Why is it that
your happiness
seems inversely proportional
to mine?

Why is it that
your happiness
seems, perversely, disproportional
to mine?

But when we were together,
your lack of happiness
consumed all of mine.

I felt so
frustrated
that for a
moment
I didn't control
the
volume of my
voice
accidentally yelling at
you.

I try cry the hurt away
But the hurt is like clouds
They come again and they come light and dark
Light is small flow of hurt
Dark signifying the heavy flow of hurt
From my heart to my brain

I didn't start off on page 1 like age 1
No clue what was happening
Around my life
Skip to 15 puberty, what awful pimples.came by crushes
Next 20 goals and crushed dreams as this page is stained with ****** years
Tears that trapped my future my dreams for what
From slightest fear of rejection not capable

The past like I was winning
Swimming without cares for this troublesome world
Now it eats at my conscience
This new present swallows me up
I drown from this kind of swimming
I'm stuck in wave washed ashore

Long ago this happiness was not thought of
It came naturally as a kid and less
Physical issues
I grew up then this happiness fades slowly but quickly recent years
Reality settled in and I consumed up the worry and guilt that weighted me down
So bad I cry so fast now
So easily at any thoughts
This shatters my world for him
To run from me...when I want him for me