem,
but at least it isn’t as trite
as what i’m about to say
about your eyes:

your eyes remind me
of what it means to be
on a highway with a cigarette
in one hand and a zippo lighter
in the glove compartment
but the lighter fluid is almost empty
and the cigarette is burning
up and out but your eyes
are still there
and i don’t want you
to stop
seeing me

because i see you
and you’re there
and you have the strongest heart
and you’re holding me.

and i love you
and that’s not some sort
of poetic *******, that’s some
real ****, it’s some corny ****,
some i’m highway fast driving
serious **** and you like it
like that.
you guys arielle is basically my idol she is my inspiration i love her so much she's always there for me for everything and she never yells at me or screams at me and she's just such a lovely person x
Zani Jun 2017
Welcome to the feast
We all come here for the hunger
Come and take a seat a while
Lets talk of friends
Lets talk of style


Elizabeth Squires
She is one to admire
Connecting the dots
So that love may transpire

Kim Johanna Baker
By God’s blessings and grace
Makes this portal
A magical welcoming place

Then there’s Temporal Fugue
Who’s magic awakens
With his humour
Much of my time he has taken

TSPoetry is a royalty
With his noble voice honours me
How much sense that I make
From the words that you’ve choiced

Donna Jones
The three line queen
Pure joy through her literature
Now I’m forever dreaming Haikus

Ouise Godsent Abode
He knows
With five lines he unravels
Then tickles your bones

z-blossom your stanzas
Are so pleasing to the eye
How the vivid words ring
To my ears as sublime

CGY Your haikus
They have blown my mind
To collide with Benji’s
Beautifully long, flowing write

Ghostwriter and Mykayla shea
Even though I rarely see ye
I’ve read through most your poetry
And hope that there’s loads more to read!

As for Clark Dave Hitchens
I just read him in my kitchen
This way I found a witty rhyme
But not to undermine his brilliance

Janae you are on it
Red Flag, Daydream,
Magic Kiss, Invisibility,
Brain *****

Vlassis I will quote you
When I need to charm a woman
Otherwordly Wanderer
When some hope I need to summon

God bless to Tyler Mathews
He is posting every day
I hope the universe conspires
For us to carry on that way!

To learn of freeform prose I can
Take a scroll to SR Millan
And if I want a treat dessert
Ellie Graves has tonnes and tonnes of work!

Zhanuary Arielle
So much passion your words tell
I feel I understand them
Natural imagery does us well!

Marie James Alexander
I pandered to the thought of you
When I put Ramen in my soup
I chuckle at some words you choose

Daniel Steven Moskowitz
Your poetry endless
Your writing is phenomenal
Your arguments relentless

Camiliamhd I wish that I
Could read what you are saying
When I read your pretty poetry
I feel like I am praying!

Vanessa Gonzales
She has got the attitude
With Fredrick Njoroge block style
They push onto higher altitudes!

Kesha You have peirced me
With your double barrel stanzas
I had to go read SoulSurvivor
To practice on my Mantras

Now that the round is over
It is time for us to feast
I thought that I'd invite you
So that we'd have a chance to meet

Thank you all for being
Thank you all for caring
Thank you all for sharing
Thank you all for reading

<3
Bon Apetit!
Arielle Apr 2022
No one ever told me one of the HARDEST parts of therapy and trauma therapy and finally working on you, is that you'd discover the things you've hated the most from others are in you. That all the trauma and abuse you've been through some of it has remained and morphed and became a part of you. That along the way you've also became the problem, that along the way of other abusing you you've become great at abusing yourself and others at times .. you have to actually face the fact you've become a disgusting version of yourself. And you also have to face that in the years since you've been broken since childhood you've also collected more broken exes broken relationships, broken friendships. You've hoarded your trauma's you've hoarded your brain you've hoarded your house you've hoarded your memories you've hoarded your friends. I've spent so many years masking and chameleoning to partners . Family . Friends . You name it I've molded I've adapt ... But then I've also lost myself so much and this therapy woah has brought up a lot and woah do I feel confused .... Man I've had moments of excitement and happiness and moments of total rage and loss and sadness... Therapy for trauma is hard. I've been in and out of hospitals and therapies and treatment since a teen and every time I legit did think I wanna change I did wanna die I did hate life and everyone in it I thought I was ready .. but I never really was . I never was ready to face the fact that I may have all these traumas and disconnects and issues that was caused by others but I've mutated it and am also the problem. And I'm working very hard at recorrecting my negative habits and behaviors I've developed along the way.

Healing brings such heart ache too why does no one talk about that too ... Once you finally start healing from your trauma's it's extremely painful and heart breaking. I feel like lately I've been mourning my child self and my teen self and my 20s self for all the hurt she went through ... I repressed and masked and people pleased so much back then that I forgot to feel . I forgot anger is okay and you can express it healthy . I forgot having a voice is okay I forgot having boundaries is okay I forgot I am a bad as ***** who can do whatever she wants and if the world doesn't like it they can go **** on my big ****** up toe nail!

