Hi again,

I’m sorry I avoided you for so long

I’m sorry I hid from the past

Sometimes looking forward is easier than facing the present

For so long I’ve tried to forget parts of you

The parts that I’m afraid of





But to be my whole self

Means looking at all my pieces

Even the ones I tried to loose


I’m sorry I hated you

I’m sorry I stopped caring

I’m sorry I stopped thinking I was beautiful


I hope you can forgive me

For all my imperfect actions

For my ignorance

And for my fear



I hope you can love me again
Like you used to


Do you remember?

Did you notice I was gone?

I read a book that reminded me of you

It reminded me of the days I wished to find a way out
To go through a door that would lead me somewhere else
somewhere better

I never found that door

And you never got better

I wish you had

Nights in Princeton

The trees watch us wander
The wind follows
The darkness creeps slowly

Surrounded by new friends
I don’t know where to look,
the trees,  
or their eyes

The air flows through my AC unit noisily
I stare at the ceiling thinking about my life,

What I could be

Laying in bed so often makes me feel worthless
As if getting enough sleep is lazy,

I just need rest

My mind is my enemy, every-time I find peace
It forces me to relive my regrets,

I wish I knew how to make the voices cease

I was taught to be overly critical of myself
And I’m having a hard time unlearning,

Reliving memories I had put on a shelf

I’m trying my best but it’s so tiring
How can I escape the constant spiraling?

Learning to love myself as I am
Is harder than I thought,

When will I begin to understand?

I’m not sure I’m made to bear the weight of living

I thought love might ease the pain
But now it only causes further heartbreak

I feel so lost all the time
My mind wanders in and out of consciousness
And my heart feels cold

My medicine keeps me going
I complete the tasks I know I must do
but I’ve lost my passion, now replaced with fatigue

I wait for each day to end
And when it does I miss the sun

Will I ever find my light again?