I watched how her "memories" shredded holes through ours
I watched how her story became the only one that mattered
I watched how her story became the only one told
I watched how we carried ourselves apologetically surrounded
By the tidal wave of second-hand confusion
And aggression.

I watched her dementia tear us apart
I watched the disease
Silent and deadly
Drain us of our lives,
Making itself stronger.
I watched it crawl up the back of my father
And settle on his shoulders.

I watched this disease
Disgusting-
Proud-
Make us hate who we loved.
We hated the hollow woman we told ourselves we cared for
Even though the woman we loved was long gone.

I heard the yells and agitation
Take the caretaker and replace them with a
Violent, judgmental gargoyles,
Watching over the puppet in the bed-
Waiting for Dementia's next command.
I felt my strength-
My life-
My mind
My mother's
My brothers
My aunts and my uncle's-
Our time
Our love,
Stolen by an abuser no one saw coming.

I saw dementia changed who I love.
I saw her dementia tear us apart.

I heard the quiet rumble,
Coming from his chest.
And when I close my eyes,
I feel his soft warm breath.
It only took a journey,
Between the pages of a book,
But once the wardrobe was opened,
One look was all it took.

We stand alone happily,
Yet we make each other better.
You listen to me more when you need me-
If I were the song and you were the words.

I change and I flow-
I'm out of control.
I, the song and you, the words.

I irritate you-keep you on your toes.
I, the song and you, the words.

I turn to you to make things right-
To make me think-
I let you write.
I, the song turn to you, the words.

I get angry and minor when you start to talk-
When I don't want you- the words.
I, the song-
Want to bend, resolve, suspend-
Deceive.

And run from you: the words.

We live for the moments
Of perfect harmony.
I, the song and you, the words.

To make someone sing
With passion, praise and love-
As the goosebumps I give run.
Up down their arms and tingle down their spine.
With the tear from their mind they seem to cry.
When we are together, song and words.

Love is not all we make,
I, the song, and you, the words.

Music.

I love the taste, the smell, the feel.
I love to watch the paper peel-
In fear it runs from the threatening fire, fast approaching.

I love the taste,
The way it tingles.
I love the coolness, icicle prickle.

I love the smell,
Only those who've tasted the air know the smell-
Miss the smell of the calming rush.

I love the feel,
The lightness between my fingers,
My head full, so relaxed, so heavy-it lays back.

Only those who have will know,
The way the smoke makes your sense flow.

All together, all with one breath,
All to take in until the last is left.

Nicotine is the least to fear-
Your dulling senses...will wish the cigarette near.

I used to sing for fun
Stand tall, chest up-
Now I sing for grades.
Shoulders back.

It used to bring me so much joy.
There's much more work to be done
Now it often brings more pain.
You should be better by now-
I expect so much more.

If only I was blessed more,
You're very far behind
I'd love to sing for others
Stop forcing it-your forcing it
Instead of wanting to never sing again.