I'm almost 32 and I've had a good I'd say 23 years of people trying to dim my light or tell me I'm to much or to emotional or to expressive and I've repressed myself so much it's to a point of rage and sorrow and hate and sadness. I'm so thankful for this therapy and opportunity to grow and reflect and even see myself in the light I hate, but hey there is only going up right ... If I hate myself for who I've become I can either continue living my life like I have all theses years or I can fix what I hate about myself in my head ... Since my head likes to lie to me so much all day and tell me how fat and horrible and pathetic and useless I am ... Let's go to the gym and work on that body you hate ... Lets keep going to trauma therapy and group therapy and really do the homework and work on yourself ... If you hate yourself ... Welp what do you hate Arielle ... Write that list and work on those things, talk about them on therapy. You can't get worse then you really are if you are this horrible person this pathetic person this useless person you say you are.. so if there is no getting worse then this. There can only be going up right ....

It's not at all perfect and I may sometimes come off online like I am happy or got my **** together or I'm getting my **** together .. NAH WHERE IS THE **** ARIELLE .. be honest ... It's been totally **** guys ... I'm doing the hard work and the therapy but I'm struggling and mourning and in bed a lot lately and this isn't like me . Sure a day in bed sleeping a lot after days of **** sleep . But lately this isn't like me especially with Jon here. But again that's okay I'm mourning my past trauma my past hurt my past repression of feelings . They say there is seven stages to grief.

Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings. ...
Pain and guilt. ...
Anger and bargaining. ...
Depression. ...
The upward turn. ...
Reconstruction and working through. ...
Acceptance and hope. ...

In trauma treatment right now I feel like there is also much going back and forth between all these stages.. and moments where I think I'm at the end but nope ... And I have to come to accept there is so much trauma and pain to grieve over that it's gonna take a while and makes total sense to go back and forth and all over the place ... Just because they say these are these stages I ain't a regular kinda girl so it's not gonna go the way it would for most and I need to accept that.

I have so many moments during this trauma treatment where I'm having flash backs or disassociating and then my mental state feels like I'm me at different kid stages or teen stages and my ability to cope that day or that moment is based on which Arielle is currently present .. 11 year old Ari 8 year old Ari 13 year old Ari 15 year old or 17 is who you'll usually get and I can't even imagine how frustrating that is lately for the people around me who just don't get it and see a 32 year old being immature or abusive or whatever .... Ptsd is a ****** mental illness. I'm working on fixing these issues of mine but I'm also learning sometimes it's not me the problem anymore and I can step away from situations even if it's not my norm ... Man re raising myself is fucken hard as **** ... Can I return this child ... I don't like her hahaha (clearly using humor to deflect my **** feeling right now, if you've even gotten this far in reading my post I'm sorry for the diarrhea of a post. I've got a lot of self haltered and grief I'm dealing with.

Man healing brings such confusion and pain ... Along with the good stuff to. I guess you really can't have the good without the bad huh
The Scientist Jun 2015
She is dauntless yet coward
Challenges? She moves, strives forward
But inside her there is a brawl, spine tad
Her fate may seem to others as wayward

She is strong yet fragile
Seems to hold herself well in face of trials
But she knows better - she's in denial
Inside she's crushed and crying, just a mere child

She is a storehouse of knowledge yet ignorant
Every sense of the word wise in each of her "rants"
Gauged by this world's "standards" she may be considered errant
But she'll learn, give her time and she'll learn if you'll grant

She is light yet dark
Her personality and presence, hark!
Luminous, translucent, pure and on mark
But oh, her thoughts! A chiaroscuro by far

She is light yet weight
Her existence is precious by any rate
But a mortal, will her life affect others' fates?
Yes, indeed, but until what date?

Slowly, slowly, time will erase
Hers and others' memories of her - down to its base
Society's praise and jeerings will fade eventually without a trace
So I ask, "Will it all matter?" just in case

Please reiterate that she is light yet weight
Aye!
Her deeds may long be forgotten or have gotten stale
Her life a speck in this vast and enormous world, terminate
For the same reasons that she is deemed light will she be deemed weight

She is an enigma yet excruciatingly simple
No twists or complications, simply ample
You can read her surface, even dwell on her temple
Yet even till there she's still a lot more to fumble

She is beautiful yet..........
No!
She is not beautiful nor ugly to bet
She is beyond words, a soul beyond threat
Yet to be caged by a language at full length

Yes, she is all these and not
A paradox of paradox, odd among odds
Arielle is the name endowed to her by lot
And so, strive everyday, Arielle, or all will be for nought
Brilly Feb 2018
Girls:
Kleo
Breslyn
Madeline
Kata(kay-duh)
Arielle
Natalie
Charlo­tte

Boys:
Elijah

Middle name:
Daisy
Callie
Koal
Noah

— The End —