i know myself better than you do,
i've known these scars better than you do.
i've seen pain on these arms far longer.
this scares you because you don't trust me,
but you never needed to tell me that.
i won't ask you to trust me,
but trust the process instead -
there are memories far worse than candles and blades,
and i must see them first
before i can put them away.

my throat is tight
and there are tears dripping
onto the cuts in my arms,
and this is not
how i pictured my twenties

i am trying so hard to talk to you.
i know you want to help,
i know you care,
i know i can trust you.
but i need you to know that it's hard,
and that there are so many things in my head
that are almost impossible to turn into words.
i know i asked you not to give up on me,
and i know i told you to walk away if you choose.
i know i'm putting you through a chaotic string
of ups and downs
and it seems like i can't make up my mind.
but i'm asking you to stay one more time
because i really do need you.

there is a family
laughing together
behind me,
and i
am
destroyed

this is not fair.
this is not fair.
i can't be there.
i can't breathe air.
i can't help bear
the weight she wears.
i want to share.
she knows i care,
but she's aware
i can't be there.
this is not fair
this is not fair

God,
my friend.

my friend is drowning.

my friend's canoe is upside down in a raging current.

my friend is holding on and she needs only you.

God,
my friend.

save her