was it love or open heart surgery?
i think it'll take me years to find the answer
because well
for years you were my answer
and i'm beginning to learn you don't matter
all that much.
it's strange how something so small
can become something so large
and vice versa,
like how you drove my heart
through the brick wall i've been
staring at for too long
how you woke me back up
how you never said i wasn't enough,
how you loved me more than i've
ever seen someone love another,
until i lost you too many times.
all my strings came undone and
my marbles went rolling and
i had this steady voice in my head telling me
something was missing. reality wasn't real anymore.
this is emptiness and i'm learning to embrace it
this is me yelling at the god i don't believe in
this is tracing the remnants of your veins, like
the roadway map i followed to forget us
this is me meeting the day i met you
i'm shaking my soul so violently maybe
i'll shake you from my memories too

Cords that tie us together forever
Exist all around us, unless we choose to sever.
The connections offering protection over our past,
Seems good from here, but we know it won't last.
When I think of you it all goes back,
to the wrong turns we took landing us on this track.

When they stopped talking to me,
I knew I shouldn't have been surprised,
but I was,
and more importantly,
I was hurt.
Friends for years, and when I leave, I guess they leave too.

the you the

      that

the

       totally

(which intensely does)                  Curve


upon curving
the twist of
some adamantine
hips collapsed
in one fatal crushing
of hushed nudeness                        Arrive

by mute girlness
of parting self

(where sleeps faultless
legions of boyness to kiss
with the waxing
of their paired moon
some wet keenness of bliss)