Working with my demon
I swear I have good intentions
Promise it’s all based in decency
But, am I good person when I need to be?
Always putting myself above you
To feel important
I’ll always need your love to feel supported
When we die I hope they bury us in a forest
That’s if any are left, this life’s torment
If I get stuck in purgatory
I’ll consider it lucky
To spend more time with you

Well you know what they say
It’s a stitch in your DNA
Must run in the family
It’s just hereditary
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
I wish to break the mold
A bend, a snap, a break in the fold
Raise my children to be better than me
Let them know there’s no limit to what they can be
Show them that there’s more than one doorway
That these things aren’t just hereditary
The seeds from the apple can float away

I began writing here at the age of twenty
Eight years later, some days and nights
I found those clouds I saw off in the distance
She had bright blue eyes
Pink lemonade lips
Those aren't what made me love her though
The way she looks at my son did
Her laugh and the hum of her breath helped
His giggle and hands showed me truth
Taught me things I didn't know I needed to learn
Lest I not forget the wonderful dead
Who showed me what I had
What I've earned
And what I still have to strive for
Yeah, I guess it's been eight years
I suppose I will continue to write
Continuing at the age of twenty-eight.

I am attempting to find balance
The balance of all things
For I am an unbalanced man
But, for you I wish to balance the world
As Atlas I hope to be strong
Undeserving as I am
I dream of your love
If I've lost it
Or if I've just finally found I've always had it
Baby steps is what it takes
As I'm inching towards our future
On my tippy toes, hoping you'll help me along the way

January cold
Hearts soft like snow
My breath dances in the air
Sad and down
My own presence dictates the motive
Heart beat slow, but my pulse feels fast
The last time I felt like this
I wanted to disappear
And the world wouldn’t be the wiser

The shape of her naked curves
Casted against the wall
In the pure moonlight
Crashing waves whispering her to sleep
Sleep struggled murmurs
I'd rather be here than anywhere in the world
Even Everest and the deep black mass
For you are my Everest
My ocean of black
Further more
You are in essence
Life itself

The salt crusted breeze
Creaking of the sea washed wood
As the sails billow in the wind
I saw it, the heart of the sea
Buried deep in the black mass
That is my tomb
Drowning in sins
Calling my name
Dying with light

Is death atonement?
My body like canvas
The scars restless ink
Fatherhood drenched in failure
Whiskey, pills, and the pale moon
Drift me off to sleep
For tomorrow beckons
And I’ll wait
To gather my heart
Piece by piece
Maybe she’ll help
Put it back together again

There’s days when I can hear the thunder
Far off and distant
The waves start to dance and sway
Where drowning doesn’t sound so awful
One breath and I’d be less tired
I’m only human and the sea calls for my soul
But, sadness is fleeting
For happiness drowns me in child giggles
And the warmth of her lips
My body aches
My mind races
Yet, I’ve never been so at peace

To my son
I plea you dive head in too fast
That the waters may shock you cold
But, that the risk they’ll warm your heart
Are worth every chance in life
For love and breath itself are worth it all
I sat too long fighting for things to love me
Until it finally came
Chase the stars and beckon the sun
Demand that light be yours to hold
For your hands are too precious
Not to grab the world

To the seas
Where you cast your love
Reel me in
Warm me next to the fire
Until the high tide
Drowns our worries tonight
And the lighthouse light
Let’s the late night world
Know we’re dancing
Waiting on the ocean’s songs

They asked of perfect sights to see
What came to mind was all but cliche
Wind scraped mountains with covered snow peaks
To the dark black ocean waves lapping at their toes
What I found to be reality, wasn't that of far off views
The perfect sight I found
Was when I went to bed
I saw her laying there with my son in her arms
Frozen in time
As beautiful as the day I first saw her
He just as beautiful as her
Just for that of a second
Time stood still
And I wouldn't go sight seeing for any view in the world

I've always wondered what the winds on Everest were like
I imagine them as brutal and bone breaking
That of her words like icicles cutting through my skin
Though justified in her bladed songs of howls
My heart still dances to the melodies of her hope
And the air of this mountain has been flooded
With all of your fears and I will attempt to hold
As many as I can on my way to the top

It’s as if my feet have bled through
Yet, the motion never stops
The sound of the waves ease the stillness
Always searching for where my ever drifting heart may be
Coming across entire oceans
To lands undiscovered
Foreign and feral
To find that my love resides in a girl
Her love is infinite and mighty
The best part of the ocean currents
Warm and wispy
Making sure I’m guided home
To where I need to be

I have a lot to learn
Of your love
Still no matter where I go
At the end of every road
I just hope I'm led back to you
Where the warmth of the sun
Settles on my face
And when I open my eyes
You are what I see

