i don’t know where
i’m going with this
all i know is you
have the strongest smile
since my sister
was in the hospital.

it’s like i’m staring
into some sort of futuristic
mirror image of myself
like i’m seeing something
between who i was
and who i want to be
when who i am
is who i want to be
suffocated beneath a thin layer
of gauze

gauze like that of my sister’s
bandages taped
to her wrists
holding blood in;
blood is a terrible word
for a poem,
but at least it isn’t as trite
as what i’m about to say
about your eyes:

your eyes remind me
of what it means to be
on a highway with a cigarette
in one hand and a zippo lighter
in the glove compartment
but the lighter fluid is almost empty
and the cigarette is burning
up and out but your eyes
are still there
and i don’t want you
to stop
seeing me

because i see you
and you’re there
and you have the strongest heart
and you’re holding me.

and i love you
and that’s not some sort
of poetic *******, that’s some
real ****, it’s some corny ****,
some i’m highway fast driving
serious **** and you like it
like that.