and i am finally starting to be *okay.

You never see a tree actually grow but you know that it constantly is growing;
You never see your tire blow out when you're on the highway hitting 90 but you know when it does;
You never see the world actually spinning but you know that you are never standing still;
You never see her falling in love with you but you know that she constantly is;
You never see yourself dying every time she looks into your eyes but you know that you are wearing out faster & faster each & every time your eyes make contact with each other.

I never saw you actually leave but I know you had left me months before I ever noticed you were gone.

& on that note, I would just like to say one thing:

Just because you never saw me trying to make you fall in love with me doesn't mean I never tried,
& just because the world seems more exciting & tempting than my arms, doesn't mean they deserve you more than I do,
& just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean we're still not in love with each other,
& just because you never think about me anymore doesn't mean that i'm out of your life for good,
& just because your eyes don't cry my name out anymore & your body doesn't crave my touch, doesn't mean that this world is going to stop spinning just for me & that the plants are going to cry after seeing my tears fall like meteorites to the dirt floor.

& the last thing I will ever really tell you before you never speak to me again is:

I'm sorry I tried so hard,
for you deserve someone that would not just try, but do.
I'm sorry I loved you so hard,
for you deserve someone that would take a bullet for you & not just be the one with the gun.
I'm sorry I made you my world,
for you deserve someone that could show you off to the world, not just make you into one.
I'm sorry I never tried harder,
for you deserve someone that would go to the end of the universe just to get you the last glass of water you will ever take a sip from.
I'm sorry I argued so much,
for you deserve a gentlemen that would show you the ropes of conversation, not light fire to every word you say.
I'm sorry I considered you my heaven,
for you deserve someone that not only worships you, but dies every time you speak & melts to muck right as your toes dip into the pool.

Just because life has gotten dull & people are now just metaphors for cloudy days, doesn't mean that this rain is constantly going to be falling on my umbrella & making me think of all the times your fingers pushed my hair out of my face during a thunderstorm;
& just because I wrote this for you, doesn't mean you will ever read it.

There is an inexplicable sadness reserved for
the melancholy moments when we accept that the
one we love does not love us back.

There is an inexplicable feeling we get when
all we are forced to drown in are the pools of
sorry's that are thrown at our ears, mercilessly.

There is an irrevocable pain we feel in the pit
of our stomachs, things we never thought we could
feel, worse than any physical pain, worse than the laps
we have ran around endless fields of thought in
our mind, when we hear the words whispered quietly
and under held breath, uttering
"You deserve better than this."

I do not. I do not want better than this. I deserve you
and everything you have to offer and everything you have
to give.

But resignation to the inevitable is something we all
must learn to do, just as the flowers learn how to bloom
even after the harsh winter storms.

Maybe I will be okay, I just need some time to bloom
into something beautiful once again.