A favorite memory
I keep locked away
Buried far in the depths
Afraid it might get lost
Eyes closed and slow breathing
Listening to the static rotate off the vinyl
As your fingers ran through my hair
Able to hear the gorgeous tunes of your breaths
Melodies dancing on the folds of my desires
I still hear those breaths every night
As I sleep next to you
I began to love you then
As I love you now
I hope you cherish the memory too
For I have not forgotten with my sins
And they are plenty
But, I promise my love resides
Cast upon notes of vinyl records

The crashing waves
Ripping tides
Ocean's begging for peace of mind
If this is paradise
Why am I burning
With the words you carve through mine
Am I a dead man walking
For I seem to be just talking to myself in the night
And when I'm feeling so low
The clouds won't seem to part like they're made of stone
For your emotions take precedence
Even when I'm bled dry, from being the bad guy

I use to find myself drifting
Feeling like I was lost at sea
Drowning and helpless
Till you threw me a buoy
And pulled me out of the water
Soaking wet and freezing to death
Yet, you sparked the life out of me
Saved my soul, from internal damnation
I was burning and didn't know it
And you burned your hands
To keep me breathing
When the sky rose red
They say a sailor died at sea
Yet, your beautiful light guides me home
Avoiding the depths of the sea
And the dangers of the land

Floating on and on and on
Through the clouds
Made of black marble
Conversation leads to resolutions
Showing our worst behaviors
Oh, love of mine
Reprimand me when I’ve done wrong
For I am built of wrong
Engorged on your feverish love
But, believe me
You’re all I need in true reality
You’re the wind that shakes my bones
The warmth that seeds me home
Comfort in all of the worlds unsteadiness
Flowing of the waters in my creation

I read our love story
Of lipstick stains
And hands all over the place
Where we both danced all night and day
Neither able to muster what to say
Rushing along like fresh water rivers
As the stars screamed from what they’ve seen
As the world dares to spin
When we’ve demanded stillness
In the mornings we were caught in bed
This is the sound of love
Perfect melodies
Playing off the rhythms in my chest
For you have what I need
My love

And the saddest thing of all
Is what we’ll learn from today
Shall be the losses of yesterday
Thus we’ll begin again tomorrow
Knee deep in the black mass
As the waves sing us to sleep
Where the crashes of the ocean
Caress the folds of our desires
And the thunder lit sky
Tucks us into sleep

Tear me limb from limb
Due to dissonance
Make sure to salt these wounds
Bury me deep in the ground
Where I feel so home
Beneath the stars

I heard the crack in her voice
As she claimed that it ***** that I love you
Yet, you’re so honored
3 A.M. take me home from these catacombs
Caress these brittle bones
Tuck me in, kiss my forehead
Cause my niche is tearing me down
And I hope you’ll be around
To hold me up
When I can’t stand
You’re the one that I call
When all the ones that I trust
Have left me in the dust
For I am like snow in October
Not cold enough to stick
Yet, you’ll always dance in the flurries

I don’t know the way home from here
But, I have a feeling it’s engraved on my bones
In the ocean swell of people
Different places and faces
My minds a little muddled
And my skin looks a tad more gold
As I breathe for a second
Attempting to recollect
Reconnect and double down
If there is one thing I know
Before we get old
We’ll find our way home

I use to crave a place
Where I could disappear to
Without any traces
Slip through all these chains
Trapped at the bottom with my thoughts
Always feeling heavy in my chest
Sending out countless SOS
How long till I catch my breath?
Will it be before my heart stops racing?
Or will we wait half an eternity
At the bottom of the sea
While these dreams seem fleeting
Peacefully sleeping, all along still beating
Neptune’s prisoner to be
Waiting for you to save me

Ocean sea spray
And salt crusted cheeks
I won’t pretend that I never hurt you
I’m saying sorry again
Yet, at least I’m trying
Giving everything I’ve got
While you’re wishing it away to the sea
You’re everything I’m not
We’re not on our own
No where to go
Let’s run to the dawn
We’ll need the sun
And I don’t want to die lying in a coffin
Years and years of thinking of nothing
That’s not where I’m meant to be
I want a chance with you
Dancing in the sea

I find myself there
At the coast
In depth with dreams
Before the first light
When the blue waters
Are still swayed black and calm
Stuck in limbo
How homely it is at the edge
Yet, always a feeling of missing
It’s the catch of her hips
The fire in her lips
The searing of her breath
All materialistic things in grand scheme
For her mind is what I crave
The honey suckled words she sings
She is limbo
And I find myself drifting there
Unable to leave or wanting
I think I’ll take a swim
In the black mass
Let it swallow me whole

6:45 AM and the Sun was missing
Replaced with darknesss
Etched hot platinum streaks across the sky
And I didn’t really mind it
Never mind I am fine with it
Are you talking cause you have something to say?
Or are you talking cause’ you’re too **** afraid of the quiet silence
My hand on your thigh
I don’t want to lie
The conversation just died
And I’m bothered by it cause I’m nervous
The silence that’s not really silent
With rain patter and thunder claps
The only sound was the neon lights
Reminds me of my favorite drives with you

