I don’t want to be afraid…
I don’t want to not be with you…
I don’t want to back away…
I’m just not ready yet…

I know I come off playing hard ball…
I know I come off like I want to rip your clothes off…
I know I come off like I know what I’m doing…
I’m just not ready yet…

There’s only so much you can have of me…
There’s only so much I can change…
There’s only so much of a burden I can carry…
I’m just not ready yet…

I want to be tethered to you…
I want to be by your side…
I want to be your perfection and passion…
I’m just not ready yet…

I’m sorry I can’t be everything you need…
I’m sorry I can’t be flawless…
I’m sorry I can’t be a rule breaker…
I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready yet…

Emotional ground undermined
   without a warning...
      no trembling earth
      no animals evacuating

I must have unintentionally fed
   the natural frequency of my support.
It rocked to music and unfinished memories
   until it failed me.

Dropped like a stone...long fall...hard landing.
Dark down there...Don't think I'll venture that way again.

Call my shadow Sylvia Browne,
play with it like Peter Pan.
Pull it off the floor, and let the darkness
sit in my hands.
Roller coasting retrograde in Saturn's domain.
The moons rays shining backwards on my face.
My heart is bleeding coffee, bitter and strong.
My ego doesn't want to release what's wrong.
Negativity is something that appears to give you pleasure,
but actually gives you pain.
I let the King of Wands **** me raw and ******
until it feels like a mistake.
Hate me so that I can break free.

She just wants to be loved,
To feel loved and accepted.
So she pushes away the people she loves most,
Tests their strengths and abilities;
"Whoever remains in the end", she thinks,
"Deserves my love whole".

Foolish girl,
You seek a bloodbath,
A war for others to fight,
To devour your shadows of insecurity.
No one will be there at the finish line,
No one can outrun your fear.
You will **** them all.

Now
I don't normally do this
And
I wouldn't normally say this
So I'm writing this
The idea hasn't elevated to speech
In my head
It is there
But I'm not sure it'll ever reach my lips
But
I've loved you so long
And
Again I don't normally do this
In fact
I never do this
But
I pray and I ask and I yearn
For the day
When everything is natural
And
We are united under the Sun
Or the Moon
Preferably the Moon
Because the Sun is nice
But the Moon is beautiful
And
If we were to be something
That is deserving of unification
Under such a wonderous thing
The gentle light bouncing off your unreal grace
Your aura radiating through your space
And invading my body like disease
I would probably fall to my knees
And die right at your feet
Because
I'm a sucker
And
I'm a fool
And
I know nothing else
But to buckle at your words
Your beauty
Your face
Your energy
Your grace
Our chemistry
This place
This closed and open gate
This disgustingly fulfilling state of mind

I told him I loved him.
Even though it was clear that he couldn't hear me.
I told him in the dark so that it would be impossible for him to see me.
I asked him if he felt the same way with my eyes closed.
So that just in case he said no,
I wouldn't have to witness his lips speak the word.
I asked him if he needed me.
And even though I knew it wasn't so,
I was curious as to if he would say yes to amuse me.
To soothe me.
I told him I loved him in the dark with my eyes closed,
So that if his ****** expression rearranged to one of confusion,
I could revert from the pain and paint an illusion behind my eyelids
Of a tropical island
Where it was just us.
I asked him when I'm not around does he feel that something's missing.
And as I realized the fact that he still wasnt speaking back,
That I had been falling while he was merely slipping.
But I admittedly take the blame for the cause of all this pain,
Because you never think to ask permission.
Yet, he stole something so dear to me without a scolding.
My heart was now in his possession and my heart he'd been molding.
So I had to let him know my love for him was pure,
And still I'm not sure that he knows it.
I then opened my eyes as he stood there frozen,
I came to the light and that's when I told him,
** I want my heart back.