Western coast overcast
With the waves lapping at my toes
Truth is I think of writing all the time
Yet, I’m unable to fill blank pages
With salt filled air and words alike
For this over-freeze is affecting me
And I am just not feeling the wind
In the sway and flow of the trees
And my brain is diseased
And I’m feeling low
Oh, I’m feeling low

Calming the storm inside
Although, it’s raining heavy outside
Through the torrent and dark
Shines a faint glow
Guiding me back home
Slowing the whirring within
It’s just gonna take a bit of work

I use to think
I belonged down in hell
Going to church
Where the addicts go to meet
Seeking shelter from their demons
Trading shame for amnesty
Till reprieves fell on hurting shoulders
While my thoughts eat me alive
From the inside
And my body feels like a prison
Where my soul resides
Till I wake up
And there you lay

I am a tradesman
I work a 6 till 3
Perfectly suited to normality
Yet, drawn to melody
Planting trees to treat apathy
For, when the speckled snows come
With death and blasphemy
What a natural causality
Yet, I’ll be here planting trees
For you and I
Just to be able to breathe

I have lovely days
When I’m with you
The way you move
Makes my mind stray
It’s everything you do
Like the way you say my name
I have lovely nights
When I’m with you
And when the morning comes
When we’re dancing free
I’ll have lovely days
If I’m with you

Twenty-six
It’s funny
I use to find the most creative ways
To destroy myself
I use to be able to do it better
Oh, magnificently tearing down
Than anyone else
The smell of gasoline fumes
Surprised when I light myself on fire
Till you came a long
And grabbed my hand
Never looked right past me
Doused me in heavenly water
Nursed me back to health
Holding all I have over open flames
Two-stepping with Hades
As he beckons my broken parts
Oh, come on he says
I can not undo what I have done
But, it’s easier to accept with you
He can’t get to me with you

When I was a child
I use to hide away at the library
Surrounded by a plethora of words
I stumbled upon a little black book
With a red leather spine
It told me that monsters didn’t exist
And what will keep me awake at night
Are the things inside my head
Tempered words designed to melt hearts
I know it’s difficult, but crucial
Too be grateful not to miss
The anxiety and emptiness
That we all feel
And someday far away
On an ocean breeze
I’ll accept the love that I’ve always had

"In the wake of the late night when you think I'm doing something, often times I'm staring out of my window at the world, coming up with ways that I could possibly defeat immortality."
                                  ~ Vinnie Brown

Yellow, Black, and White
Dancing so effortlessly with countless tire tracks
Singing dirt behind my back
Confidence and the opposite
Drawn to the appearance of you
With all of these words stirring inside of my head
I can't seem to reject this appearance of words
This visage shall undoubtedly drag me to the ocean waves
Beneath the scarlet moons

The offset pattering off my heart
Makes for some of the greatest music
Her ears have ever heard
Or so she tells me

Meet me by the water
While the world is coming undone
As the skyline’s ablaze
Dance with me in the sea
Far from where we came from
To where we ever wanted
Was just to be
For that is all I need
Is for you to be with me
As the world asks for forgiveness

There still lie some places
Untouched by man and women
Primordial to the Earth
Where the mist and fog have a home
Shrouded by a touch of the unknown
Maybe magic even
Where roses bloom in Death’s hand
And it’s in the air and water
Dancing all around in the life of us
Where everything is give and then take
And even Death makes the worst mistake
For we all end up wanting
Dressing our graves in efflorescence
Wherever we can dance in our minds
Reborn like roses

I’ve made my mistakes
There’s so much love that I’m blind too
And I laid them to rest right beside you
Never thought I’d lose my way
Looking for the right way
Where heavy hearts can’t decide
If they’ve had enough
I suppose we just got carried away
It’s almost prophetic like you said
“We’ll just learn from our mistakes.”
And I’ve seen miracle love
She’s a dark haired blue eyed angel
Performing love work with gentle hands

I was driving home
And saw a sole tree
Alone in a field
Apathetic learnings
So, deserving of all of this love
Ever disconnected to all of your lives
Is there even a single kindness
That we can plunge into the soil
Or shall we just fall on our axes
Lost behind fading lights
When hands begin to tremble
With heavy eyelids
And oncoming traffic

And she said some pain feels good
I suppose that’s why I wake up
For some days the pain is inviting

And I am a showcase of emotion
Unprovokingly shining like a sun
Cast away in the middle of the night
Afflicted with envy and jealousy
Dreading dark waters
Afraid of the waves
Lapping at my hopes

Fun fact
The girl I’m dating uses this site as a poet
And we don’t follow each other
Yet, I know sneakingly
We read one another's work
It’s quite interesting
Being able to view her words
For topics that are relevant to our lives
As I’m sure she would agree
Having the roles reversed
It gives a depth and understanding
To the colorful words of black and white
Where we’re saving one another
Last breaths and truths out loud
Grasping one another closer
Than any fantasy
And sometimes it’s hard
To breath in and breath out
And we’re giving all we have left
To you